Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

February 5, 2016 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge visited with little children at a school in Lancashire today. PHG seems so good with children and that’s a good thing, because he can deal with the kids as I get drunk while watching Real Housewives on my iPad in the bathroom where it’s fucking quiet   – Lainey Gossip 

Sofia Vergara won’t complain about diversity, but she will complain in a few years about her magnificent chichis being too big when she needs a titty reduction – Celebitchy

Good news for Teresa Giudice! Her house arrest (which she spent getting her picture taken at events) is over, so now she can go to events to get her picture taken! – Reality Tea 

MiserAlba looks like a dead-eyed mannequin in CosmopolitanDrunken Stepfather

If Robert Kardashian’s ghost really did help Kanye West write his album, then I’m guessing songs titled “Tell That Cunt Whore Kris She Tainted My Daughters” and “Okay, O.J. Really Did It” will be on it – The Superficial 

That big-tittied blonde model who isn’t Kate Upton did GQ MexicoIDLYITW

A British boy bander not named Harry Styles came out as a lover of peen – Towleroad

This deer obviously framed Steven Avery too – The Berry 

Hilary Duff celebrated her divorce being final by going to Hawaii with her son and the dude she just got divorced from – Popoholic

I thought this was LeAnn Rimes and now I feel like I need to write a really long apology note to Natalie DormerHollywood Tuna 

I see that Kanye West is styling Chrissy Teigen now – Popsugar

Nice try, Chris Martin, but you’re still about as edgy as a beige Polo shirt with a popped collar – HuffPo

Kesha and her mom won a little victory against Dr. LukeJust Jared

The Property Brothers released a shitty country music video and all I can say is that I really hope Sandra Rinomato, formerly of Property Virgins, releases a disco song one day – Starcasm

Weekend Programming Note: I’m doing this weekend by myself, so it’s going to be on the light side and since I’ll most likely be day drinking there might be more mistakes than usual. But really, what else is new?

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

February 4, 2016 / Posted by:

George Clooney told Ellen DeGeneres the eye roll-worthy story about his 25-minute-long anti-climactic proposal to Amal Clooney. The writer who wrote that fake story for him so he could look oh-so-real on a daytime talk show should’ve made it somewhat believable. Like George Clooney’s ass cooks. We all know he has his food delivered by a drone from a chef in Italy  – Lainey Gossip 

I don’t know if I’d call Lil Wayne’s Super Bowl commercial racist. But I do know that I’d call it really damn stupid – Celebitchy

Why is Kate Hudson wearing a diaper made out of gauze? I didn’t know that Kanye West is designing for Fabletics now – Drunken Stepfather

Countess LuMann may try the marriage thing again – Reality Tea 

In case you were wondering what’s the latest dumb shit that Kanye West tweeted, here you go – The Superficial 

This supercut of St. Angie Jolie’s ACTING in that flop By The Sea is pretty much me on any night of the week – Jezebel

Nice try, Pimp Mama Kris, nice try – Starcasm

This bearded surfer in the Icelandic Glacier Water commercial is no Lucky VanousTowleroad

I was just reminded that Rose McGowan was married. But now I can forget that fact again, because she’s getting a divorce – Popsugar

Work that sloppy pile of men’s shirts, Alison Brie, work ’em! – Popoholic

Dylan Penn’s nipples look like this – The Nip Slip 

This dog isn’t stupid. Doggy knows that they’re either going to the vet or the shelter! – Hollywood Tuna 

It’s the puppehs of the Puppy Bowl! – The Berry 

Natalie Portman’s ballerino husband twirled on out of the Paris Opera Ballet and probably because he realized what’s the point of working when you’ve got a millionaire wife? – Just Jared

Mariel Hemingway’s daughter is Playboy’s first not-naked cover model – SOW

Rest in peace, Maurice White. Thank you for making songs that were the reason why some of us were made – HuffPo

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

February 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Here’s Brad Pitt looking like he just laid down a few sharts in his diaper shorts and is trying to keep it together while he runs home to change. Yes, this is on the set of a movie. No, this is not on the set of the Fire Marshal Bill biopic – Lainey Gossip

Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa made up too. The secret to world peace has been solved! – Celebitchy

Hilary Duff and that Canadian brick head millionaire are now officially divorced – The Superficial 

Chemotherapy is no longer working for Big Ang so she has turned to cannabis oil to help her. Come on, cannabis oil, don’t let Big Ang down! – Reality Tea

Love Magazine may as well change their name to Love Kartrashians Magazine at this point – Drunken Stepfather 

Bill Cosby’s lawyer tried to get him out of the criminal case against him. It didn’t work – Jezebel

Vicky Jeudy’s nipple came out to say hi to Leonardo DiCatchAHo at the SAG Awards – The Nip Slip 

Excuse me while I take my Gaydar to the Geek Squad because it’s broke now. I will forward my bill to Tim TebowTowleroad

Alexandra Daddario looks like Valentine’s Day took a diarrhea on her – Popoholic

It is the end of days, because German’s finest rose is the wearing the most clothes she’s ever worn in her entire life – Hollywood Tuna 

