True story: It was rainy and overcast in London today and just when everyone was about to sing (in their best Alanis Morissette voice), “It’s like raaaaaaaain on your wedding day,” to Meghan Markle, the clouds cleared, the sky turned blue and then sun came out when Oprah appeared!
Oprah was one of the first to show up at St. George’s Chapel for the royal wedding today, which made many brains poot out a “Que?” There’s a rumor that Oprah interviewed Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland, so some think that’s why she was invited to the wedding. But excuse you, while us regular humans may need an invitation to attend something like the royal wedding, Oprah doesn’t. Oprah just shows up and sits wherever she wants. I’d like to see one of those tricks ask Oprah if they can see her invitation. Their skin would end up embedded into the concrete after a lightning bolt from the heavens flattened them.
Oprah pretty much led the non-stop parade of stars that made it through that church today. There were so many celebrities that I thought diabolical red carpet gnome Ryan Seacrest was going to pop up with a mic to asks guests who they’re wearing, I mean, ask them awkwardly worded questions about #MeToo. Warning: Lots of celebrities went to today’s wedding so there’s lot of pictures to scroll through. So stretch your finger, put a workout belt on it, and keep a bottle of water handy for when it gets the heated sweats halfway through and needs to cool off.
Every once in a while, Hollywood heavyweights have to lay their dicks on the table to show us all how broke AF we all are. When Brangelina was a thing, it was when they bought that entire vineyard in France (even though it appears Brad Pitt couldn’t pay to keep the lights on). Barbra Streisand sent us all a trip to peasanthood when she said she missed her old dog so much, she got it cloned. Twice.
Not to be outdone, Oprah was on The Late Late Show last night, and she said she’s just a normal girl who thinks a bath is an indulgence. Oh, not just any bath, you peon. Oprah has a bathtub that was hand-carved out of marble and onyx to fit to the shape of her body. Continue reading
West Coasters, be on the lookout for a team of scientists wheeling a lightning machine up the road to make some fake sky pyrotechnics in the name of G-O-D outside Oprah’s Montecito mansion. Mama O says the only thing that will make her enter the hornet’s nest of presidential politics is if the man (or lady!) upstairs gives her a clear sign. Continue reading
If the words “fulfill her destiny” made you immediately think that this also involves Oprah, you’d be correct. Oprah recently sat down with her A Winkle in Time co-stars Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling for a SuperSoul Sunday conversation. Oftentimes Super Soul stuff gets super deep, and that’s exactly what happened when Oprah asked Reese and Mindy about the most difficult decision they had to make to fulfill their destiny. Mindy’s was about realizing she might lose some friends as she succeeded in her career. Reese’s was about getting out of an abusive relationship.
Everything’s coming up O today! No, I’m not talking about the several Os I busted out after reading that my dream job (In-N-Out manager) pays $160,000 a year. I’m talking about another kind of O: Oprah!
Oprah is on the cover of Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue (next to someone I’m told is Nicole Kidman, but believe is really an android of a 20-something Naomi Watts), and she’s also on the cover of InStyle. Oprah’s interview with InStyle was done three weeks before her speech at the Golden Globes, which made many put an Oprah2020 sign on their front lawn. But InStyle’s Laura Brown must have the future-seeing spirit of Miss Cleo running through her veins because she asked Oprah about running for president. Oprah made it clear that she’s not looking to downgrade her opulent lifestyle by moving from her lavish Montecito mega estate to the raggedy shack known as the White House.
I’m so used to seeing Oprah Winfrey giving tons of high-energy excitement on the cover of O Magazine, that it’s a little weird to see her working such drabness on the cover of Vanity Fair’s annual Hollywood Issue. I know the theme of ever Hollywood Issue “Stars who forgot to pop an Ambien the night before and only got 2 hours of sleep,” and I’ll applaud Oprah for playing along. But you know there’s a part of her that wanted to drop Reese Witherspoon, rip off that black satin duvet cover to reveal a shimmering jewel-toned gown underneath, throw up her arms and crank a full-tooth smile behind a headline that reads “2018 Is Your Year To SHINE!”