Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

July 27, 2016 / Posted by:

No, this Eyes Wide Shut-themed cover of Complex starring Mimi wasn’t Photoshopped into another dimension. It’s obviously a full-on velvet painting, and a stunningly gorgeous one at that – Lainey Gossip

It doesn’t look like Wendi Deng is going to be the evil moll to Vladimir Putin’s Bond villain – Celebitchy

If people cared about Charisma Carpenter anymore, they’d probably go after her for that cultural appropriation – Drunken Stepfather

Anthony Weiner wants to beat off Donald Trump Jr.The Superficial

When you ain’t got shit to wear and the event is in 5 minutes, rip off the tablecloth, grab some napkins and make it work. Mila Kunis knows what I’m talking about – Egotastic!

The off-brand Barbie styling head named Kim Zolciak showed off her new lips on Snatchchat – Reality Tea

Suri Cruise has a new half-brother! – Just Jared

That Gilmore Girls mini-series got a new trailer – Towleroad

Hilary Duff switched up her “Walking To My Car” act with a “Walking Through The Park” act – Popoholic

Lindsey Vonn looked like a piece of Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape at the Bad Moms premiere – Hollywood Tuna

All of those forty-five million stupid ass Ice Bucket Challenge videos actually led to something good. I guess I’ll be eating barbecued crow tonight – Jezebel

Season 5 of Arrested Development is going to happen – HuffPo

The makers of the Breathe poster really fucked up when they didn’t hire Mimi’s Photoshop team – Pajiba

In case you missed the Looking movie, here’s Jonathan Groff with a face full of nalgas – OMG Blog

The teasers for American Horror Story season 6 are out. Based on those teasers, I’m guessing that the next season is all about a weekend in the kountry with the Kartrashians  –  Popsugar

Pic: Complex

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Night Crumbs

July 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus posted a picture on Instagram of her wearing a ring that some think is a wedding band, so that started the rumor that she and Liam Hemsworth got secret married. Please, like Miley is going to do something traditional like exchange wedding bands during the ceremony. I won’t believe that she and Liam got married until I see leaked pictures from the ceremony of them bonding their union by getting matching anal tats – Lainey Gossip

Prince William is selling his used Range Rover on Auto Trader for charity – Celebitchy

Today, elegance is spelled J-A-N-E-T M-O-N-T-G-O-M-E-R-YDrunken Stepfather

Jill Zarin is still clinging to the Real Housewives in the name of relevancy – Reality Tea 

Kate Hudson’s Living The Life Tour has gone to Greece – Egotastic!

The people probably like anal warts more than Kimye so this isn’t saying much – The Superficial

Here’s Rita Ora giving you “sexy Unabomber sketch” – The Nip Slip

I see that the same clown did both Shenae Grimes and Ashley Tisdale’s makeup – Hollywood Tuna

A catfisher is catfishing as Nev Schulman from CatfishStarcasm

Jenna Dewan is either stretching or trying to wiggle out a stuck fart – Popoholic

Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just being hard-up as usual by trying to find a peen print on Joey McIntyreSOW

Speaking of peen prints…. – OMG Blog

Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel did a couples counseling skit…. and it really needed Sarah Silverman singing about fucking Matt Damon – Towleroad

Jay Mohr changed his mind about divorcing Nikki CoxJust Jared

Beyonce and Blue Ivy Carter wore matching Beyhive garden party dresses in Paris – Popsugar

As Brittany Murphy’s ghost laughed, Mila Kunis said that Ashton Kutcher’s dick is as big as a can of Guinness  – Pajiba 

Pic: Instagram

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Night Crumbs

July 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Workers are still mopping up coochie cream from the floor of the San Diego Convention Center and that could mean only one of two things: Carrot Top showed up shirtless to Comic-Con or Charlie Hunnam showed up to Comic-Con. It was the latter, and yes, Charlie Hunnam’s Smart Water bottle is really happy to see you – Lainey Gossip

Lea Michele’s oiled-up chest dumplings were at Comic-Con too – Egotastic!

