Category: NSFW

Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 10, 2019 / Posted by:

Jizz Squirting Dick Nails!

Since I know Dlisted’s demographic really well, I’m guessing that you’re reading this Sunday HSOTD post while sitting in a pew at a church and waiting for mass to start. Because of that, I really wish that this HSOTD had gone up earlier in the week, because then you’d be at church, working a set of nails that are elegance wrapped in modesty and topped with a heaping squirt of conservative demureness. Although, if you worshiped at my church, The Church of Carbs (aka IHOP), you’d have to worry about me hitting on your hands, and asking your right hand and your left hand if they want to spit roast me. If you’re a Scientologist, you’d have to worry about John Travolta doing the same thing.

Russia’s Nail Sunny has done it again! We don’t need Robert Mueller to launch an investigation into which Russian nail salon consistently spooges up streams of acrylic sophistication.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

Winky, the true star and champion of this year’s Westminster!

This story is over a week old, which is (insert Larry King’s age) in internet years, but since it’s President’s Day (which some of us are ignoring since we refuse to acknowledge having a president at this time) and some of you have been forced to work and are doing the least while looking like you’re doing the most, let’s pay homage to your hero: WINKY!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Pup Who Broke Into A Neighbor’s Sex Toy Package

February 15, 2019 / Posted by:

I’m a dog person, but Man’s Best Friend can also be Man’s Nosiest Pain In The Ass – he’s called Snoopy for a reason, y’all! A British couple thought they were being good neighbors to someone who lived down the street by holding a package that came when the neighbor wasn’t at home. They stowed the package and figured they’d give it to them when they came home. Alas, their pooch wanted to see what was inside the box…and found out what a freak in the sheets their neighbor is!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 9, 2019 / Posted by:

Aretha Cardinal, the badass grandma who fought off clown-mask-wearing, machete-wielding wannabe robbers with a scooter!

I don’t know if those are Jesus fish earrings that today’s HSOTD is wearing, but I do know that she made some robbers scream for Jesus by hitting them with a flaming hot dollop of Not. The. One. The story about my current favorite vigilantes takes place in Texas City, TX and happened early in the morning on February 1. Aretha and her husband Joseph Nelson were sitting in their truck, which was parked in the driveway of their house, when two morons made the wrong decision of trying to fuck with them.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 8, 2019 / Posted by:

The automatic dog-petting machine!

There’s many things we’re required to do for our dog friends like feed them, love them, pay to get their anal glands expressed, thank them every morning for being gracious enough to share their bed with us (yes, it’s THEIR bed), and spend as much time as possible petting them. But sometimes us humans have to be extremely selfish and do other things like work and feed ourselves, and we can’t devote every second to slathering our dog friend with affection. So one human invented and made the automatic dog-petting machine.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Guy Diamond, the glitter-farting troll from Trolls!

Because I am not a 6 year old (I am more like an 8 year old, thankyouverymuch) and not a level 10 stoner (I am more like a level 9 stoner, thankyouverymuch), I haven’t watched Trolls. Besides not being a 6 year old or a level 10 stoner, I have also been diagnosed with a major allergy to Justin Timberlake’s voice. I have the doctor’s note to prove it. So because of this, I didn’t know about Guy Diamond, the naked lavender troll who butt coughs out diamond dust. I know, I write “fart glitter aficionado” on my tax returns next to occupation, and I barely found out about Guy Diamond. Shame isn’t only a movie starring Michael Fassbender’s fat swinging crotch vine, it’s also something I feel over not knowing this.

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