You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.
It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!
You may have read that headline and looked at that picture and thought, “I don’t see her holding a copy of Artpop.”
The National Board of Review ceremony happened in NYC last night, and the winners were announced in November, so Lady Gaga already knew she won Best Actress. She didn’t have to worry about straining her Botoxed face muscles while trying to look happy as either Glenn Close or Olivia Colman took the win. A Star Is Born also won one National Board of Review awards for Bradley Cooper (Best Director), and one for Sam Elliott (Best Supporting Actor). Regina King was also there last night to accept the Best Supporting Actress award, and the cast of Crazy Rich Asians showed up to collect their trophy for Best Ensemble.
People reports that subway seats for pregnant women activist Olivia Wilde gave birth to a daughter this past Tuesday. Daisy Josephine Sudekis is her second kid with her fiance, former Saturday Night Live dude Jason Sudekis. They also have a two-year-old son, named Otis Alexander. Daisy is a lovely little name for a girl. Most of all, it’s within the realm of sanity. This is show business. That child could have been cursed with Amish Pantha, Gorgeous Nebula, or Wilderness Aubergine. If celebrity gossip blogging on the weekends doesn’t work out, I could always start some sort of baby naming service for Hollywood hipster parents, huh?
When I lived in NYC, I hardly ever sat on the subway unless I was plastered. (“So what you’re saying is that you always sat on the subway?” – you) My legs still work good and I mostly sit on my ass all day, so I always felt like I was the last person who needed to sit. But there are some able-bodied hos who sit like they’re protesting something and if a 9-month pregnant blind woman on crutches with twins in a baby Bjorn on her back and groceries balancing on her head hobbled on in, they’d still stay sitting. Olivia Wilde took the subway in NYC yesterday and when people didn’t give up their seat for her, she crop dusted them with pregnant farts on Twitter.
It was very nice of Betsey Johnson to remove her name from the nominees list, and therefore give people like Beyonce a fighting chance at taking home the CFDA’s Fashion Icon award. I’m assuming that’s what happened. Betsey Johnson has always been my favorite fashion weirdo. Even when I was very little and my knowledge of fashion was limited to skorts and whatever the look is called when you loop the bottom of a t-shirt through the neck hole, I knew that she was the definition of effortless, carefree WTF style. Effortless, because she always looks like she put in zero effort. Carefree, because I’m sure she’s free of cares when it comes to what anybody thinks about her. And WTF, because I still cannot figure out what the fuck is going on with those glue-in hair extension.
Betsey brought her carefree WTF style to the CFDA Awards last night. Betsey Johnson gave everyone “getting-her-groove-back grandma” mixed with Janice the Muppet and a side of boxed wine buzz. She’s on vacation from all her worries and troubles and the collection agency that won’t stop calling and demanding payment for that pesky overdue TJ Maxx credit card bill, and she doesn’t care who knows it! Betsey looks like she’s about to climb over the bar at her all-inclusive Mexican resort, grab a bottle of rum and a handful of limes, and smoker-bark over to her friends Buffy, Bambi, and Binky: “See you in the pool!” I want to be this version of Betsey Johnson when I grow up.
Of course, there always has to be a runner-up in the Pageant of Life, and I choose to give that honor to Selma Blair.
Grab a pencil or slip off your Avon Wrist-Writer, because it’s time to add yet another name to April’s ever-growing list of pregnant famous people. Joining Megan Fox, Blake Lively, and Eva Mendes in the “My body’s got another baby growing in it” club is Olivia Wilde. Pop a bottle of sparkling breast milk and celebrate!
Olivia announced that Jason Sudeikis had knocked her up a second time by throwing up a picture of her and their almost 2-year-old son Otis to Instagram with the caption: “Matching baby bumps.” Olivia and Jason’s rep also confirmed it to People. When asked for comment, the Xander Jones Daddy Truthers replied that they can’t wait to meticulously cross-reference a new set of baby pictures.
I have mentioned before that there’s no celebrity baby name more challenging for my lispy ass to say than Otis Sudeikis. So my mouth will be playing on expert-level if Olivia and Jason name this next baby something like Thaddeus or Stacy. With that being said, Thaddeus and Stacy aren’t nearly Brooklyn-y sounding. If they really want their kids to sound like the future owners of a cold-brewed small-batch coffee company, they’re going to want to go with something like Gus or Hazel. But really, who cares? They’re obviously going to pay tribute to the cutest inter-species buddy adventure ever made by naming this next baby Milo.
Here are some pictures of Olivia on a beach in Hawaii yesterday. Even though I know for a fact that she’s pregnant, I’m still looking at these pics like “I dunno, maybe it’s just the overalls.” Overalls will always make you second-guess yourself with their wide angles. That’s some denim trompe l’oeil trickery.