Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

May 21, 2015 / Posted by:

There’s a rumor that Johnny Depp dramatically stormed off of the Australian set of Pirates of the Caribbean 435: This Shit Again and is threatening to come back to the US to be with Amber Heard. A rep has already denied it. The thing is, I don’t think it’s possible for Johnny Depp to dramatically storm off of a set. In order to dramatically storm off of a set, you must dramatically toss your scarf over your shoulder, arch your back and sashay off in a huff. Since Johnny was probably wearing at least 85 scarves, it would take him a good 2 hours to finish throwing each scarf over his shoulder. The crew would’ve left the set before he was done, because they don’t have time for that shit  - Lainey Gossip 

Jane Fonda is slathering the camera with pure sex in W MagazineDrunken Stepfather

Princess Beatrice is living the life – Celebitchy

It’s a good thing for us that Jax Taylor’s recent nose job didn’t stop him from throwing some Blue Steel at us – Reality Tea 

The raw emotion: Vin Diesel is once again bringing it while serenading Paul Walker - The Superficial 

Don’t we all just want to get naked when an airline tells us our flight is overbooked? – Jezebel

The Elton John biopic starring Tom Hardy will be turned into a Broadway musical. If it’s an all-nude production also starring Tom Hardy, they can take my money now – Towleroad

Victoria Justice wears the first communion version of The Slut Dress™ – Egotastic!

Casey Wilson had a baby – ICYDK

Ashley Greene’s hair is really giving me a craving for an overcooked sourdough loaf – Popoholic

Someone sold a thong they said Emily Ratajkowski wore once – IDLYITW

They really will let anybody in high heels on the Cannes red carpet. Case in point: Kendall JennerHollywood Tuna

The Hannibal season 3 trailer is here  - Pajiba

You too can live like Regina George for only $15 million - OMG Blog

Laura Jeanne Poon is playing a live-action Tinker Bell and I can’t wait for the scene where she gets tanked and tells the cops, “I AM A NEVERLAND CITIZEN ON NEVERLAND SOIL!” – Just Jared

Leonardo DiCatchAHo is in Cannes doing what Leonardo DiCatchAHo does – Popsugar

Pic: Splash


Night Crumbs

May 20, 2015 / Posted by:

I don’t ever need Scientology, because when I looked at this terrifying picture of Tom Cruise looking like a deranged hillbilly hitchhiker killer (“So you mean less crazy-looking than usual?” – you), all the Thetans jumped off of my body and ran toward the nearest exit. Thank you, Tommy Girl! – Lainey Gossip 

Chris Pine’s new reality show piece sort of looks like Hoku. I think that’s the greatest compliment I’ve ever given to anybody – Celebitchy

Uncle Terry took pictures of Gisele Bundchen for W Magazine Korea. No word if he kept his creeper dick in his pants while doing so – Drunken Stepfather

Finally, the triumphant return of Zoila from Flipping Out is near! – Reality Tea 

Somebody who isn’t even close to being a star won Dancing with the StarsThe Superficial 

Mimi should really make her human walking stick coordinate with her ensemble – IDLYITW

There’s really nothing more American than a bunch of sweaty, half naked Naval Academy dudes scrambling up a monument that looks like a square, pointy dick. It’s my favorite time of year! – Towleroad

This is my future (I wish): Part 2 – Hollywood Tuna 

Adrianna from the 90210 reboot is at Cannes for some reason – Popoholic

Janice Dickinson is suing Bill Cosby for saying that she lied about him drugging and raping her – Jezebel

On a happier note, here’s Maya Rudolph proving that she needs a Las Vegas residency – OMG Blog

Lorde broke up professionally with the dude who discovered in the tree trunk outside of a witch’s lair many, many years ago – ICYDK

Carlton Banks is the new host of America’s Funniest Home Videos and yes, America’s Funniest Home Videos is still on – SOW

Now that Australia has gotten Boo and Pistol Depp out of the country, they’re coming for Nickelback next – HuffPo

Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed went to Cannes, are still married – Popsugar

Xtina did a bunch of impersonations and sadly, Samantha from Sex and the City wasn’t one of them – The Berry 

