The #FreeBritney movement held a massive protest (okay, like 20 people) at City Hall in West Hollywood, CA the other day to voice their thoughts about how Brit Brit Spears should be released from the chains and shackles of her over 10-year-long conservatorship. And as that was happening, Brit Brit’s little sister Jamie Lynn Spears was slathering her face with possum grease, sticking razors in her hair, and handing her Juicy Couture backpack purse (you know she still has one) to one of her kids to prepare to fight the tricks who came at her in her Instagram posts for not helping Britney. Those bitches better hide, because we know that junior member of The Not The One Club, Jamie Lynn, is not the one.
Kelleth Cuthbert, aka The Fiji Water Girl, may have won the heart of millions and clawed her way into the hallowed halls of Hot Slutdom, but there was one white hot beam of glamour she couldn’t eclipse. Kelleth can go right ahead and scratch “share a THC laced yogurt with Jamie Lee Curtis” off her vision board for good because it’s never gonna happen (it’s still on mine, though). Attention seekers take note: JLC is not the one. And she’s not about to let some corporate shill use her image to sell a gotdamn thing. JLC has been in the business since before she was born, and she knows the game backwards and forwards. But sometimes, even the greats get got. She thought she had successfully avoided getting photographed with the FWG. Apparently, CNN caught JLC slipping. Her evasive moves to avoid being seen with you know who?, were not 100% successful.
The long legal battle between Olivia de Havilland and FX/Ryan Murphy started last year when she clutched and crushed her pearls (RIP those pearls in the above picture) over Catherine Zeta-Jones’ portrayal of her in Feud: Bette and Joan. Olivia thought that Ryan and Co. made her look like a catty gossip, and she felt like it was putting a crack in her image. Olivia also denied ever calling her sister Joan Fontaine a “bitch.” She called her a “babe,” okay!? Olivia filed a lawsuit and after it was thrown out of court after court, it’s been thrown out of the highest court in the land. You might think this means that Olivia’s fight against FX is done, but I’m not so sure. Hell hath no fury like an old rich woman who both has all the time in the world and is running out of time. Lady Justice may have tied Olivia’s hands, but she still gonna git you, Murphy!
The list of celebrities whose houses have been broken into is long and gets longer with each passing day. Just in the past couple of months, Christina Milian, Chrissy Metz, Yasiel Puig, Rihanna, and Brandi Glanville have all been hit up. Many of them were hit up by a teenage bling ring. In Hollywood, even the criminal rings get rebooted. Most of those robberies ended with the famous type losing lots of expensive shit, but on Saturday night, the only thing the criminal left with was an almost heart attack from fucking with Mr. Feeny! 91-year-old William Daniels, who played Mr. Feeny in Boy Meets World, Dr. Mark Craig in St. Elsewhere, Dustin Hoffman’s dad in The Graduate, and the voice of KITT in Knight Rider, scared off an intruder who was trying to get into his house.
If the thought of Mr. Feeny loosening his tie and pushing up his blazer sleeves to punch an evil thief in the throat has made your day and you want to keep it that way, stop reading and believe what you want to believe. But if you want to read the not-as-exciting truth of what happened, keep on.
In the wake of the Weinstein fallout, there is one Hollywood voice that is sadly missed, that of Carrie Fisher. Carrie would probably have so much tea to spill right now they’d have to send snorkels out with the Oscar ballots. Carrie never did truck with no assholes, bullies or fools. She was not the one to be intimidated or let her voice be ignored, and seemed like the kind of person to stick up for others too. And according to her longtime friend Heather Ross, that is exactly the kind of person she was.
People reports that Angelina Jolie is not at all fucking around and has hired Judy Smith to help clean up the splatters that landed on her image when her marriage exploded in front of everyone. Judy Smith is a fixer who inspired Shonda Rhimes to create Scandal and the character of Olivia Pope. Because St. Angie hired the real-life Olivia Pope, it looks like she may be trying to get a job with the United Nations, and in a few months, she’ll have that gig as Brad Pitt sits in a prison cell after a dead hooker is found in the trunk of his car! And if St. Angie is trying to hide something, it’ll stay forever hidden! I don’t watch Scandal (I know, I have terrible taste), but I do watch Ray Donovan and I’m assuming that Olivia Pope is kind of like Ray. And “dead hooker in the car trunk” is a total Ray Donovan move.