Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

September 22, 2014 / Posted by:

St. Angie Jolie has already chosen the next piece of Oscar bait she’ll direct. Once she finishes up directing that By The Sea shit, she’ll direct a movie called Africa about paleoanthrologist Richard Leakey (the Alan Cumming-ish-looking dude above) and his crusade against ivory poachers. That title doesn’t really work. Angie should title it GIVE ME THAT DIRECTING OSCAR ALREADY. There, that works much better. – Lainey Gossip 

Can’t the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills writers write an arch for Allison the SLYCIC instead of writing these dumb ass fights? – Reality Tea

Take that, hackers. Alicia Keys posted a picture of her knocked up naked body with a peace sign on her belly, because charity, or something – Drunken Stepfather

Why is an evil Russian villain from a Tolstoy novel picking up Leonardo DiCaprio’s award for him?” is what most of the audience at the Clinton Global Citizens awards thought to themselves when Leo got onstage – Celebitchy

In other words, Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn get really stoned together - The Superficial

Finally, some good news in the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo world. Uncle Poodle is getting married! – Towleroad

Blake Griffin’s oiled up cum gutters almost distract my eyes from those hideous jeans – Jezebel

Now that MiserAlba’s chemical-free diaper company is worth one billion dollars, does this mean that she’ll stop torturing us with her shitty acting? – WWTDD

The reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe lives! – Hollywood Tuna

James Blunt got married and my thoughts and prayers are with his guests if he sang “You’re Beautiful” during his and his wife’s first dance – ICYDK

This is how Sarah Hyland’s Modern Family character is celebrating Slutoween this year – Egotastic

Pimp Mama Kris is good: A man in a wheelchair (who totally isn’t a stunt man hired by PMK) crowd surfed at Kanye West’s show – Gawker

Willie Nelson’sBitch, don’t try to be slick” face is Willie Nelson’s best face – The Berry

What in trash bag Party City wrapping paper HELL is Hilary Duff wearing? – Popoholic

The American Horror Story: Freak Show character posters are here – OMG Blog

Adam Brody’s nips, here they are – Popsugar

Kenan Thompson is leaving Saturday Night Live at the end of the season, or maybe not – HuffPo

Bow Wow proposed to his fiancé with a stunning tanzanite ring from QVC - Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

September 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Ryan Gosling is “madly in love” with his one week old baby (not pictured, that’s a stand-in baby) and that’s a good thing, because it’d be really awkward if he couldn’t stand her ass – Lainey Gossip

Wonky McValtrex’s living and breathing $13,000 accessory has already mastered the “SAVE ME” face – Egotastic!

Oh, just a couple of potatoes soaking in some water together – Drunken Stepfather

NeNe Leakes is going back to Glee one last time – Reality Tea

Will LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville just rage fuck already and get it over with? – Celebitchy

School officials added that they’d be totally okay if future stepmom Jennifer Lawrence brought Apple and Moses to school on a Vespa since she’s not totally a self-entitled asshole – The Superficial

Cameron Diaz without pants on in case you forgot what that looked like – WWTDD

The homophobic fake lesbian piece of trash from t.A.t.U. went on to say that she might be okay with her son kissing another dude if he was in a shitty pop group with the dude and they were only doing it for cash – New Now Next

President Obama sent Melissa Rivers a nice letter about her mother even though Joan Rivers once called Michelle Obama a tranny – Towleroad

Anne Hathaway will later say in an interview that she trained for this scene by spening 16 months in China learning Tai Chi from the masters – Popoholic

Sofia Vergara looks more like a Latina Duchess Fergie circa the 80s – Hollywood Tuna

Happy Fap Friday once again - The Berry

Oh, Buffalo, you TRIED it, but in Florida, every family calls this “a regular Saturday night” – Gawker

Lenny Kravitz struts struts struts that ass – ICYDK

THE IMPACT OF ST. ANGIE JOLIE!!!11!!!! – Jezebel

I didn’t know Katherine Heigl was a TV critic at The New York TimesPopsugar

There will be a Fashion Police without founding Captain Joan RiversHuffPo

Panty Creamer of the Day: David Gandy in his panties - Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

September 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Jennifer Lawrence was at a Coldplay show in L.A. last night and sometime during the concert, Chris Martin pointed at her in the audience and said, “Aha! I see you!” Well, so much for Martin Lawrence. She’s totally going to dump him now. It’s one thing to be dating Chris Martin, but it’s another for him to point you out and let everyone know that you’re at a Coldplay concert – Lainey Gossip 

Lady CaCa delivered an understated entrance at Athens International Airport. Norma Desmond approves! – Egotastic!

