Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

NOT THE BEES: The Beyhive covered Kid Rock’s Instagram with bumblebee emojis for saying that their god Beyonce is considered the Queen of Music but doesn’t have classic hits like “Purple Rain” or “Sweet Home Alabama.” Let’s see a war between a syphilis rash and a bunch of crazed stans who should be doing their 7th grade homework. Point me to the section marked Team No One – Defamer

Future multiple Razzie winner Blake NotSoLively signs on to another movie that sounds like a cold turd – Lainey Gossip

JLo SANS Photoshop – Drunken Stepfather

Margot Robbie is a regular Sonya “The Black Widow” ThomasCelebitchy

John Stamos and Dave Coulier were the original Pussy Posse – The Superficial

Well, the good thing about Kim Kartrashian’s latex dress is that she can just easily wipe the piss off – Hollywood Tuna

And in news that’ll make you prolapse from shock, Juicy Joe from The Real Housewives of New Jersey is a shit dad and drunk – Reality Tea

Here’s the cut song sung by Meryl Streep from Into the Woods. And I’m slightly surprised that as soon as the director made the decision to cut one of Meryl’s songs, a lightning bolt from heaven didn’t strike him dead – Towleroad

I don’t know if I’d call Emmy Rossum’s stretch a sexy stretch. It looks more like she’s sneezing and farting at the same time. I guess it’s sexy if your sick ass is into that sort of thing – Popoholic

Sam Rockwell’s sweet moves take me higher, but his dancing is not “Christopher Walken in a Fatboy Slim video” levels of greatness – Pajiba

The hell kind of stuff is this dog on? – The Berry

Halle Berry on how the roles didn’t magically fall into her lap after winning the Oscar – HuffPo

Jenny McCarthy, will you stop drunk emailing Amanda Peet! – ICYDK

Jennifer Lawrence defends David O. Russell, sounds like a memaw while doing so, I mean, “malarkey“? – Popsugar

Katy Perry should write a diss track for the Left Shark for stealing the Halftime Show from her ass – HuffPo

Rosie O’Donnell files paper to legally quit her wife - Just Jared


Night Crumbs

February 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Beyonce Instagramm’d a video of her working out in her completely modest and kind of janky home gym, and that’s great and everything,  but John Travolta has a question. He’s wondering if Beyonce is wearing a wig or a weave in that video? If it’s a wig, what brand? John Travolta needs to know this, because his head gets too overheated when he wears his usual wig at the gym and it’s messing up his pick-up game! – Lainey Gossip 

In case you want to know what you looked like on Sunday night while taking your ass to bed after boozing all through the Oscars, here you go - Drunken Stepfather

Delusion has a name and it’s spelled I-G-G-Y - Celebitchy

And here’s a reason to actually miss Rebecca BlackReality Tea

The world’s energy crisis will be over if Prince Hot Ginge and Anderson Cooper 69 in front of me while my wrist is hooked up to one of these. Come on, PHG and The Silver Fox, do it for humanity! – Towleroad

The original Teen Moms were really thrilled and excited to find out that Backdoor Farrah was back – The Superficial

I really don’t know how to feel about this first picture from the Jem and the Holograms movie. If only I could grab my earring and ask Synergy how I should feel – Pajiba

It was very nice of Dakota Fanning’s memaw to lend her that evening coat – Popoholic

ScarJo’s band stole their name from another band – ICYDK

Hmmm, if a chipmunk is out in public and that chipmunk isn’t topless with duct tape over its nipples, is it really Miley Cyrus? – Hollywood Tuna

Thankfully, there won’t be anymore American versions of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo movies – Jezebel

Catwoman loves her some pussy too – OMG Blog

More like, “Talk about a GLAMOROUS makeup job”The Berry

Xtina pulls out her Samantha Jones impersonation for Seth MeyersPopsugar

I see that the third Sharknado movie really upped its budget – SOW

Ten million years after the fact, Kanye says sorry to Beck – HuffPo


Night Crumbs

February 25, 2015 / Posted by:

At the Focus premiere sponsored by Dodge (um, shouldn’t it have been Ford?), Margot Robbie showed us what Cinderella would have came up with if she didn’t have a fairy godmother or mice friends and had to make her own ball gown out of feather dusters, granny panties and curtains – Lainey Gossip

