Mel Gibson Beat Oksana Grigorieva During Sex, So She Says

OctoSana and Mad Mel’s never-ending custody battle dipped into donkey punch territory when she testified in front of a judge on Tuesday that he regularly brought the beat down on her during sex. TMZ reports that OctoSana testified under oath that whenever Mel’s little Nazi soldier refused to do the Hitler salute, he’d whoop her ass to get it up.

OctoSana has already told the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department that Mel hit her during a fight on January 6 of last year, but apparently she never mentioned that he likes to punch his way to a boner. There’s no evidence that proves OctoSana is telling the truth, and vice versa. This has caused some to throw her a “you shifty little…” side-eye.

Who to believe… Who to believes…. This is one of those “crazy said, crazy said” things. But the real truth is, if you had to have fuck Mel Gibson, you’d probably punch yourself in the face before, during and after, so I don’t think her claims are that far off.

Mel Gibson Wants Sole Custody Of Baby Lucia

The judge in the custody battle that is NEVER EVER GOING TO END EVER already told Oksana Grigorieva to keep her collagen worms shut around the media, but she ignored his rule and walked into the iguana aquarium last night to talk to Larry King about more of the same stuff. Since OctoSana keeps spilling crap to the media without the judge’s permission, Mad Mel is using this opportunity to try to snatch Baby Lucia away full-time. Ha. Mel has a better chance of getting a tag-team beej from a rabbi and Al Sharpton IN the jacuzzi than winning custody of Baby Lucia, but it’ll be fun watching him try.

TMZ has it on good authority that the glum cunt’s team of lawyers will file for sole custody on Monday morning on the grounds that OctoSana keeps throwing out lies about him to the media. Mel will argue that OctoSana doesn’t give a sugar tit’s nipple about her own daughter’s well-being, because she’s focused on dirtying his pristine image.

That stupid ass Mel. Bitch is just lonely now that he doesn’t have OctoSana around to bark at and make the sign of a swastika on her face with his slap happy hand. The ottomans don’t flinch when he yells at them, so it’s not the fucking same!

And it’s never too early for Baby Lucia to file for complete emancipation from both of their crazy asses. Baby Lucia obviously can’t sign her own emancipation documents, but I’m sure any judge will accept one of her spit bombs as an official signature.

Mel Admits To Slapping OctoSana In The Face

While spitting out his declaration in the NEVERDAMNENDING custody battle with his former beautiful little communist Oksana Grigorieva, Mel Gibson said that he never brought his Passion of the Fist on the OctoSana’s mouth hole on the night of January 6, 2010. No, he just slapped the hysteria out of her. Okay.

OctoSana claimed that during a battle of words at his house, Mad Mel dipped his fist in holy water and punched the sign of the cross into her face, which broke two of her teefs and caused her to bleed. But according to Mel, blood was never shed and he never put a stanky punch on her face. This is what Mel says happened that night:

1. Mel and OctoSana were in the middle of throwing verbal grenades at each other when she grabbed their Baby Lucia out of the crib and shouted, “Stop yelling or you will make her into a retarded brain damaged idiot!”

2. Then for some reason, OctoSana’s crazy ass ran into the backyard with Baby Lucia in her arms. Mel says that OctoSana was running all over the place like a tongue trying to escape his dick. Mel’s backyard has more splits and levels than his personality, so he was afraid that OctoSana might fall or slip and injure their baby.

3. When OctoSana ran back inside of the house, she started swinging back and forth. Mel was afraid that she’d scramble their baby’s brains with all that swinging, so he slapped the sense into her with an open hand. Mel says, “While I do not believe I handled the situation as well as I should have, I was worried about the rough way Oksana was shaking and tossing Lucia around. My hand never touched any part of Lucia.”

Mel says that he didn’t make her bleed and he didn’t find out until later that he knocked one of her veneers out.

This is basically some “Crazy said, CRAZIER said” shit. Octo claims Mel slapped their baby while he punched her in the face. And Mel claims that Octo whisked Baby Lucia’s brain cells by shaking her. So, either way the equation ends the same way: Baby Lucia is every layer of fucked. Hmm. I wonder if Mel’s beaver puppet is interested in filing for custody of her?

via TMZ

Mad Mel Is The Shakespeare Of Our Time

TMZ (aka Sugar Tits Ground Zero) posted a few truly poetic personal love notes Mel Gibson slipped to Oksana Grigorieva while they were together and this mess makes me want to chew on some grass and vom into a jacuzzi. No, but seriously Mel has proven that he can not only string together words of Nazi poetry while raging into a trick’s voicemail, but he can also pour out words of romance that can be used as an effective barf inducer when Cisco Adler’s nekkid picture isn’t accessible.