Christopher Walken says that if reincarnation is real, you will want to come back as one of his pussies – Celebitchy

Iggy Azalea showed off her “12 cans of Fix-A-Flat” ass  – Drunken Stepfather

Believe it or not, other trailers besides Wonder Woman and Justice League were shown at Comic-Con – The Superficial

Kim Zolciak shocked a nation when she Snapchatted her visit to her plastic surgeon’s office. We all thought that her ~beauty~ was 100% natural! – Reality Tea 

Crispy Ronaldo’s abs look like a grenade dipped in George Hamilton’s jizz – Towleroad

That red zombie thing whose name I don’t know (no nerd here) was really awed by Brie Larson’s ass – Popoholic

Okay, but did the mess who played Pokemon Go at a Beyonce concert catch any? – HuffPo

Peter Dinklage can’t say benenvolent, and I apparently can’t spell it – Jezebel

Christie Brinkley is hot! And I’m not referring to her sweat stains – Hollywood Tuna

John Barrowman is a cosplay master – Pajiba

Don’t you just hate it when your piece uses too much teeth? This cat feels your pain – OMG Blog

Justin Timberlake got accidentally slapped by a creepy fan. That fan should be punished to the highest extent, and by that I mean he should be forced to have dinner at Jessica Biel’s restaurant – Just Jared

The cast of One Tree Hill reunited – Popsugar

Marni Nixon, the singing voice for Audrey Hepburn, Natalie Wood and many more, has died – Boy Culture

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

July 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow’s friend Mario Batali burped up his thoughts about a couple of her exes. Mario liked Brad Pitt, but really wasn’t into Ben Affleck and he even made a nanny joke. I love that Mario Batali throws nanny shade at Ben Affleck, but his opinion is invalid as long as he insists on wearing those Satanic shoes made from the devil’s colon. Invalid! – Lainey Gossip 

We could’ve lived in a world where Brangelina weren’t a thing and Gwen Stefani won a Razzie for playing Mrs. Smith – Celebitchy

I thought that headline said “Jose Canseco’s Nipples” and I got so confused…. – Drunken Stepfather

Ramona Singer’s mouth farted out the duh of duhs – Reality Tea

I’m sure one of the Duggar sons will be looking to “court” soon, so Backdoor Farrah should hold out for one of them – The Superficial 

If you play tennis, then follow Charli XCX’s lead and wear this sporty yet elegant ensemble the next time you hit the court – Egotastic!

Colton Haynes is doing Scream Queens 2Towleroad

Emma Roberts’ bringing “dominatrix secretary” to Comic-On gets a yes from me, but I have a feeling that her suffocating, overheated chichis don’t feel the same way – Popoholic

The Fixer Uppers from HGTV are getting their own magazine – Starcasm

Chloe Grace Moretz, Debra Messing, America Ferrera, Eva Longoria, Lena Dunham, Katy Perry, Demi Lovato and Alicia Keys are all speaking at next week’s Democratic National Convention. I know, no Susan Sarandon. I’m overfilled with SHOCK! – IDLYITW

Emily RideAJetSki’s nalgas, here they are – Hollywood Tuna

The Fappening hacker will spend the next 6 months fapping in a prison cell bunk bed – HuffPo

I guess I need to start watching Bates Motel again so that I can witness RiRi’s impeccable acting as Marion Crane – Just Jared

My dream of Hillary Clinton picking Angelyne as her running mate didn’t come true…. – Popsugar

Pic: PBS

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Night Crumbs

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart and her on-and-off-again piece Alicia Cargile kissed on the street after getting coffee, and I’m sure a few people were so touched by their homeless hobo love that they dropped a few dollars and spare change into their cups – Lainey Gossip

Hugh Hefner’s wife and Yolanda Hadid have a lot in common, I see – Celebitchy

Jeff Lewis better watch it, because Heather Dubrow will use her husband’s connections to get him banned from every plastic surgeon’s office in Southern California. That’s worse than death! – Reality Tea 

Margot Robbie looks like she’s concentrating real hard on taking a pee before another wave comes – Drunken Stepfather

Tara Reid was really drunk on Marriage Boot CampThe Superficial

If you didn’t care about the return of a Tyra-less America’s Next Top Model, you’ll probably find a way to care about it less after finding out that Rita Ora is the new host – Jezebel

And here’s the new host of America’s Next Top Who Cares looking like a damn banana – Popoholic

Since everyone seems to be in a feud these days, Montell Williams and Bill O’Reilly are in a feud – Towleroad

Christie Brinkley is killing hos with her beauty, even while dressed like a farmer – Hollywood Tuna 

Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox are still married and still in love, but yet they’ve filed for divorce. That shit is more confusing than what Nikki Cox did to her face – Just Jared

Taylor Lautner probed John StamosSOW

Shit, I’m going to have to do this again next week with Melania Trump and Azealia Banks” is what James Corden is thinking to himself in that clip  – OMG Blog 

Mandy Moore and Wilmer Valderrama got photobombed by showgirl crotch – Popsugar

Prude ass Sarah Jessica Parker almost turned down Sex and the City because of tits and fuck words – HuffPo

