Category: Oscar Bait

The Oscars Are Going To Be Shorter And Adding A “Popular Movie” Category 

August 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Everyone’s biggest gripe about the Oscars is usually how it takes 45 years to get to Meryl Streep feigning shock at being nominated for the millionth time for Best Actress. Well, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has heard the cries and are shortening the ceremony to strict three hours…at the expense of a few of the underwhelming categories. Best Documentary Short Subject, you in danger, gurl! They’ve also decided to desperately grasp for ratings by honoring movies that were popular. So Marvel should go ahead and rent a warehouse for all the Oscars they’re going to get.

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The Trailer For “Jackie” Starring Natalie Portman Is Out

October 5, 2016 / Posted by:

The powers-that-be released the poster for Jackie today, and it looks like the album cover for Natalie Portman’s 1960s-style jazz album of songs inspired by Jackie Mason jokes. They also released the trailer, and in the first 35 seconds, Natalie Portman looks like a wine drunk me on a Saturday night while trying to get through an episode of Bloodline Boreline as my eyelids fall into the sleep position. Natalie’s facial expression machine is firmly set to: Lana Del Rey song.

Natalie is eyeballs deep in the sads in most of this trailer, which makes sense, since her husband was just assassinated in front of her. Jackie follows Jaqueline Kennedy’s final days in the White House after JFK’s death. It comes out in December and also stars Peter Sarsgaard (as Robert F. Kennedy), Greta Gerwig, John Carroll Lynch (as Lyndon B. Johnson), Beth Grant (as Lady Bird Johnson), Max Casella (as Jack Valenti), Billy Crudup, Richard E. Grant and John Hurt. If you want to expose your ears to Natalie Portman doing Jackie Kennedy’s voice, then here you go:

She sort of sounds like a soft-spoken Cartman on downers. And it took me forever to figure out what she was saying at the end. Natalie Portman is a False Idol Award winner (and I’m sure she’ll be nominated for this too), so she obviously did her research and knows how Jackie pronounced “Camelot.”  But I kept thinking to myself, “A Cadillac?! A camel toe? A candle lot? A Camel Light? Girl, do you need a cig? Just say so!

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