Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

April 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Matthew McConaughey’s beard has taken a life of its own and it looks like it’s eating his face. The Texas T-Rex (who kind of looks like this wooden Jesus statue my abuelita kept on top of her TV) needs to quickly shave it off before it eats his eyes! He can give me his beard shavings afterward, because you know you’d get a new kind of stoned if you smoked that shit - Lainey Gossip 

Dear Lassie dog in the background, tip that hillbilly chipmunk while you have the chance! Tip her! – Drunken Stepfather

Somebody really needs to start a charity for poor enslaved millionaire Shia LaDoucheCelebitchy

The plot for Kandi’s Ski Trip is very “The Shining” and Mama Joyce is the Jack Nicholson role, of course – Reality Tea 

So Just Jack and his husband did this… – Towleroad

I don’t know what people are talking about. I think Selena Gomez has looked great ever since she lost that 110 pounds of douche she was carrying around – The Superficial 

Olivia Wilde serving up some 60s Midwestern librarian chic – Popoholic

It’s Shirtless Friday again and this time there’s a special fluffy guest (No, I’m not talking about a pube bush. This time.) – The Berry 

Miley Cyrus took her Justin Bieber hair for a hike – Hollywood Tuna 

That hot bitch who was on Nashville and is on Game of Thrones now has an ass and this is what it looks like – OMG Blog

Tidal’s CEO took the next wave out of there – Jezebel

Today in “Sure, Jan, Josh Hartnett says he turned down Superman, Spider-Man and Batman – IDLYITW

In case you need to be reminded that Betty White’s still got it and has got it better than all of us – SOW

The doctors coming for Dr. Oz will be getting an ALL-CAPS, curse-filled text of rage from his number one fan, my mom, as soon as she figures out how to text the doctors coming for Dr. Oz – HuffPo

Are there Hobbits in Game of Thrones? – ICYDK

They say that Kylie Jenner is on the cover of Teen Vogue, but where? Because that’s not Kylie Jenner on the cover – Just Jared 

Borat and Isla Fisher named their kid “Montgomery Moses,” which sounds like an old-timey phrase that people would say instead of “Jesus Christ.” I’ll put it in a sentence: “Montgomery Moses, Ethel, the cows ran off again!” – Popsugar

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

April 15, 2015 / Posted by:

 

Watch out, Tyga and Mama June’s boyfriend (I don’t know who she’s dating now but I’m sure he’s on a list), because Chris Hansen is finally trying to bring To Catch A Predator back with help from the public’s money. Start brewing the iced tea! – The Superficial 

Gisele Bundchen is retiring from the runway. Everybody form a prayer circle for the fashion industry, because I don’t know how they’re going to go on! – Lainey Gossip

Fredrick Eklund of Million Dollar Listing New York is having a baby via surrogate with his husband and they plan on naming their daughter FuckDandG – Reality Tea

Kendall Jenner does GQ, but what she really needs to do is take a crash course in How Not To Have Dead Eyes In Pictures at Barbizon - Drunken Stepfather

Ed Sheeran is once again talking about Harry Styles’ big dick – Towleroad

Calvin Harris doesn’t want Taylor Swift to write any songs about him, which means she’s probably going to write a Time-Life series of albums about his ass – Jezebel

Cate Blanchett really wants people on the red carpet to stop asking her about the $15,000 dress a designer only let her borrow if she’d talk about it on the red carpet – Celebitchy

Gillian Anderson’s daughter is kind of giving me Baby Spice vibes – Pajiba

Except for that jumpsuit, abuelita funeral shoes and prom curls, Ashley Judd is looking good - Hollywood Tuna 

Why, hello there, surprised bearded man behind MiserAlbaPopoholic

Speaking of furry cum catchers (aka beards) – The Berry 

Random IS Azeala Banks doing the dude from SwimfanYBF

Thirteenth time’s a charm! Andy Dick went to rehab again – Las Vegas Blog 

Evan Rachel Wood held hands with some dude and we’ll know if they’re dating for real if she gets a wave in her hair and starts wearing black and red checkered shirts – Just Jared

