Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Possible ovaries exploding material: Jake Gyllenhaal got all fatherly while shooting scenes with a toddler for some movie. On a different note, is it just me or has his brows gotten bushier ever since he went the Matthew McConaughey route by losing a ton of weight for that Nightcrawler movie? That carousel horse needs to nibble down his brows a bit. Just a bit. – Lainey Gossip

Finally, some nice news: Hilary Swank does good things – Celebitchy

Err, the guy at the gas station who plumped up Naya Rivera’s lips with air went a little too far because bitch can’t close her mouth! - Drunken Stepfather

Heidi Montag is starting to look human again – Reality Tea

Ariana Grande Latte isn’t Venti-izing her chichis area – The Superficial

In “still working for those gay dollars” news, Nick Jonas plays a game of “Guess the Bulge?” – Towleroad

Carmen Electra’s dress looks like a losing game of Tetris and I would know because I played Tetris a lot and lost a lot – Hollywood Tuna

Danny DeVito shows up in a One Direction video and still manages to have better hair than all of those twinks – Time

Benadryl Cumberbund’s Beyonce strut looks like a T-Rex on coke trying to find a bathroom while having to piss really bad – HuffPo

A funny thing happened when Amanda Seyfried took her dog for a walk. She didn’t stop and mouth kiss him like she usually does – Popoholic

Okay, but I still want to hang that True Blood cast photo over my toilet – Pajiba

If you watch Gotham and have thought to yourself, “I wonder what The Riddler’s nalgas look like,” here’s your answer – OMG Blog

Homer is the greatest poet who has ever lived and no, I’m not talking about that Greek one – The Berry

Because we can’t close the chapter on Renee Zellweger’s current face until we’ve heard Heidi Montag’s thoughts about it, here’s Heidi Montag’s thoughts about it – Celebslam

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence still trusts Apple – Moe Jackson

That moment when you think to yourself, “DAMN that dude is hot,” and then realize it’s Kristen Stewart - Just Jared

That moment you mistake Ryan Gosling for Brad Pitt for a minute – Popsugar

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Night Crumbs

October 23, 2014 / Posted by:

While wearing a dress that made her chichis royale look like the Transformers logo, Duchess Kate worked her third event in one week tonight. THE QUEEN better give her overtime, because this is ridiculous and I’m sure it’s breaking some labor laws – Lainey Gossip

Sad Keanu Reeves is sad that the mean studios aren’t calling him – Celebitchy

Teresa Giudice is going to the Orange is the New Black prison after all and please, please, please put her in the same room as VeeReality Tea

Christian Bale just burned all the clothes in his closet and replaced them with black turtlenecks and dad jeans, because he’s getting ready to play Steve JobsTime

Um, I thought Lindsay Lohan was really into Brazilian politics now. This selfie would’ve been better if “Neves 4 Prez” was written on her tits in coke – Drunken Stepfather

I guess The Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer is to nerds what the hooker episode of Golden Girls playing on the Hallmark Channel is to me – The Superficial

Olivia Munn giving you Dollar Tree Black Swan – Hollywood Tuna

Nick Jonas’ nipples are out again – Towleroad

Jessica Lange did Lana Del Rey on American Horror Story: ACCENTS! and sadly she didn’t do “Fuck My Way To The Top”Jezebel

JLo’s ass comes out for We Day – Egotastic!

“Nananannanashutupshutupshutpnanannaa I’m not listening anannanaaaaaaa” – my mom after reading the Dr. Oz headline at the link – WWTDD

Lady CaCa wore period worm eyebrows on her face, because you know, it was Wednesday – ICYDK

Queen Aretha is too old and too seasoned for some stupid morning show shit – OMG Blog

More proof that Justin Timberlake probably rocked a baby into Jessica Biel’s body – Popsugar

And now, I’m blind – Popoholic

I’m still blind so I don’t know what this next link is about, but the sound of angry screams and pitchforks clinking against each other tells me it’s Kevin Hart in whiteface – SOW

The Bewitched TV reboot may just out-awful the Bewitched movie starring Nicole KidmanPajiba

FYI: Orlando Bloom isn’t licking Justin Bieber’s peen sweat off of Selena Gomez’s cooch – Just Jared

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October 22, 2014 / Posted by:

