Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

June 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Christmas in June: E.L. James, the Hedy Carlson to Stephanie March’s Allison Jones, did a Q&A on Twatter and it went horribly, horribly right! – Lainey Gossip

Since we’re on the subject of Real Housewives lawsuits, Demi Moore needs to sue Kyle Richards for blatantly stealing her look for years – Reality Tea

In “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should!” news, Sam Taylor-Johnson dyed her hair pink. I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes? I’ll gladly take one for the team by checking and by “checking” I mean check Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s dick for pink hair dye stains – Celebitchy

One of the old Bachelors interviewed a crying Avril Lavigne about her Lyme disease on Good Morning AmericaDrunken Stepfather

Caitlyn Jenner and her E! camera crew were the belles of NYC pride – Towleroad

I wish that when Igloo Australia said that she was taking a Twitter break, she meant it, because now my brain is tainted with the image of her tongue up Brit Brit Spears’ Cheetos dust-covered asshole – Jezebel

The time I mistook Jonah Hill for a bearded Chris Christie The Superficial  

Here’s Ariana Grande Latte looking like a go-go dancer at an underage S&M club – IDLYITW

Who cares if Conchita Wurst’s nipples ripped off when someone pulled that tape off! Bitch brought the glamour and that’s all that matters – OMG Blog

Chrissy Teigen freed the nipple in W MagazineHuffPo

John Corbett’s hair has entered Yanni circa 2006 territory, but I still would – ICYDK

John Travolta sure knows how to spend a hot afternoon – The Berry 

Jensen Ackles has a beard now – Popsugar

Shia LaPlagiarist struck again! And I need to get struck with a heavy object for actually getting hard in the nipple area for a topless Shia looking like he just spent the night in a Port-A-Potty at the Gathering of the Juggalos – Consequence of Sound 

Tommy Girl will be in the Versatile Bottom Gun Top Gun sequel – Pajiba

Katy Perry is the highest paid female celebrity in the world, according to Forbes. In a girls bathroom in Hollywood somewhere, Taylor Swift is scratching the words “Katy Perry Sucks Dick 4 Forbes Spots” on the wall of a stall – Just Jared

Tweet via @bethorne


Night Crumbs

June 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Dorky blond giraffes Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris have kicked Beyonce and Jay-Z off of the top of Forbes “World’s Highest Paid Celebrity Couple” list. I’m sure Beyonce and Jay-Z will be back on top next year, because Tay Tay and Calvin won’t be a couple anymore and everybody on this planet will eventually drop everything to subscribe to Tidal (no, we won’t) – Lainey Gossip 

Charlize Theron broke up with Sean Penn because she realized what everyone else has known forever – Celebitchy

Not pictured: A bunch of Galapagos tortoises who are wondering “Are they are mommies?” while looking at Bethenny Frankel and Carole RadziwillReality Tea 

Diddy’s son got shit from his coach because his daddy got him a spot on the team – The Superficial 

Selena Gomez is trying to bring the sex in her new video, but she looks more like she’s suffering from a serious case of the cramps – Drunken Stepfather

Donald Trump’s crusted over chapped asshole is still hot over Univision dumping the Miss USA pageant – Jezebel

Panty Creamer of the Day: Adam Rodriguez’s nipples – Towleroad

Behold, the Mexican weather girl who is bringing a heat front to the chonies of straight dudes everywhere – IDLYITW

If you need me, I’ll be trying to find peen prints in these pictures of hot pieces in sweatpants – The Berry 

Nina Agdal looks hungry and sad on the cover of Cover MagazineHollywood Tuna 

Julianne Hough looks like a high, patriotic deer caught in the headlights on the cover of Women’s HealthHollywood Tuna 

Jimmy Fallon canceled his show tonight after cutting his finger bad. He either cut it during a drunk mess accident or during a fisting gone wrong – SOW

President Obama brought the church to church in Charleston today – Popsugar

For why is Vanessa Marcil in Lisa Loeb cosplay? – Moe Jackson

Is the “long game” some kind of sex act I’ve never heard of? – Just Jared

Quick Programming Note: Allison is still out with the sicks (that’s what happens when you write about the Kartrashians all day), so J. Harvey is covering for her on Sunday. She’ll be back on Monday.