GET A ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! – Popsugar

Zayn Malik and Perrier Water may get married this summer – ICYDK

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Night Crumbs

April 14, 2015 / Posted by:

More proof that dickmatization is a for real epidemic: Charlize Theron tells Esquire that Sean Penn is “hot” and she said it twice just so we know that she’s gone dick crazy - Lainey Gossip 

Baby Prince George doesn’t know that China is a country, but the good news is that he really doesn’t need to learn geography or much of anything else since he already has it made – Celebitchy

Even Chelsea Handler’s dog is bored with her showing her ass, literally – Drunken Stepfather

But when are we going to find out that Backdoor Farrah’s plastic surgeon mentor Dr. Alvarez is just some dude who printed a fake doctorate degree off of the Internet and is telling her she can earn med school credit through anal and blowjobs? – Reality Tea 

Bill Cosby grossed out Kenan Thompson on the set of Fat Albert - The Superficial 

Call me old-fashioned, but I need to talk to Bill Clinton about Hillary Clinton’s strap-on technique before I commit to saying I’d bottom for her – Towleroad

Kate Winslet’s right chichi must be feeling left out and pretty plain because it didn’t get decorated with a bow like the left one – Hollywood Tuna 

Everything from the 90s is new again. Case in point: MTV is bringing back Celebrity Death MatchPajiba

ScarJo looks like she’s wearing a 90s cocktail waitress dress with a black tablecloth taped to the ass – Popoholic

And now here’s a lesson in why it’s not smart to fuck with a pussy – SOW

Jennifer Hudson and the British Jimmy Fallon sing in the car – The Berry  

Please tell me CoCo’s glorious camel toe is the third host – Jezebel

Kylie Jenne, who does her lips like that so that people can talk about her lips, wants people to stop talking about her lips – HuffPo

Are we sure they didn’t use an old promo from Channing Tatum’s Step Up days for the Magic Mike XXL poster? – Boy Culture

Billy Joel’s old ass is still making babies – ICYDK

Anna Kendrick wants to see some Game of Thrones dick – Popsugar

34-year-old Jake Gyllenhaal is playing Seymour opposite 64-year-old Ellen Greene’s Audrey in a concert staging of Little Shop of Horrors. This is some Madonna kissing Drake shit - Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

April 13, 2015 / Posted by:

Beyonce and Basement Baby’s mom got married to Richard Lawson, the father of Bianca Lawson from Pretty Little Liars (No, I never watched that shit. I’m not a 12-year-old girl! Okay, I watched one or two or three seasons, but that’s it.), on a yacht in Newport Beach, CA this weekend and judging by that picture, their wedding theme was Superman Super Villains of the Future – Lainey Gossip 

Unless Tavern in Brentwood takes food stamps, Goopy Paltrow probably already broke the food stamp challenge – Celebitchy

Kate Upton is in Vogue wearing the visor you wore in the early 80s and yes, you wore it better, bitch – Drunken Stepfather

This is the closest that Kim Kartrashian will get to spending time with her brother – Reality Tea

Darren Criss as Hedwig sort of looks like Amanda Palmer’s homely sister – Towleroad

Um, couldn’t Ryan Reynolds get into his Deadpool costume and chase down that hit-and-run paparazzo? – Jezebel

Emily Ratatouille’s hair was snatched tight at the MTV Movie Awards – The Superficial 

ScarJo dressed up like a cross between Jane Fonda and a Lisa Frank matador at the MTV Movie Awards – Popoholic

I thought Zac Efron and Dave Franco were doing a reenactment of Jon Hamm’s hazing torture session before I realized they were just doing a scene from their movie – OMG Blog 

Olivia Munn is Psylock in X-Men: Apocalypse - Pajiba

Behold, a man who has definitely fucked a burger before (but really, who hasn’t?) – Hollywood Tuna 

What in 90s bag lady HELL is FKA Twigs wearing? – Popsugar

Dogs looking stoned: a retrospective – The Berry 

Bobby Flay’s divorce is going smoothly…… – ICYDK

Drake swears that he wasn’t grossed out by Madge’s lips. It was the taste of her lipstick that gave him the barfs. That makes sense since I’m sure her lipstick is made of the ground-up remains of her enemies – Just Jared

