Category: Nope

I See That Someone (Read: Taylor Swift) Just Watched Christopher Walken In The “Weapon Of Choice” Video 

March 12, 2018 / Posted by:

And it goes without typing, but Christopher Walken danced it better. Shit, Christopher Walken would’ve danced it better if he had two broken legs, a busted hip, paralyzed arms and a stage 10 IBS flare up that was causing his ass to explode.

During last night’s iHeart Radio Music Awards (which happened at the same time as the premiere of the Paula Abdul-less reboot of American Idull starring Tay Tay’s nemesis and NUN KILLER!!! Katy Perry), Taylor bought won the award for female artist of the year, and she wasn’t there to accept it, but she prerecorded her speech and also dropped the video for her new single Delicate. And the Delicate video also confirms that Taylor has dropped the “bad girl who ditches class to vape in the girls” room” image and is back to being the most annoying theater kid in drama class. WARNING: Cringe-inducing dancing ahead!

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R. Kelly And The One That Got Away

July 24, 2017 / Posted by:

The self-proclaimed “Pied Piper of R&B” (yeah, let that marinate a bit), R. Kelly can’t keep his face off the TMZ homepage these days. Today’s latest story is about a girl who got away. A woman, who was 20 at the time, spoke to TMZ about meeting R. Kelly after she was singled out by “someone in his crew” at a concert last December and given a backstage pass.

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Which Colored Pill Do We Take To Make “The Matrix” Reboot Go Away?

March 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Get Out was made from an original idea, it cost around $4.5 million to make and it’s brought in a mountain of money in just a few weeks. But yet, Hollywood is still looking at it and sharpening their shank as they say, “That’s nice, but which action series from the past can we try to milk for easy money next?” The Hollywood Reporter says they’re going after The Matrix series. As someone who once got laughed at by a DJ at a goth club for requesting a song from The Matrix soundtrack, I, at first, didn’t think it was a bad idea to bring back the series. But I quickly dropped that “idea” into the Land of Do Not Want after reading that Lana and Lily Wachowski aren’t working on it.

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Thanks For The Post-Super Bowl Nightmares, Doritos

February 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Okay, to be fair, the majority of my post-Super Bowl nightmares came from the pizza I ordered from Dominos last night that looked like it had been fucked by the Noid. But the cheez-obsessed fetus from Doritos’ 2016 Super Bowl commercial came a very close second.

I’m sure if Beyonce had it her way, the only commercial that would have aired during the Super Bowl last night was her tour announcement after the halftime show. But I guess the media department at CBS weren’t swayed by the box of Red Lobster coupons that were couriered over from The Beyoffice, because they aired a bunch of other commercials as well. In the event you spent most of your commercial breaks filling up a deflated football with vodka, can watch most of them here. The most WTF of which came courtesy of Doritos. Warning: If the image of a CGI baby hauling ass through a vagina gives you the nopes, then you might want to watch the Heinz commercial with the wiener dogs dressed up in little hot dog costumes instead.

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Miley Cyrus Dressed Like A Giant Horny Baby For Her New Video, Because Of Course She Did

December 12, 2015 / Posted by:

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who is getting a case of the uncomfortables after looking at Miley Cyrus in adult baby drag. I’m sure even Pedobear was like “Okay, that’s enough internet for today” before shutting his laptop and whipping it out the window.

It’s been all of three weeks since Princess Skunk Weed of Hillbillia released her last WTF-worthy music video (you know, the one that looked like a 60’s liquid light show busted a messy nut on Miley’s face), and she must have got her hands on some stronger drugs since then, because Billy Ray’s kid has managed to make an even more bonkers video. Miley popped a squat and farted the video for a song called “BB Talk” onto the internet last night, and what came out what a cloud of Muppet Babies meets My Strange Addiction stank. Miley dresses up as a baby and sings about how she was fucking on a dude who kept filling her ears with baby talk, the result of which can only be described as a Galoob Baby Face doll that grew up in the bathroom of a Kum & Go. So basically, Miley Cyrus.

Obviously this isn’t the first time Miley has slipped into a diaper and redefined the words “not right“; Miley has been wearing a big baby suit on stage during her Dead Petz tour. But it is the first time she sat in a high chair and threw huge-ass Cheerios onto the ground while I thought to myself: “Well…I guess we all make some embarrassing choices in our 20s.

Even though the image of Baby Miley talking about getting her hump on so that she doesn’t have to listen to baby talk is totally going to be the star of my nightmares tonight, I do love that inflatable rubber duck. I know it’s nothing more than an inanimate bag of air with painted-on eyes, but that duck is totally searching for an exit harder than anyone has ever searched for an exit before.

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