This is Johnny Depp as The Wolf in Into The Woods. I’m guessing that in this version, Little Red Riding Hood never makes it to grandma’s house, because she laughs herself into a coma from seeing The Wolf looking like a cross between  Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear and Riff-Raff from Heathcliff - i09

Here’s a hooded Bendadick Cumsinbatches and sadly that link doesn’t lead to pictures of his uncut peen – Lainey Gossip

Kate Gosselin is having a yard sale, so if you’re in the market for a kid or Jon Gosselin’s nutsack, you know where to go – Reality Tea

Selena Gomez has jumped off the douche peen and is back on the elf peen (maybe) – Celebitchy

A bald James Franco, Megan Fox, fake blood and a white boa are in the same picture together and I don’t know what’s going on but I’m sure HIGH ART is being made – Drunken Stepfather

Beyonce and Jay-Z renewed their vows, which means they’ll be divorced in 6 months – Time

Shia LaDouche says something about Christianity and I need to find God myself, because I’m actually starting to get the tingles over his shirtless pictures – The Superficial

Try not to fall over with shock, but a Catholic school is not letting a lesbian drama starring Julianne Mooore and Ellen Page shoot on their campus – Towleroad

Somebody kindly tell Kelly Brook that Brit Brit owns the fug boots game in L.A. – Hollywood Tuna

The Porn Iguana gets naked and gives you a picture straight out of a MILF’s casual encounters Craigslist ad – WWTDD

And I’m pretty sure the Florida Mom action figure has more meth-related accessories than the Walter White action figure – Pajiba

Joan Rivers was rich. QVC money is no joke – Gawker

Vanessa Hudgens knows Coachella is still months away, right? – Popoholic

Pimp Mama Kris wants all the rich dudes out there to know that Kylie Jenner is still up for sale – ICYDK

Chris Evans and Minka Kelly are probably doing it again – Popsugar

John Mayer and Bob Saget are probably doing it too – Just Jared

I think I spot a poopy floating in those bubbles – SOW

Ke$ha wants to go to there – The Berry

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October 21, 2014 / Posted by:

A knocked up Duchess Kate made an appearance at the Wildlife Photographer of The Year 2014 Awards in London tonight. It’s her second public appearance of the day and she just got done having the extreme barfs. DK better slow down with these double shifts before she overdoes it and sprains her hand waving and smiling muscles  Lainey Gossip

If Moe Howard dragged it up to play the title role in a stage production of Mildred Pierce on the planet Vulcan – Celebitchy

Rita Ora’s dress looks like a dingle that fell out of the b-hole of The Beatles’ cover for the Yellow SubmarineDrunken Stepfather

I’d shit myself to death out of shock if Pimp Mama Kris didn’t have her minions Photoshop her Instagram pics – Reality Tea

Hannibal Buress unswept all those Bill Cosby rape allegations from out under the rug – The Superficial

The Empress of Lucite makes her triumphant return to television in Botched and she was kind of enough to help out the producers by pretending to be flawed – Jezebel

Sofia Vergara always looks like the same (TITS and HAIR) so I appreciate her trying something new by giving herself Thundercat eyes - Hollywood Tuna

Will an NFL team please pick Michael Sam up for good so I can get more footage of him and his hot boyfriend celebrating by eating cake off of each other’s faces? – Towleroad

Sorry Linus, the Great Pumpkin isn’t showing up today, but it looks like the Great Fame Whore made an appearance instead – WWTDD

Wait, so Ariana Grande Latte isn’t a Satanist? – IDLYITW

Monica Lewinsky is BACK (again) and sadly she’s not back to host a second season of Mr. PersonalityICYDK

I hope Madame Tussauds has hired a full-time crew to chisel off the dried Cumberbitch cum from that Benedict Cumberbatch statue – Popsugar

Still pregnant: Rachel Bilson is – Popoholic

Daniele Watts, the actress from Django Unchained whose “racist cops” story kind of fell apart after it turned out she was boning her man in a car, has been charged with lewd conduct – HuffPo

It’s nice to know that Tindr is as messy as all the other dating apps out there – The Berry

Derek Hough, is that you girl? – SOW

The Texas T-Rex burped up his thoughts about the Redskins name change and I know you’ve been waiting for his thoughts about that – Gawker

