Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

September 12, 2018 / Posted by:

People Magazine’s cover story this week is all about how Duchess Meghan is dealing with being a newbie royal and how she’s lost contact with some friends because she doesn’t know who to trust. Oh, DM, if you need a friend you can trust, get at me. I’ll be 100% honest with you, especially when I say, “Girl, Prince Hot Ginge doesn’t love you. PHG loves a certain skinny fat gay blogger from California and texts him pics of his 10 inch freckled crotch scepter. It is 10 inches, right?” – Celebitchy

Paulina Gretzky may have ended up getting engaged to a cheating slut of a golf player whose name is not Tiger Woods. Paulina erased her fiancé from her Instagram page, which for an Instagram model means that you’re more than dead to her – Lainey Gossip 

I got excited for a second thinking that the matriarch of the Pussycat Dolls wold be joining Real HouseWrecks of New York CityReality Tea

The courts in France would explode with WTFery if someone told them that in America we’ve got children named Bronx Mowgli and Audio ScienceTowleroad

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Night Crumbs

September 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Because I guess people don’t have enough reasons to get the heaves, mustard pizza exists. While you nasty mustard pizza-eating motherfuckers wrap your mouths around that atrocity, I’m going to cuddle up to a pretzel and tell it that it has nothing to worry about and everything will be okay. And yes, then I’m going to murder it by eating it… with mustard the way God intended! – Pajiba

I looked at these pictures of a teenage Pax Jolie-Pitt looking grown, and ten seconds later my first issue of AARP arrived in my mail – Lainey Gossip 

“Errr, as soon as we know for sure that casting a gay as a superhero won’t hurt our checking accounts,” said a Marvel executive to Kit HaringtonTowleroad

In case you were wondering what a turd out of the 90s’ ass looks like, here’s Rita Ora wearing one – Drunken Stepfather

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Night Crumbs

September 10, 2018 / Posted by:

International treasure Olivia Newton-John says that cancer is trying to fuck with her for a third time. Olivia beat breast cancer twice, and she has found out that it spread to her back. Olivia is fighting it naturally and with radiation. I think she should also bring out the big guns, and by that I mean she should bring out her fake movie boyfriend John Travolta who will battle that evil motherfucker in a dance-off before whipping that bitch with his wig – SOW

Don’t worry, makers of his-and-hers marital Yoni eggs, Goopy Paltrow isn’t going to cancel her order, because the rumors about her wedding being off are about as fake as her medical advice – Lainey Gossip

My thoughts and prayers are with Dorit Kemsley, because she may have to fire one of her nannies and take her child to the doctor herself since her husband is in some money trouble – Reality Tea

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Night Crumbs

September 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Chris Pine’s dick makes a cameo appearance in Netflix’s Outlaw King, and supposedly his overgrown crotch bush and prostate-busting peen are a magnificent sight to behold. I read the plot for Outlaw King and fell into a coma from the boredom of it all, but say the words “Chris Pine’s peen is in it” and I’ll throw my money at Netflix. And I already give their greedy asses a monthly fee! – Pajiba

Because you wanted to know, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend aren’t fucking in dressing rooms – Lainey Gossip 

“If you’re trying to cover my ass up, you’re doing a shit job of it!” – Rita Ora’s nipple to her – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Ex-Countess LuAnn says she’s been over 50 days sober – Reality Tea

Um, yes, I can fap to this – Towleroad

A pack of unflavored off-brand Jell-O made out with another pack of unflavored off-brand Jell-O – Celebitchy

It’s always a good day when I learn that there will be more Kimmy Gibblers (even fictional ones) out there – SOW

The messy, melodramatic ending of the union between Jeff Lewis and Jenni Pulos just got messier, because he thinks a claim she made is going to cost him his show – People

Pic: Netflix

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Night Crumbs

September 6, 2018 / Posted by:

Before we get to the latest Flipping Out cast member who will no longer get her skin burnt while taking in the hot wrath of Jeff Lewis….

As you can see, we did a little redesign today. We got some ass implants installed, got a spray tan, and injected a little black market fillers into our lips. With any makeover comes problems (like the black market filler leaking out of our lips and burning our skin, or are ass implants sagging like Kim Kartrashian’s butt in the sun), but I think we’ve ironed out most of the big glitches. If a tech issue is messing with you, drop me a little note at: michaelk@dlisted.com. And please be gentle, it’s my first redesign, and by first I mean one hundredth. Now on to Crumbs!

First the real star of Flipping Out Zoila Chavez leaves, and now Jenni Pulos has quit the bitch that is Jeff Lewis Designs by getting into an ugly fight with him. At this rate, Jeff is going to run out of things to yell at, and will soon be the only human in history who doesn’t have a shadow. Because even his shadow is going to leave his ass after he starts bitching at it – Reality Tea 

Beyonce might be smiling on the outside, but I’m sure she’s making a note to fire the peon who dared to get her a birthday cake from the grocery store like she’s a peasant – Lainey Gossip

Zachary Quinto in drag is sort of giving me BenDeLaCreme after getting the wrong kind of face fillers – Towleroad

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Night Crumbs

September 5, 2018 / Posted by:

The full trailer for American Horror Story: Apocalypse is out, and the true star of the entire series, Joan Collins, is in it for approximately three milliseconds. I was going to say that if you blink, you’ll miss her, but that’s physically impossible, because your eyelids will refuse to shut if they even sense Alexis Carrington nearby. That’s a proven fact! FX probably hid her in the trailer because they didn’t want to go bankrupt from the mountains of lawsuits from people who suffered heart attacks and the faints from being exposed to her glamour. That does make sense from a business standpoint – Just Jared

Henry Cavill was at the Venice Film Festival serving throbbing formal beefiness – Lainey Gossip

The new Halloween trailer is fine, but it really made me wish Debbie Reynolds was alive to reprise her role as Aggie. Oh wait, that’s HalloweentownPajiba

This cost over $150k and you’re only going to offer me $4k for it, cheap fuck!”LaLa Kent to the pawn store owner she’s trying to sell her ring to after her marriage goes boom – Reality Tea

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