Sarah Paul is in American Horror Story: Hotel, because DUH – HuffPo

I will probably play Amy Schumer’sMilk Milk Lemonade” at my wedding, but I’m still a classical music purist who prefers a much more subtle song about turd cutters like Wendy Ho’s “Poop Noodle“  - Boy Culture 

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Night Crumbs

April 10, 2015 / Posted by:

The definition of THIRST is me pressing my eyes against to the screen to try to see Ryan Gosling’s nipples through his slightly see-through t-shirt and jacket. Hook me up to an IV. – Lainey Gossip

David Miscavige won’t let any Scientologists watch Going Clear and every time Tommy Girl turns on the TV or tries to read a newspaper, they distract him by waving a peen at his face – Celebitchy

Lindsay Lohan is living the dream as an Instagram tea model – Drunken Stepfather

Boy George is moving to L.A. and doing a reality show – Towleroad

It’s nice to see that Kim Zolciak is hiring Lindsay Lohan to Photoshop her Instagram pictures – Reality Tea 

It’s the end of an era: Pearl River is dying and going off to the great, big beaded mesh slipper in the sky – Jezebel

In case you forgot (because I totally did), Jennifer Love Hewitt is still pregnant – Popoholic

And here’s Selena Gomez doing the sexy “I Haz A Migraine” pose in a white swimsuit – The Superficial 

I don’t know who Katie Nehra is, but I do know that it looks like she’s been attacked by a bunch of snap bracelets – Hollywood Tuna 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! – i09

Borat is somebody’s father again – Popsugar

Mamma Mia! is closing on Broadway and this will come as a shock to the many of you who didn’t know that it was still on Broadway – SOW

Behold, a blurry picture of Jared Leto with green hair and shark eyes – IDLYITW

Kim Kartrashian wore bright red to the Armenian Genocide Memorial because she wanted to make sure everyone could see her past her E! camera crew, entourage, etc… – Just Jared

Blake NotSoLively’s daughter has a lot of godmothers – ICYDK

If you press your ear against the trailer for the Bruce Jenner interview, you can almost hear the sound of Pimp Mama Kris screaming about how she’s not getting a check for that shit – OMG Blog 

I don’t know how this keeps happening, but it’s Waxed Nipples Friday again! - The Berry 

Pic: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

April 9, 2015 / Posted by:

Kelly Taylor got engaged to her hot piece three weeks after her ex-husband got engaged to his hot piece. Is she trying to compete with his ass? Who knows, I doubt it, but I do know that Brenda Walsh better home wreck that shit as punishment for what that heartless bitch Kelly Taylor did to her. (Yes, they’re still their 90210 characters in my head and nobody can tell me otherwise.) - Lainey Gossip 

And there goes Brandi AnalGlandville, queefing up at the mouth again – Reality Tea

January Jones looking about as alive as dehydrated cauliflower in some magazine – Drunken Stepfather

What did Kit Harington say exactly, because I couldn’t hear it over the sound of me screaming, “SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR TOP OFF NOW,” over and over again – Celebitchy

Panty Creamer of the Day: Canadian police officer dyes his hair pink in the name of anti-bullying and now looks like a member of the Jem PD – Towleroad

Every TV trailer came out today, part 1: The True Detective trailer – The Superficial

Every TV trailer came out today, part 2: The Orange is the New Black trailer – Jezebel

Every TV trailer came out today, part 3: The Grace and Frankie trailer – Pajiba

Every TV trailer came out today, part 4: The trailer for the reboot of Models Inc. I WISH. This is really a post about JLo dressed like a gold digging trophy wife at her mafia husband’s funeral – Popoholic

The lady Grizzly Man has been found – Hollywood Tuna

Grab a plate and get some of this bulge buffet – The Berry

Bob Fosse tried to fuck Mariel Hemingway too – HuffPo

Let the Sleeveless Chanteuse serenade you with a tribute song to Paul WalkerPopsugar