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

July 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Mila Kunis told Howard Stern that she boned Ashton Kutcher on the first night they kissed for real and he was supposed to only be a fuck buddy. Howard is one of the best interviewers in the game, but I lost a little journalistic respect for him when he failed to ask Mila if Brittany Murphy’s joke about Ashton’s supposed small peen is true. Howard would’ve been a shoo-in for a Peabody Award if he asked her that! And yes, I’ve grown from a 13-year-old into a 14-year-old because I didn’t call it a Peenbody Award   – Lainey Gossip 

Rose McGowan’s nipple knobs want to get into a staring contest with you – The Nip Slip 

Oh, you know, it’s just a fully naked Miley Cyrus looking like a new money cholita who just rolled around in unicorn shit – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Cher opened the eyes of the people to Kate Hudson’s alleged scamming ways – Celebitchy

Goopy Paltrow is still steaming her cooch, and by now you’d think she’d be onto something new like having it laundered by an 85-year-old Polish lady by the river before 5 Tibetan monks gently blow it dry – The Superficial

Disappointment IS me thinking this was Jocelyn Wildenstein before realizing it was just Caitlyn Jenner talking again – Towleroad

NeNe Leakes and Cynthia Bailey are going to be on Cupcake Wars Reality Tea 

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice got an honest trailer – IDLYITW

A thing that is going to happen: Kristen Dunst will direct Dakota Fanning in The Bell JarJezebel

Kristen Bell is serving Studio 54 cosplay and I don’t hate it  – Popoholic

Rita Ora is serving 2005 JLo and I hate it – Hollywood Tuna 

Twitter brought down the ban hammer on a Troll King for encouraging his followers to throw racist shit at Leslie JonesPajiba

Nothing can touch the comedy gold of Melania Trump doing Melania Trump but Laura Benanti came close – Boy Culture

Here’s Adam Goldberg wearing a one piece made of suds – OMG Blog 

Anton Yelchin’s Star Trek role will not be recast – Just Jared

This Overboard GIF gallery really does belong in a museum – Popsugar

Pic: Splash

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Night Crumbs

July 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Idris Elba is out pimping his role in the new Star Trek movie, but every reporter keeps asking him about Bond even though he says nothing is going on with Bond. Hollywood has really only done one thing right (Showgirls), so I doubt Idris will be cast as Bond. But if he wants it, he needs to lay low and not do anything drastic like, I don’t know, get into a PR relationship with a nerve-killing pop star – Lainey Gossip

Calum Best, the douche who is best known in the US for humping on Lindsay Lohan, wants you to think he has a “brand,” and no that brand isn’t Valtrex – Reality Tea 

Here’s Gigi Hadid grabbing her tit while in elegant Moe Howard drag because *~fashion~* – Drunken Stepfather

John Cho wasn’t totally sold on “Gay Sulu” at first – Celebitchy

Your reminder that gold digging champion Jerry Hall is still rubbing on billionaire villain Rupert Murdoch and his frowning blobfish torso – The Superficial 

These pictures of Joanna Krupa pumping gas should be labeled as certified organic because they are just so natural – The Nip Slip

Anti-Panty Creamer of the Day: Bradley Cooper’s tiny man bun – Popsugar

Take in the hotness of this topless dude working out with a pussy while you can, because it’s only a matter of time before that claws his face and pecs off – Towleroad

Matt Damon was lucky enough to have been touched by sass delivered by Jehovah’s Sexiest WitnessJezebel

Amber Rose looks hot for just having cataract surgery – Hollywood Tuna 

I see that shameless basic Jessica Biel trying to steal Hilary Duff’s “walking to my car in front of the paps” gig – Popoholic

You can finally close your eyes and sleep well now, because Meghan Trainor has decided that she’s going to vote after all – Just Jared

So I guess this means that Melania Trump is going to be on Carpool Karaoke on Thursday – Pajiba

Tom Sizemore still exists and he is still a throbbing gooch pimple of rage – HuffPo

Lady Gaga yodeled for Mexican foster children – OMG Blog

This is what Limahl looks like now and yes, I still would – SOW

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

July 18, 2016 / Posted by:

…And as Tom Hiddleston ran down the beach in Australia, he thought about changing course and running straight into the ocean, but what kept him going was the recording of him saying, “You’re doing this for Bond, you’re doing this for Bond,” over and over again – Lainey Gossip

But Tom Hiddleston probably killed his Bond dreams and the closest he’ll get to playing Bond is in a production of Octopussy co-starring Taylor Swift’s cats in the theater in her playroom – Vulture

In highly important news, Rita Ora’s chonies made an appearance in public last week – Drunken Stepfather

McKayla Maroney didn’t Kylie Jenner her lips, so claims McKayla Maroney – Celebitchy

The bad news for Bethenny Frankel’s lawyers is that her train wreck of a divorce is finally over and so they no longer have anything to bill her for. The good news for Bethenny Frankel’s lawyers is that she’s now free to marry husband #3 and do the messy divorce thing all over again! – Reality Tea 

