Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By A 6-Pound Unicorn Castle Bath Bomb

November 15, 2017 / Posted by:

When I heard about a 6-pound bath bomb, I immediately wondered what in every item on Taco Bell’s menu HELL did that child eat, and I also said a prayer for the parents who had to clean that tub up. But even though this 6-pound bath bomb will leave your bathtub looking a mess, it didn’t come out of anyone’s ass. (Actually, it may have come out of Lisa Frank’s ass.)

The game of bath bomb making has become a competitive one, and I’m sure one company will soon make a bath bomb that’s so big it needs to be brought into your bathroom with a forklift. But until then, a site called Dollar Bath Bombs (which is probably the homepage of every Pumpkin Spice Latte-drinking UGG wearer) owns the game with their ridiculously huge unicorn castle bath bomb. That looks like what would happen if She-Ra bought Castle Grayskull and gave it a much-needed “drab to fab” renovation.

As Allure points out, you can’t buy this cotton candy-scented monster from Dollar Bath Bomb. They did a promo contest where every day for a week they gave away a set of two to people who really want their tub to look like Mariah Carey sharted in it, and also have room in their bathroom cabinets for giant shit like this:

🏰 GIVEAWAY! We're giving away TWO (one for you, one for your friend) limited edition Bath Bomb Castles EVERY DAY for 7 days! Enter now using the link in bio! This majestic monster weighs over 5 pounds and is cotton candy scented. Tell your friends to enter this giveaway too because each winner will be sent TWO castles (one for you and one for your friend) #sharingiscaring This promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with Instagram. You understand that you are providing your information to the owner of this Instagram account and not to Instagram. By entering this giveaway, you agree to a complete release of Instagram from any or all liability in connection with this giveaway. #dollarbathbombs #bathbomb #bathbombs #bathart #bath #bathfun #bathtime #bathfizzy #bathtub #bathing #giveaway #giveaways #selfcare #metime #cottoncandy

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I’m too impatient to take baths, but I really want to dive into those mega gay waters. All that’s missing is a Celine Dion soundtrack, a plastic flute of sparkling pink wine and a Mermaid Ken doll, and it’d be the ultimate gay bathtime experience.

Pic: Dollar Bath Bombs

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Open Post: Hosted By Iman Working The Hell Out Of A Glamorous Purple Ruffled Alien Growth

November 14, 2017 / Posted by:

The difference between goddesses and us peasants is that when peasants like myself wake up with a giant purple ruffled wart on our shoulder, we go down to the free clinic with a list of our past fuck partners while trying to remember which one of them rubbed their dirty dick on our shoulder. But when goddesses wake up with a giant purple ruffed wart on their shoulder, they work it to the core at an event and bring the people to their knees.

Iman put the glamour in Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards in NYC last night when she slid along the red carpet in a Christian Siriano gown that made her look like that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur if that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur got a fairy godmother to turn them into a human goddess. Iman also looks like the most gorgeous venus fly trap that ever sprouted from the earth, and if they ever do that Little Shop of Horrors remake, she can play Audrey II. But instead of eating humans, she causes them to pass out from the power of her pose skills.

Here’s more from last night’s Women of the Year Awards. Nobody can touch Iman and her ruffled fortune cookie, but I am into Nicole Kidman’s tits beneath my wings dress.

Pics: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By The Jolly F-Bomb A Burglar Drops Into Paddington Bear’s Ear

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Giant British retailer Marks & Spencer put out their holiday ad last week, and yeah, bitches are late. Most major department stores have been hustling for holiday money when it was still “coochie cutters and crop tops” weather. But in their holiday ad, they bring together Paddington Bear and the burglar whose Christmas is ruined by that annoying do-gooder in a duffel coat.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Hidden Valley Ranch Keg

November 12, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s like a prop from The Simpsons made its way into our reality. WNCN in North Carolina made unhealthy salad fans very happy this week when it reported on the Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Keg. Why? How much salad or crudites are you serving at your party?!? Ok, breathe. It’s actually a mini-keg. But still…

For $50, you can order the 9.7 inches tall keg of Hidden Valley ranch on Flavourgallery.com.

The keg is 6.3 inches in diameter and holds up to five liters of ranch dressing.

The keg is also “specially coated to meet FDA standards” and comes with a YEAR’S supply of dressing. You can preorder the Hidden Valley keg today and they will be shipped starting on Dec 11. Alcoholics Fellow cheap beer drinkers like me will probably remember when some chain sports bars and restaurants started serving beer kegs and beer towers and yards of beer and it was a very exciting time. You didn’t have to wait for the waitress to swing by to get a refill. I guess this is the same idea, but it means you don’t have to drive to the Stop-n-Shop and drop $3? And you obviously can’t live without your ranch dressing. Er, ok. If they did this with bleu cheese dressing, now that’s a different story.

Pic: Flavour Gallery

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Open Post: Hosted By Salted Caramel Pepsi

November 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Thankfully, this is coming to us AFTER Halloween because you know what flavor they would have intro’ed before this one. High Snobiety unveiled the new salted caramel flavor of Pepsi. Who wanted this?

According to Pepsi, the drink “blends the refreshing taste of cola with a delicious caramel finish.” It uses slightly less sugar than a traditional Pepsi but makes it up with a syrupy combination of natural and artificial flavorings.

If salted caramel-flavored soda isn’t your thing (is it anybody’s?), Pepsi says that they’re already working on coming out with other “unorthodox” flavors. Let me guess – “Avocado Toast Pepsi?

My husband is a salted caramel fanatic. He says that he’d try it “once but that would probably be the last time.” He’s also the fella that tried that KFC sandwich where they used two pieces of chicken as the bread? My husband is America. They seriously neglected to re-introduce Crystal Pepsi in favor of this?

Pic: Pepsico (Oh, Joan Crawford!)

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Open Post: Hosted By Janet Jackson Keeping It Together Even Though There’s A Giant Goddamn Cleaver In Her Topknot

November 10, 2017 / Posted by:

You know you’re a professional diva when one of your jealous enemies tries to dim your beauty and moment by taking a motherfuckin’ cleaver to your head, and you don’t even blink. You turn that weapon into a look! Although, Janet’s face is so snatched that even if she wanted to blink from having a cleaver in her head, I don’t think she could.

Some Disney villainess’ closet is missing a club outfit today and that’s because Janet Jackson stole it and wore it to OUT Magazine #OUT100 gala in NYC last night. It looks like Miss Janet’s stylist threw every fabric found in the goth section at Mood onto her body before pushing her out onto that carpet. This is the perfect look to wear if you’re a warrior queen who by night fights vampires next to Kate Beckinsale in the Underworld universe, and by morning time travels back to 1996 to hit up the goth clubs.

And I don’t think Janet is going to have her live-in plastic surgeon remove that cleaver. That’s what her enemies want. She’s going to bedazzle that bitch with real diamonds and make it her signature look.

Pics: Wenn.com

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