Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

January 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Amber Rose got her 36H chichi bags reduced to a smaller size today, because I guess she’s sick of hearing her back bone slowly crack as she hauls around those two tons of titties. But I hope this doesn’t affect her lucrative contract with those strapless boob squeezers she hawks on Instagram, because those videos are hypnotizing. They’re my vertigo spiral – Celebitchy

Hello, welcome to Nineties Raver Cafe, I’m Marion and I’ll be your server tonight.” – Lainey Gossip 

How do you say “You in danger, girl” in Russian? Because I don’t want to know what’s going to happen to these Russian cadets for busting out a scene out of a twink porn parody of Police AcademyTowleroad

Err, somebody should tell NeNe Leakes that she and some of the other Housewives have already gone so low that they’re practically touching the earth’s core – Reality Tea 

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Night Crumbs

January 16, 2018 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever wanted pictures of yourself where you look like a softcore porn star from the 1970s, take a tip from this Allure cover with Dakota Johnson and get yourself an out-of-focus camera, your grandma’s biggest panties, an old bra from The Salvation Army and the sheer sequined table runner your mom brings out at Christmas time – Celebitchy

Speaking of Dakota Johnson, she and Chris Martin brought their bland oatmeal love to the beach – Lainey Gossip

I guess the producers of Real HouseWrecks of Orange County really don’t want people to watch next season – Reality Tea

George Michael didn’t only have the voice of a sexy angel, he was also an angel to an AIDS charity – Towleroad

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Night Crumbs

January 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Ryan Lochte and his Playboy Playmate girlfriend Kayla Rae Reid got married in a Florida courthouse wedding this week. For Kayla’s sake, I hope she got their wedding recorded on camera and had several witnesses there, because knowing him, he’ll say that she held him at gunpoint and forced him to marry her – Just Jared

Greta Gerwig looks like the high priestess of a cult who worships True Heart Bear – Lainey Gossip

Liam Neeson is all about actresses getting paid the same as him, just don’t touch his pile of money to pay them – Celebitchy

The Situation could one day be sitting in a prison cell trying to figure out how to make fillers out of toothpaste, hand soap and roach guts – Reality Tea 

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Night Crumbs

January 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Since water is still wet (or is it?), the Pope is still Catholic and I still end each night by crying lonely tears on a pillowcase covered with pork rind dust, Meghan Markle’s half-sister ran her mouth over to the tabloids to say that if Meghan can afford a $75,000 gown to wear in engagement photos, she can afford to give money to their broke dad. I swear, Meghan’s half-sister is a crazy mess and is doing it all wrong. She should only be saying nice things about Meghan, that way she might get an invite to the wedding and will get to see Prince Hot Ginge up close. And after that happens, she can start talking shit for an easy check. She’s so embarrassing  – Celebitchy

Johnathon Schaech has his own #MeToo story involving the legendary director Franco ZeffirelliLainey Gossip

What’s more shocking is that this is the first time that a Teen Mom cast member has been busted for running a meth lab – Reality Tea

Troye Sivan has a new song and video where he’s serving “twink bottom trolling for top dick in an abandoned warehouse” chic – Towleroad

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Night Crumbs

January 10, 2018 / Posted by:

While wearing a black Victorian sack, Angelina Jolie made an appearance at The National Board of Review awards gala with her daughters Shiloh and Zahara. Shiloh’s arm was in a sling from an accident over the holidays, and both Shiloh and Zahara were wearing braces. As someone who wore braces for five long painful years, I’d be pissed if I was Shiloh or Zahara. What’s the point of having a saint for a mother if she doesn’t use her powers to give you perfectly straight Chiclets?  – Lainey Gossip 

And now I hope the only offers Christian Bale gets from now on are for rom-coms – Celebitchy

This headline is a lot, but since it’s about Real Housewives of New Jersey, I’m surprised there’s not something in there about how a Housewife threw a glass at another Housewife – Reality Tea

Donald Sutherland is the basic cable Christopher Plummer, and Hilary Swank is the basic cable Michelle Williams in FX’s version of the Getty kidnapping – Pajiba

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Night Crumbs

January 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Because personal social media accounts are for peasants, Meghan Markle has deleted her Instagram and Twitter. Two things: 1. What am I going to do with my time now that I can no longer spam Meghan’s IG posts with the hammer emoji (for taking one to my imaginary home with Prince Hot Ginge). And 2. How is Meghan’s shameless half-sister going to hit her up for a loan now? Meghan is so selfish! – Just Jared

The Alien Lizard King is starring in a Showtime show called Patrick Melrose and there’s a trailer for it. Sadly it has nothing to do with Melrose Place. Not watching. – Lainey  Gossip

The BAFTA nominations were announced today, and I am outraged. How in the hell did Hugh Grant get nominated for Paddington 2 when it’s obvious Paddington gave the better performance in that movie (which I didn’t see)?! – Celebitchy

Yolanda Hadid has a new “King” in her life, and not much is known about him, but it’s safe to assume that he shits money and loves lemons – Reality Tea

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