In case you missed it, here’s that model who’s pregnant with a six pack – WWTDD

Behold, Laura Jeanne Poon as the world’s most annoying poon – SOW

Kim Kartrashian says that the first thing out of North West’s mouth in the morning is “shoes.” Kummy Kakes is confused. North isn’t saying “shoes.” She’s saying “WHO?” as in “Who are you and where’s my nanny?” – ICYDK

Disney is doing another Haunted Mansion movie starring Ryan Gosling and I fully expect them to call it The Haunted Mansion: Hey Ghoul… - Just Jared

And it’s your last chance to vote for Hot Slut of the Month! It’s anyone’s game. Well, anyone except for Kristin. She’s pretty much out of it. Woe is Kristin again. Vote here! 

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Night Crumbs

April 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt was on the New Orleans set of the movie The Big Short yesterday and based on those glasses and that grey beard, I’m guessing he’s playing a hobo abuelito – Lainey Gossip

Big Ang’s throat tumor has been rremoved and her signature raspy sandpaper voice has been saved! – Reality Tea

Hailey Baldwin models too, apparently – Drunken Stepfather

FYI: Goopy Paltrow is still bumping her steamed clam against that Glee producer dude – The Superficial

This is also what it looks like when Cisco Adler tries to teabag you (I know, two Cisco Adler references in one day. It’s 2006 again!) – Towleroad

Hilary Duff’s hair is at the point where it’s starting to look like a moldy mop that’s been left out in the yard too long – Popoholic

And here’s more proof that Iggy Azalea missed her calling and really should’ve been an auctioneer – IDLYITW

FKA Twigs wants a pub wedding, because she knows she’ll need to drink massive amounts of booze to drown out the sounds of the Robsten fangirls crying outside – Celebitchy

Wonky McValtrex is still invited to things – Hollywood Tuna

The Suspiria TV show is actually happening in real-life - OMG Blog

And today’s “THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?” moment brought to you by Suzanne Somers doing the foxtrot to the sound of John Ritter rolling in his grave – Boy Culture

Remember Lost on Lost Day – Pajiba

Rachael Leigh Cook had another baby – Popsugar

Panty Creamer of the Day: A person named Nick BatemanThe Berry

Celebrity Family Feud is coming back, but I have a feeling it’s going to be more like Sort Of Famous Reality Trick’s Family FeudSOW

GROOOOOOOOOOOOSS – Jezebel

Poke at me when Disney eventually gets around to doing a live-action The Black Cauldron - Just Jared

That chihuahua stole a topless Sofia Vergara’s shot and it knows it – ICYDK

Pic: Pacific Coast News

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Night Crumbs

April 7, 2015 / Posted by:

Scott Eastwood made this face at the premiere of that Nicholas Sparks movie he’s in. So now you know what Scott Eastwood looks like when he’s taking a dump while coked up as hell. Something tells me that it’s also the same face that many people who go to see his movie will make when they realize that they spent actual money on that shit – Lainey Gossip 

Prince Hot Ginge is too old and too royal for selfie-taking, thankyouverymuch – Celebitchy

Shouldn’t Teen Mom Jenelle learn to read a book before she writes one? Baby steps… – Reality Tea 

Oh, it’s just Lindsay Lohan having fun at the CDC’s annual pool party – Drunken Stepfather

Kate Upton was mad that the dried cum stain on a shag rug known as Uncle Terry released the video that made her famous – IDLYITW

The question is: Are these really pictures of Lindsay Lohan in lingerie if the pictures don’t look like they were Photoshopped by a 2-year-old with arthritis?  - The Superficial 

Dogs who fail at being dogs but win at being comedians – Hollywood Tuna 

Two things: David Archuleta still exists and he’s still a full-time resident of The Closet™ – Towleroad

Sofia Vergara’s jeans are painted on, right? - Hollywood Tuna 

The artiste who created that terrifyingly gorgeous Lucille Ball statue is getting death threats, because you know, that’s what the Internet does – Pajiba

Oh Tom, Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat over there – OMG Blog