Err, pretty sure Brandi Glanville is the one that makes Brandi Glanville look like a train wreck – Celebitchy

Beyonce served up some “slutty small town waitress hitchhiking to Hollywood to become a movie star” realness while going to lunch the other day – Drunken Stepfather

Jenelle Evans is going to need a bigger fireplace mantle to hold all her framed mug shots – Reality Tea

Conan O’Brien joins Grindr with help from Billy Eichner, and yes, that ginger is totally a screaming, sloppy, bossy bottom – Towleroad

Christina Milian’s chichis decided to peek out and get some air last night – Hollywood Tuna

Is that Kendall Jenner as Kylie Jenner or Kylie Jenner as Kendall Jenner? – Popoholic

In case you forgot about the feud between Lady CaCa and Madge, here’s Madge talking about it again before saying that she’s done talking about it – Jezebel

Another day, another douche ass on MTV – OMG Blog

Jessica Chastain signed up for The Snow White and the Huntsman sequel and I’m guessing she’s playing Rose Red – (Phoebe Price was robbed as usual) – Pajiba

BREAKING: Heidi Montag forgives Lauren Conrad. In other BREAKING news, Heidi Montag can actually cry human tears (or maybe that’s watered down Botox) – Popsugar

Kelly Clarkson was lying when she said that nobody wants to work with her. “Sure, Jan” said Clive Davis while tilting his head – HuffPo

Man Nipples in Mirror: A series - The Berry

Bethenney Frankenstein is in a bikini – Celebslam

Chelsea Handler’s bare tits on Twitter are fun and games until Whitney Cummings gets smothered to death – Just Jared

You know shit is real when Jessica Biel has entered the overalls stage of her pregnancy - Moe Jackson

Taylor Swift’s Brit Awards dress was kind of Bond girl-esque, but her hair was very Orange County Republican mother of the bride – ICYDK



Night Crumbs

February 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Naya Rivera and her back-up husband of like 7 minutes (or 7 months to be exact) are expecting a baby friend together. Well, I guess now it’s her turn to be someone’s mother – Just Jared

Ryan Gosling goes to Disneyland so damn much that if you stand on the street with an “It’s A Small World” sign over your crotch, there’s a good chance he’ll go inside – Lainey Gossip 

The time Mario Testino told Dev Patel he was too homely looking to be with Freida Pinto. Hmm, I wonder if Mario ever said the same thing to Prince Charles about Princess Diana? – Celebitchy

And here’s Jennifer Lawrence showing off her little pink puss, I mean, purse – Drunken Stepfather

Australians don’t want Abby Lee Miller to come to their country – Reality Tea

Indiana Jones starring Chris Pratt might really, really happen in real life – The Superficial 

Michael Sam pranked a TMZ cameraman who doesn’t know what a Game of Thrones is – Towleroad

And 3 minutes after these pictures were taken, a sugar-loving child ripped off all those flower things on Emily Blunt’s dress because they look like candy – Popoholic

How many poor shaggy dogs had to be shaved to trim Cara Delawhatever’s jacket? - Hollywood Tuna

Um, Apple hasn’t released an emoji with stoned eyes and wavy hair yet, so they’re still not representing me. Try again, Apple! – OMG Blog

Kanye West said words again – Popsugar

And yes, this is still sexier and more riveting than Fifty Shades of Shit - HuffPo

This wouldn’t have happened if Left Shark hosted – Jezebel

Remember when I said that Patricia Arquette had a lot to say about wage equality? Well, she’s got a lot lot more to say – Pajiba

Position #10: The Shower Cry – Turn on the shower to desired temperature. Take off your clothes, sit at the bottom of the shower and cry while thinking about E.L. James fingering herself as she wrote about those other 9 positions – The Berry

Eddie Murphy is trying the music thing again, but sadly he’s not doing a sequel to “Party All The Time” called “Too Old To Party So I Watch HGTV All The Time Now” – SOW

Sofia Vergara and Joe ManJello’s wedding isn’t happening this summer – ICYDK


Night Crumbs

February 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Jared Leto and Lupita Nyong’o, the couple that the Internet wants to happen, reunited at the Oscars last night. That’s nice and everything, but I wish that Jared Leto would reunite with some brown hair dye, because that guinea pig hair color isn’t the look anymore  - Lainey Gossip

