Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

July 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Bradley Cooper and Sookeh Waterhouse had words in New Orleans and I’m sure it was nothing. It was probably just a good old-fashioned beard fight and they were arguing over how her contract states that she must do at least 2 photo-ops per trip and she’s only done 1. You know how difficult those beards can be. And people walking by who didn’t know who they were probably figured B. Coop was just a regular dad getting on his 12-year-old daughter’s case. Dads are so lame! – Lainey Gossip 

Charisma Carpenter celebrated her birthday by giving her fans a cupcake with a candle in it and by that I mean she posted a picture of her tit and hard nipple - Drunken Stepfather

So I guess Michael Rapaport isn’t going to be in another Spike Lee joint anytime soon. But does Spike Lee even make movies anymore? – Celebitchy

Jennette McCurdy wants all you gross boys to stop fapping to the pictures of her ass that she Instagramms so gross boys can fap to them – The Superficial

NeNe Leakes might be in Cinderella on Broadway and I’m guessing she’s either playing the pumpkin carriage or the royal horse – Reality Tea

And six seconds later, THE QUEEN ordered that those Australian tourists be sent to the gallows for butting into HER picture – Towleroad

Jean Kasem, stop kissing the pride of Germany Micaela Schaefer and go and bury Caesy Kasem already! – Hollywood Tuna

Zoe Saldana’s got two babies growing in her uterus – Popsugar

Shia LaBeouf took a bath for court – WWTDD

BREAKING: Lauren Conrad went blonder and now she looks even more like a stale slice of Wonder Bread – The Berry

Bravo is really soaping up The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and I hope this means that Susan Lucci is joining the cast next, because lives will be made if she slapped down Lisa VanderpumpJezebel

Selena Gomez went on a boat ride with a hot piece who looks like a gay Turtle from EntouragePopoholic

Joan Rivers before she turned herself into a non-biodegradable plastic puppet – SOW

Portia de Rossi wants a Band-Aid baby – ICYDK

Conclusion: If you swapped the chick out for a dude in an Uncle Terry shoot, the picture would have 100% more hairy ass in it – OMG Blog

Steve Sanders hurt Donna Martin’s feewings – HuffPo

DanRad likes fucking while sober – Just Jared

Childhoods are dead: RIP BOP MagazineBoy Culture

Pic: Pacific Coast News

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Night Crumbs

July 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Pimp Mama Kris is shitting out a kookbook. You can finally get the recipe for Kim Kartrashian’s world-famous kum kasserole and PMK’s Sacrifice to Satan Surprise – Reality Tea

Zac Efron probably looks a lot like the beautiful unicorns that used to frolic in Robert Pattinson’s enchanted forest hair, so it makes sense that they’re friends – Lainey Gossip

If you thought that Selena Gomez was going through “a lesbian phase” when she was with Justin Bieber, your ass should know that might not have been a “phase,” because she’s on a boat with Michelle Rodriguez’s ex-piece Cara Delawhatever right now – Drunken Stepfather

Charlie Hunnam doesn’t care about getting an Emmy – Celebitchy

Photoshop has been challenged: Brit Brit is modeling her own line of lingerie now – The Superficial

Well, the good news is that at least a tampon string isn’t hanging out of Brandi Glanville’s twat – WWTDD

Will the Big Brother dudes stop teasing and have a big gay orgy in that ugly bird nest bed already? – Towleroad

And here’s a pussy nuzzling on a horse (not a link to a Trace Cyrus sex tape, I promise) – The Berry

Snoop Dogg turned the White House into the Green House (but probably not) – ICYDK

Miley Cyrus looking like a dumpster raver Susan PowterHollywood Tuna

The Brangeloonies will soon have another wedding picture of their idols to put in a silver frame on their mantle – Jezebel

Jack O’Connell’s soft peen: here it is – (NSFW) OMG Blog

FYI: Emmy Rossum doesn’t do the “cover the pin pan with my other hand” trick when she’s at the ATM – Popoholic

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are being gross together in Italy – Popsugar

Remember when Rachel McAdams was in The Hot Chick? Yeah, I blocked that out too – SOW

Lea Michele’s new piece’s week rate can’t be cheap. Bitch better get a new gig fast – Just Jared