Where is the Maya Angelou stamp with the famous quote, “Bitch better have my money,” on it, because I’m pretty sure that came from her – Jezebel

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are the Ross and Rachel of our time because they’re on a break – Popsugar

Some call this a fun time subway car party, I call this a nightmare come to life  - The Berry 

Octavia Spencer would like to apologize to all those fans who thought she was a bitch at her book signing by having them over for some of her chocolate pie… – ICYDK

Mischa Barton is suing her mom for stealing her money – Just Jared

There will be 17 more episodes of Arrested Development and what I need to know is how many of those will Liza Minnelli be in? – HuffPo

Pic: Getty

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April 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge took his ass to Australia for his final tour of duty and while being greeted by the people, he saw a sign he loved so much that it made him prolapse. I definitely know a “my butt fell out” face when I see one. - Lainey Gossip 

Kaley Cuoco denies the divorce rumors that she probably leaked herself because her attention spot hasn’t been scratched lately – Celebitchy

And 3 seconds after seeing this picture, Brandi Glanville punched an Easter Bunny – Reality Tea 

Here’s someone called an Abigail Ratchford washing a car. I’m surprised she didn’t put a dent in that MINI Cooper by rubbing her gigantic titty balls on it - The Superficial 

Bruce Jenner’s 2-hour interview with Diane Sawyer is really happening on April 24th - Towleroad

Adrien Brody can fight the hot all he wants with his choice of clothing, but I still would, now and forever – Hollywood Tuna 

Madonna chews on some jumbo anal beads on the cover of CosmoDrunken Stepfather

Here’s Kristen Stewart giving you hipster Emo lumberjack – Popoholic

Anne Hathaway at her Anne Hathaway-est – Pajiba

This video is probably STAGED since everything on the Internet is STAGED but it still sums up most Mondays – The Berry 

My thoughts exactly, dude behind Amber Rose’s blue ball, my thoughts exactly – ICYDK

It’s Monday, so why not lap up some waxed Brazilian man ass with your eyes – OMG Blog

Nina Dobrev is saying goodbye to VD - Just Jared

One millisecond after this staged Easter basket-making picture was taken, Kim Kartrashian got up and made her assistants take over – Jezebel

Tom Cruise was “mobbed” by a bunch of fans (read: Scientologists) who wanted to get close to their idol (read: who were told by David Miscavige to “mob” him while cameras were on them) – Popsugar

Rest in peace, Julie WilsonBoy Culture

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

April 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Patrick Schwarzenegger’s beard is looking a little janky and no, I don’t mean Miley Cyrus. Although, she’s looking a little janky too – Lainey Gossip

Here’s Daisy Lowe’s nipple knobs and ass crack, because why not? – Drunken Stepfather

Khlozilla might want to pay a visit to the Wookie Plastic Surgery Center to have her ass implants rotated and lifted – Celebitchy

Big Ang has throat cancer - Reality Tea

Ireland Baldwin has Kim Basinger’s body genes and Alec Baldwin’s face genes – The Superficial

It takes Batman a lot of time to get caped crusader beautiful – IDLYITW

Pro-tip: When Billy Eichner gets in your face on the street and offers you a dollar if you tell him what David Letterman should do now that he’s retiring, don’t trust that ho, because he will not give you that dollar! – Towleroad

Jessica Alba is still in a bikini. Still. – Popoholic

Behold, a math teacher who has a lot of time (and graphic skills) on his hands - Hollywood Tuna

Stephanie Pratt still exists - Egotastic!

The Black/Blue Gold/White dress is out and Marilyn Einstein is in! – SOW

Kendrick Lamar and his high school sweetheart are getting married – Popsugar

Full-time troll and part-time rapper Azealia Banks wants you to know that she wants to fuck the president – Jezebel

You know you’re thirsty when you hit picture #20 and practically glue your eyes to the screen to see as much of his peen as possible – The Berry

My guess is Donatella Versace in a fat (according to her) suit – Pajiba

The moment when a 12-year-old kid hits puberty hard after putting his head on Nicki Minaj’s tits – Jezebel

THE FUUUUUUCK? – Deadline

Pic: Wenn.com

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