Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

May 23, 2019 / Posted by:

Moby will not shut the fuck up about Natalie Portman denying that they ever dated when she was 18. Moby says that he and Natalie had a “brief, innocent, and consensual” romance in 1999, and thinks everyone should focus on more important things. Says the mess who keeps bringing this up. I mean, he really, really wants us all to believe that when he was a 33-year-old, he was sleeping on a barely legal girl’s college dorm room bed. Is he trying to get into some elite Barely Legal Appreciation Club, or something? Dane Cook and Scott Disick, please let him in, so he can shut up already  – Jezebel

A judge is de-messing Hayden Panettiere’s life for her a bit by ordering her allegedly abusive boyfriend Brian Hickerson to stay away from her – Just Jared

Marion Cotillard looks like an early-90s sensei who has a side gig as a Fly Girl – Lainey Gossip

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Night Crumbs

May 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Daddy Spears wants to extend Britney Spears’ conservatorship to three other states: Louisiana, Hawaii, and Florida, because she goes to those places often. Every time Daddy Spears makes moves to tighten the shackles on Britney, I ask myself, “Okay, but how is Daddy Spears’ reported ruptured colon doing?” Damn Daddy Spears for always making me think of his Velveeta-lined colon  – Pajiba

Omari Hardwick made it out of an attack from the Beyhive alive and gave his theory on why the Beyhive went after him – Lainey Gossip

Madonna slathered herself in “suburban mom listens to 80s rap once” drag for her video for CraveTowleroad

Someone tell Kevin Hart to never hang out with Constance WuSOW

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Night Crumbs

May 21, 2019 / Posted by:

Usually an episode of James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke causes my last nerve to snap, but this one starring international jewel Celine Dion gave me perfect vision, cleared my sinuses, and coated my ear tunnels with liquid gold thanks to her opulent nightingale voice. It may do the same for you, as long as you keep your eyes away from that rejected Travolta wig on James’ wig – Just Jared

“Oh, Kate, I’m going to give you another special medal for keeping Gunne Sax alive with that dress” is definitely something that THE QUEEN said to Duchess Kate while touring the Chelsea Flower Show garden with her – Lainey Gossip 

Like Julia Roberts, I’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thornes, but I Googled “Wildings” so fast after someone told her she looks like one – Pajiba

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Night Crumbs

May 20, 2019 / Posted by:

A video from the Chelsea Flower Show was released of Duchess Kate talking about nature and woodlands and shit, and I’m very disappointed that she didn’t start twirling around singing as birds, mice, and butterflies dressed her for the ball. What a missed opportunity by her team to prove that she really is a real-life Disney princess – Lainey Gossip

With all the money that John Wick 3 made, the producers should buy Keanu Reeves‘ ass an umbrella for the fourth movie since it seems like he’s always caught in the rain without one  – Pajiba

Allow seasoned leather daddy Sir Frank to educate you on the hanky code of the olden days. But I’m wondering what’s the hanky code for “I’ll take whatever I can get because I’m hard-up and desperate“? – Towleroad

When Rihanna finally releases a new album, the world will definitely end, and seconds before it does, you’ll quickly glance at the track listing and will not see Drake’s name anywhere on it – Jezebel

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Night Crumbs

May 16, 2019 / Posted by:

Kylie Jenner’s St. Ives rip-off scrub (the wet walnut turd seen above) hasn’t come out yet and people are already mad. What they should really be mad at is that someone who obviously doesn’t use skincare products (since she and her fellow koven sisters get their “skin” replaced with a sheet of wax every couple of weeks) is going to make even more millions of dollars from her skincare line – Pajiba

Forget the First Monday in May, because the real Met Gala “camp” night happened the Second Monday in May at the RuPaul’s Drag Race season 11 finale. Say what you will about Silky Ganache but she brought the messiness by copying Alaska Thunderfuck and looking like Tracy Turnblad after walking into a spider web at Liberace’s house – Lainey Gossip 

Well, I guess this is one way for a raging homophobe to let everyone know that he wants to die – Towleroad

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Night Crumbs

May 15, 2019 / Posted by:

After some time away, Selena Gomez is once again making the red carpet rounds. Most recently, she’s in Cannes to promote her new film The Dead Don’t Die, and she’s really been bringing it in the fashion department. Nothing says “making up for lost time” like showing up to your film’s premiere channeling the fashion and energy of a scheming husband-stealer from an unreleased sequel to The First Wives ClubLainey Gossip

Amber Heard and Julianne Moore are also at Cannes (for the film Les Misérables). Amber worked a belt that looks like a waist trainer. But Julianne saved the day by showing up in a cape that looks like it was tailored from the bed skirt belonging to a 1980s gigolo – Just Jared

Ezra Miller’s musical side-project, Sons of an Illustrious Father, released a high-art cover of “Don’t Cha” by The Pussycat Dolls, which is saying something, considering the video for the original song is pretty high art as it is – Towleroad

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