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Night Crumbs

October 20, 2014 / Posted by:

Shonda Rhimes Bye Felicia’d a trick who complained about all the hot dude on dude action in How To Get Away With Murder. That’s actually offensive to Felicia, because I bet that pesky crackhead would fully appreciate all the hot dude on dude action in that show – Towleroad

Jude Law should skip on down to the Scientology Centre and give John Travolta his wig master’s card – Lainey Gossip

Panty Creamer of the Day: Rob Lowe bares his 50-year-old nips on Instagram – Celebitchy

What in Raquel Welch discount special HELL is on Sarah Hyland’s head? - Drunken Stepfather

Sonja Morgan will be asking Countess LuMann for a loan in 3…2.. - Reality Tea

The Stephen Collins case ended as you expected it to end – The Superficial

Whenever I’m about to bitch and moan about something, I’m going to stop and tell myself that somewhere a cotton ball-sized pom pom has it worse than me, because he’s forced to be seen with Wonky McValtrex looking like Moschino wet queefed all over her – Hollywood Tuna

Fergie Ferg is back and is shooting a new video while looking like a post-apocalyptic lot lizard, so really, nothing’s changed – Egotastic!

Even though Nick Minaj is always shoving her Fix-A-Flat ass in your face, don’t ask her about her ass – Jezebel

Selena Gomez, stop playing and give Beetlejuice his robe back – Popoholic

If Nicole Richie is going for the “65-year-old Boca Raton socialite who bathes in bronzer and considers Botox a protein” look, then she nailed it – WWTDD

Jena Malone might be female Robin in Batman vs. Superman, because the cast of 20,000 isn’t big enough – Pajiba

Pill poppers can breathe a sigh of relief because LeAnn Rimes says she isn’t one of you – ICYDK

Poke at me when Tori Spelling is permanently quarantined from humanity – IDLYITW

The first full trailer for the second season of The Comeback has Mickey in it and that’s all I could ever want from life – OMG Blog

John Travolta and Khloe Kardashian greeting each other with a hug at The Ivy…and other pictures of huggy animals – The Berry

Dear Ryan Kwanten, I have a seat that needs moving too and I don’t really know what that means exactly but just go with it – Popsugar

If you’re always complaining about how you can’t grow a muscle, blame Joe ManJello, because his body took them all – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

October 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Evan Rachel Wood says that she “felt like meat” during this 2003 Vanity Fair cover shoot. So why did she feel like meat? They made her wear a dress and heels. Seriously. How did she ever get through that traumatizing ordeal? The phrase “the struggle is real” is overused, but it needs to be used here, because Evan Rachel Wood’s struggle IS real. Oh, and hi, Lindsay Lohan’s original face – Jezebel

Brad Pitt is still promoting Fury and his hair is still giving me Eddie Munster after a blowout – Lainey Gossip

This is supposed to be a SANS FARDS Kerry Washington on the cover of Allure, but I’m pretty sure she’s got some FARDS on her face – Drunken Stepfather

John Grisham’s publicist finally stuck their arm up his ass and made his mouth move while they said, “I, John Grisham, am sorry for saying what I said about child porn” – The Superficial

Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger aren’t getting married, because they think marriage is only for the religious kind and that’s something they’re not – Celebitchy

Hank Baskett and Kendra Wilkinson’s STUNT QUEEN stunt worked – Reality Tea

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s SuperHotSlut! – Hollywood Tuna

This is the second time that Kelly Brook has worn that top on the ho stroll and it concerns me that I know this – WWTDD

Charice has the soul of a man but she’s not going to fully transition anytime soon or ever – Towleroad

I really want to know what I’ll hear if I put my ear up to that picture, but I’m afraid it’ll bite my lobe off – Egotastic!