Conan O’Brien said nice things about David Letterman, but I didn’t read any of it, because I was too hypnotized by that ginger tidal wave crashing into his forehead – Just Jared

Pic: Splash


Night Crumbs

May 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Meanwhile, at the Life Ball in Vienna this past weekend, apricot seed-faced Sean Penn didn’t go crazy and shank a photographer for taking pictures of him and Charlize Theron and probably because he was too busy slowly siphoning the youth out of her – Lainey Gossip 

An inside source named Working Eyeballs tells UsWeekly that Igloo Australia really did get a new face – Celebitchy

Together again: Countess LuAnn de Whatever and Davide Schwimmaire! – Reality Tea 

Amanda Seyfried is in Vogue and well, the dogs should’ve gotten more camera time – Drunken Stepfather 

Add “Pittsburg Pride” to the list of places that Iggy Azalea isn’t wanted at – Jezebel

Bill O’Reilly may have abused his wife in front of his daughter. That’s kind of shocking to me because after watching his “FUCK IT, WE’LL DO IT LIVE!” video, I figured he was as gentle and calm as a kitten taking a nap in a teacup – The Superficial 

Nate Berkus and his piece from The Rachel Zoe Project are dads now. Well, that little girl will grow up never being without pomade, because I’m sure they’ve got boxes full of the stuff in their garage – Towleroad

This is my future (I wish!) - Hollywood Tuna 

A DOGGIE!!!! (Oh and Jennifer Lawrence is in the pictures too) – Popoholic

Peter Dinklage giving you some “drunk tio at karaoke” – Pajiba

Amy Schumer looking more Cabbage Patch Doll-esque than ever in a skit that answers the question, “What if Honey Boo Boo got the opposite of Benjamin Button’s disease?” – Boy Culture

Isn’t this how we all react when we see a puppy? – The Berry 

Sofia Vergara’s son graduated from college – ICYDK

So I see that Katy Perry snuck onto the Bad Blood set and tampered with one of the break-through stunt walls – HuffPo

Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Parasite Hilton fought over a fancy purse – Just Jared

I guess Xtina and Mickey Mouse’s feud is over – Popsugar

This is what Potsie from Happy Days looks like now and yes, yes, I probably would – SOW

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

May 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Social activist and author dream hampton, who worked on Jay Z’s book Decoded, claims that Jay and Beyonce quietly spent thousands of dollars on bailing out protesters in Baltimore and Ferguson. Okay, but that’s still not going to get me to actually subscribe to that Tidal shit - Lainey Gossip 

The crazed Robsten fangirls are still throwing racist shit at FKA TwigsCelebitchy

Translation: Kathy Hilton doesn’t want the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills producers to fire her sister Kim Richards, because if they do she’ll have to pay her bills – Reality Tea 

Former home wrecking hero Sienna Miller is in a two piece – Drunken Stepfather

Natalie Portman showed her chonies in Cannes and that’s great and everything, but the hell kind of tattered Black Swan ice skating costume is she wearing? – The Superficial

Salma Hayek’s life-saving magnificent chichis almost cured my hangover – Hollywood Tuna 

The time I mistook a ginger ScarJo for a ginger Megan FoxPopoholic

Jay Z’s got 99 problems and spitting out dumb shit during a freestyle about Tidal is one of them – The Wrap

If you were Robin Thicke’s dog, you too would need to be stoned as shit to deal with his douche ass – Defamer

Beyonce and Nicki Minaj had some free time during Coachella, so they threw together a video for “Feeling Myself” and released it on Tidal where it was exclusive for about 2 seconds (I’m being generous) – Jezebel

Wonky McValtrex queefed up another song and yes, it’s awful, but it’s still better than “Pretty Girls” - OMG Blog

The mess that is Josh Brolin is going to marry his assistant – ICYDK

Jaden Smith wore his white Batman suit to prom because of course he did – HuffPo

The Mick Jagger wannabe from One Direction gave the blondie one a quick hernia check at the Billboard Music Awards – Just Jared 

Panty Creamers of the Day: 3 out of 5 New Kids showed off their 40-something cum gutters and nipples – SOW