That blonde one throwing a stankified side-eye at Kendull Jenner does look like she wants to pull a Nomi Malone on a trick – The Superficial

Which one is Karlie Kloss and which one is Taylor Swift again? – Drunken Stepfather

Howie Mandel’s just thinking about how Heidi Klum’s chichis would look a million times better if they had Purell smeared all over them – WWTDD

I wonder if Alec Baldwin called the dean at the University of Phoenix a toxic little queen or if he went with a classic by calling the dean a rude, thoughtless little pig? – Celebitchy

Kandi Burruss’ A Mother’s Love will be changing its to title to A Mother’s Broke and will be performing  for coins on a MARTA platform – Reality Tea

I read this headline as “Neil Patrick Harris Got Choked Out At His Italian Wedding” and I thought, damn, I didn’t know Doogie was into that Fifty Shades shit – Towleroad

It seems like Mila Kunis is entering her 5th trimester – Popoholic

Janet from 90210 had another baby – Popsugar

Now I know who Posh Beckham donated her old silicone titty sacks to – Hollywood Tuna

Chris Evans looks like a Gandalf astronaut and I still would – Pajiba

What in Dollywood parking lot hooker HELL is Karkoochie Tran wearing? – ICYDK

Lassie would never screw up like this – The Berry

Was Jean Kasem involved in a threesome with a homeless man recently? – OMG Blog

Connie Britton’s 1980s hair looks like a pigeon taking a nap and it’s glorious – HuffPo

I see what you did there, Just Jared – Just Jared

What kind of fart bubble of dumb did Don Lemon spit out today? – Boy Culture

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

September 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Ellen Page is in W Magazine and her facial expression tells me that either she’s confused as we are about the Eyes Wide Shut shit they made her wear or she’s gotta piss – Lainey Gossip 

Backdoor Farrah abandoned the idea of homeschooling her daughter after finding out that she has to teach her kid the ABCs and the answer to 2 + 2 and other stuff she doesn’t know - Reality Tea

In other words, Princess Charlene feels the same way she felt before she got knocked up with an heir – Celebitchy

Claudia Schiffer’s still got it - Drunken Stepfather

If anybody should get the switch, it’s Reggie Bush for dating a Kardashian for so long – The Superficial

Germany’s finest alpine rose Micaela Schaefer is topless in public again. It must be a weekday. – Egotastic

I would totally start watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey again if they went to Chernobyl for their big group trip – WWTDD

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka redefine the definition of TWEE once again – Towleroad

YOUR TAG IS STICKING OUT, EVA! - Hollywood Tuna

Slow clap for Suri Cruise’s styling skills on Katie Holmes last night – Popholic

NBC is rebooting Problem Child as a TV show and I nominate Justin Bieber or Ariana Grande Latte for the title role – Pajiba

Here’s the cover that Ashlee Simpson, who couldn’t sell her wedding pictures to anyone, is attacking with her chin in a violent rage – ICYDK

Kimye is trying to have publicity stunt #2 – Popsugar

I love a good blow job view picture – The Berry

Adam from Girls has never watched GirlsHuffPo

Nesam Pedrad lied to Kim Kartrashian’s face – OMG Blog

I see that Emily Thorne from Revenge let Wiggy Azalea borrow her wig – Just Jared

I hate my eyeballs today and could punch them for mistaking Lady CaCa for CoCoSOW

Pic: W Magazine

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Night Crumbs

September 16, 2014 / Posted by:

George Clooney will get the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the Golden Globes next year, because they want him to show up and they also want to honor all the contributions he’s made over the years to the awards season escort industry. I’m okay with this as long as the cast of The Facts of Life (aka the women who are responsible for his entire career) present that award to him – Lainey Gossip

Why do I keep waiting for Arnold Schwarzenegger as Dutch from Predator to tackle  Khlozilla from behind? – Celebitchy

I’ve gazed into Courtney Stodden’s future and someone needs to hold me now, because I’m scared – WWTDD

The next season of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases will be Mop Head-less – Reality Tea

Demi Lovato’s in a bikini – The Superficial

Abbey Clancy’s chichis must’ve had a hell of a fight. The right one wants nothing to do with the left one and is giving it the cold shoulder. Yes, Abbey Clancy’s chichis have shoulders – Drunken Stepfather

Colin Kapernick’s hot Huckleberry Hound-looking ass lifts his top for V MagazineTowleroad

Leonardo DiCatchAHo was named the UN’s Messenger of Peace and that title goes really well with his Messenger of Peen title from the modeling industry – Gawker

In Jennifer Lawrence’s new Dior ads, she’s giving Rachel Maddow after a wind storm – Popoholic

Miley Cyrus really knows how to dress for ATV riding – Hollywood Tuna

Rita Whora’s ensemble would’ve been elevated to new levels of sophistication if she wore her Teen Cunt t-shirt over it – Egotastic

Jennifer Lawrence wore a Roald Dahl quote on her body – Popsugar

Gwen Stefani is always carrying a tiny blond baby around. Always. – ICYDK

Here’s the ridiculous L.A. mansion (which you might’ve seen on Million Dollar Listing) that Beyonce and Jay-Z are renting – The Berry

Drew Barrymore went brown – HuffPo

For why is Jessica Simpson wearing construction netting as a skirt? – Just Jared

If The League ever gets canceled, Paul Scheer can always plop a blond wig on his head and be a Real Housewife of Orange County and he’d be the most feminine looking one of the group – SOW

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Night Crumbs

September 15, 2014 / Posted by:

The first shots from Brangelina’s very own Eyes Wide Shut called By The Sea are out and judging by these pictures, the movie’s investors must be really happy since they’re saving a lot of money in the budget by not having to buy food or soap  - Lainey Gossip 

Kandi Burruss might have a baby growing in her and if she does, I can’t wait to see the episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta where Mama Joyce tries to fight the baby after calling it a gold digger – Reality Tea

This Means War ruined romantic comedies for Tom HardyCelebitchy

Nicki Minaj’s old high school is missing out, because she could’ve let the science department examine the mysteries of her Fix-A-Flat ass – WWTDD

Dear Ariana Grande Latte, Brit Brit did it better – Drunken Stepfather

Snoop Dogg really needs to change his weed strain, because the one he’s currently smoking isn’t doing good things to his brain – Towleroad

It looks like Nicki Minaj’s ass has an ass - The Superficial

So what kind of foolery did Urban Outfitters pull today to get free publicity? – Gawker

And that overcooked crow Wendy Williams ate probably has more life in it than Kim and Kanye’s fake marriage – Jezebel

Selena Gomez got bangs – Popoholic

While scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and scrolling some more through this mega list of Madge’s best magazine covers, I kept saying to myself, “That Interview cover of her looking like a masturbating Clockwork Orange clown better be in the top..” – Boy Culture

The double dose of fetus growing in Zoe Saldana’s body has grown some more – ICYDK

Photoshop did wonders for Lindsay Lohan’s Wonderland Magazine spread – Hollywood Tuna

I’d hit ‘em all – The Berry

Holly Montag (Remember her? I won’t judge you too much if you shake your head yes) got married – Popsugar

You’d probably get the heaves if I asked you if you’d dieu Gerard Depardieu, but would it change your mind if I told you that he probably cums wine? – Pajiba

A Zoolander sequel is happening maybe – OMG Blog

I know what you’re going to do in two summers and it won’t include seeing the I Know What You Did Last Summer reboot – Just Jared