Pic: Splash


Night Crumbs

June 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer of the Night: Aaron Taylor-Johnson is in Flaunt Magazine looking like a hot high-as-fuck hippie who did peyote in the desert and spent the next 4 hours staring at his ass cheeks while wondering how they got there – Lainey Gossip 

Cameron Diaz is taking time off to have a baby and she’s not taking any of the ten million offers thrown at her from producers who were so blown away by her Oscar-worthy performances in Annie and Sex TapeCelebitchy

Tami “It Wasn’t Not Funny” Roman is knocked up even though she has said before that she doesn’t want anymore kids. But I guess when the possibility of a Vh1 spin-off series calls, you gotta take it – Reality Tea 

Amanda Seyfried tries to work the Predator look – Drunken Stepfather

Another day, another set of pictures of Kummy Kakes looking like an over-filled alien blow-up doll caught in a net – The Superficial 

Ruby Rose wants to rub her coochie against Taylor Swift’s Barbie doll crotch – IDLYITW

Bobby Jindal’s announcement video is a thing of creepy, weird Candid Camera fuckery – Towleroad

Talking clump of baboon taint hair, Donald Trump, is threatening to sue Univision for dropping the Miss USA pageant because of the dumb shit that fell out of his anus of a mouth – Jezebel

This Marilyn Monroe wax figure needs more work – Hollywood Tuna 

I hope Dustin Cubic Zirconia’s cell mate is into getting Dirty Sanchez’d – Just Jared

MiserAlba’s pants: I think I had a pair just like that when I was 8 – Popoholic

Howard Stern is done with Talent  – SOW

Jason Lee’s ex-wife confirms that yes, Scientology is a nightmare and Jenna Elfman is a crazy bitch – Pajiba

Grab a plate, and get yourself several servings from the Excuse My Beauty buffet – The Berry 

How the mighty douches have fallen… – HuffPo

“I’m dropping a royal fart on your back” is probably what Prince George is thinking in that picture – Popsugar

Pic: Flaunt


Night Crumbs

June 24, 2015 / Posted by:

This Is Why My Nipples Are Secreting Glitter Water Today: Taye Diggs as Hedwig. He looks like an angry Grace Jones impersonator, so yes, yes I’d hit it – Towleroad

Chris Martin and Kylie Minogue went for a nighttime walk in London and I really don’t think they’re doing it. She’s older than him and we all know that recently divorced famous dudes only date way younger – Lainey Gossip

Chloe Moretz may or may not have gotten each of her siblings’ initial tattooed on her leg and she may or may not regret that tattoo in about, oh, two weeks – Drunken Stepfather

Brandi Glanville tries to pull a “Bravo didn’t dump me, I dumped Bravo” – Reality Tea 

Jake Lloyd has schizophenia, which explains all that crazy police chase stuff – The Superficial 

Derek Jeter and his girlfriend split the check on a pizza in Italy. Maybe she wants the air miles? And if she needs the money, she can always sell the parting gift basket he probably gave her the first night they boned – Celebitchy

I’d watch more MMA fights if they all looked like this – The Berry 

Shia LaBeouf accidentally cut up his head while shooting a scene for his new movie. But what I want to know is, how is his gorgeous clip-on rattail doing?! – HuffPo

I really want to see Bette Midler’s new show now – OMG Blog 

You’d think that the savior of music would travel by a gold chariot pulled by the angels – Popoholic

Please tell me this means that Sarah Palin is running for president, because the 2016 race really needs her brand of fuckery and Bump-It glamour – Jezebel

If you’re wondering why Amanda Peet is defending Game of Thrones. The easy answer is: She is full-time fucking the showrunner. – Pajiba

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence can hold her dog without help from that hot bodyguard/dog holder – Popsugar