The Photoshop Awards: Chris Pratt looks more like Paul Rudd than Chris Pratt on the cover of GQPopsugar

Weirdo,” said my dog who swallows food whole – The Berry 



Night Crumbs

May 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Ginger Spice got married today. I’ve done some research (aka scanning the internet while I wait for Domino’s to deliver my dinner) and it looks like the only Spice Girl who showed up was Baby. God, does zigazig ha not mean anything anymore?!? – Lainey Gossip

Kit Harington is still crying about people who talk about his hotness – Celebitchy

Heidi Montag is giving me Jackie Siegel as a steakhouse hostess, and that’s a high compliment, because who doesn’t love steak? – Hollywood Tuna

But why does it look like Kim Zolciak’s daughter is wearing a dress made from a hotel shower curtain? – Reality Tea

Queen Latifah has thoughts about same-sex marriage (spoiler alert: she’s cool with it) – Towleroad

Toddler-faced model Miranda Kerr is hustling ice cream bars in Cannes, because a check truly is a check – The Superficial

I totally had the same bathing suit as Vanessa Hudgens when I was 9-years-old – Drunken Stepfather

The Mindy Project will be resurrected on Hulu, and now I need to write Hulu a thank-you letter, because I was NOT ready to let go of Morgan Tookers just yet – Jezebel

Nicole Murphy is on a #getmoneybitch mission to get some of her money back – WWTDD

Who is the lazy-ass designer that forgot to sew a pair of emergency shorts into Emma Stone’s windblown bath puff dress? – Popoholic

Another day, another Anna Faris and Chris Pratt are the cutest story – Popsugar

I will be re-creating all of these with Baby Duck and Tang this weekend (pray 4 my liver) – The Berry

Irony, thy name is U2′s The Edge falling off the edge of the stage at a show – SOW

Kylie Jenner got Popeyes again. But did she get “high as fuck” as well? – ICYDK

Things we don’t need but are getting: Kate Beckinsale in a fifth Underworld movie – Just Jared

RuPaul is bringing RuPaul’s Drag Race to England. Pleeeeease tell me there’s a queen out there who goes by the name “Fish n’ Chips“  – OMG Blog

Hello, dude who looks like a beefed-up soft-in-the-face Joey Tribbiani – Boy Culture



Night Crumbs

May 14, 2015 / Posted by:

NSFW clips of Courtney Stodden’s masturbation sex tape are here. So if you’ve ever wanted to see a come-to-life Real Doll say dirty things in a creepy, sexy baby voice to the camera and titty fuck herself with an ice cream cone, then please e-mail me your address, because I need to report you to the authorities, you sick ass! But seriously, this video is pretty irresponsible and it sends the wrong message. I mean, iguanas aren’t supposed to eat dairy! – Drunken Stepfather

Um, is Irina Shayk getting paid per staged kissing session? Because she’s at it again with Bradley CooperLainey Gossip 

Today in I Can’t: 113,000 people actually signed a petition for President Obama to be Kelly Rutherford’s Captain Save-A-Ho and help her bring her kids back to the US – Celebitchy

Kanye West and Kummy Kakes actually made it a year, almost – Reality Tea 

Miley Cyrus covered Khia and she really shouldn’t have – The Superficial

Just please tell me that Lea Michele’s character in Scream Queens doesn’t sing and is the first to get it – Jezebel

I’d prefer it if these hot pieces were wearing caps and nothing else, but my desperate ass will take what I can get – The Berry 

Vanessa Hudgens looks kind of good and I can’t believe I typed that – Popoholic

Next on Maury, Gene Simmons will find out if he IS the father of this long tongue’d chick – Hollywood Tuna

Andrew Keegan’s cult got busted for selling kombucha without a license. That has to be the most Venice story I’ve heard in a while – Pajiba

Lorde’s wax figure looks more alive than the real thing – Popsugar

Charlie Sheen regrets being a too-proud asshole – SOW

What in leather, lace and fringe HELL is Charlize Theron wearing? - Moe Jackson 

Blythe Danner defended Goopy Paltrow again – ICYDK

This is what Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ baby’s thumb looks like – Just Jared

A Check Is A Check: Laura Linney is in the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie – IDLYITW


