Category: Nina Dobrev

Frankie Grande’s Sister Brought True Toddler Hoochie 90s Hooker Glamour To The VMA Red Carpet

August 25, 2014 / Posted by:

…because DUH, where else is a toddler-faced hoochie supposed to bring it? Just like how Chuck E. Cheese is the place where a kid can be a kid, the red carpet at the VMAs is the place where a sexy fetus can dress in 90s day-shift streetwalker couture and the only thing people will wonder is whether or not her skirt is short enough. You should be dressed slutty enough that someone calls both the vice squad and CPS.

Ariana Grande Latte, the sexy rhythm-deficient singing fetus and Frankie Grande’s less famous sister, did what Ariana Grande Latte do best by by showing up to the VMAs looking like she was ready to turn tricks for Milli Vanilli’s Moonman, then find a no-good Kindergartener named Raiyden to which she can sell the Moonman for a bag of animal crackers and a Capri Sun. The only thing she needs to complete the look is a purse to carry the cellphone Frankie gave her (for when he needs to call her up and prove to people that he’s related to Ariana Grande), and she’s ready to hit the stroll! Click clack, pretend to make that Playskool money, honey! Although I have to deduct points for originality, since Paisley from Toddlers & Tiaras already did it first and, to be quite honest, better. But A+ for execution, no doubt about that.

Here’s more from the VMA red carpet, including JLo (who looked bueno, but also sort of like the Madame Tussauds version of herself), Jessie J wearing an IKEA curtain panel, Iggy Azalea looking like the princess of a far away land called Strippertonia, Charli XCX looking like Marsupilami’s skanky cousin, and a very knocked-up Kelly Rowland in Heidi hair.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Lea Michele Really Brought The Boozy Cougar Realness To Last Night’s Teen Choice Awards

August 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Aspiring discount Barbra Streisand impersonator Lea Michele is only 27-years-old, but for some reason she decided to show up to the Teen Choice Awards – an award show for teens – last night looking like a horny wine-guzzling 45-year-old recently divorced mother of two named Nikki (real name: Laura) who just got kicked out of the bar at The Cheesecake Factory for pretending to give a bottle of ketchup a hand job and offering to show the bus boys her new lips. “Guess which ones? Wink! Hey, whaddaya mean I have to leave!? I’m not even finished my Typhoon Punch yet!”

I do sincerely love that Lea Michele is embracing her inner “former stripper turned Tampa tanning salon assistant manager”, because cheap n’ slutty is always the look, but she’s not totally committing to it. Are those her natural nails? Egads, NO! The only time a middle-aged Bebe-wearing MILF mess leaves the house without thick acrylic porn star blow job nail tips is when she’s on her way to get new ones put on. And why is her neck so bare? Someone check the red carpet for a silver-plated “Tiffanee & Co.” chain choker ($1.99 at the swap meet when you buy a knock-off Coach wristlet) with a heart-shaped dog tag that has the word “SEXXY” engraved on the back, because clearly it fell off when she tried to dry hump the surfboard.

Here’s more of Lea Michele at the Teen Choice Awards looking like the kind of day-drunk mom who runs upstairs and changes into a bikini when her teenage son’s friends come over after school, as well as girl group Fifth Harmony (who all look like $2 budget mall rat perfection), Nina Dobrev, Selena GomezFrankie Grande’s less-famous sister, Zendaya doing what she thinks is an homage to Madonna, and a couple of random call girls from Calabasas.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

BREAKING: Kristen Stewart Cut Her Hair Into A Weird Orange Hair Pile

July 8, 2014 / Posted by:

I had two major thoughts while looking at this picture of Kristen Stewart at the Chanel Paris Fashion Week show. Yes, two – my brain was working extra hard this morning for some reason:

1. What the hell even is that smile supposed to be? It looks like KStew is trying to pull a Side Eyeing Chloe (the key word here being trying; KStew can never reach the level of flawless toothy DILLIGAF glamour of Chloe).

2. What picture of Blossom-era Joey Lawrence did Kristen Stewart bring in to her stylist? Was it this one? What am I saying, OF COURSE it was that one.

Kristen Stewart dyed her hair the same color as recalled tainted baby food for the movie American Ultra, but there’s no word on why she decided to go one step further up the fug ladder by chopping it all off. I’m guessing it’s also for a movie, and that movie is a biopic of Burnie, the Miami Heat mascot. Judging by how busted that hair is, combined with the fact that KStew’s acting range is limited to various shades of boredom, I’m guessing KStew plays Bernie during his awkward teen years. I smell an Oscaaaaaar!

And my say something nice is this: I always wondered what it would look like if early-Twlight Robert Pattinson moved out to the country, dyed his hair with some flea market Feria, married a drywall installer named Darryl and started hosted Passion Parties from the garage. And now I know! Thanks Kristen!