Human self-tanner bottle Will Arnett is single again – ICYDK

Zayn Malik looks like a twink Sisqo with that hair – Just Jared


Night Crumbs

June 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Kelly Rohrbach, Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s blonde model girlfriend of the moment, got a profile in The New York Post and it made her sound like a ~cool guy’s girl~. That’s great, because if Leo wants to know anything about her other than her hair color, the fact that she was born in the 90s and her first name (although, you know he still calls her “Toni-I mean-Erin-I mean-Bar-I mean-whatever”), he can read about it in The New York Post! – Lainey Gossip 

Cookie Lyon is FINALLY in W Magazine and I don’t even mind that her mouth is open in all the pictures – Celebitchy

The Hadid Sisters are in V MagazineDrunken Stepfather

Hugh Hefner calls Holly Madison a liar and says she’s just trying to stay relevant. What surprises me most is that Hugh Hefner actually remembers who Holly Madison is – Reality Tea 

Wait, so what I’m getting from Ryan Gosling’s Costco eggs slap down is that he goes to Costco, which means I might be able to catch him deep-throating a hot dog in the parking lot – The Superficial 

The return of the 90s is still happening. Case in point: Selena Gomez in a bodysuit and ripped jeans – Hollywood Tuna 

I wish I would’ve come up with this shit,” screamed Kim Zolciak after watching Alaska Thunderfuck’s music video for “This Is My Hair”Towleroad

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly walked while carrying her purse and a water bottle the other day – Popoholic

Behold, Taylor Kitsch’s ass, the only good part in True Detective 2’s first episode – OMG Blog

A photographer called Taylor Swift a hypocrite. Taylor Swift will respond by writing a song about him and that song will go straight to #1 and make her $10 million richer – Jezebel

Apple is under investigation for getting artists to leave Spotify and the only thing I have to say about this is: THROW THEM AND TAYLOR SWIFT IN JAIL IMMEDIATELY! – IDLYITW

The trailer for “Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp” needs more gay sex, but doesn’t everything? – Pajiba

Lady CaCa’s dog is the new face of Coach – Just Jared

Jaden Smith’s explanation for why he wore a Batman suit to Kimye’s wedding is very Jaden Smith – Jezebel

Everyone can stop asking Maya Rudolph to do a Rachel Dolezal impression, because she finally did a Rachel Dolezal impression – Popsugar

Pour out a bag of Natural Balance dry food, because Dick Van Patten has gone off to heaven – SOW

And sadly, James Horner took the trip up to heaven with him – Just Jared

Pic: Sports Illustrated


Night Crumbs

June 22, 2015 / Posted by:

Claudia Jordan has left Real Housewives of Atlanta like a clit leaving a body (copyright: NeNe Leakes) – Reality Tea

That old picture of Bruce Paltrow is kind of giving me “Chris Martin with a permed fro” vibes – Lainey Gossip

I see that Sarah Larson showed up to a Time Warner shareholders meeting – Celebitchy

“Look for Pippa Middleton’s camel toe” is something I did today – Drunken Stepfather

Hilaria Baldwin already took a post-baby body selfie, but the good news is that at least she didn’t bust into a Downward Facing Fame Whore yoga pose while doing so – The Superficial

Ricky Martin posts a sweet Father’s Day message to the kids he obviously shares a hairstylist with – Towleroad

If you showed a video of me running to a Jack in the Box before it closes, it would look a little like this video of puppies running for their food (only it would be 1000% less adorable) – Hollywood Tuna

Rachel Bilson went grocery shopping this past weekend and I’m telling you this because I know you were wondering how she spent her Saturday – Popoholic

Ava DuVernay is directing Marvel’s Black Panther movie – Jezebel

Behold, Matt Boner’s ass cheeks jiggling like raw pizza dough during an earthquake – Boy Culture

Judging solely by her costume, Kate McKinnon plays a goth girl circa 1996 in the Ghostbusters reboot – OMG Blog

Today’s “awwww” brought to you by a growing bunny – The Berry

RiRi has pretty much shoved her entire new album in a bong and smoked it up – IDLYITW

Hannibal is going to slice up and cook the NBC peacock for doing him like that – HuffPo

Here’s Ian Somerhalder’s nipples – Just Jared

Okay, but how in the hell did Caitlyn Jenner’s white dress stay so white after off-roading? – Popsugar