Pic: EW

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Night Crumbs

September 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Chris Pratt tweeted this vintage headshot of him giving beach hair and come hither sexiness. He must’ve graduated at the top of his class at Barbizon – Towleroad

Meet me at Danesfield House Hotel on October 25th at 8pm. We’re totally going to crash George Clooney’s wedding party and steal Brad Pitt’s stash from his jacket pocket before raiding the open bar – Lainey Gossip

Julianne Hough’s chest looks like bee origami – Drunken Stepfather

Goopy Paltrow likes to get kinky and dirty with her Glee dude and that probably means she likes to screw him on sheets that aren’t 1800 thread count. Real dirty. Real kinky. – Celebitchy

Frenchy from Rock of Love did a bikini photo shoot in the woods for Vogue Appalachia – WWTDD

In other words, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills script writers didn’t write a scene where Brandi Glanville punches Kim RichardsReality Tea

Alert: Olive Garden actually cooks its pasta in water and not in the microwave like we all thought – Gawker

Even ass sucker extraordinaire Giuliana Rancic can’t stand Ariana Grande LatteThe Superficial

Dear Sofia Vergara, Peg Bundy called and she said you can keep her outfit because she just realized how tacky it is – Popoholic

So is someone going to tell Alessandra Ambrosia Salad that she forgot to wear pants? - Hollywood Tuna

Apparently Kid is apparently a thing now – The Berry

Nicole Kidman’s father passed away in Singapore – ICYDK

Madge’s next album will terrorize us sometime next year – Boy Culture

Michael Che replaced Cecily Strong on SNL’s Weekend Update, but for some reason Colin Jost is still an anchor – HuffPo

Ryan Reynolds wore way too many clothes to TIFF – Popsugar

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off again relationship is officially on again. But I’m sure it’ll be off again as soon as I hit the publish button - Just Jared

Scott Lowell should’ve answered that question by saying, “Not only American men. I also had to beat off a few Russians, some Brits, a couple of Chinese guys...” – SOW

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Night Crumbs

September 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Idris Elba and Prince Hot Ginge were at the same event and if Mother Nature was a gay dude, she would’ve created a strong wind that tore their clothes off and then dropped the temperature until they started cuddling together to keep warm – Lainey Gossip

Nick Minaj looks good in Dazed Magazine and I even surprised myself by typing that without a drop of sarcasm – Drunken Stepfather

So in other words, Kelly Ripa is trying to tell us that she’s got a big, ole’ baggy pussy and Mark Consuelos‘ dick is Hammaconda-sized – Gawker

Cara Delivines got the word “bacon” tattooed on her foot and I say ho please to that, because she’s a model, so she only ingests cigarette smoke, Diet Coke and the other kind of coke – WWTDD

Hugh JackMeOff tells Jimmy Fallon about his performance at Joan Rivers’ funeral – Towleroad

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin went on another dinner date and she must’ve freebased Red Bull and injected pure liquid meth into her eyeballs beforehand, because she didn’t pass out into a bore coma when he started talking – Celebitchy

Hilary Duff’s heart is obviously as dead as her singing career, because how can she not be charmed by Aaron Carter breaking into her house and jacking off into her underwear drawer while watching her sleep? – The Superficial

Silicone dragon Camille Grammer walked the Betsy Johnson fashion show and looked like a methadone clinic Baby Jane while doing so – Reality Tea

Dog shoots a scene with Anne Hathaway. Dog doesn’t pee on Anne Hathaway when it had the chance. Dog disappoints us all. – Popoholic

American hero and the last surviving 9/11 search dog was on Today this morning and even though I got teary eyed, I was still able to clearly see her make a, “Really, you stick me with Matt Lauer?” face – Jezebel

Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s house looks like the broken condom baby that Ballard Designs and Pottery Barn made together – The Berry

Presenting a bunch of hot pieces of slightly obscure sports - The Backlot

But why is Olivia Munn dressed like an extra from Waterworld? – Hollywood Tuna

Taraji P. Henson feels like she’s the new Kathy GriffinICYDK

There will be a lot more of Gillian Anderson’s power suits and whisper talking on Hannibal next season – Pajiba