She By Sheree, who? Sonja Morgan of The Real Housewives of New York has her own fashion line too – Reality Tea

Benedict Cumberbatch’s wife’s dress looks like a red toga version of Elizabeth Hurley’s legendary Versace dress – Celebitchy

Salma Hayek totally wants to fuck those flowers - Drunken Stepfather

That video of Amber Rose… That’s how tsunamis are made, right? – The Superficial

Michael Sam is going to be on Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases, because why not? – Towleroad

Something named a Gary Beadle wore surgical mask panties in an MTV reality shit show. Aaaand, I still would. – OMG Blog

Ronan Farrow’s MSNBC show got canceled and he says he’s got another gig lined up. Hopefully what he means by that is that he’s going to be on the next season of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases and he’s going to wear those surgical mask panties on the first episode – WWTDD

And somewhere, Nanny 911 is wondering where she put her hat – Popoholic

As Wiz Khalifa typed that tweet, his dick lips probably opened up and let out the biggest HA! – Jezebel

It’s kind of messed up that Patricia Arquette didn’t thank Freddy Krueger in her Oscar speech last night – Pajiba

This is what the famous types do during the Oscar commercial breaks and surprisingly they don’t take turns snorting fat lines of coke off of each other’s stomachs – Popsugar

This is what happens when your cockatoo gets into your stash of meth - Hollywood Tuna

Ally McBeal is coming back to TV in Supergirl. I hope there’s also a role for the dancing baby – HuffPo

All you wannabe Instagram models need to pull up a chair, bring out your notepad and take note. This is how Instagram modeling is done – The Berry

You know that cute, little queen who won the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar last night? The one we all thought was gay? Well, he says he’s not. “Yeah, me neither” said John Travolta before pulling up Grindr – Defamer

The Difficult Brown shits out his thoughts on Tyga and Kylie Jenner’s relationship, because that is something you definitely wanted to know – ICYDK

You need to go down to Mexico and bail your aunt out of jail, because she got arrested fapping during Fifty Shades of Shit - SOW

Dakota Johnson is a brat who needs a date with an abuelita’s chancleta, but MELANIE GRIFFITH’S FACE – Just Jared

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

February 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Approximately six seconds ago, Alexander Skarsgard was supposedly humping on Alexa Chung. Now here he is sharing his meat with a model at a Rangers game last night. ASkars is doing everyone, basically. So I’m guessing that after ASkars finishes humping on every single skinny ass chick in the world, he’ll move on to the non-skinny ass chicks and once he’s touched every vagina, he’ll have to move on to skinny dudes and then on to skinny fat dudes… So yeah, I’ll just sit here and wait for my turn - Lainey Gossip 

Scout Willis’ nipples posed next to artsy bush last night – Drunken Stepfather

Eddie Cibrian got a job, so I guess that means we’re just a few weeks away from reading in Star Magazine about how Falkor is drowning her sorrows in vodka after catching him doing some extra in his trailer – Celebitchy

Brandi Glanville got a man, so I guess that means we’re just a few weeks away from reading in Star Magazine about how she is drowning her sorrows in vodka after Falkor fucked her new boyfriend - Reality Tea

Bill O’Reilly allegedly pulled a Brian Williams before Brian Williams – The Superficial

There’s another Mad Max: Fury Road trailer, because the 12,000 trailers before it weren’t enough – Towleroad

Amy Poehler says kind words about her friend and co-worker Harris WittelsPajiba

Abbi and Illana from Broad City do quickie impressions – The Frisky

Today, elegance has temporarily changed its name to Mariana VicentePopoholic

ScarJo or just another L.A. hipster twink? – Popoholic

I don’t know whether to cringe at the creepiness of it all or order one – The Berry

And on the next Scandal, Olivia Pope jumps out the window after accidentally walking in on Hannah from Girls taking a shit while eating a burrito – Jezebel

And just like that, John Travolta has quit Hollywood and has applied for a job as a Russian TSA agent – Boy Culture

Kristen Stewart won an award for acting in France and it wasn’t a French Razzie – Popsugar

Hilary Duff took a break from her busy schedule of walking down the street to file for divorce from that Mike Comrie guy – Just Jared