TMZ says that OctoSana submitted the notes to the court, because she submits EVERYTHING to the court. Next up will be the skidmark in the shape of Hitler’s side profile on Mel’s chonies.

In the meantime, here’s a few bubbles queefed out of Mel’s heart:

“There are legions of angels kissing u as u work. And me too.”

“This is your capitalist pig landing his jet in Minnesota 4 customs! I have scarcely thought of anything but u since I left London! That is wonderful + sad because you are not near me! I need my little Russian to fill my soul.”

“If u r up call me my dark eyed beautiful little communist! I miss u + by God, I love you”

“Hi my snuffling puppy, practice! Practice! Practice! Today is good 4 matinee theater. Me find some! Ugh! Just letting u know I am yours at your beck + call. Please do so at your whim. This is heaven. Have decided to take your pants to a show. Wish u were in them.”

“Smoocherinos all over you!”

You know, I shouldn’t even laugh because this mess is identical to the comments I leave on CNN’s feedback form for Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. And here I was patting myself on the taint for coming up with “smoocherinos“.

If You’ve Blown This Asshole Recently, OctoSana Wants To Talk To You

Oksana Grigorieva’s never-ending battle for a chunk of Mel Gibson’s wallet is still playing on, and now she’s on the hunt for any and all tricks who rubbed their corn syrup sacks all over him while they were still together. TMZ says OctoSana’s lawyer Dan Horowitz has reason to believe that 4 hos did blow Mel before jacuzzi and he wants to talk to them. Dan is looking for someone to co-sign OctoSana’s “Mad Mel is a Nazi bomb of rage” claim by saying that he got violent on their asses. Good luck with that. Asking someone to fully admit to making the sign of the cross on Mad Mel’s crucidix with their tongue is like asking me to stop crumbling Oreos into my instant oatmeal in the morning. It’s not going to happen.

OctoSana and her lawyers are making this move, because the judge in her custody case against Mad Mel is not impressed with her accusations that it’s dangerous to leave him alone with their 1-year-old daughter Lucia. The way things stands right now Mad Mel has full visitation rights. OctoSana wants to put a stop to that.

Whatever happened to that Polish porn producer who was allegedly doing Mel while OctoSana was knocked up? OctoSana should sniff down that road. You know, but it can’t be that hard for OctoSana to track down one of Mel’s past tricks. You don’t even need an at-home Detective La Toya Kit to do that. Just ask the free clinic if any women have come in complaining about how they can’t get the taste of charbroiled communion wafers, jacuzzi chlorine and holy water colonic coktails out of their mouth.

OctoSana Thought Mad Mel Was Going To Kill Her

Oksana Grigorieva was supposed to sit down with Oprah to spill the dirty jacuzzi water on the leather ass sack of hot farts named Mel Gibson, but her lawyers put a stop to that shit since she’s currently involved in a custody battle against him. But OctoSana still managed to get in an interview with People Magazine without her lawyers finding out first.

From the pieces I’ve read and heard about on Today this morning, the interview is sort of more of the same. She mostly talks about the night she recorded the infamous Mel-ocide tapes and says that she really thought he was going to send her to Jesus that day. Here’s a few dingles from OctoSana’s interview with People (via USA Today):

OctoSana on the night she thought she was going to prematurely check into heaven: On Jan. 6, she says, Gibson was at the house “frothing at the mouth, contorting his face and as she tried to leave, she alleges, he punched her twice – once in the head, once in the mouth… and pulled a gun and started waving it.” One of the blows hit Lucia in the chin, Grigorieva told People. But she didn’t contact police because she feared Gibson’s retaliation if she went public.

OctoSana on being called a gold digger (Wait, is that a bad thing?): “I’m being bullied by a very rich man.” She says she is having trouble making ends meet… but vehemently denies she is a gold digger.

OctoSana on why she forgives Mad Mel: She’s very Christian and she believes in forgiveness. … I think her thinking is I’d better make the best of this situation. He is, after all, the father of that child.

OctoSana on how Mad Mel’s nickname should really be Miserable Mel: She says Gibson is “depressed” and suicidal, adding, “He would have killed himself many times if he wasn’t Catholic,” reported Today this morning.

I must have been past out drunk in the pews during the part in Catholic mass where the priest said that turning a gun on yourself is the quickest way to send your soul on the CROCS express train to Satanville, but turning a gun on somebody else and hitting a baby is a-o-fucking-k!

The “frothing at the mouth” shit confirms that if Cujo learned how to speak human English from Rosetta Stone: Anti-Semite Cunt Edition and never got a blow job in his life, he would be just like Mel Gibson.