Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

May 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Guess who worked the Cannes premiere of his movie with an electrocuted and mutilated Calico cat on his head? Hint: This might be the closest his head has come to pussy in a while – Just Jared

Taylor Swift’s boyfriend got honored at Cannes for taking the harrowing role of being Taylor Swift’s boyfriend. Yes, that’s why he was honored. Don’t try to tell me otherwise! – Lainey Gossip 

Ryan Reynolds and Josh Brolin tried to out-insult each other while promoting Deadpool 2. And strangely enough, Josh didn’t punch Ryan, which seems to be his instinct whenever he gets into a fight with someone – Towleroad

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Night Crumbs

May 14, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s a chance that George and Amal Clooney will go to the royal wedding. Great, so not only do I have to watch Prince Hot Ginge marry another, but I also have to take in the insufferable sight of Clooney making the same poopy face (see: above) he makes for every photographer while walking through the church. The royals really hate us – Lainey Gossip 

Miranda Lambert’s scorned ex must not have learned that you don’t hate the home wrecking legend, you hate the home wrecking game – Celebitchy

It’s fitting that two out of three of Teen Mom Janelle’s kids look like they’re thinking, “Who is this woman next to me?” – Reality Tea 

Whoever told Jim Parsons to break a leg is to blame for this! – Towleroad

If you forgot to give your mom some flowers on Mother’s Day, just print out this pic of the most exquisite tulip ever and put in a vase before handing it to her. She’ll never stop loving you for it – Drunken Stepfather

If your mom looks fresher and younger than you, then your name is probably Bella ThorneHollywood  Tuna

HELL is this I Feel Pretty showing where: 1) I Feel Pretty was showing. 2) Greta Gerwig was talking loudly all through it. 3) A lady was on her phone the whole time – Pajiba

Why is Amber Heard dressing like Pimp Mama Kris here? – Popoholic

This is not The Shape of Water reboot any of us deserve – SOW

Congratulations to Pete Wentz on his new baby, and congratulations on the future lawsuit from Disney for going with that name – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

May 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Amber Heard may or may not be boning Vito Schnabel. Vito’s exes are Demi Moore and Heidi Klum, so I guess he took a break from cougar hunting. Also, if a 9″ dick that always stays hard and shoots diamonds exists, it probably exists on Vito’s body – Lainey Gossip 

This reminds me, if Bravo wanted to do just one good thing for once, they’d bring back Ladies of LondonReality Tea 

Selma Blair does look like she maaay have a case of the farts, and I guess “Pull My Thumb” could work the same way that “Pull My Finger” does – Drunken Stepfather

Here I was thinking that Kevin Smith’s bromance with Ben Affleck died after he said shit about Jennifer Garner, but I guess he was waiting by the phone for Ben to call after a heart attack almost took him out – Celebitchy

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Night Crumbs

May 9, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s needing a check. And then there’s needing a check so bad that you’ll sign onto a messy-sounding semi-fictional horror movie where you play Nicole Brown Simpson who is haunted by ghosts and gets attacked by one just days before her murder. Mena Suvari falls into the second category  – Pajiba

Well, Katy Perry’s stylist had this coming since she’s the one who created that feathery monster – Lainey Gossip 

Why are we even talking about Cate Blanchett when Julianne Moore is down there looking like she’s shitting red feathers and doing it with elegance? – Celebitchy

Sienna Miller’s looking like she’s about to flutter through an enchanted forest to twirl in a cloud of dust around the fairies. I hope that enchanted forest has a Walgreens, because she needs a pencil to paint some brows on – Drunken Stepfather 

Stormy Daniels should really be thrown in jail for making everyone think of Jabba the Trump’s dick – Towleroad

Somebody needs to call in a bird whisperer, because it looks like two cockatoos are fighting on top of Kristen Stewart’s head – Popoholic

If the wedding even happens, Jonathan Groff is going to be Lea Michele’s maid of honor – Just Jared

Even Meghan Markle’s wax figure is looking at me with smug eyes like, “Yes, I’m fucking your man, bitch.” – SOW

Pic: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

May 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Zachary Quinto and his model boyfriend Miles McMillan gave Architectural Digest a tour of their crystal den in NYC. Tweakers, calm down, I don’t mean they live in a meth den. I mean they’re into actual crystals. Like they’re you’re New Age-ey Aunt Suze who reads auras, self-published a novel about her actual past lives on Amazon, and has a dildo-looking crystal next to her bed that she swears isn’t a dildo. ZQ and his pretty-faced model man have one of those too…. – Towleroad

Lena Waithe is out there looking like the majestic priest who baptizes you into the Church of Fabulousness after you come out – Lainey Gossip 

Are we sure this is at the Met Gala or is that a picture of Chloe Sevigny just casually lying around her apartment on a casual Monday night? – Drunken Stepfather

While I know that Diana Ross is a deity, I don’t think Tracee Ellis Ross followed the Met Gala theme by wearing one of her hand-me downs – Celebitchy

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Night Crumbs

May 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Just three days after a human baby was pulled out of her body, Jordin Sparks did the premiere of her new movie Show Dogs. Great, now thanks to Duchess Kate and Jordin, celebrities are going to try to top each other and soon we’ll see one of them on the red carpet carrying a bedazzled placenta five minutes after giving birth. But I don’t blame Jordin for going to that premiere a minute after birthing a baby. Show Dogs is about a police dog and a police human joining forces to rescue a stolen panda, so I too would want to be at the premiere of the movie that is going to make history by winning every Oscar imaginable  – Celebitchy

It’s that time of day when we all throw, “Bitch, you’re too old for this shit,” looks at Justin Theroux and Paul Rudd for hanging out with that toddler Selena GomezLainey Gossip 

Not pictured: the seal who mistook Farrah Abraham’s Spalding-brand ass for balls and tried to juggle it – Drunken Stepfather

Err, wouldn’t it be more appropriate for Kim Zolciak to open a dollar store since that’s where she gets her wigs from? – Reality Tea 

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