Here’s more of Kristen at the Chanel show wearing some shitty genie pants and $10 white pumps. Real talk – she looks like a dollar store Jasmine doll I had as a kid, and that’s all I’ll say about that. Also in attendance was Phil Collins daughter, the chick from the vampire show, Kaa from The Jungle Book wearing an Anna Wintour wig, and Jesus’s coke-dealing stepbrother Jared Leto.

Pics: Splash

Miley’s Ex-Piece And The Vampire Diaries Girl Might Be Doing It

February 10, 2014 / Posted by:

And cue the countdown to the angry email I’m about to receive from my one Hunger Games-obsessed friend for referring to Liam Hemsworth as Miley Cyrus’s ex-piece: “OMG Allison u don’t even know. Your just jealous because Gale is perfect and your a HAG!” Won’t you join me in raising a glass? TO HAGS!

But this is important information! You may have to impress someone with Vampire Diaries/Hunger Games related gossip at a job interview this week (in what world, for what job). According to Celebuzz, Liam Hemsworth of The Hunger Games and Nina Dobrev of The Vampire Diaries were spotted canoodling (I’m ashamed I used that word too) by a curious looky-loo at an Atlanta, GA bar on Friday night:

“They were there together and were with a couple other friends,” Jahti Anderson told Celebuzz. “They were having a great time. They were definitely acting couple-y.” And as the conversation got going, the drinks got flowing… and one thing led to another.

“They were drinking beers and mostly standing and talking near the bar,” Anderson added. “They stayed around two to three hours and Nina left before Liam, and as she was leaving they gave each other a good night kiss… [and] she ran off into a car service with her friend.”

This was no peck on the cheek, either. “The kisses were on the lips publicly outside of the bar… and it was three sensual kisses on the lips.”

Three. Sensual. Kisses. On the lips.

Ewwwwwww. There are not NEARLY enough gifs for the feeling of nausea that I have after reading that. Who says that? I mean, besides E.L. James. Three sensual kisses sounds like something pulled from a disgusting Vampire Diaries/Hunger Games fan fiction. Thank god they stopped after three sensual kisses; I don’t think my stomach is strong enough for hearing what else happened…although I bet it would sound a little something like this:

“Nina then leaned in to Liam, he resting his giant hand on the small of her back. She, gazing into his sensuous eyes, whispered moistly into his ear. A sly smile crept across his face and he pressed his damp mouth on hers.”

I have to stop, I’m going to be sick.

(Pics: Wenn)

What In The Hell Are You Doing To Your Tits?

January 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Malin Akerman brings the T, you bring the shade.

While flipping channels last night, I stopped on CBS to watch the People’s Choice Awards and as soon as Malin Akerman popped up on my screen with her tits looking like two sick kids staring sadly out the window at the healthy kids playing in the front yard, I said “nope” to myself and kept it moving. Malin Akerman’s pocket hottie husband filed papers to legally quit her ass last month and I am all for dealing with a divorce by putting your chichis out, but this is not the way to do it. Bitch’s chichis look like they had a serious fight and the right one drew a line between them and told the left one to stay on its side of the chest. Aunt Sassy does not want this for you, Juna! (That’s a The Comeback reference for the three of you who watched that masterpiece.)

It looks like she put on her dress backwards, but the back of her dress is pretty much backless except for a long strip, so she didn’t wear it backwards. But she should’ve and slapped on some pasties that matched the fabric of her dress. It would’ve been a better look and I wouldn’t have the urge to organize a march or a rally to free her imprisoned titty balls.

Here’s tons of pictures from that shit last night. A tip: Just take your eyes to Kat Dennings’ powdered dough ball chichis and keep them there. Almost everything else is a wreck.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Those Two Pretty People From Vampire Diaries Broke Up

May 9, 2013 / Posted by:

But didn’t they have a cat together? THINK OF THE PUSSY!

UsWeekly says that things might be a little awkward on the Vampire Diaries set, because Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder have stopped wet humping each other behind the cameras. Nina and Dobrev started dating three years ago after meeting on the VD set and now they’re done. Some source says that they are “consummate professionals” (Note: If you just woke up and haven’t caffeined up your brain yet, you might’ve read that as “constipated professionals” like I did.) and “will continue to work together and remain best friends, which is where the relationship started.”

“We’ll remain best friends” really is the “over the moon” of break-up statements.

So there you go. One of those vampire couples set their love on fire. At least we still have Kristen Stewart and RPattz (SICK!) and Sookeh and Beeehl (BARF!).

And earlier this morning, Ian Somerhalder tweeted this:>

Who knew that when Ian Somerhalder’s heart breaks a little he turns into an Emo 7th grader who cuts with a butter knife and listens to Fall Out Boy ballads on a loop? But what I want to know is, did he smirk and throw smug eyes at the monitor while typing that tweet?

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