Zac Efron is still topless – Popsugar

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez don’t hate each other – Just Jared

Duh. – Celebslam

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Night Crumbs

September 10, 2014 / Posted by:

At TIFF the other night, Tom Hardy once again showed everyone that the only way he’ll make out with you is if you’re a dog. That’s my cue to go down to the costume shop to rent their most realistic dog costume (“You don’t need a costume, bitch!” – you) – Lainey Gossip

Convicted rapist Mike Tyson got mad when a Canadian reporter called him a convicted rapist. Well, at least no ears were bitten off - Drunken Stepfather

Carmen Electra got nipple bombed – (NSFWish) WWTDD

Why would Anna Wintour need to take a selfie when she’s got minions to do that for her? – Jezebel

Nick Jonas gives a fuck effort strip show while selling his new song at a gay club – Towleroad

Sofia Vergara’s coke and hooker-loving ex-piece says that he likes his women to dress classy, which is kind of rich coming from a piece of trash like him – Celebitchy

The Porn Iguana named her tits and surprisingly she didn’t name them Monet and Picasso since they’re works of fine art - Reality Tea

Oh, it looks like a Lisa Frank folder used Miley Cyrus to wipe its ass with - The Superficial

Keira Knightley’s dressed like a business-minded toddler going to their first communion – Popoholic

Magnificent: Kelly Brooks’ chichis are - Hollywood Tuna

Ellen DeGeneres remade “Anaconda” and did it better – The Berry

Are we sure that’s not Rob Ford after switching parties? – Pajiba

At the end of the day, this supercut of the messes from Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta saying “at the end of the day” made my day, at the end of the day – Gawker

Megan Fox should’ve covered up those ugly boots instead – ICYDK

Steven Tyler is going to be a memaw again – Just Jared

This is terrifying and I am one hundred percent sure that my soul belongs to the Trollsens now – OMG Blog

Behold, the tongue that could toss, chop and liquefy your salad – SOW

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Night Crumbs

September 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Kate Bosworth usually looks a lukewarm mess, but I am all about this, because looking like a fancy, stuck-up used tampon is the look – Popoholic

Just when I think that my eyeballs have seen it all, I see Posh Beckham in a muumuu – Lainey Gossip

16-year-old Paris Jackson doesn’t have a flat stomach and hasn’t been doing any underage drinking which means she’s totally pregnant. I hope she names her baby La Toya Duvet after her auntie and brother – WWTDD

Megan Fox cut the weave out of her hair – Celebitchy

I kept looking for Evan Ross in these Ashlee Simpson honeymoon pictures and then I realized that he probably took the pictures since the paps didn’t bother to show up when they called – The Superficial

Terry Dubrow is done with The Real Plasticwives of Orange County and hopefully he takes the stick up Heather Dubrow’s ass with him – Reality Tea

It’s been a while since I’ve cut my retinas on Jennifer Aniston’s ice pick nipples – Drunken Stepfather

I really want to smoke Lily Allen’s bikini – Hollywood Tuna

Vintage Joan Rivers and Robin WilliamsTowleroad

Jill Duggar sent out 1,000 wedding invitations because her greedy ass mama taught her that you can never have too many babies or wedding presents – Jezebel

This grandma’s reaction to Nicki Minaj’sAnaconda” video is nothing like my aubelita’s reaction, because my abuelita would’ve screamed “sucio” a dozen times before dousing me in holy water and setting my computer on fire – The Berry

One of my wet dreams started like this… – ICYDK

Ariana Grande Latte showed the right side of her face during an interview and nobody was murdered (I think) – OMG Blog

QUICK! Somebody greenlight Dazzler starring Jessica ChastainPajiba

Bill Murray shares his dream cast for Ghostbusters 3HuffPo

Ashley Jizzdale got married on a Monday, because IN THIS ECONOMY hos can’t afford to get married on a weekend anymore – Popsugar

Broadway will dim the lights for Joan Rivers after all – Boy Culture

Our Lady of Cheetos can’t keep a secret – Just Jared

Adobe better start making more Photoshop, because Madge used it all on this picture – SOW

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