In 2015, it was announced that Hollywood, the Land of No Original Ideas, reached into a bag of past movies to butcher and pulled out Flatliners. It was announced that a remake of Flatliners starring Ellen Page was in the works. Info about more casting has been dropped along the way, but I mostly forgot it was happening until today when the trailer came out.
I’m starting to think Orlando Bloom shares DNA with The Predator, but instead of hunting by heat vision, his dick points him to famous brunettes. Hot off his “respectful, loving space” from Katy Perry, 40-year-old Orlando Bloom is reportedly getting friendly with 28-year-old Nina Dobrev.
As if you couldn’t tell by the overall vibe from the picture above, here’s another one to throw on the “Famous people who hooked up at Coachella” pile. According to UsWeekly, the bro who looks like every dude folding jeans at Hollister Scott Eastwood and former Vampire Diaries star Nina Dobrev are possibly doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
Mia from Degrassi (RIP J.T.) and Clint Eastwood’s hot son were seen looking like more than friends last weekend at Coachella. One source says they were “getting very close” and acting “very flirty“, while another source claims they were “super cozy doing the bumper cars.” Scott sort-of slyly confirmed something was up between them when he posted a picture on Facebook of the two of them with the caption, “Having a fun time at Coachella with this vampire,” followed by the winky-face emoji. Well, that settles it. The winky emoji? Looks like we can go ahead and stamp SOLVED on this mystery.
I don’t know if Scott is an upgrade for Nina or not. Nina spent three years with Vampire Diaries co-star Ian Somethingorother. Then she was rumored to be doing Liam Hemsworth for a bit. At the very least, we now know she has a type. And that type is guys who look like come-to-life hunks from Dream Phone. As for Scott, all I really know about his dating history is that he used to date a girl who cheated on him with Ashton Kutcher.
Obviously the most important part of this story is that quote about Nina and Scott getting “super cozy” on the bumper cars. I mean, why didn’t I know that they had bumper cars at Coachella? This completely changes everything. All this time I’ve been turning up my nose at Coachella, like it was a Kardashian’s sweat-soaked butt pad. And here I go finding out that they have bumper cars, aka a drunk fool’s favorite carnival ride. What a fool I’ve been.
Here’s more of Nina hanging out with Josh Hutcherson (okay sure?) at Coachella last weekend. The reigning queen of Coachella, Vanessa Hudgens, better watch out, because Nina is one large silver ring away from stealing her crown.
Leonardo DiCatchAHo threw a gala for his foundation in St. Tropez yesterday and going by what Michelle Rodriguez put on her body, you’d think the theme was “Goth Granny Got Tangled Up In Her Curtain” glamour. I didn’t know you could vape crack. I mean, I’m guessing that’s what she’s vaping and I’m also guessing that she vaped it before she decided to do herself up like a budget model in a Frederick’s of Hollywood fashion show held in a mall in Transylvania.
I don’t even know why Michelle Rodriguez bothered wearing that busted ass curtain with the garbage bag flowers on it. She should’ve just showed up in black granny chonies, a tube top and her vape pen. Now that would’ve been a true look of elegance and she would’ve been the best dressed bitch at that gala. Before going out, MRod needed to take a good look in a full-length mirror and ask herself, “Would Kylie Jenner wear this to a funeral?” The answer is obviously an ALL-CAPS, bolded YES. That would’ve been MRod’s cue to take off the thing, douse it in gasoline, burn it, put its ashes in a box weighted down with rocks and take a boat out into the middle of the ocean to dump it. Purge the thing!
Anyway, here more pictures from last night’s gala, which raised more than $40 million, including some of Leonardo Seagal, his latest piece Kelly Rohrsomethingoranother and exquisite Swedish blossom Victoria Silvstedt.
Back in March, professional famous friend collector Taylor Swift was named the godmother of the baby growing inside Jaime King. And this weekend, she held up her end of the godmother deal by throwing a huge-ass baby shower and inviting all her famous friends to come and lavish attention on Taylor Swift…I mean, Jaime. It was totally about Jaime. I mean, it was clearly just a coincidence that Taylor got the coveted second-from-the-left spot in the picture above.
Just like Taylor Swift’s birthday party, Taylor Swift’s baby shower was packed full of famous people: Gigi Hadid, the Haim sisters, Hailee Steinfeld, Emma Roberts, Sarah Hyland and Joey King. Taylor also made sure to invite a couple of adults, like Jessica Alba, Nina Dobrev, Selma Blair, Diane Kruger, and Topher Grace, so that 36-year-old Jaime didn’t feel left out. Not present: Lorde and Ellie Goulding. Hmmm….
Taylor’s “I’m gonna be a godmother, bitches!” baby shower took place at Soho House in West Hollywood, which means that baby shower was already an expensive mess before the first exquisitely-wrapped present was placed on the gift table. And I’m sure all the best presents came from Tay Tay herself. Fuck a Bumbo and some burp cloths; that yet-to-be born baby probably took home a stroller glued together with the tears of her enemies, a framed plaque stating that a fancy breed of expensive cat has been named after it, the No. 3 spot on her best friends list, and the deed to a small island.
Here’s more from Jaime’s baby shower. There were so many famous people there, looking at the pictures is like playing Where’s Waldo, but instead of finding the dude in the striped sweater, you’re searching for the one non-famous normal person.
…because DUH, where else is a toddler-faced hoochie supposed to bring it? Just like how Chuck E. Cheese is the place where a kid can be a kid, the red carpet at the VMAs is the place where a sexy fetus can dress in 90s day-shift streetwalker couture and the only thing people will wonder is whether or not her skirt is short enough. You should be dressed slutty enough that someone calls both the vice squad and CPS.
Ariana Grande Latte, the sexy rhythm-deficient singing fetus and Frankie Grande’s less famous sister, did what Ariana Grande Latte do best by by showing up to the VMAs looking like she was ready to turn tricks for Milli Vanilli’s Moonman, then find a no-good Kindergartener named Raiyden to which she can sell the Moonman for a bag of animal crackers and a Capri Sun. The only thing she needs to complete the look is a purse to carry the cellphone Frankie gave her (for when he needs to call her up and prove to people that he’s related to Ariana Grande), and she’s ready to hit the stroll! Click clack, pretend to make that Playskool money, honey! Although I have to deduct points for originality, since Paisley from Toddlers & Tiaras already did it first and, to be quite honest, better. But A+ for execution, no doubt about that.
Here’s more from the VMA red carpet, including JLo (who looked bueno, but also sort of like the Madame Tussauds version of herself), Jessie J wearing an IKEA curtain panel, Iggy Azalea looking like the princess of a far away land called Strippertonia, Charli XCX looking like Marsupilami’s skanky cousin, and a very knocked-up Kelly Rowland in Heidi hair.