True Blood did its job, because they made Ted Cruz mad – IDLYITW

Lafayette from True Blood comes for Luke “I Don’t Want To Do Gay Stuff On Camera” Grimes and it’s glorious – Pajiba

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Night Crumbs

July 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Someone on Instagram overheard Leonard DiCatchAHo talking shit about Matt Damon at a restaurant in Miami. It’s not known what kind of shit Leonardo was spilling about Matt, but my guess is that he’s pissed, because that whore Matt Damon stole the role of Scott Thorson in Behind the Candelabra from him and he really wanted to do Michael Douglas from behind. That role-wrecking slut Matt Damon!  - Lainey  Gossip 

Looks like Yolanda Foster is raising the next Parasite HiltonWWTDD

Yes, Justin Theroux is allergic to color, in case you were wondering – Celebitchy

Pure natural elegance has a name and it’s Adriana De Moura! – Reality Tea

And somewhere off in the distance, a scorpion has gone blind - Drunken Stepfather

Backdoor Farrah thinks that Jessica Alba or Sandra Bullock should play her in a movie, and I would expect nothing less from a plastic supermarket pony ride with dried cum balls for brains - The Superficial

The producers of Cuckoo have learned that Taylor Lautner’s shit acting skills seem to get a little better when he takes his top off – Towleroad

In “What Did Taylor Swift Wear To Walk Into A Building Today?” news…. – Hollywood Tuna

Sarah Palin got a speeding ticket and she hasn’t blamed Obama, yet – Jezebel

David Lynch designed a yoga wear collection for chicks, because he’s David Lynch and his main job is to keep you WTFing at all times – OMG Blog

Natalie Portman’s hair looks like curly fries – Popoholic

Celeb whores who’ve got the opposite of that Benjamin Button’s shit (but why is Sarah Jessica Parker on this list?) – The Berry

Philip Seymour Hoffman doesn’t want his kids to grow up to be trust fund assholes – ICYDK

Things that’ll make you miss Partners in Kryme: The new Teenage Mutant Turtles theme song – Pajiba

This is what JLo looks like in a bikini in case you forgot – IDLYITW

Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love were vanguards of the bathroom selfie movement – HuffPo

Ryan Phillippe could really use a strong Sharpie brow – Just Jared

It must be weird for Selena Gomez to be with a piece who doesn’t need his diaper changed every 3 hours – Popsugar

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Night Crumbs

July 21, 2014 / Posted by:

If somebody ever asks you to define the meaning of “sophistication,” show them these pictures of Danity Kane looking like late-80s hookers who are known for giving blow jobs for beer in a parking lot Port-A-Potty at Nascar races – Hollywood Tuna

Oscar Isaac bites Pedro Pascal’s ear and judging by Pedro Pascal’s face, he’s also getting a little “poked in the butt” action – Lainey Gossip

The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s ratings are dropping faster than Juicy Joe’s side piece when he waves a stolen $100 at her face, because nobody’s here for Teresa Giudice’s PR stunt - Reality Tea

Zendaya dropped out of the Aaliyah Lifetime movie, because she thought the production values were trash and when a 17-year-old Disney trick thinks your production values are trash…. – Celebitchy

The Swedish Shauna Sand goes sugar daddy hunting in Greece – WWTDD

Alessandra Ambrosia Salad served up some chola stripper hotness in Brazil - Drunken Stepfather

Selena Gomez’s plastic titty bags deflated - The Superficial

Panic! At The Disco trolls the trolls – Jezebel

Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black were on a plane that had to make an emergency landing in Russia, but wait, those two fly coach?! – Towleroad

Oh, look, Kim Kartrashian did something she NEVER does – IDLYITW

What in the hell kind of GD outfit is Selena Gomez wearing? – Popoholic

The National Enquirer’s TOMMY GIRL’S GAY LIFE EXPOSED cover story would’ve been shocking and brand new if the year was 1985 – Boy Culture

Joaquin Phoenix is Hollywood’s greatest forehead actor – The Berry

These pictures of Sofia Vergara and Joe ManJello are so natural and so not staged! – Popsugar

The Shining prequel that nobody needed or asked for is coming – OMG Blog

Lauren Conrad calls out Allure for the truest thing they’ve ever published – HuffPo

Zac Efron spent the night at Michelle Rodriguez’s house and if you stare at his overnight bag long enough, you can almost see the outline of a double-sided dildo – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