Night Crumbs

May 13, 2015 / Posted by:

In reality, Prince Hot Ginge is doing the traditional Maori Haka in New Zealand. In my wet dreams, he’s doing the nipple tweaking scene from ShowgirlsLainey Gossip

George Clooney says that Amal Clooney doesn’t have a stylist. He didn’t really have to tell us that. It’s pretty obvious she doesn’t – Celebitchy

RiRi is pretty much a full-time model now, right? – Drunken Stepfather

The wife of Kenya Moore’s fake boyfriend calls her out – Reality Tea

Did Khlozilla just do the #KyleJennerChallenge? – The Superficial

Panty Creamers of the Day: The Empire sons on the cover of EssenceTowleroad

Calista Flockhart is doing her best “Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada” impersonation in the trailer for CBS’ Supergirl and I don’t hate it for some reason – Pajiba

Nina Dobrev does the “smelling my pit” pose on Self MagazineHollywood Tuna 

In “this world is a strange, strange place” news, somebody is paying Kate Upton to act in a movie again – Popoholic

Good news, soon you will be able to blow half your paycheck on seeing JLo lip-synch LIVE in Las Vegas (and this is coming from a dumb trick who’s going to see Brit Brit this weekend) – Jezebel

When you’re 102 years old, you should give no fucks when your teeth come flying out while trying to blow out your birthday candles – The Berry 

Amy Schumer does Blake NotSoLively better than Blake NotSoLively does Blake NotSoLively – OMG Blog

Panty Creamer of the Day, Part II: That one guy from Revenge with nothing but a towel covering up his down low parts – Just Jared

But does Alexis Neiers wear 4-inch little brown Bebe shoes (TWENTY NINE DOLLARS!) when she helps ladies birth their babies out? – HuffPo

Bitch totally changed because of me,” thought Kummy Kakes while reading about how Beyonce supposedly changed her Met Gala dress at the last minute – ICYDK

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

May 12, 2015 / Posted by:

Sarah Jessica Parker sort of kind of teased that a Sex and the Retirement Community 1 Sex and the City 3 movie was happening, but Warner Bros. pretty much shat on that rumor by saying that a third one isn’t in the works. Besides, if there were talks for a SATC3 movie, we’d definitely know it. Every Razzie voting member would immediately turn in their membership, because their tolerance for watching dried cinematic turds stops at another SATC movie – Lainey Gossip 

Jay-Z apparently bought Beyonce one of the dragon eggs from Game of Thrones. Dragon eggs aren’t vegan! Fraudyonce strikes again. - Celebitchy

This is supposedly a picture of Bradley Cooper kissing Irina Shayk, but it’s so blurry and busted that it could really be a picture of Steven Tyler kissing Rosie O’Donnell for all we know – Drunken Stepfather

“Close ya legs to married men!”NeNe Leakes to Kenya Moore - Reality Tea 

During her day, Jane Fonda was the “it” beard that every famous gay guy wanted – Towleroad

Behold, the pride of Germany Micaela Schaefer as a slutty Nerf Super Soaker and no, I don’t want to see how far she can squirt – Hollywood Tuna

Why, hello there, way-too-clothed bodyguard behind Taylor SwiftPopoholic

Living the life: This pooch is – The Berry

For some strange reason, Nina Dobrev didn’t say, “Fuck those slags, they’ll be divorced in a year,” when asked about Ian Somerhalder’s new marriage – HuffPo

Go ahead and add “shit” right under “temporary fillers” on the list of things that Kylie Jenner is full of – WWTDD

British footballer peen alert! – (NSFW) OMG Blog

And somewhere, there’s an extra sad Scottish golfer missing his hat… – Just Jared

Luna Lovegood and James Potter from the Harry Potter movies are a thing – Popsugar

Something tells me that the Emmys will have to add the category Best Dramatic Bitch Meltdown In A Reality Shit Show after Vicki’s collapse in The Real Housewives of Orange County airs – Jezebel

Jean-Claude Van Douche can still lay down the hot moves – SOW

Now it’s time to check into the douchebag nursery… Yup, Justin Bieber is still trying to convince us that he’s not an asshole by spanking himself again – ICYDK

