In a lengthy post featuring a Star cover breathlessly declaring that Brad has moved in with Kate, he imagined a world where the Hudson/Hawn clan has been turned upside down by the presence of Bong Hit Brad the Chaos-Bringer.
File this under: Something you really wanted and needed to know in order to go on with your life.
Oliver Hudson (aka Kate Hudson’s brother, Goldie Hawn’s son, that hot douche Jeff from Nashville and the 90s-loving dad from Scream Queens) was on Conan the other night and the conversation somehow went from how he gained a bunch of chunk in New Orleans to how he got his dick bush waxed off. Oliver told Conan O’Brien that his wife promised him certain “things” if he made his crotch look like that of a porn star’s or like that of a dude on Grindr who’s trying to make his dick look bigger. So Oliver got all of his crotch furs ripped out.
Okay, but what I want to know is, what sort of things did his wife promise him? My guess is that she promised to blow him if he went bare down there. If that’s the case, the hell kind of Where The Wild Things Are situation is going on down there? Did she not want to suck it before because it would be like sucking on a dog tail? Is Oliver half Pinhead and so his pubes are like needles and his wife didn’t want to poke her eyeball out while giving him a beej? Damn, Oliver should submit his pubes to science to be studied.
And I don’t know if it’s the cold medicine talking, but seeing Tom Jones in that turtleneck did things to me. Please tell me it’s the cold medicine talking.
Oliver Hudson (aka the hot douche from Nashville) celebrated Father’s Day last week by Instagramming an old childhood picture of himself, his sister Kate Hudson and their bio dad Bill Hudson along with the heart-warming caption: “Happy abandonment day… @katehudson.” Oliver continued to caca all over the man whose jizz made him by wishing his stepfather Kurt Russell a happy Father’s Day. Kate also wished Kurt a happy Daddy’s Day on Instagram. Well, Bill Hudson blew a warm “fuck you” right back at them. If you’ve got a dysfunctional family (and who doesn’t?), this wreck may make you feel a tiny bit better.