Kanye West and Kummy Kakes konfirm that they’re having a boy and I hope that boy likes wearing black leather tank tops and black drop crotch capri pants – ICYDK


Night Crumbs

June 19, 2015 / Posted by:

I’m not sure why Rocco Ritchie is dressed like a hipsterized version of Saved By The Bell: The College Years-era Zack Morris, but I don’t hate it. And if I squint a little, I can pretend Guy Ritchie is dressed like Zack’s dorm adviser Mike Rogers – Lainey Gossip

The gross dude from TLC’s Sister Wives is going to be a father for the 18th time – Reality Tea

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz’s marriage may be done because he may be trying to slip his 007 to someone on the set of Spectre Celebitchy

Cue the “This is why you don’t go to the gym right after a trip to Taco Bell” jokes  – Hollywood Tuna

A Baltimore woman started a GoFundMe after someone left her a bitchy letter calling her yard “relentlessly gay“. You know, Relentless E. Gay would be a really great name for a drag queen – Towleroad

Behold, Apply Cream To Affected Area Twice Daily Barbie – WWTDD

Blake from Workaholics got kicked off a morning show for being a mess and dropping a “Fuck” on live TV. Damn dude, Alice is gonna be pissed – The Superficial

Candice Swanepoel looks like a nippley stalk of celery – Drunken Stepfather

In “Who Is Ann Coulter Starting Shit With Now” News: Ann Coulter is starting shit with Lena DunhamJezebel

Can you get carpal tunnel from carrying your purse like that all the time? – Popoholic

Here’s Anna Kendrick serving up some Gidget Goes Coachella realness – Popsugar

Jimmy Kimmel kopies Kim Kardashian and writes a letter to his future self – The Berry

Guess who’s sniffing around for attention mere days after giving birth? If you guessed Hilaria Baldwin…  – ICYDK

This is what Terrence Howard’s new baby looks like – Just Jared

Here’s an old timey picture of Burt Reynold’s dingus (NSFW) – OMG Blog

…And if that’s not doing it for you, here’s a picture of a hot dude in a pair of too-tight long underwear – Boy Culture

Good news: Someone from Will & Grace is in a bikini top. Bad news: It’s not Karen or Jack – SOW

Kim Kardashian’s skirt looks like something that should be hanging on a wall in somebody’s rec room in the 70s – HuffPo

Is it weird that I answered “10/10 would bang” for every single one? – Pajiba



Night Crumbs

June 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Anyone who was planning on pushing a book out this year should scrap all plans and try again next year. Because E.L. James’ latest literary masterpiece Grey is out and the excerpts from that used toilet paper of a book have convinced me that it will win every single Pulitzer – Just Jared

Jake Gyllenhaal’s beard needs a good brushing. Actually, both of his beards do – Lainey Gossip 

Wayne Gretzky’s daughter proves that baby weight ain’t shit when you’re young and have enough money for lipo and a tuck – The Superficial 

Sonja Morgan’s ex-husband owes her $3 million – Reality Tea 

Colton Haynes served up some default Grindr pic hotness on Instagram – Towleroad

Tyra Banks SANS FARDS – Drunken Stepfather

The hell is going on with the chichis area of Sarah Hyland’s top thing? – Hollywood Tuna 

Ben Affleck wants Jennifer Garner to file for divorce. If he really wants to get her to do it, he should say, “File for divorce or I’ll make you watch Gigli again.” – Celebitchy

Why does Lady CaCa sound like a vaudevillian Zooey Deschanel while singing “Imagine“? – The Berry 

Our Lady of Cheetos’ dog is living better than most of us. Speaking of dogs, what the fuck ever happened to Bit Bit? – ICYDK

Three minutes after this picture of Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts was taken, Naomi had to be treated for frostbite – Popsugar

I guess Jon Stewart has never seen anything that my sister has cooked (I’ll be getting an “EAT SHIT AND DIE” text in 3..2..) – Pajiba

Jeff Garlin hid his son’s foreskin in Disneyland and I’m sure Mickey Mouse sniffed it out and sacrificed it to Satan to continue his reign – SOW

