I’ve known people who basically repeated dates, trips, and presents with each relationship they were in, and they tried to pass it off as just a random coincidence. That is a lie. It is just random laziness, friends! Always get new everything with each new peen! Orlando Bloom did not get that memo, I guess, because just days after he popped the question to Katy Perry, some people noticed her engagement ring is in the same theme as the one he gave to ex-wife Miranda Kerr.
Call me old-fashioned, but Valentine’s Day is meant for boozing with friends and bemoaning single-dom. For some tacky ass people who like to flaunt their sinful, romantic lifestyle, however, it’s a great time to get engaged! After three years of on-and-off boning, er, dating, Orlando Bloom was ready to put a ring on it and popped the question to Katy Perry. Will Left Shark be the man of honor?!
Legolas might be trading in hobbit songs for bubblegum pop and and Taylor Swift burn books. Even though Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom had an initial go of it with a relationship, they “split” in February 2017. Those two have spent more time together while apart than I do in a full-time relationship, so most of us figured either she was missing hearing behind the scenes dish on Frodo Baggins or he was just the world’s only Witness fan. Well, Katy made up with Taylor and now she and Orlando have finally made their first official appearance together. Things are looking up in Kitty Purry world, and that might soon include a walk down the aisle.
People says Katy and Orlando have been hot since once again becoming exclusive to each other’s genitals earlier this year. It may be so hot that he’s going to put a ring on it, per a source:
“Orlando doesn’t have a ring yet but has been talking about the future.Everyone would be excited if they got engaged. Katy is wonderful!”
Katy and Orlando have been spotted everywhere from the Maldives to an Ed Sheeran concert to even meeting with the Pope. I guess seeing the Papal Gucci loafers are enough to make any gal want to get gussied up for her own special day, so that’s sent blabbermouths abuzz about those two getting married again. As you know, Katy was with Russel Brand and Orlando was with Miranda Kerr:
“He always said he would absolutely get married again, and it seems Katy could be it. They both seem very happy.”
Hmmm. I wonder why-oh-why Katy might be happy! Just kidding. I’m sure it’s his great personality.
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom have been together on-and-off since January of 2016, and never once have they made an official appearance as a couple. No awards ceremonies, no movie premieres. Personally, I believe getting caught by photographers doing water activities with a special guest appearance by Orlando’s trouser paddle is a more important relationship debut than any red carpet, but I don’t think that technically counts. The point is, Katy and Orlando finally did their celebrity couple civic duty by showing up to an event together.
Katy and Orlando appeared together last night at the Gala for the Global Ocean at the Opera of Monte-Carlo in Monaco. They were joined for photos by Prince Albert and Princess Charlene.
Katy and Orlando have had years to prepare for their big, official couple debut, and they clearly put a lot of thought into the outfits they chose to mark such an occasion. Orlando went with a look that says: “Gala at 6, audition for gritty movie role as East London club bouncer at 7.” I’m not sure what happened to Orlando Bloom, but he appears to have morphed from Legolas to the guy who threatened to beat up Legolas for his lunch money in high school. Meanwhile, Katy chose a look that combines the hair of a Supreme store employee, the dress of Liz Sweeney, and the arms of Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. I can practically see her walking in front of a mirror, shaking her fist and hissing “I’ll get you next time…” to her stylist.
Lily Allen’s new memoir, My Thoughts Exactly, goes on sale next week and it’s got the celebrity substance abuse sadness stories that are really the only reason to write a memoir. No one cares what elementary school you went to, but they do want to read about the time you were giving Orlando Bloom a lap dance at Kate Hudson’s 2014 Halloween party in L.A. and knocked yourself out cold after accidentally head-butting him. Yep, Lily did that. The Sun got a hold of an advance copy of Lily’s book and wrote about the time that she was in such bad shape that the consciously uncoupled Paltrow-Martins had to take her under their assuredly rare and overpriced wing.
We all know by now that Orlando Bloom has no qualms letting his peen fly in the wind, but he’s been notoriously quiet about how things are going with is on-and-off Pope friend Katy Perry. Apparently, a visit to the Vatican gives one the feels because Orlando is now out blabbing to the press just how he really feels about Katy. Continue reading