Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By Shawn Mendes In His Underwear For Calvin Klein

February 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Advertorial stunt queen Calvin Klein is no dummy when it comes to selecting the right model at the right time to shill his panties and scents. This is the same company who put Marky Mark up there in his drawers for the millisecond that he was hot until he, unfortunately, opened his mouth and spoke words, and we all learned about his racist attack. CK’s latest pick is Shawn Mendes. 20-year-old Shawn Mendes would seem to have figured out how to remove his clothing finally, and he’s sitting around in his boxer briefs for Calvin.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Golden Girls Cruise!

February 16, 2019 / Posted by:

Cruises are (sometimes literally) a crapshoot. There’s a chance that you’ll have a tremendous time boozing, shopping, laying around in the sun, and hopefully getting laid by that hot cabin boy. On the flipside, you might get a norovirus along with 474 of your fellow passengers or disappear forever. But now there is absolutely no need for a coin flip by fate as to how your cruise is going to go. Because there’s a Golden Girls-themed one which will be the bestest cruise in history! Book me now!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Pup Who Broke Into A Neighbor’s Sex Toy Package

February 15, 2019 / Posted by:

I’m a dog person, but Man’s Best Friend can also be Man’s Nosiest Pain In The Ass – he’s called Snoopy for a reason, y’all! A British couple thought they were being good neighbors to someone who lived down the street by holding a package that came when the neighbor wasn’t at home. They stowed the package and figured they’d give it to them when they came home. Alas, their pooch wanted to see what was inside the box…and found out what a freak in the sheets their neighbor is!

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Open Post: Hosted By Panera’s Double Bread Bowl For Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Panera Bread has a very special treat for lovers. Lovers of wet bread, and sharing said wet bread with your significant other wet bread lover, to be exact. For the next two weeks, Panera’s offering a Double Bread Bowl, which is a loaf of sourdough bread with two holes drilled into either end, ready for a hot soup injection, for $9.99 ( those dummies should have priced it at $6.99 or $9.69). You can share it with your lover, filling the cavities with your choice of “91 different soup and mac and cheese combinations”, according to Food and Wine. For a more personal touch, I guess you could also fill it up with your own thick and creamy concoction (gentlemen and squirters only).

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Open Post: Hosted By A Model Getting Attacked By Pigs On The Beach

February 13, 2019 / Posted by:

HAHAHAHAHA!! Ok, now that that’s out of the way. I think when Venezuelan fitness model Michelle Lewin watched the Fyre Festival documentary she paid no attention to the lies, scandal and infamy surrounding that cautionary tale of fuckery. Her attention span decreased to zero after the scene where the models frolicked with the pigs and probably thought, “Ooooh, look at the little piggies! We must shoot there at once!” Flash forward to embarrassment and red pig bites on your ass and now she’s probably wishing for a do-over.

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Open Post: Hosted By Coke’s New Flavor In 10 Years

February 12, 2019 / Posted by:

This will come as a shock to many of you, but I guess Coke puts out flavors that aren’t just the diesel fuel that is a regular Coke and the glorious Diet Coke, which fueled every high school term paper I ever had and kept my dentist’s pockets lined pretty well. I may be biased. It seems like only yesterday when Coke was trying to body shame its thick Coke cans, but the changes don’t stop there! Coca-Cola announced Orange Vanilla Coke and Orange Vanilla Coke Zero will be hitting shelves at the end of February, and I want to know who the low-budget Creamscicle-stanning taste tester is on the Coke payroll. 

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