July 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt wore his homemade Brangelina t-shirt and beige blazer on June 9th. He was still wearing his homemade Brangelina t-shirt and beige blazer in Marseilles yesterday. I don’t think he’s changed and he’s going to keep wearing his homemade Brangelina t-shirt and beige blazer until either his toxic body cheese eats them off or until they mutate and grow legs and arms and pull themselves off of his body. I’m going to put a week’s worth of weed money on the first one – Lainey Gossip 

Lupita Nyongo’s on French Elle looking like she’s birthing out the sun and is really, really excited about it – Jezebel

Star Magazine wants you to believe that Gisele Bundchen is the Joan Crawford to Tom Brady’s Christine Darling and makes him scrub toilets at 6am – Celebitchy

Jessica from True Blood already got a new job – The Superficial

So did Wentworth MillerJust Jared

Backdoor Farrah is obviously a graduate of Detective Courtney Love’s Night School of Mystery Solving, because she just solved the mystery of who hacked her frozen yogurt website! – Reality Tea

This is what Lady CaCa’s nipple looks like in case you forgot – Drunken Stepfather

Andrew Rannells as Hedwig kind of look like an end-of-the-night Amanda PalmerTowleroad

Um, somebody please get a crowbar and a blow torch, because methinks Megan Fox Botoxed her eyelids so much that she can’t lift ‘em anymore – Hollywood Tuna

TGIF! Here’s Kat Dennings’ chichis – Popoholic

It’s Hell I Should Work Out But Fapping Burns A Lot Of Calories Right? Friday! – The Berry

No, it’s not at all embarrassing that Katy Perry is mad about not getting nominated for a coveted MTV VMA – IDLYITW

Brad Pitt and St. Angie Jolie’s new movie has a name – Popsugar

Looking like a cheese-filled hot dog covered in mustard (no offense to cheese-filled hot dogs covered in mustard) – ICYDK

Julia Ormond has a really good reason for why she dumped her last piece – HuffPo

Dustin Lance Black’s twink diving piece is topless on AttitudeBoy Culture

Pic: Bauer Griffin

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Night Crumbs

July 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Charlize Theron and Sean Penn might get married this summer and adopt a baby after that and the only reason I can come up with as to why in the HELL she’s doing this to yourself is: COOOOOOOOOKE – Lainey Gossip 

Two things: 1. The ASA is dumb in the brains for banning Tom Hiddleston’s Jaguar ad for promoting that it’s “good to be bad” while driving. 2. Jaguar is dumb in the brains for casting Tom Hiddleston instead of Latarian Milton for that campaign – Celebitchy

Bitch, save it for your profile on SeekingArrangement.com - Drunken Stepfather

Based on Page Six’s description of the dude Goopy Paltrow’s supposedly dating, I can say that she’s totally doing Napoleon DynamiteThe Superficial

Terry Dubrow doesn’t want to do plastic surgery on Heather Dubrow, because if he cut into her face, gallons of Botox would spill onto the floor and create a total mess that would take WEEKS to clean up – Reality Tea

NBC took the gayness out of ConstantineTowleroad

Selena Gomez is wearing a caftan that Blanche Devereaux would wear a million times better while on vacation in Mexico. Oh, Selena, keep the caftan-wearing to the adults – Hollywood Tuna

Mario Götze’s boner took the day off, I see – Popsugar

Ewan McGregor might star in True Detective next season and I’m all for it if his character only wears kilts with no panties – Pajiba

I would stare at Nicole Scherzinger’s chichis, but her ratty rattail is distracting me – Popoholic

Jason Biggs did something Jason Biggs-ey today – Jezebel

One of Gisele Bundchen’s queefs can pay your mortgage for the year – ICYDK

Nope, Emma Stone doesn’t sound batshit at all – IDLYITW

Here’s one third of Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis’ baby’s face – HuffPo

When they were chirrun: the Orange is the New Black edition - The Berry

Okay, but poke at me when Beverly Hills Teens is getting the reboot it deserves! – OMG Blog

The only thing I’m getting from the first picture of Sarah Paulson as conjoined twins in American Horror Story: Freak Show is that they’re both wearing Mrs. White from Clue wigs – SOW

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Night Crumbs

July 16, 2014 / Posted by:

Vanity Fair denies using the toupee Photoshop tool to add more fur to Prince William’s bald head, but Baby Prince George’s, “Hahaha, they’re totally going to Photoshop more hair onto your naked-ass dome” look says it all – Lainey Gossip 

Kate Upton’s tits look like two 22lb hams falling out of a ripped grocery bag – Drunken Stepfather

BREAKING NEWS: Ryan Gosling goes grocery shopping and makes food for Eva MendesCelebitchy

Phaedra Parks’ prison piece trophy husband has to pay back the $1.9 million he stole from the banks. Either the feds are going to have to start pulling dollars out of the g-strings of the strippers Apollo visits or he’ll have to pucker up and get into gay porn – Reality Tea

Lindsay Lohan is a few more 8-balls and a couple of kegs away from growing a glorious GUNT – The Superficial

Ricky Martin helped Ian Thorpe with his big coming out and I’m taking that to mean that Ricky Martin helped Ian Thorpe come out of his chonies before mentoring him with his peen – Towleroad

I see that Christ Bearer’s LSD buzz still hasn’t worn off – WWTDD

If you live in Italy and are missing a priceless seahorse statue, I found it - Hollywood Tuna

Adele’s new album “25” will start making hos cry and feel emotion next year – Jezebel

I think I’d rather see Lea Michele’s hooker piece in those bikini bottoms instead – Popsugar

Why is Natalie Porman wearing my favorite 7-year-old summer break outfit? – Popoholic

In case you’re wondering why there’s a WANTED sign with Our Lady of Cheetos’ face on it at The Cheesecake Factory – ICYDK

This girl who’s high on novocaine and going on about white dick and Ryan Gosling sounds pretty much like me when I’m one hundred percent sober – The Berry

It truly is the renaissance of Weird Al! – Pajiba

Michael Vartan and that chick he stalked and married broke up – Just Jared

Joe ManJello teaches Conan O’Brien some stripper moves and wears way too many clothes while doing so – SOW

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Night Crumbs

July 15, 2014 / Posted by:

This is the dude that Lifetime cast to play Bobby Brown in their Whitney Houston biopic and he’s way too pretty in the face to be Bobby B. Was a mauled hyena not available for the role? – Jezebel

Jenny McCarthy hates famous people which is why she only fucks famous people – Lainey Gossip

The dudes who got into a bar fight with Oscar Pistorius are lucky that he didn’t shoot them and later claim that he mistook them for burglars trying to rob the place – Celebitchy

The name of Blake NotSoLively’s Goop knock-off site is just as eye roll-worthy and pretentious as you thought it would be – The Superficial

Lara Stone wears an arm bra for Calvin Klein jeans – Drunken Stepfather

Here’s scenes from Uncle Terry’s Playboy issue and thankfully his wad of coagulated dick batter doesn’t make an appearance – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

A giant injection of liquid rainbows to my YES bone: Dolly Parton will serenade her gay fans with a dance album – Towleroad

Camille Grammer is suing her ex-piece for attacking her with a hot dog and that might sound sexy and delicious, but it isn’t in this case – Reality Tea

OctoMom pleaded no contest to welfare fraud and she isn’t going to prison, because I guess prosecutors and the judge felt like her being trapped in a house with 10 thousand screaming chirruns is a prison in itself – WWTDD

Kendull Jenner models lingerie, looks constipated while doing so – Hollywood Tuna

MiserAlba is still in a two piece – Popoholic

For those of you who really needed to spend a piece of your Tuesday staring at the shaved crotch of Ariana Grande Latte’s brother – (NSFWish) OMG Blog

Two people you might’ve forgot existed are having another baby – ICYDK

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW – The Berry

Saturday Night Live showed a bunch of newbies where the exit door is – Pajiba

THOR is a lady now – Boy Culture

ScarJo is still every kind of knocked the hell up – Popsugar

RiRi touched the World Cup trophy and some whores flipped out about it. So she touched it, it’s not like she used it as a dildo (although, nobody should be surprised if she did) – IDLYITW

Zoe Saldana’s got a baby in there, right? - Just Jared

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July 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Duchess Kate might have another adorable benefits scrounger growing in her uterus, which means there’s a chance that another living thing will get to call Prince Hot Gingeuncle.” I hate it already - Lainey Gossip