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

February 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Ashton Kutcher, a prosthetic penis, keeps a prosthetic penis in his trailer and wore it on Two and a Half Men. Glad to see that Marky Mark’s giant fake dick from Boogie Nights is still getting work – SOW

Blake Lively’s skirt looks like it last worn by an extra in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1Lainey Gossip

I totally pictured Rip Torn as this grumpy ass Oscar voter who hated Cake and thinks Selma is overrated – Celebitchy

The only reality show Mama June should star in is the reboot of To Catch A PredatorReality Tea

Happy Throwback Thursday, here’s Kim Kartrashian’s old face – The Superficial

In case you missed them the first time around, here’s all the pictures from Brit Brit Spears’ lingerie campaign that belong in the Museum of Photoshop if there ever is a Museum of Photoshop – Drunken Stepfather

You’re late Alan Cumming, I’ve been celibate for months, and no, not by choice, but still – Towleroad

Jenny Jones’ blog is a fountain of infinite wisdom (although, I wish there was a dating column by Chela) – The Frisky

Goldie Hawn on why the world never got a sequel to The First Wives Club - Pajiba

Dear Kristen Dunst, you TRIED it, but my mom wore those suede Candies better in the early 80s – Popoholic

How to make dogs go crazy and plot together to tear your feet off – Hollywood Tuna

Vintage Jamie Dornan and his ass – (NSFWish) OMG Blog

Thirsty Magazine would’ve been a more appropriate publication for LiLo to pose in – HuffPo

The oldest member of Taylor Swift’s friend collection is knocked up again – Popsugar

This may be one way to get the baby out and only because the baby will shoot out of your coochie to slap you and tell you to please stop – The Berry

Vanilla Ice told lies, lies baby to the police after getting caught jacking stuff from that house – Just Jared

The three-tittied attention whore is still trying to make her fake third tit happen – Jezebel

Prince Hot Ginge and Hermione Granger? Surprisingly, I don’t hate this very fake rumor – ICYDK

And thanks to Broad City for making Dlisted’s dreams come true by throwing us a cameo and shout out on last night’s episode!! And yes, Bevers would totally fap to that picture of the most gorgeous human in the world Carrot Top. But then again, who wouldn’t and who hasn’t?



Night Crumbs

February 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Tall drink of Swedish leche Alexander Skarsgard, who used to hump on Kate Bosworth, may be humping on Alexa Chung, who may have humped on Chris Martin, who may have humped on Kate Bosworth. These hos are just passing each other off to one another and it’s all fun and games until ASkars makes his way to Goopy Paltrow and I’ll never be able to fap to him again (but I’ll find a way) – Lainey Gossip

I get what Jane Fonda is saying, which is why I only watch movies while stoned out of my mind – Celebitchy

Former diaper hawker Lisa Rinna thinks Brandi Glanville should hawk tampons – Reality Tea

Margot, the piece that ASkars was maybe boning about ten minutes ago, does Vogue Australia - Drunken Stepfather

Where in the world are Chelsea Handler’s bare tits today? – The Superficial

Presented with zero sarcasm and/or shade: Emmy Rossum looks good – Popholic

Charlotte McKinney or the melting wax figure of a Jessica Simpson impersonator? – Hollywood Tuna

The Walking Dead got its first gay character and if I was a zombie, I’d totally eat it – Towleroad

In case you wanted to know Geraldo Rivera’s thoughts on hip hop… (…although you might be better off banging your head with a metal folding chair over and over again instead) – Jezebel

This is what happened when some dude used Photoshop to fat-isize a bunch of famous chicks – OMG Blog

I’m totally going to make toasted marshmallow shot glasses for the party I’m throwing for my dog and all my imaginary friends - The Berry

Cecily Strong is probably going to be in the new Ghostbusters movie – Pajiba

George and Amal Clooney have a panic room in their fancy London house. I’m guessing it’s just a regular room whose door has a Batman & Robin poster on it. Nobody wants to get near anything Batman & Robin related – ICYDK

Goopy Paltrow tries to keep from barfing while breathing in the scent of the regulars on a beach date with Chris MartinPopsugar

It was obviously Magical Wizard Week on Wheel of FortuneSOW

Too bad someone hasn’t designed a doucheproof vest for North West yet – HuffPo

A member of Nicki Minja’s tour crew was stabbed to death in Philadelphia – Just Jared