I would totally start listening to NPR if they devoted an entire show to reading all of the beautiful hate emails they got for having Kim Kartrashian on one of their shows – Jezebel

MiserAlba is either listening to a serious story or she’s trying to concentre on pushing out a stubborn fart – Popoholic


Night Crumbs

June 17, 2015 / Posted by:

America’s sweethearts Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence are each getting paid a mountain of money to do a movie together. We should plan a drinking game now. Every time one of them does something super ~endearing~ like fart on command or go on and on about how much they love gas station snacks, we have to take a shot of something mind-numbing. We’re all going to need new livers by day 2 – Lainey Gossip

I am surprised that Keith Urban didn’t catch hypothermia, because it looks like that event was so damn cold that even human ice cube Nicole Kidman started to frost over – Celebitchy

Don’t hassle The Hoff! No, really don’t, unless you want him to beat you over the head with his always-hard dick  – The Superficial

Color me every dark shade of shocked, another Real Housewives couple can’t afford their gaudy house – Reality Tea 

Emma Stone modeled Chico’s new fall line for Wall Street Journal Magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Courtney Love is threatening to sue the filmmakers of a documentary that claims she killed Kurt CobainJezebel

Hilary Duff is business woman on top, Fly Girl on the bottom – Hollywood Tuna 

Donald Trump running for president is Jon Stewart’s porn – Towleroad

Nina Dobrev wore some kind of period doily dress to something – Popoholic

This couple did a weird Britney Spears parody video to announce their new baby and it made me want to shave my head and beat a bitch with an umbrella, so mission accomplished? – The Berry 

Norman Reedus’ maybe piece used to be his co-worker – Pajiba

Vintage Nicholas Newman from Young and the Restless and his bare nalgas – OMG Blog

Burlesque legend Blaze Starr and her dog have gone up to heaven – Boy Culture 

Take an extra toke for Tommy Chong tonight because he’s got butt cancer – HuffPo

Jack Osbourne had another kid – Popsugar

Tonight, elegance is spelled T-I-S-H-C-Y-R-U-SWWTDD

If you haven’t already, get hypnotized by Officer Bennett’s bouncing juicy tits in Orange is the New BlackJust Jared

And now nothing is stopping Nick Jonas from doing gay porn!!!!! – ICYDK


Night Crumbs

June 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber and Stephen Baldwin’s daughter may be a thing and at first I was going to scream, “RUN, BABY DOUCHE, RUN,” but then I realized that he pretty much fits in with that mess of a family – Lainey Gossip 

Dear Kate Moss, the ren faire dominatrix you stole your top from would kindly like it back – Egotastic

And thank you for reminding me that you went pee pee on a plane, Gerard DepardoodooCelebitchy

It’s Tuesday night, so why not look at Lady CaCa’s ass pimples? – The Superficial 

Bethenny Frankel knew her marriage would end up at the bottom of a sewer, but she married the dude anyway – Reality Tea 

Oh, you know, Kate Hudson’s just casually lounging in her bikini for a perfectly natural and not-at-all choreographed picture – Drunken Stepfather

Hilary Duff’s hourly pap stroll: Now with an umbrella! – Hollywood Tuna

Hilary Duff’s hourly pap stroll, part 2: Now with a top that used to be a 70s lampshade! – Popoholic 

The gay haters in Honduras ruined Stephen Fry and his young ass husband’s honeymoon – Towleroad

It all makes sense now, Rachel Dolezal was totally born to black parents in the middle of the woods and her white parents stole her – Jezebel

Presenting hot pieces (wearing way too many clothes) in black and white – The Berry 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Zac Efron goes topless swinging in Hawaii – Popsugar

Since Jessica Simpson doesn’t have a baby in her at this very moment, someone’s gotta burp up at the mouth about pregnancy sex and Naya Rivera is that someone – Just Jared 

Ashley Olsen looks really happy about having to wear a color – ICYDK

Big Brother gets its first transgender houseguest – OMG Blog

Joe Jonas looks a little nervous around that pussy – Moe Jackson

And in sad news, John Hurt has pancreatic cancer – HuffPo

Pic: Splash


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