Cry For Me: It’s Hard Being A Millionaire In NYC by Kelly CutroneCelebitchy

Kate Moss’ 16-year-old sister is a Calvin Klein model now and her facial expression, which says “brain dead patient in an open-eyed coma,” tells me that she fits right in! – Drunken Stepfather

Lindsay Lohan takes the perfect swimsuit picture for her profile on RaggedyAndBeatDiscountEscorts.com – Drunken Stepfather

Kanye West treats his personal plastic mannequin like his personal plastic mannequin – Reality Tea

Expect One Million Moms to shit out a 45-minute long video on YouTube about how the gay agenda killed Archie (and you know Veronica is pissed that Archie didn’t get shot while saving her ass) – Towleroad

Hilary Duff shot a music video in a bikini and that’s nice and everything but I thought she retired from music and was devoting all of her time to walking to her car in front of the paps – The Superficial

Uncle Terry shot an entire issue of Playboy and I’m shocked that it took this long for that to happen – WWTDD

Tim Howard’s tattooed nipples on Adweek – Popsugar

Who cares if grade A Brangeloonie Ann Curry is being considered for The View. I want to know more about BERNADETTE FUCKING PETERS joining that coop of crazies – Jezebel

When MiserAlba walks in a bikini, it looks like her left thigh’s got a side butt - Hollywood Tuna

I see that Normal Guy Dave extended his contract and what in TJ Maxx diarrhea hell is on Brit Brit’s body and hooves this time? – ICYDK

Some German footballer’s got a boner that can kick a ball into my goal anytime - OMG Blog

President Obama and a funny BBQ joint cashier bump fists and I’m pretty sure two men fisting is illegal in Texas – Boy Culture

Um, where’s the peen? I bet Justin Bieber hears that a lot, actually – IDLYITW

Natalie Portman’s beautiful love affair with the paps continue – Popoholic

Babies must taste like bacon. Exhibit: A – The Berry

Tater Head went blonde – HuffPo

Peter Felchanelly’s sad, depressed titties could use some Valerian – Just Jared

Times must not be that tough for Sarah Michelle Gellar, because that’s the fanciest lemonade stand I’ve ever seen. Glasses made of glass and everything – SOW

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Night Crumbs

July 11, 2014 / Posted by:

The Photoshop Awards: Jezebel posted the raw and unretouched pictures of Photoshop Queen Mimi in Wonderland Magazine as shot by Uncle Terry. It took me a while to realize that the “tears” on her dress aren’t the kind of tears you make when you look at Uncle Terry’s creepy after-school special  face – Jezebel

The look IS Sienna Miller wearing a deflated, polyester, discount Dolly Parton wig while shooting a movie in Massachusetts with a snaggle-toothed Johnny DeppLainey Gossip

Karolina Kurkova’s nipple in the wild: here it is – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Kate Gosselin listens to her kids’ conversations with their dad, because she’s a controlling, scheming monster and also because she gets off on the “given up on life” tone in his voice – Reality Tea

Jennifer Aniston doesn’t want Uncle Terry to jack off on Justin Theroux’s face anymore – Celebitchy

Aubrey O’Day giving me netted ham and all the fixings glamour – The Superficial

This 4-minute-long video is the reason why every supermodel (except Phoebe Price, of course) will retire from the business – Towleroad

And L’Oreal has announced that they have replaced the Gazelle-killing soccer fan with Steven Spielberg! – WWTDD

Yeah, yeah, Maria Sharapova’s in a two piece, but that paparazzo has their priorities screwed up, because where’s the close-ups of Grigor Dimitrov’s bulge? – Popoholic

Jennifer Aniston better step up her product placement game, because Nina Agdal is coming for her gig – Hollywood Tuna

Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans went to a firehouse together. I’ve had wet dreams that started out just like that…. – ICYDK

Note to dudes dating any girls on Glee: Break up with her immediately and stay away from hotel rooms – HuffPo

Oh, Shirtless Friday is like a trip down memory lane for me, because it’s like looking at pictures of all my past imaginary boyfriends – The Berry

For the Forever Aloners who have always wanted to hear Siri bust one – SOW

Channing Tatum shaved his head – Popsugar

Blame this on Lux the Angry Pussy’s impact – Uproxx

Kristen Stewart looks like a homeless Drop Dead FredJust Jared

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