Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By Duchess Meghan’s Eyes Lighting Up While Looking At Her Wedding Dress

September 19, 2018 / Posted by:

I was all about to cynically hate on Duchess Meghan for saying FUCK YES to the dress with her eyes, but I cannot blame her. My eyes would transform into exploding 4,000 watt Philips Hue light bulbs (in shade: hot ginger) if I was looking at the outfit I was going to wear on the day that I could say goodbye to seeing a late fee on a credit card bill and say hello to happily spreading burn cream on my lips (you decide which ones) after rubbing ’em on the royal ginger crotch scepter every night.

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Open Post: Hosted By Betty White Raising The Roof At The Emmys

September 18, 2018 / Posted by:

Ratings hit a new low, and many shat on this year’s Emmy Awards for being boring apart from the winner who used his acceptance speech to propose to his girlfriend. Luckily, the producers also recognize nothing puts a smile on an audience members face like puppies and Betty White. Considering the how populated the Microsoft Theater was Monday night with gluten-free/oh-so-allergic actors and actresses, they went with honoring Betty and her more than 80 (!!!) years  in show business. It was a smart call since everyone bent the knee in the spirit of Game Of Thrones to Miss Rose Nylund!

TVLine notes how Betty also channeled the late Rue McClanahan’s Blanche Devereaux by pawing up on Alec Baldwin and saying, “You think I’m gonna miss a chance when I get it?” Betty! Don’t waste your time on Alec when those hot pieces of GoT man meat are just two aisles over! Some people tried to say Betty sounded a little shaky, but I’d like to see their ass at 96 take center stage. Betty marveled how wonderful it was to have a career as long as hers in an industry “that will still put up with you…I wish they still did that at home.” Pish posh, Betty! I’d gladly put up with you for 96 more years over that reboot of Jersey Shore (or anything on TV, for that matter)!


Open Post: Hosted By Ariana Grande And Pete Davidson’s New Baby…Pig 

September 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are not only engaged/potentially already married and living together in delirious happiness, they are also looking to the future and planning ahead. AKA: buying animals together.

E! News is reporting that Miss Ariana took to Instagram and posted some videos to her story showing her with a new addition to the Grande-Davidson household. No, Ariana isn’t pregnant (yet), if she was you know that Oversharing Davidson would tell us all about it. The positions they had sex in, how many weeks ago was Ariana’s last period, what they’ll name the baby, what her vagina looked like that day: we’ll get all the details. The couple’s news is baby-related, but this is different. This is about the only kind of baby I actually like: the non-human kind.

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Open Post: Hosted By This Little Girl Dancing To The “Halloween” Theme Song

September 16, 2018 / Posted by:

This little girl is proof of two things. The first is that some people have so much dancing energy inside them that they can dance to any sort of music whether it’s danceable to or not. Secondly, it’s funny what little kids can find fun when they don’t have the context. Props to her parents for not teaching her to be TERRIFIED of large men in masks with carving knives.

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Open Post: Hosted By An Overly Dramatic Reporter During Hurricane Florence

September 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Hurricane Florence has taken several lives and left almost a million people without power. It’s tragic and dramatic on its own, but while reporting from Wilmington, North Carolina during the hurricane, Weather Channel reporter Mike Seidel decided to bring more drama. He appeared to be bravely reporting while being buffeted by torrential rain and winds gusting at a hundred-something MPH that wanted to blow him away to Munchkin Land! Unfortunately, it looks like Mike is somewhat of a meteorological drama queen. While Mike was acting like he was Helen Hunt in Twister, two dudes calmly walked by behind him, seemingly untroubled by the inclement weather. It sort of diluted the moment.

HuffPost reports that, when approached for comment, the Weather Channel defended their reporter because that grass was goddamn slippery! And Mike was tired! And those two rubes obviously don’t understand about dramatic license and how easy it is to ruin a future Peabody Award-winning story!

“It’s important to note that the two individuals in the background are walking on concrete, and Mike Seidel is trying to maintain his footing on wet grass, after reporting on-air until 1:00 a.m. ET this morning and is undoubtedly exhausted.”

A helpful PHD on Twitter also took the time to explain to us laypeople that, if you’re really gunning for that Anderson Cooper during Hurrican Katrina” crown, you want to remember which way the wind is blowing.

Pic: Twitter


Open Post: Hosted By Shay Mitchell Not Using The Product She’s Being Paid To Hawk 

September 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Shay Mitchell is one of those Pretty Little Liars people which means that she will probably act in a few things post-hugely-popular-television series but will earn most of her money through Instagram ads. You know: the new millennial Hollywood lifetsyle. You’d think this is an easy task, shilling shit to your 20 million Instagram followers, but apparently Shay is having a bit-o-trouble.

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