Pic: Splash


Night Crumbs

May 11, 2015 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge is ready to make babies right now. What a coincidence! I am ready to make babies right now too AND I’m ovulating. Let’s do this for our motherland, PHG! (Psst, don’t tell PHG that I’m not ready to make babies, I can’t make babies, I’m not ovulating and England isn’t my motherland.)  - Lainey Gossip 

This sucio dude porked a Porsche in broad daylight. I don’t know if I can say shit, because he’s getting more than I am - Drunken Stepfather

Beyonce isn’t a vegan. Well duh! A vegan wouldn’t chop off a horse’s tail and wear it to the Met Gala – Celebitchy

Nice try, Marilyn Manson, but you’re like 25 years too old for MadgeThe Superficial 

Sean Hayes and his husband lip-synch for their mamas. If they’re going to keep doing these videos, they need to up the budget, because that ginger wig is every kind of dreadful  - Towleroad

Taylor Swift took one of her semi-famous girl pets for a walk – Popoholic

Pro tip: Don’t try to eat like The Rock unless you want to break your toilet – Jezebel

Tom Brady was suspended for 4 games because of Deflate-Gate. He probably pretended to look mad on the outside when he found out, but he was secretly squeeing on the inside, because now he gets to spend more time on the slide. Weeeeee! – Popsugar

This is why the memaws cry tonight: CSI got canceled! – HuffPo

This picture of a hot piece from Made In Chelsea getting a foot job is an oldie, but a goodie. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to give myself a slap job to the face for typing “oldie, but a goodie” - OMG Blog

Jason Biggs and his mother-in-law have such a close and loving relationship… – SOW

Hot pieces and pussies alert! – The Berry 

Julianne Marguiles and Archie Panjabi may hate each other so much that they can’t stand to film a scene together – Pajiba

Wait, I thought Jake Gyllenhaal was supposed to be with Rachel McAdams?! Oh, Jakey, you beard juggler, you - Just Jared

And here’s more of Margot Robbie looking like a raver lot lizard in Suicide Squad - Hollywood Tuna 

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

May 8, 2015 / Posted by:

I have been lost without Drunk Ass Sandra Lee on my TV screen showing me how to make wontons out of breakfast sausage, mole sauce out of Hershey’s syrup and a daiquiri out of fruit cocktail syrup. It looks like ABC has finally heard my cries, because they have given her a show. Kwanzaa cake for everyone! Oh, you don’t want any? Okay, more for um, the trash then, I guess. – Jezebel

Blythe Danner truly has magical powers, because Goopy Paltrow looks a little less insufferable standing next to her – Lainey Gossip

Whoever is responsible for trying to make Charlote McKinney happen is still trying to make Charlotte McKinney happen – Drunken Stepfather

Milla Jovovich’s 7-year-old kid still sleeps with her and her husband every night. All together now, “But when do she and her man fuck?!” – Celebitchy

Yolanda Foster, the Lemon Queen of Malibu, got a stem cell transplant in Germany – Reality Tea

If only there was an Oscar category for Best Performance By A Porn Iguana In A Manufactured Leaked Tape Scandal… – The Superficial

And I hope these two newly engaged gay acrobats wear those hot outfits to their wedding – Towleroad

Sadly, I think I wore the exact same ensemble that Kristen Stewart is wearing when I was 7 years old – Popoholic

It was very nice of the studio that put out that Hot Pursuit movie to buy Sofia Vergara a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – Hollywood Tuna 

That thing on JLo’s head is giving me a craving for garlic knots – Moe Jackson 

The face that Kim Kartrashian makes when PETA comes at her is the same face she always makes, because ho can’t move that shit – IDLYITW

WHY????????? - Boy Culture

What in the hell kind of GD outfit is Mischa Barton wearing? – Popsugar

And here’s every network show that has been thrown into the TV graveyard so far – Pajiba

If you’re sad about them killing one of your TV shows, dry your tears on these man nipples - The Berry 

Or these sweaty man nipples – Just Jared

Lindsay Lohan did some of her community service at home, and you know, her being inside instead of out in public is a service to the community, so she should get credit for that – ICYDK


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