Halle Berry looks a little different in the eyes – Popoholic

Speaking of eyes, Bono’s got the glaucoma which is why he’s always wearing sunglasses – ICYDK

The fabulous pose machine who gave us Summerlin Is Burning glamour comes out against anti-bullying – Boy Culture

I’m not even going to pretend like I know what Blake NotSoLively is wearing – Popsugar

This is what $95 million gets you in NYC (and no, that link will not lead you to a picture of a naked Anderson Cooper sprawled out on a unicorn while a gold Cronut hangs from his peen) – The Berry

Detective Juliette Lewis thinks Misty Upham was murdered – HuffPo

FINISH HER, Floyd! – Just Jared

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October 16, 2014 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Prince Hot Ginge wearing the hell out of a tuxedo while making a face that clearly says, “Heh, my willy just rubbed up against my boxers and I liked it” - Lainey Gossip 

Cindy Crawford giving you butch mannequin – Drunken Stepfather

Chris Noth jokingly calls Carrie Bradshaw a whore and where’s the Cristal ConnorsWe’re all whores, darlin’” GIF when I really need it? – Celebitchy

Sonja Morgan of The Real Drunkwives of New York pulled a first degree Shia LaDouche at Molly Ringwald’s cabaret show – Reality Tea

I will say that Khloe Kartrashian’s rumored half-sister does have a “Ugh, I just found out I’m related to one of Pimp Mama Kris’ spawn” look on her face – WWTDD

How To Get The FBI To Hold A Magnifying Glass Up To Your Laptop In One Easy Step by John GrishamThe Superficial

The moment an Ariana Grande Latte fan was hit with the self-realization that they’re an Ariana Grande Latte - Egotastic!

Why do I feel like there’s been at least 10,000 trailers for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1? – Towleroad

Burt Reynolds’ kiss turned Doogie Howser gay. I knew it! – Jezebel

They’re making commercials for Fleshlights now – SOW

Add a velvet bolero to Selena Gomez’s outfit and you’d have one of my tia’s funeral outfits – Hollywood Tuna

Emma Stone looks really excited to be Sally Bowles on Broadway – Popoholic

Meanwhile, the Robsten fan girl tears will flood the Earth any minute now – Popsugar

So that’s why Kelly Brook keeps going back to David McIntosh – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Joan Rivers died of hypoxic arrest – ICYDK

Oh it’s okay, I didn’t need to sleep tonight – The Berry

Presenting the new #1 example for delusion – Just Jared

And on a sad note: Rest in peace, Misty UphamHuffPo

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Night Crumbs

October 15, 2014 / Posted by:

I know the CDC is busy with Ebola right now, but this is some news they need to pay attention to: Robin Thicke is now a member of Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s Pussy Posse – Lainey Gossip

This picture of the Trollsens looks like a book cover for a version of The Shining that’s sold exclusively at Hot Topic – Drunken Stepfather

So I guess nobody’s rescued Wonky McValtrex’s cotton-ball sized pom pom yet? – Egotastic!

Aw, watching little Juicy Joe shove that camera is like watching Magilla Gorilla trying to lay a smack down on King Kong – Reality Tea

Calm, ageless vampire Keanu Reeves wants to play the role that every goddamn actor in Hollywood except Rip Taylor is rumored to play – Celebitchy

And that includes Ewan McGregor too – The Superficial

Family Feud: The game show that causes divorces but raises sales in peen pumps – Pajiba

That turnip in Michelle Obama’s hand just hammered in the last nail in Turn Down For What’s coffin – Towleroad

In case you were wondering, Justin Bieber is still an ingrown hair in L.A. ‘s right ass lip – IDLYITW

Carmen Electra is giving me Club MTV background dancer vibes – Hollywood Tuna

Jennifer Lawrence so wants to fuck that guy – SOW

The Photoshop Awards: Cameron Diaz in Marie ClairePopoholic

Hahaha imagine how all those Robsten crazies are going to seethe after seeing these pics”Robert Pattinson in that picture – Popsugar

If Daryl Hannah’s character in Splash grew up at the bottom of a Port-A-Potty at a rave instead of in the ocean – WWTDD

Amy Poehler loved coke for a minute – ICYDK

In news that made me go “WHAT?!” and “YES!” at the same time, Ezra Miller is going to be The Flash – OMG Blog

This dog is going to murder humans one day and none of us can say shit about it – The Berry

Ashley Parker Angel grabs his dick for charity, looks constipated while doing so – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

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October 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Shia LaBeef (seen above smothering his crotch mouse while stealing Mickey Rourke’s signature look) told Jimmy Kimmel about the night he got arrested at Cabaret and since he’s a noted bullshitter, he totally made up his side of the story, but I give him a gold star for adding that part about how he man hugged Alan Cumming’s ass with his hand – Lainey Gossip