Pics: GQ Australia/Elle Brazil


Night Crumbs

February 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Based on the new promos, Mad Men is going to the 70s and I refuse to be okay with it until I see the Hammaconda working a pube afro – Pajiba

That snow must be fake, because it didn’t melt as soon as Prince Hot Ginge stepped on it - Lainey Gossip 

Who needs Sam Taylor-Johnson as the director of the Fifty Shades of Shit sequels anyway? Let E.L. James direct, write and star as Ana in them! – Celebitchy

RiRi did a Phantom of the Paradise meets The Night Porter photo shoot for Another MagazineDrunken Stepfather

Christina Hendricks’ magnificent chichis look magnificent even when she’s dressed like a strict schoolmarm from the 1920s going to a funeral – Drunken Stepfather

No, Jessica Williams is not going to host The Daily ShowThe Superficial

Darren Criss from Glee is playing Hedwig on Broadway in April and if you’re in the NYC area, you better stock up on shaving cream now, because it’s going to take at least a few hundred thousand cans to shave his furry caterpillar brows off – Towleroad

Minka Kelly went to yoga class the other day, but I’m sure your local news already interrupted Judge Judy to tell you this – Popoholic

Amber Rose suits up in armor for her battle against Khloe Kardashian in the never-ending Whore Wars – Jezebel

Well, here’s the fake tattooed nalgas of the dude from The Kingsmen: Secret ServicesOMG Blog

Here’s the sexual preferences of zodiac signs and as a Gemini, I’d scream, “SPOT ON,” if it said that tricks on the Gemini-Cancer cusp are easy sluts with no standards – The Berry

Today in bad decisions: I’m predicting a hot mullet in this Drake fan’s future – HuffPo

FYI: Vince McMahon has cum gutters on his chest – Buzzfeed

Panty Creamer of the Day: Colin Farrell’s sweaty nips and ponytail – Just Jared

The new Ghostbusters show you what your face looks like while going through the different stages of being high on coke – Bustle

It’s so gracious of Bo Derek to play Tara Reid’s younger sister in Sharknado 3SOW

Wonky McValtrex actually wore panties – Egotastic!

Goodnight, beautiful French prince Louis JourdanBoy Culture


Night Crumbs

February 16, 2015 / Posted by:

A charbroiled turd-stuffed hot dog cuddled up to Charlize Theron at some premiere, but who cares when Idris Elba was there! - Just Jared

For why does Cinderella’s dress have Benedict Cumberbatch in a flower petal tutu all over it? - Lainey Gossip

Olivia Munn is in Esquire Mexico looking like she has to piss real bad. Someone fetch her a Go Girl and an empty water bottle – Drunken Stepfather

Miley Cyrus wants everyone to think she gets the Snobby Saleswoman #2 treatment every time she shops on Rodeo Drive – Celebitchy

You know shit is next level trash when Snooki is too classy and demure for it – Reality Tea

Jenny McCarthy, her measles tits and Donnie Wahlberg partied in Las Vegas – WWTDD

Condolences to the family of the Wuzzle who was murdered and skinned to make Beyonce’s bag thing – Egotastic!

So if Friends happened in 2015, it would be Girls, basically – Towleroad

If you’ve ever wanted to know what it would look like if Nick Jr. did a remake of Cloverfield with a bootleg copy of iMovie and $5, here you go – Jezebel

Queen Cersei’s got a CASE OF THE BABIES again – ICYDK

Armie Hammer is a real Vespa vigilante – The Superficial

BREAKING: The wedding ring that Bellybutton Cucumbersnatch’s bride is wearing looks like a wedding ring – Popsugar

I told you stupid paps to be here at 5 and I’ve been waiting over an hour in the car for you! Don’t be late again or you’ll have to find another trick to take walking pictures of!”Popoholic

Ariana Grande Latte served up some JV cheerleader stripper messiness at the NBA All-Star game – IDLYITW

Well, okay, here’s Amanda Seyfried with a bathing suit wedgie – Hollywood Tuna 

FYI: Sarah Silverman and Michael Sheen are still doing it – Pajiba

Pussy galore – The Berry

Um, based on the voice, are we sure that’s not Miley Cyrus saying she’s gay and not that Louis twink from One Direction? – OMG Blog



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