Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By The Snow Miser’s Giant Wet Sneeze

March 16, 2017 / Posted by:

As you probably figured out from East Coast friends tweeting and Facebooking about how they were about to become Jake Gyllenhaal in The Day After Tomorrow, a winter storm called Stella queefed out a ton of snow all over the Northeast earlier this week. Businesses closed and some people stayed home. Well, the people who were waiting for a train at an Amtrak station in Rhinecliff, NY on Wednesday probably wished that they would’ve stayed home after they got hit by a damn avalanche.

This video, which has been making the rounds, shows people waiting on the platform as an Amtrak train comes toward them. Amtrak said that the train was going its normal speed to clear the snow from the tracks, but it still created a cloud bigger than a Yeti’s fart. Amtrak also said that they always tell people to step away from the platform when a train is coming. If Charlie Sheen and the Lohans were standing on the platform, they could’ve opened up their nostrils and snorted all that snow up, but they weren’t. So the snow hit the people, knocking some down to the ground.

Some of us probably wake up, wishing that we’ll get blasted with a load of white stuff that day, but not like this:

I wouldn’t blame those people if  they said, “Fuck this shit,” and immediately went home to go under the covers until April. Hell, they should stay there until May.

Pic: YouTube

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Open Post: Hosted By Prince William Serving Up Some Sweet 90s Dad Moves In Da Club

March 14, 2017 / Posted by:

This video is so blurry that it could actually be my 7th grade history teacher or Kevin Spacey without his wig on, but TMZ says that it’s Prince William who turned the party up to level “OFF THE HEEZY” (you know he still says that) by busting out sexy 90s moves. Must’ve been the Zima!

Prince William went on a ski trip to Switzerland with some of his friends. When the sun went down, they hit the club and P. Willy danced like nobody was watching… and recording on their iPhone to sell that shit to TMZ. But Prince William has nothing to be ashamed of, because he finally answered the question: What are the British royals (not including Prince Hot Ginge) good for? Well, they’re good bringing up the heat in the club with their hot moves.

While dancing to the 90s weed anthem I Got 5 On It, Prince William raised the roof and flapped his arms like an injured albatross on painkillers. This video ends too soon, because I have a feeling that P. Willy was a couple of beats away from letting the room really have it by doing the Roger Rabbit and the Running Man. And there wouldn’t have been a dry crotch in the room after he did the Sprinkler.

That woman in red is obviously hating, because she wishes she was all that and a bag of chips like P. Willy! Boo ya!

Pic: TMZ/YouTube

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Open Post: Hosted By Sir Pat And His Foster Dog Ginger

March 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Bald international treasure, Sir Patrick Stewart, and his wife Sunny Ozell became foster parents to a pit bull named Ginger last week. Since then, Sir Pat has been posting videos and pictures on Twitter and Instagram of his time with Ginger. And lately, his videos are the only things that can warm the icicles covering the frost-bitten pile of rotten ground meat I call a heart. Sir Patrick tags the ASPCA and uses the hashtag #AdoptDontShop every time he tweets about Ginger, so he’s really doing the lord’s work by promoting dog adoption. Although, try to tell that to Sir Ian McKellen who is probably sobbing in a corner alone over being replaced by Ginger the Pibble!

Sir Pat tweeted a video of himself trying to get Ginger to swim, but she was more interested in drinking pool water from his bald head.

He’s tweeted other videos that lead me to believe that this is going to be a foster fail situation that will end with Sir Patrick Stewart adopting Ginger. But if that doesn’t happen and he tweets a video of sadness covering Ginger’s face as he sends her off to another family, my heart will freeze over again. It’d be my Emily Blunt in The Huntsman: Winter’s War moment.

Pic: @SirPatStew

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Open Post: Hosted By Chris Hemsworth Working Out Sans Shirt

March 12, 2017 / Posted by:

Yesterday, I posted about Charlie Hunnam and his “considerably high-ranking on the heat index” hotness. Well, apparently I am easily horned up (“no shit, huh?” – Dlisted readers).

Thor (aka Chris Hemsworth) put the following little snippet of sexy on Instagram. Sons of Anarchy rolling asscheeks who? Thor is working out. Thor is working out shirtless. Thor is wiggling ropes in front of himself in a suggestive manner. THOR IS WEARING A DAMN HARNESS AND BACKING HIS ASS UP. I see you, Thor. I know this is supposedly you throwing your trainer an Instagram advertorial bone. But I know the actual bone you’re selling AND I AM BUYING.

The other Mr. Harvey, being a fellow horny trampasaurus, is usually fairly chill about me lusting over other dudes. I think it was the drool collecting on the laptop that earned me the side-eye, and what I think was a later Internet search for what legally separating entails.

Check out Chris Hemsworth working it out below.

Pic: Instagram

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Open Post: Hosted By Dan And Darlene Conner Reuniting On “The Talk”

March 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Roseanne was the show that, when I was growing up, made me think “wow, there are other families like my family out there.” As opposed to the other sitcoms with the ridiculously nice houses and overly clean teens running around, Roseanne was gritty. They ate fast food, frequently couldn’t pay the bills, and engaged in girl-on-girl action with Mariel Hemingway. Just like the Harveys!

TV sarcasm queen Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert) grew up to produce and co-host The Talk. Dan Conner (John Goodman) remained a sexy (I type that with little to no sarcasm) national treasure, and is currently starring in that Kong: Skull Island movie. The two of them shot this bit as their Roseanne characters on Sara’s show. I’ve never watched The Talk, and I probably never will. But this is still adorable.

Watch the clip below. After you’re done with that, check out the gallery of pictures of the always loveable John Goodman being absolutely precious (with Jeff Bridges, Tom Hiddleston, and Brie Larson!) while receiving his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Pics: WENN

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