Great, now we’re all going to get Ebola and all because Dr. Nancy Smuggyman couldn’t stay her ass at home – Celebitchy

Kenya Moore isn’t going to donate $20,000 to the Detroit Public Schools Foundation at this time because bitch needs a $20,000 donation herself – Reality Tea

Shay Mitchell stole Phoebe Price’s go-to Slut-O-Ween pose – Drunken Stepfather

Justin Timberlake posted a picture of Jessica Biel on his Instagram for the first time and that dark, foreboding cloud tells me that either this is how they’re announcing their divorce or those hos are so boring that they just like to sit and watch clouds move – IDLYITW

Make room in Robert Downey Jr.’s gold vault, because another delivery from Marvel is coming through – The Superficial

Miley Cyrus went topless on a hotel balcony in Australia and stay tuned for tomorrow’s series titled Miley Cyrus Went Topless on a Hotel Balcony in New Zealand and Thursday’s series titled Miley Cyrus Went Topless on a Hotel Balcony in… – Egotastic!

Carol Burnett still has it and I’m shaking my head at Andy Cohen’s fame whore dog for snatching her moment away – Towleroad

Slow Pap Day: The paparazzi took pictures of Fifth Harmony in bikinis – WWTDD

Gisele Buttchin serves up prance and cheese at a Chanel party – Hollywood Tuna

Here’s Ryan Phillipe’s bare ass, but what in the hell is going on in that scene? – OMG Blog

MiserAlba goes to that Fame Whore Pumpkin Patch and has a look on her face that clearly says, “But, but, but where is The Great Ginger Phoebe Price?” – Popoholic

Laura Jeanne Poon on her disorderly conduct arrest: “Yup, America found out that its sweetheart is a crazy bitch!” – ICYDK

In case this hasn’t been splattered over all of your walls, here’s the reenactment of the Bath & Body Works rant. For the record, I am firmly on Team Jen from Appleton – Popsugar

Bendelion Cumberbund is the anti-homophobe hero we all need AND deserve – Pajiba

Jon Cryer brings Duckie back and I guarantee you some L.A. hipster is wearing that exact outfit right now – SOW

This dude is a one-man RuPaul’s Drag Race Snatch GameThe Berry

Who cares about the guyliner, what in the Hell kind of GD outfit is the smooth rat wearing? – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

October 10, 2014 / Posted by:

After headlining the Venice Comic-Con known as his ridiculous, dramatic ass wedding, George Clooney made an appearance at New York Comic-Con. Even Hugh Laurie isn’t here for his cheese – Lainey Gossip

If the Red Flash moved his head a little to the right and fell forward, that picture would have all the makings of a great gay porn – The Superficial

But why is Sarah Jessica Parker dressed like a Victorian era toddler going to a christening? – Drunken Stepfather

UPDATE: During that good-old fashioned Palin family drunken brawl, Sarah Palin sat in the limo the whole time because she didn’t want to damage the Bump-It in her hair – Celebitchy

Basic cable monster Abby Lee Miller got sued for being a monster – Reality Tea

Kim Jong Un is an amazing athlete. In other news, why the hell am I writing about Kim Jong Un? – WWTDD

Speaking of dicks, I just spent the last 10 minutes looking for James Franco’s in this picture – Towleroad

There’s something Tori Spelling-esque about Bethenny Frankelstein’s chichis area – Egotastic!

JLo really wants you to see her 45-year-old abs – Hollywood Tuna

But really, they should do this every time a plane that Wonky McValtrex is on lands – Popsugar

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Okay, I’m okay with a Labyrinth 2 as long as the lead character is David Bowie’s bulge – Jezebel

Happy Why Work Out When I Can Fap To These Pictures Instead Friday! - The Berry

Another day, another set of pictures of Taylor Swift looking like a Bye Bye Birdie chorus member – Popoholic

Nicole Kidman wants a fetus in her uterus – ICYDK

If producers want a ginger Bond girl why the hell didn’t they cast international supermodel and renowned feature film actress Phoebe Price? – Pajiba

Joe Dirt 2 is happening for some reason – SOW

Bridget Jones 3 without Hugh Grant is happening for some reason – HuffPo

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