Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

June 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Demi Moore says that stress caused her to lose her front teeth and look all hillbilly-like. So by “stress” I’m guessing she means that she’s a grinder. Or she got so stressed out she hit the meth pipe. Or thinking about the time she was married to Ashton Kutcher stressed her out and she slapped herself for making that decision, which cracked her veneers – SOW

Someone at The Beguiled premiere should’ve handed Nicole Kidman a pair of scissors so she could’ve cut off those ugly sleeves and the fried ends of her mane – Lainey Gossip 

Elle Macpherson is single and on to the next billionaire piece – Celebitchy

I see that Donna D’Errico’s titty painter went wild with the bronzer spray gun – Drunken Stepfather

Phaedra Parks may go back to Real Housewives of Atlanta for one last scene – Reality Tea 

Stephen Colbert got on Oliver Stone for being the Sean Penn to Putin’s El ChapoJezebel

Behold, Alison Brie in GLOW glamour! – Hollywood Tuna

Colton Haynes says Hollywood forced him into the closet and immediately gave him a business card for Beards ‘R Us – Towleroad

Lori Bakker is an entertaining mess but she’s no Jan CrouchOMG Blog

Emily RideAJetSki, who seems to always be on vacation, is on vacation – Popoholic

Mimi, get thee lawyers together, and sue this trick! – The Superficial 

American Crime Story’s Katrina season has been pushed back and its Versace season will air first – Just Jared

Why does Josh Brolin in his Goonies costume look like the middle-aged cholo husband of the receptionist at my mom’s old job? – Popsugar

Pic: NBC/YouTube


Nigh Crumbs

June 12, 2017 / Posted by:

The Mummy reboot starring Tommy Cruise flopped at the domestic box office. While hearing that news, Little Lord David Miscavige’s thetans probably convulsed with fear over Scientology’s big cash whore not bringing in as much money. But don’t worry, I’m sure David’s thetans burped up several sighs of relief after hearing that The Mummy made much, much more money overseas – Celebitchy

John Legend is just an Emmy away from becoming an EGOTer – Lainey Gossip

Bella Thorne decided to really switch her style up by dressing like a day-shift lot lizard instead of a primetime-shift lot lizard – Drunken Stepfather

For about five milliseconds, I thought that was Jeff Lewis next to Bethenny Frankel, but quickly realized it couldn’t be. The real Jeff Lewis would never agree to be photographed next to that busted jumpsuit on Bethenny’s body – Reality Tea 

Bank of America and Delta drop their sponsorship over a production of Julius Caesar after getting complaints from outraged tricks who obviously never read the play – Towleroad

Dear Bella Hadid, please move to your left more so that I can get a better look at Henry RollinsHollywood Tuna 

It was nice of Krystle Carrington to let ScarJo borrow one of her suits – Popoholic

In case you couldn’t figure out by the fact that Anderson Cooper uses the word “inappropriate” three times, he still thinks that Kathy Griffin’s Trump stunt was inappropriate – Just Jared

Julia Stiles is knocked up – Popsugar

I’m a little disappointed that Alex Minsky’s dick doesn’t have the words “thanks for not laughing” tattooed on it – (NSFW) OMG Blog

The only question I had about that Megan Leavey movie has been answered – Pajiba

The cast list for the new Battle of the Network stars had me at Lisa Welchel and it really had me at Donna MillsSOW

Future Ambassador to North Korea, Dennis Rodman, is going back to hang out with his homeboy Kim Jong-un. My thoughts are with the people of North Korea who have to pretend to be excited by Dennis Rodman’s presence – Mediaite

Pic: Universal Pictures



Night Crumbs

June 8, 2017 / Posted by:

One internet theory about the The Babadook being gay has taken off and now he’s a gay icon who I will hopefully see shaking his shit in rainbow shorty shorts while on top of a float at Pride. And yes, I’m sure The Babadook gets more Babadick than me – Pajiba

Olivia Munn is slowly morphing into Kolivia Kardashian – Drunken Stepfather

The little girl next to Blue Ivy Carter is like, “Why doesn’t she have to put her hair in a bun… Oh yeah, I forgot, she’s Blue Ivy Carter.”Lainey Gossip 

Ramona Singer did an interview with Jenny McCarthy and it’s amazing that their microphones didn’t combust from the shrilling of it all – Reality Tea 

Way too easy – Celebitchy

I’m disappointed that not one gay person answered that question with, “This segment on Jimmy Kimmel Live.”OMG Blog

RiRi is giving me “Three’s Company porn parody extra” hotness – The Nip Slip

It looks like Carrie Underwood’s big toes are raising themselves up because they want to get a better look at the ice skater mess she wore to the CMT Music Awards – Popoholic

Jojo is Bella Thorne-ing – Hollywood Tuna

Billy Ray Cyrus really dressed up for the CMT Music Awards – The Superficial 

Some guy wearing a RompHim found the only people in NYC who seem to care about a guy wearing a RompHim – Towleroad

Phil Collins busted his head but is going to be okay – Just Jared

We’re slobbering over Jason Momoa’s back now. Not that I’m bitching or anything – Popsugar

Pic: IFC Films


Night Crumbs

June 7, 2017 / Posted by:

THE DEBATE OF OUR TIME: Is Chris Pine the best of the four Chrises (Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans being the other ones)? Um, I’m just going to say that some studio executive needs to put Chris Crocker in a big-budget superhero movie so that I can say that he’s the greatest Chris in Hollywood – Lainey Gossip  

Take a second and envision what Bella Thorne works out in. If you envisioned nothing but see-through pasties and a cotton clit cover, you were close… – Drunken Stepfather 

Alexander Skarsgard’s brother made kids cry for real when they saw him in Pennywise drag – Celebitchy

Okay, but why does it look like Terry Dubrow just finished performing a blowjoboctomy on Paul Nassif? – Reality Tea 

Sarah Hyland is trying to show up Ariel Winter on social media, I see – Hollywood Tuna

Correction: the Vengaboys make EVERYTHING better – Pajiba

Madison Beer is giving you Judy Jetson trash bag messiness – Popoholic

Ed Sheeran did Carpool Karaoke and when he poked James Corden’s nipple, I prayed for the airbags to pop out and put a stop to the grossness – Towleroad

The Jerry Sandusky movie is still happening and Al Pacino is playing Joe Paterno – The Superficial 

When asked if she’d go back to American Idol, Paul Abdul said that she’s hung up her judging skills. But if they waved a check at her, I bet she’d be like, “On second thought, let me take my judging skills off that hook.” – SOW

Two people from How To Get Away With Murder are doing each other full-time and sadly it’s not Connor and Frank – Just Jared

I only read the headline, but I’m taking that to mean that those kinky bitches Kit Harington and Ed Sheeran get into piss play together – Popsugar

Pic: Armani


Night Crumbs

June 6, 2017 / Posted by:

JLo and A-Rod are still together and sharing portraits of their pure, deep love on Instagram. I, for one, can’t wait for them to show us the ultimate portrait of their love: a double centaur painting  – Lainey Gossip 

On one hand, this is coming from Star Magazine. On the other hand, I am surprised that Taylor Swift hasn’t filed a lawsuit against Katy Perry asking for a huge percentage of the sales from Swish Swish since she’s obviously the sole reason for why that song exists – Celebitchy

The good thing about Iggy Azalea’s rubber ass is that I don’t think sharks would attack it because they’d be too busy wondering what the fuck is going on there – Drunken Stepfather

I’m just going to tell myself that Heather Dubrow went hiking in that red bikini coverup – Reality Tea 

Just pretend it’s 2009 and get excited over seeing Chace Crawford’s waxed ass cheeks – OMG Blog

Every day, I pray that a bear will come to my door and ask to tickle my ivories, but this is not what I had in mind – SOW

The new season of Broad City has a strap-on, Shania Twain and RuPaul! – Pajiba

A weird, unnatural warm feeling filled my chest while watching this clip and I’m not sure why – Towleroad

Now back to our regularly scheduled program of Emily RideAJetSki showing her ass on social media – Hollywood Tuna 

Ryan Lochte says he thought about suicide after he got caught lie-telling in Rio – Just Jared

Here’s Selena Gomez wearing your first day of the 9th grade outfit from the 90s – Popoholic

If you hit the mute button while watching this video (which you really should), the first part kind of looks like Jimmy Fallon topping Justin Timberlake in the outdoors – Popsugar

This. Again. – Starcasm

Pic: Instagram


Night Crumbs

June 5, 2017 / Posted by:

No, that isn’t a still of Tom Cruise as the title role in The Mummy reboot. It’s a still from the trailer for American MadeThe reason why he looks like a cokehead is just queefed hard in his face is because he plays a drug runner who goes to work for the CIA.  I bet that to get that perfect look of terror in his eyes, Tommy thought back to the moment in the Scientology bathhouse when he first saw John Travolta without a wig on – Lainey Gossip

It isn’t a serious, serious relationship until Taylor Swift buys a house near her new piece so that she can stalk him easier – Celebitchy

If this extremely elegant ensemble doesn’t put Bella Thorne at the top of Vogue’s Best Dressed List, then Anna Wintour should be chased away from the fashion industry for once and for all! – Drunken Stepfather 

The next time she hits the clubs, Bella Thorne is totally going to wear this, but without the suspenders…. and pants – Hollywood Tuna

This season, we really want our viewers to fall into a coma from boredom so we should bring back Lydia AND Meghan King Edmonds!” – Bravo while casting the new season of The Real Housewives of Orange County Reality Tea 

I bet the KKK just became serious Skittles fans, because they probably think that the all-white bag is in honor of white power – Towleroad

That jacket that Hailee Steinfeld is wearing looks like the leather carseat covers that my uncle had on his Buick in the 80s. And yes, my uncle’s carseats wore it better – Popoholic

Sam Claflin got body-shamed on a movie set – Just Jared

Katie Cassidy got engaged to some dude who has the official fuck boi haircut and goes by the name “Matty Ice” on Instagram. Well, I guess she’s going through her “KFed phase” – Popsugar

Wait, Thor took a picture at the beach and kept his top on? Now that is the REAL crime! – OMG Blog

Keshia Knight Pulliam escorted Bill Cosby to court for the first day of his sexual assault trial. I can’t tell if she’s smiling because of the attention or she’s smiling because the check he gave her cleared  – SOW

Today in good news, War Machine got life in prison for viciously attacking Christy MackDeadspin

Pic: YouTube


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