Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By Charlize Theron As The “Cool” Teacher

July 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Charlize Theron arrived to the Atomic Blonde premiere in Berlin last night, rocking a very expensive version of what Mary-Kay Letourneau wore back in the day while tutoring Vili Fualaau. People notes the Dior get-up is actually a white cotton “bralette” with a white leather mini skirt, complete with boning in the waist (teehee!).

The Atomic Blonde crew (pictured with Charlize are co-stars Til Schweiger and Sofia Boutella) went to Berlin, because the movie is apparently about all of the shifty crap that happened on the eve of the fall of the Berlin Wall. There’s really no better way to save West Germany than scaring off those repressed Soviets with your perky chi-chis and schnitzel!

The bra and mini skirt combo served as a reminder to all us lessers that Charlize is still hitting up Soul Cycle: with or without that Sister, Sister nobody!!!

Pic: Wenn.com

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Open Post: Hosted By The Humble Pussies Starring In A MDMA Haze Of A Music Video

July 17, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s not enough these days to just be an ordinary spinster cat lady sitting at home watching reruns of Diagnosis Murder with Mr. Whiskers (aka may favorite pastime). Until you at least give your felines their own Instagram, Tinder, and checking accounts, you may as well pass those things over to the ASPCA, because you have wronged those kitties!

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Open Post: Hosted By A Pizza Parlor Fight In Toronto

July 16, 2017 / Posted by:

As Michael K pointed out when he called my attention to this item, you’d assume that “pizza parlor fight in Toronto” would be two polite Canadians saying, “No, sir, you order first, please” to one another over and over again. Everything in Canada is magical, and every Canadian I know is a sparkling gem from the north. I don’t lie. There’s nothing bad in Canada, except maybe a serial killer or two, and whatever evil spirits possessed the Canucks involved in this brawl.

Reddit (via blogTO) brings us footage of the war that broke out at a Pizza Pizza location in Toronto (“near Queen and Broadview Plaza” if you know the area). Legend has it that a late order caused a patron to jump over the counter and “throw around some potato chips.” That’s when it all went to hell! Women grapple. Chairs are picked up in hopes of being thrown. That one gal was pissed because she was punching people to STOP the fight. There is so much going on here, it’s like they all caught a shared madness and are each acting out some private trauma. This Twitter user was right:

Is Pizza Pizza good enough to inspire such brutality? Watch below and judge for yourselves.

Pic: YouTube

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Open Post: Hosted By The Selfie-Taking Woman Who Murdered $200,000 Worth Of Art

July 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Hey, least she didn’t die. A gal at an art show in L.A. was trying to take a selfie of herself. Hilarity Tragedy ensued when she bumped into a column, which triggered a domino effect, destroying over $200,000 worth of artwork. My dearly departed father used to get super-pissed at us whenever we’d spill anything at the kitchen table. We never knew why, it might have had something to do with his family not having a lot of money when he was a kid. He would have been WROUGHT at this poor lady.

The works were by Hong Kong-based artist Simon Birch. In the destroyer’s defense, the L.A. Times (via Some News) DID describe the show as extremely suited to social media.

“Oh, the selfies you’ll make at L.A.’s 14th Factory, where the art is so social. Our Instagram tour,” and wrote that the show, made up of crowns, was a “series of wondrous, over-the-top sets for the perfect selfie.”

You can watch the carnage below. Hopefully, she has a ton of followers on Instagram so she can score a FitTea contract to pay off her debt.

Pic: YouTube

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Open Post: Hosted By Nicole Kidman’s Country-Fried Hoedown Fashion!

July 14, 2017 / Posted by:

The Beguiled isn’t just the movie Nicole Kidman is hawking these days. It’s what newsstand passersby become when they see the cover of Love magazine and notice now that her (SPOILER ALERT) man croaked and Celeste skipped Monterrey to go hunt down a new one in Nashville!

Nicole (with her nips having the same reaction mine do any time someone hands me a plate of hot chicken down in Tennessee), rocks one of Pamela Anderson’s Baywatch swimsuits and a cowboy hat to tell Music City (SPOILER ALERT 2), “Rayna James may no longer be with you, but a new country queen is here!” Love magazine’s Twitter posted the picture above and quotes her saying:

“I thought about this shoot afterwards. I was like, what was I doing!?” THE Nicole Kidman for

What were you doing, Nicole?! And can we see more of it? This is the most life out of you we’ve seen since the night you finally sprang free from the Scientology bathhouse!

While the cloud to her right seems ready to mosey on up and offer to buy Nicole a drink at the Bluebird, the “o” in the “Love” is calling a spade a spade: “Who is this shifty bitch, and why is she holding onto a fur-lined jean jacket? It’s July!”

Pic: Carin Backoff/Love Magazine

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