But yet, Rihanna’s album still sold more than Rita Ora’s last album – IDLYITW

I hope JLo raised Casper the Friendly Gold Digger’s allowance for doing this mess – Popsugar

This Celebrity Big Brother gay kiss needs more tongue – OMG Blog

This is what Thor looks like as “the Janine” from Ghostbusters. I don’t know why he’s dressed like a gay receptionist, but I will say that he’s wearing way too many clothes – The Berry 

Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson’s 18-year-old surfer son took his shirt off for Saint Laurent – Just Jared

I don’t know what is going on here, but I do know that Kate Hudson is probably going to try to get on Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson’s 18-year-old son in 3..2… – SOW

Pic: FameFlynet 

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Night Crumbs

February 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Because every skinny blonde millionaire actress in the world has a book about how to love your body, Kate Hudson has put out a book about how to love your body. I haven’t read Kate’s book yet, but I’m guessing it consists of one page that reads like that: 1. Be rich enough to afford a trainer and a chef. 2. Be born with a high metabolism. 3. Drape a hot, buff naked Jonas Brother on it.  – Lainey Gossip 

Adele is a fat pig loser and my album sales are YUUUGER than hers” is probably going to be Donald Trump’s response to Adele telling him not to play her songs at his rallies – Celebitchy

The hell is Irina Shayk wearing in Vogue Turkey? – Drunken Stepfather

The new RuPaul’s Drag Race queens are here and I am all for Acid Betty, Chi Chia DeVayne, Naomi Smalls and Robbie Turner because their eyebrow situation has lifted me up to another galaxy – Reality Tea 

Rob Kartrashian made a SnapChat video where I think he’s hollering out a painful cry for help, but I’m not sure…. – The Superficial 

My hero = This woman who is suing Kit Kat for a lifetime supply of Kit Kats because she bit into a wafer-less one – Jezebel

Angelina Jolie thinks Selena Gomez is trying to Angelina Jolie her husband away – IDLYITW

Shut up about gay-baiting already and take those chonies off, Nick Jonas! – Towleroad

Eye of the NO – HuffPo

Gigi Hadid served up drunk spring breaker mug shot messiness – Popoholic

And here’s Sara Jean Underwood modeling the perfect outfit for you to wear to a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner at the Olive Garden with your piece – Hollywood Tuna  

The Gilmore Girls producers didn’t ask Melissa McCarthy to do the revival. Maybe they have a Dollar Tree budget and didn’t think they could afford her Saks Fifth Avenue fee – SOW

Panty Creamer of the Day: JoeManJello in a Johnny Depp scarf and a (sort of) 3-piece Canadian tuxedo – Popsugar

The wrong Banks was cast as Rita Repulsa in the Powers Rangers movie. It should’ve been Azealia Banks! – OMG Blog

Why do I feel like every year some TV network orders a Cruel Intentions pilot? – Just Jared

Weeeeeeeeeeeerrrk – The Berry 

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Night Crumbs

February 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen watched their son play hockey in Boston and as the piece of boiled broccoli and pine nuts they had for dinner sat in their empty stomachs, she prayed for the rink to turn into a pool of frosting and he prayed for the puck to turn into a donut – Lainey Gossip 

Prince Hot Ginge is apparently a commitment phobe. So let’s see, PHG is probably the kind of dude who won’t answer your texts for weeks but will show up at your house without calling for a quickie. I didn’t think I could swoon over him more than I have – Celebitchy

Teresa Giudice’s prison memoirs, which really should be called Orange is the New Orange, is no Orange is the New BlackReality Tea 

I must still have the Mondays in my eyes because I mistook Bella Hadid for a young Carla BruniDrunken Stepfather

Backdoor Farrah’s dogs had puppies and she was called a “backyard breeder” because of it. I’m sure that’s not the first time she’s been called a backyard breeder – The Superficial 

This may or may not be Marco Rubio at a gay foam party in Miami in the 90s. But let me ask you this, weren’t we all at a gay foam party in Miami in the 90s at one point or another? – Towleroad

Paul Allen’s crazy yacht is killing the ocean, or something – WWTDD

Who ordered the saffron-dusted chicken cutlets covered in chocolate sauce? – Egotastic! 