Ariel Winter drips with elegance in a pair of coochie cutters – The Nip Slip

FYI: Aaron Carter felt the need to have a website in 2016, and now that website is being held hostage by an intern who was allegedly wronged – Jezebel

Joke’s on Fox News, because Roger Ailes was planning to quit anyway so that he can devote all of his time to running his crime empire on Tatooine – The Superficial 

The heads of One Million Moms have popped off of their necks again, because Nickelodeon is putting a gay married cartoon couple in one of their shows – Towleroad

Jessica Alba is in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna 

Here’s Kristen Stewart in half-assed Ashley Spinelli cosplay – Popoholic

Stephen Colbert got kicked out of the RNC and probably because his hair game is better than Donald Trump’sPajiba

My world is over after finding out that the hot piece from Yard Crashers may be out – Starcasm

I fucking hate Joseph Kahn for making me side with the Kartrashians – Popsugar

Racist trolls spewed racist troll barf at Leslie JonesUproxx

Add Camilla Belle to the long list of people who are loving the takedown of Taylor SwiftJust Jared

Nope. – SOW

Pic: Splash

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July 15, 2016 / Posted by:

FYI: For those of you who thought that Donald Trump was more of a “bossy bottom” type, the magnificent and perfect logo for Trump/Pence 2016 lets you know that he thinks he’s a power top who drills the shaft all the way in – Towleroad

Things I need to look into doing this weekend: Changing my name so that my initials are “A.H.” – Lainey Gossip 

DUH. – Celebitchy

Because Anna Wintour has made a secret pact with Satan to destroy American Vogue, Gigi Hadid and her “plotting your demise” brows are on the August cover – Drunken Stepfather

If your company’s entire IT department ran out of work early while covering their crotches, this is why – The Superficial 

The Case of the Alleged Stank Pussy between Joanna Krupa and Brandi Glanville is still going on – Reality Tea 

“She’s got a phone in her hand! Everybody jump overboard!” – Egotastic

Why in the hell is Selena Gomez wearing the necklace from Affair of the Necklace during the damn day? – Popoholic

There are people out there who still want to take selfies with Julianne HoughHollywood Tuna 

Kelly Brook dipped her magnificent chichis into the sea in Italy – IDLYITW

What smoky-eyed, older celebrity dude who might be bi-polar shaved Alia Shawkat’s coochie at a party? The “smoky-eyed” clue made it too easy. It’s obviously Rocket the RaccoonPajiba

Still living the life: Kate Hudson is – The Nip Slip

If Blake NotSoLively’s stylists were going for “garden party dominatrix,” they kind of nailed it – Popsugar

Adriana Lima may be humping on Clint Eastwood’s son – Just Jared

Weekend Programming Note: Our regular weekend fuckery provider Martin is sadly no longer going to provide us with the fuckery on the weekend. I loved everything he did here and will miss him more than the peen bong I broke a few weeks ago. One of my favorite drunk messes and Dlisted’s longtime guest blogger J. Harvey is taking over the weekends from now on. You can drop him a tip here.

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July 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Tall glass of Swedish leche Alexander Skarsgard wore what looks like one of the late Jackie Collins’ old leopard print blouses to The Legend of Tarzan premiere in Stockholm, and I can’t say he wore it better than her. But I would say he wore it better if he had it turned into a thong and wore that out – Lainey Gossip 

Rami Malek is hot and everything, but my mind is still blown over finding out that Mr. Robot is not about an actual man robot – Celebitchy

Kate Hudson is living the life – Drunken Stepfather

Jeff Lewis should just send Zoila to Heather Dubrow’s house to set that trick straight – Reality Tea 

Hilary Duff’s ass is in a bikini – The Superficial 

Emma Roberts’ tits are in a bikini – Egotastic

George Takei is sadly not in a bikini, but he did clarify the whole “not agreeing with Sulu liking peen” thing – Towleroad

Two things: Lea Michele looks like she’s still trying to get that Smartwater contract, and it looks like she’s been going through Bella Hadid’s dirty laundry – Popoholic

Don’t call T.I.T.I.” anymore – HuffPo

But when is Teresa Giudice going to walk off the planet? – Starcasm

Can’t Lil’ Kim’s plastic surgeons give her a major discount, so she doesn’t have to go on Celebrity Big Brother for a check? With that being said, I can’t wait to see her on it – OMG Blog

Be still my heart, Lateysha Grace puts the grace in her last name – SOW

George Clooney wanted Amal Clooney to star in this photo-op with him so badly that he pulled her out of bed! – Popsugar

Sad news for douche lovers, The Gronk is taken – Just Jared

Pic: FameFlynet

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