Category: Nobody Asked For This
Medical Experts Don’t Recommend Kourtney Kardashian’s New Vaginal Health Gummies
Kourtney Kardashian’s probably been dutifully guzzling Travis Barker’s batter for the past nine months just as her fertility doctor instructed, so she now must fancy herself some kind of genital juice sommelier and decided that the next logical step in her wellness supplement grift, Lemme, is to fill the world with sweet-tasting vaginas. She posted a video on Instagram yesterday promoting a new gummy supplement which she claims aids in vaginal health, scent, and taste; but according to BBC News, multiple medical professionals called her out for trying to profit from women’s insecurities by developing and marketing an unnecessary and ineffective product.
Open Post: Hosted By Madonna Doing The “Wednesday Dance” To Lady Gaga’s Song
Madonna took a beat from wasting Julia Garner’s time and Universal Pictures’ money and preparing for an upcoming world tour to finally partake in the “Bloody Wednesday” TikTok dance craze! And usually, “boomer sinks her claws into a trend that’s already over” isn’t anything out of the ordinary, but this is a special case since people have been doing Wednesday Addams’ choreo from a scene in Netflix’s Wednesday to a sped-up version of Lady Gaga’s song, Bloody Mary. As we know, Madonna and Gaga have a long, rocky history. Basically, Madonna thinks Gaga stole her schtick and Gaga is tired of Madonna and others saying she stole her schtick. The two played nice by rubbing faces at a Madonna Oscar party a few years ago, but it’s hard to tell if that meant the beef was genuinely squashed or Madonna was just trying to siphon Gaga’s youth while Gaga tried to siphon Madonna’s unused provocative ideas.
Hilaria Baldwin Says That She And Alec Baldwin Are Probably Done Having Babies, But “Time Will Tell”
Hilaria Baldwin has a new podcast since her last one went so well. Hilaria’s new podcast will focus on “sisterhood in pop culture.” And since that topic isn’t interesting in the least or believable coming from her, she decided that stoking speculation that she and Alec will maybe keep the bebé train rolling by basically saying “never say never” would be the best way to go about promoting her new project–since she’s constructed her entire personality around being a womb on legs.
Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Netflix’s “Teletubbies” Reboot
Now that the 90s are on their way back in and I’ve started to come around to the idea of soggy-bottomed flare jeans again; I was hoping the next 90s thing to re-emerge would be the lack of an impending sense of doom or Keebler Pizzarias chips. But, it seems like the best the universe could do right now was ANOTHER damn Teletubbies reboot after threatening us with it a while back–so get your sleep masks and earplugs ready for when your kid insists on watching it on repeat and subsequently exclaiming, “EH-OHHH,” but you’d rather maintain your sanity–because they’re vaxxed, back, and ready for action.
Which Colored Pill Do We Take To Make “The Matrix” Reboot Go Away?
Get Out was made from an original idea, it cost around $4.5 million to make and it’s brought in a mountain of money in just a few weeks. But yet, Hollywood is still looking at it and sharpening their shank as they say, “That’s nice, but which action series from the past can we try to milk for easy money next?” The Hollywood Reporter says they’re going after The Matrix series. As someone who once got laughed at by a DJ at a goth club for requesting a song from The Matrix soundtrack, I, at first, didn’t think it was a bad idea to bring back the series. But I quickly dropped that “idea” into the Land of Do Not Want after reading that Lana and Lily Wachowski aren’t working on it.
Lifetime Is Remaking “Beaches” Because They Hate Us
All together now (to the tune of the “flyyyyy” part of Wind Beneath My Wings): ♫ Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♫
Garry Marshall’s body has barely gone cold and those butchers at Lifetime have already made plans to pull out one of his classics and hack it to bits. Deadline reports that Lifetime has given the thumbs up to a remake of 1988’s Beaches starring Idina Menzel. Even though Idina’s look is more “Hillary” than “CC,” Lifetime has cast her as C.C. Bloom, the role that Bette Midler played to perfection in the original. Lifetime’s version will include the songs “Wind Beneath My Wings” and “The Glory of Love,” as well as new and original songs. Lifetime’s Bitches (on purpose typo and it stays) will terrorize our TV screens next year. Here’s a few more details from Deadline:
Allison Anders (Ring of Fire) will direct the Lifetime remake from a script by Bart Baker (Honeymoon with Harry) and Nikole Beckwith (Stockholm, Pennsylvania). Di Novi and Greenspan executive produce for A+E Studios. Production is set to begin on August 15.
Whenever I scream, “ILLEGAL,” over Hollywood slaughtering another classic from our childhoods, some trick will e-mail me to say that remakes happen, get over it and blah blah blah… I know, the audacity of someone accusing me of being melodramatic! But the thing is, it sounds like Lifetime isn’t even doing anything new with Beaches. It seems like they’re just bringing it into “modern day” and since Lifetime is doing it, it’ll be low-budget as hell and the beach scenes will be shot in the sandbox of a park in the Valley somewhere.
If they insist on remaking Beaches, they should do something new. Do an all-animal version starring Bandito and Luigi! Or a gay version! One way to get Richard Simmons to twirl out of retirement is to offer him the role of C.C. Bloom in an all-gay remake of Beaches.
Here’s the basic cable CC Bloom yodeling at a gala in NYC last month:
Pics: Wenn.com