Category: Oh Canada

Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Visit To Canada Cost Canadian Taxpayers A Whole Lot Of Money

November 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Back in September, Duchess Kate and Prince William flew to Canada with Prince George and Princess Charlotte for a week of waving (or not), and smiling. I’m sure a rejected Justin Trudeau didn’t forget. Vice decided to find out how much the royals’ hoser getaway cost the taxpayers of Canada. As it turns out, it cost a lot of money.

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One Of The Tenors Is In Trouble After He Changed The Lyrics To The Canadian National Anthem

July 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Many people mess up the words to national anthems all the time. Usually the mess ups are the result of the singer forgetting the lyrics, or not being able to hit that high note on “freeeee” at the end of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” But yesterday, a member of the Canadian group The Tenors messed up the Canadian national anthem on purpose, and not surprisingly, its gotten him in maple-scented trouble.

According to UsWeekly, it happened at the MLB All-Star Game in San Diego yesterday. The Tenors – aka the group I’m sure some of you have caught your mom listening to in the dark with a glass of wine – were chosen to sing the Canadian national anthem, “O Canada.” Rather than sing it as it was written, Tenor Remigio Pereira decided to add his own personal spin by singing some re-written lyrics with an #AllLivesMatter message. He really thought that would be a good idea.

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Avril Lavigne Is The Only Person On Earth Who Will Defend Nickelback

May 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Here we are. Saturday the 14th of May, 2016. It’s pleasant out at the moment, but I get the feeling it’s going to rain. It’s been muggy, sticky, so rain will do some good. Cool down the pavement. Give everyone a little splash of relief. It’s funny. You see all the people outside and it’s as if they don’t know. as if they weren’t aware of it being the most important day of the year… EUROVISION! Which is why it pains me to sully this day by speaking of people who could probably never make it into the semi-finals, let alone win – Avril Lavigne and Nickelback.

Avril, as Billboard explains, is not a happy camper at the moment. MSNBC took a poll to see what people preferred over Donald Trump, and while Nickelback is one of the most hated bands in the world, people chose them over Donald. Good for them! E! ran a story on this incredibly important and informative poll and Avril is not having it. She and Nickelback frontman, Chad Kroeger split last year, but have been seen together recently, so you can all calm down. I know how worried you’ve been about Canada’s royal couple. Avril, being the polite Canadian she is – despite her bedroom door being covered in signs that say things like “PARENTS SUCK” – jumped on Twitter to slap at those hateful hos at E!

That’s right, E! Grow up! Just like Avril’s fans did!… who then realised what they had been listening to, scrunched up their faces and felt deeply embarrassed about the school dance they went to wearing a tie with a tank top. And thanks to her, I’m now familiar with Nickelback’s sales numbers. I knew that despite being the butt of a lot jokes they were big, but I didn’t realise they were that big. I guess a lot of people have kind of trashy cousins who still wear JNCO’s and have frosted tips. Ugh. That side of the family sucks. 

Pic: Wenn

Cross-Border Barbie And Ken Made An Appearance At The White House State Dinner

March 11, 2016 / Posted by:

The White House threw a special fancy dinner party for Canada’s Next Top Model Prime Minister Justin Trudeau last night. Because JT is the Prime Minister of Canada, they also invited a whole bunch of famous and semi-famous Canadians to join them. I say “semi-famous“, because I scanned the guest list and no where did I see the names Bert Raccoon or Friend Record, aka Canada’s most important A-list celebrities.

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Lindsay Lohan Bailed On A Visit To Canada And Her Criminal Record Might Be To Blame

September 12, 2015 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan, seen above proving why it’s so important to get vaccinated, was supposed to make an appearance during the Toronto International Film Festival on Sunday. No, she wasn’t there to present a special 8th anniversary screening of the modern cinematic masterpiece I Know Who Killed Me (I wish). Page Six says she was supposed to be at a club on Sunday night to promote her upcoming film Inconceivable. Unfortunately, everybody who was hoping to catch a glimpse of the Apricot Ashtray is about to let out a disappointed sigh of sadness, because LiLo will not be there. And because we’re dealing with the poster child for lying, nobody has a straight answer for why Lindsay is bailing.

According to the event organizer, it’s because “the timing did not work out for everyone to get to Toronto.” So basically, Lindsay couldn’t get her ass on a plane from whatever place her most current gentleman friend’s yacht is parked in. However other sources are whispering it’s because she has a criminal record and Canada don’t play that. One source said:

“Canada is pretty strict about that. It is not easy to get in if you have had any type of record.”

Other sources claim it has nothing to do with LiLo’s collection of mug shots and everything to do with her being a demanding freckled diva. They say Lindsay refused to fly to Toronto unless it was in first class. Obviously a movie that barely exists on the internet doesn’t have a budget big enough for such shenanigans, so when they slid a coach ticket into her hands, she decided she wasn’t going.

A rep for the producers of Inconceivable told Page Six: “I just know she was not able to come” because she is “busy.” It’s true – hustling tea on Instagram is a very demanding job.

I’m a Canadian person, so I totally know what’s going on here. Back in 2012, there was a massive million-dollar maple syrup heist. Lindsay Lohan is known to have sticky fingers, so who knows how much sweet sweet syrup a pro like LiLo would able to stuff into her carry-on? Canada can’t take that kind of a chance.

Pic: Wenn.com

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