Category: NSFW

Open Post: Hosted By This High School Teacher Trying To Beat Off A Dildo With A Broom

January 13, 2019 / Posted by:

Heh, kids are funny. No, they aren’t – that’s wrong! (Just in case my nephews ever read this.) Reddit (who else?) brings us this amusing clip of a high school employee trying to slap a big floppy dildo off the gym wall with a broom. If that’s how that guy beats off dicks, I’m already cringing and crossing my legs.

Inventively titled “Another Dick In The Wall” by “Pricks Floyd,”, the best part is when the other teacher feels she needs to block the camera from filming a fake dick scalding the children’s eyes. Would she have been so censor-y if it had been a still from an Xbox game depicting some dude blowing someone’s head off with all the requisite blood and gore flying from his neckhole? I thought not! Let dildos be great, lady!

Pic: YouTube

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Madonna Has Said Words About The Rumors Of Her New Fake Ass

January 4, 2019 / Posted by:

I knew we hadn’t seen nor heard the last of Madonna after she brought in the new year with a booty so ridiculously big it would make the cast of any Love and Hip Hop show say, “Ewww.” Everyone knows that Madge is controversy personified and never bites her tongue, so now she has a message for those of us who have something to say about her new ass: we can all pucker up and kiss those pads now!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 3, 2019 / Posted by:

Toni Patanen of Finland goes by Pupsi on YouTube, and is filling his channel with porn for vegans who are also appreciate fine music (this will bless the rains down in your fuck parts, vegan music lovers). Pupsi usually makes ceramic ocarinas, which sounds the home planet of Ornacia, but are ancient wind instruments. But because he knows he’s got to step up the foolery if he wants to play on YouTube, he made ocarinas out of vegetables and blew out a soothing and organic version of Toto’s Africa, which sorry, Weezer, is the only cover of Africa I need.

Steve Aoki’s Finnish second cousin starts out the video by showing us how he makes his root vegetable and squash ocarinas, and honestly at the beginning of the video it looks like he’s making some kind of vegan fleshflight. If he carved “Down With The QUEEN” onto the side of it, it’d be Morrissey’s new fuck toy of choice and he’d turn that bitch into sweet potato pie. But these ocarinas are meant for blowing, not fucking, and Pupsi serenaded us with a stunning cover of Africa while in a room that looks like The Museum Of Camping Equipment.

All that blowing, I bet that after this video was shot, those sweet potatoes and squash shared a cigarette, an organic vegan cigarette, of course. Wait, do vegetables care about animal rights? Somebody needs to do a TED talk on that.

Pic: YouTube

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Night Crumbs

January 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Presley Gerber, the 19-year-old son of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber, must not know about a thing called “Lyft,” because he decided to start off his 2019 by choosing the brilliant idea to drive drunk, and was arrested in Beverly Hills. If he wasn’t drunk on his dad’s tequila brand at the time, then he’s totally brought shame and embarrassment upon his family name! – Just Jared

Katie Holmes spent New Year’s weekend with Jamie Foxx on a yacht in Miami, and I’m guessing that Suri Cruise didn’t join them, because she would never put her Jimmy Choo-slathered foot onto a boat that small! – Lainey Gossip 

Kourtney Kardashian and Sofia Richie are both dressed like they’re on their way to an open call for a reboot of Mob Wives Drunken Stepfather

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Madonna Performed At Stonewall On New Year’s Eve With A Bigger Booty

January 2, 2019 / Posted by:

For many years Madonna has been credited as the “mother of reinvention,” which is basically Hollywood-speak for “she don’t miss a gimmick”. One gimmick she should have missed entirely is the current trend of concrete filled gargantuan asses because it ain’t a good look for her. But when has looking ridiculous ever stopped Madge the Vadge from creeping us all out?

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Super Bitch!

If you’re on Instagram, you’ve been hit with this hot pink lightning bolt of badass fabulousness at least five thousand times. If you’re on Twitter, you’ve already been treated for the burns you sustained while getting whiplashed by the high-flying hot pink kicks of glamour delivered by this hero who repurposed a pair of fuckme boots into a pair of dontfuckwithme boots. And if you’re on Snapchat, you’re not even reading this since you’re like 6 years old.

By popular demand, our final HSOTD of the year just might be the hottest Hot Slut of the year. Instagrammer hesosoutheast became an overnight viral STAH, and flipped and kicked his way into hearts by letting us all know the rules of 2019, and working the soles off of those ass-kicking boots. Some boots are made for walking, but Super Bitch’s boots are made for kicking down any hos who fuck with him.

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