Lily Allen’s new memoir, My Thoughts Exactly, goes on sale next week and it’s got the celebrity substance abuse sadness stories that are really the only reason to write a memoir. No one cares what elementary school you went to, but they do want to read about the time you were giving Orlando Bloom a lap dance at Kate Hudson’s 2014 Halloween party in L.A. and knocked yourself out cold after accidentally head-butting him. Yep, Lily did that. The Sun got a hold of an advance copy of Lily’s book and wrote about the time that she was in such bad shape that the consciously uncoupled Paltrow-Martins had to take her under their assuredly rare and overpriced wing.
We all know by now that Orlando Bloom has no qualms letting his peen fly in the wind, but he’s been notoriously quiet about how things are going with is on-and-off Pope friend Katy Perry. Apparently, a visit to the Vatican gives one the feels because Orlando is now out blabbing to the press just how he really feels about Katy. Continue reading
Taylor Swift must be in full on Serpentor rage mode this morning. Last night, she probably received a DM from her arch-nemesis Katy Perry depicting the “Swish Swish” bish posing with Pope Francis of all people! “Didn’t she kill A NUN?!?!“ Taylor must have hissed to whichever bicurious Victoria’s Secret model she currently has lying around the Pippy Yawnstocking Palace. “WHERE’S MY INVITE? I JUST RELEASED TWO VIDEOS FOR THE SAME SONG AND I HAVE MULTIPLE STALKERS! I’m way more popular than that tramp!” Or so you can imagine.
It’s true, Katy Perry, 33, and boyfriend Orlando Bloom, 41, met the Pope, 81. Orlando was wise enough not to wear his paddleboarding outfit. Take it from me, a lapsed Catholic, the Church frowns upon nude paddleboarding. It’s in the Bible.
I can barely handle a long weekend one county over with a significant other, so most people would take an international vacation as a sign that two lovebirds are hot and heavy and definitely doing each other, right? Well, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are not your average love birds, so nobody can figure out what the fuck it meant when they showed up in Prague together. Continue reading
It would have been a nearly all-black fashion show at the BAFTAs in London last night, in honor of the Time’s Up movement. But the class average was brought down by Duchess Kate (who was prevented from wearing black by royal no-politics protocol), and Frances McDormand (who just didn’t feel like it and showed up in pink-on-black instead).
For mostly everyone else, it was a multitude of black. Or black with a random kick of not-black, like Allison Janney. And by random, I mean a satin choker bolero on top of a Bibhu Mohapatra dress. It looks like a shirt made from the bottom half of Roger the Alien from American Dad that was put on backwards and upside down.
We know whatever Katy Perry is pretending to measure with her hand above, it’s probably not a reference to Orlando Bloom’s business.
When Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom called it quits last March, they claimed they were taking some “respectful, loving space” from each other. After a few months, rumors started up that the loving space between them was growing smaller and smaller. Despite Katy’s previous insistence that she’s just far too busy to be banging Orlando Bloom, The Sun says they’re back together.