The Year Is 2016 And I’ve Written A Post About Kenny Chesney Being The Second Biggest Money-Maker In Music
It feels like I haven’t written about Kenny Chesney since the Renee Zellweger days when their 6-minute-long marriage ended in “fraud” and he blamed it on his “box” being too full at the time and not being able to handle all of the attention from the media. I don’t know if Kenny’s box is still full, but I do know that his bank accounts are overflowing with dollars the same way your panties are overflowing with twatty leche from looking at that picture of him in that hot sleeveless T.
Ah! The joys of being young and dumb. At no other time do we approach just about everything with such reckless abandon…..like Zayn Malik. And his new face tattoo. Face. Tattoo.
Zayn posted the above picture on his Instagram and has sent shockwaves, SHOCKWAVES, through the internet. Countless toddler devotees have reportedly been throwing themselves out windows, slitting their wrists and upending their toy boxes in shock and rage. I can understand their outrage. If my favorite got a crappy drawing of a parrot possibly taking a dump on some flowers (That’s what I see because I love shit and toilet jokes.) with its butt blocked out by a scroll plugging his new album I’d be pretty mad too.
Yes, apparently “M.O.M” stands for “Mind of Mine“, the name of his new album. Zayn captioned the pic with, “Like I Would,” which is the name of his new song. Some people are taking that to mean this is a joke, or rather… a stunt! UsWeekly pointed out some comments and tweets in response to this possible Crayola disaster, such as “Please let that be a drawing! Not a real tattoo!”, “Zayn’s tattoo better be fake or I’m unstanning” and “Why your beautiful face?? @zaynmalik WHYYY???? DONT RUIN IT”.
He has over 40 tattoos, most of them questionable, so this very well could be real. If Harry Styles can get that Silence of the Lambs looking chest tattoo, what’s to stop Zayn from this mess? Whatever the case, my feelings about him, this tattoo and One Direction in general can all be summed up by the best comment on the picture – “EWEWWWWWW!!! OMG WHY!”
Although spring is a little ways off, love is in the air! Can’t you feel it? Though your toes are numb, your face frozen and you’re hungover – you read DListed, I know you’re hungover, I don’t need my Detective LaToya brand magnifying glass or fingerprint dusting kit to figure that out, my dear Mr. Watson – you can feel the warmth of true love floating through the air and between the empty boxes of wine. Who do we have to thank for this blast of joy? Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini and Liam Payne!
Louis Tomlinson, the OshKosh B’gosh Luke Perry of One Direction, and his baby mother, Briana Jungwirth, have been fighting over $$$$$ ever since she gave birth to their son, Freddie Reign, a month ago. The Sun claimed that Louis and Briana worked out a child support agreement and that it was decided that he’ll drop $14,000 into her checking account every month for the next 18 years. But TMZ says that it ain’t so, and they’re still tussling over child support money. Briana wants more of it and Louis wants to pay her less. Tale as old as gold digger time….
I believe in really loving the things you love. Going all the way for something you’re a fan of, you know? I also love things that make me seethe with rage because it means it’s gotten a response for me. But I have zero patience for the mess that is pre-teen, tween, teen, whatever the hell they’re called messiness when it comes to their rabid delusions. No, dear, you’re not married to that pop star and he hasn’t seen your latest declaration of love on his Instagram. Go outside! Play with a stick! Look at the birds!
Rebel Wilson said on Friday’s episode of Ellen (via E!) that after she was on the show in November with One Direction, she felt the full wrath of their toddler fans. On the show, she did a little bit where she super-fanned out, wearing a sweatshirt with them all over it and getting a little physical with Harry Styles. Well, that didn’t go down well with the 7-12 demographic.
“Basically, I got accused of sexually assaulting Harry Styles. These little girls, I think they’re about 12, very, very unhappy with that. Basically we’re just like two professional entertainers having a good time and he really enjoyed it, like…and I told him that on Twitter and then they just sent me more death threats. They get very, um, like they love them and they think they’re going to be with them and I’m like, ‘Well, but you guys never, like, are with them.'”
The child armies behind today’s Tiger Beat hos is the stuff of nightmares. Mindless little creatures who live off of Instagram, Go-Gurt and Silly Bandz. My question in all of this is where are the parents? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?! If I found out my little one was sending death threats to grown ass people on TV and in movies because they joked around with someone I’d take their phone away quicker than they could say “I‘M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND RUN AWAY!” Childhood is for playground pettiness, but let’s keep it in the playground, ok?
Pic: Warner Bros.
Louis Tomlinson of One Direction tweeted and Instagrammed a picture of his brand new baby son yesterday, and as I scrolled through the comments, it didn’t take me long to get to one from a Directioner who refuses to believe that child is real and is not some publicity stunt to distract us from the 100% fact that he’s full-time fucking his true soulmate Harry Styles. They see you, Louis!
seriously? it’s manip. stop please.
There’s obviously no man nipple in that picture, so they’re accusing that pic of being a Photoshop Awards contender. They really got their magnifying glasses out and can clearly see that tiny newborn is a stock photo baby. I bet B.o.B left that comment. He’s a flat Earth truther AND a baby Tomlinson truther.
But really, there was a rumor that Louis and his one-time casual piece Briana Jungwirth named their son Sydney Rain, which made us all think that they really want their kid to grow up to be a headliner at the Spearmint Rhino in Downtown L.A., because that’s a primetime stripper name if I ever heard one. But they didn’t name their son Sydney Rain. They named him Freddie Reign. I guess the reign of famous messes naming their kid Reign has officially started. But I don’t totally hate the name and only because Freddie Reign sounds like the name of the lead singer of a Queen cover band. And here’s another OBVIOUSLY Photoshopped picture of Baby Freddie Reign.