Laverne Cox has got a new piece – Just Jared

Either that baby is stoned or that pug is on meth or both – The Berry 

Ashley Benson wore one of Blanche Devereaux’s robes while sitting by the pool in Miami – Popoholic

Hustler wants to make a Blac Chyna and Rob Kartrashian porn – IDLYITW

This is what the cast of Trainspotting looks like now – Pajiba

Roc Nation is countersuing Rita OraJezebel

I could watch these poodles swinging in swings on a loop for hours. Yes, I played with rocks as a child. Yes, I’m very easily entertained – OMG Blog

Oh, that’s okay, I didn’t need to sleep tonight – Hollywood Tuna 

Charlie Hunnam and a lady went shopping for stuff. I don’t know, maybe that’s his girlfriend. I really didn’t read any words because I was too busy looking for a peen print on his jeans – Popsugar

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

January 29, 2016 / Posted by:

After this looooong week, what we all need is to warm ourselves on Prince Hot Ginge’s glorious beard. And yes by “warm ourselves” I mean pull down our chonies and toast our b-holes on that picture. I mean, aren’t you doing that right now?  – Lainey Gossip 

Hmmm… I thought I felt some sexual tension between Matt Lauer and Tommy Girl during their infamous interview – The Superficial 

You know you’re hard-up when you get the tingles over Michael Phelps in a Speedo at a college basketball game – Towleroad

Tom Hiddleston wants to get on Jessica Chastain again – Celebitchy

Vicki Gunvalson has a new piece and hopefully this one won’t fake having cancer – Reality Tea 

Christie Brinkely is hot. That Canadian tuxedo, however….. – Hollywood Tuna 

Zayn Malik’s new music video looks like a DeviantArt nightmare – Drunken Stepfather

I can’t snowboard worth shit, so of course this little girl is better than me in that department – The Berry 

A Check is a Check: The Kevin Spacey Edition – Egotastic! 

But why didn’t the snake mistake the busted wig on Kaley Cuoco’s head for a long-haired guinea pig in trauma and attack it? – Popsugar

Wait, Tumblr is getting rid of porn? THERE IS NO GOD! – Boy Culture

So, here’s a lady shark eating a dude shark – Starcasm

And here’s more of Rita Ora’s nipples, because I know that’s what you’ve been asking for today – Celebslam

If you were an 8th grader in the 90s, RiRi is stealing your look! – Popoholic

I don’t know who this is but I’m linking to him because MAN ASS – OMG Blog

Netflix is bringing back the Gilmore GirlsJust Jared

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

January 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Hot piece of grease Colin Farrell has a new girlfriend and I’m guessing she spends a lot of their time together with her head down, because she just can’t bring herself to look up and see that tragic haircut – Lainey Gossip 

What this world really needs is Bristol Palin’s thoughts on #OscarsSoWhite,” said Bristol Palin and Bristol Palin only – The Superficial 

No, Matthew Perry isn’t on the bad shit again. He’s just older and fatter than the “before” picture from 2001 that Star Magazine used – Celebitchy

2016 just keeps bringing the WTF: Boy George is doing the Celebrity Apprentice with SnookiReality Tea

You know those jeans your mom worked in the  80s? Bella Thorne is wearing them – Drunken Stepfather

MESS = Iggy Azalea’s look from head to toe – Egotastic! 

When are basics like Kendull Jenner going to learn that if they’re going to wear a 90s choker, it must be black velvet and it must have a Victorian cameo dangling off of it – Popoholic

That goes for you too, Charlotte McKinney! – WWTDD

Susan Sarandon came for Hillary Clinton’s history on gay rights – Towleroad

FOR WHY?! – IDLYITW

Don’t you dress like this when you walk your dog? – Hollywood Tuna

When I saw the words “twerk” and “trolls” in the same sentence, I thought it was about Miley Cyrus. That wouldn’t have been as nearly as scarring as seeing an actual Troll twerk – HuffPo

Aubrey Plaza tried to suck Robert De Niro’s nipples –  Popsugar

And now I really want a black and white cookie – SOW

Kirstie Alley misses the 1960s when Barbie only came in one size. Okay, can somebody please fulfill that bitch’s wish and make a time machine so we can send her back? – Pajiba

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

January 27, 2016 / Posted by:

56-year-old Allison Janney says that she’s not going to marry her 35-year-old piece because she doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage. Translation: She’s having too much fun dropping her coochie on some young dick and she doesn’t want to ruin it with stupid marriage – Celebitchy

Beyonce may be 5 months knocked up and I won’t believe it until the second half of the Super Bowl game is cancelled because she announced her pregnancy during the halftime show and everyone was sent home to pray to our new chosen one – Lainey Gossip 

A source claims that Bravo is demanding that NeNe Leakes goes back to being a full-time cast mess of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. NeNe should go back for the check alone, because it’s obvious that she’s no longer a rich bitch since she’s wearing wigs she pulled out of Kim Zolciak’s trash can – Reality Tea 

A chick who wrongly accused Fist Brown of hitting her got naked on the Internet – The Superficial 

Some rugby player you’ve probably never heard of is most likely going to get fired for dry humping a dog and pissing on a chair at a party – Drunken Stepfather

And since my last two links have featured true A-list superstars, let’s keep it going with these pictures of Lea Thompson’s daughter in W Magazine – Hollywood Tuna 

Someone hates Diane Kruger and that someone is whoever made her wear that busted outfit – Popoholic

Well, well, well, another anti-gay lawmaker got caught trolling for dick and man ass on Grindr – Towleroad

Miley Cyrus confirmed that she’s going to work with Woody Allen by saying “fuck yeah” and “here I cummmmm” in an Instagram post. Yeah, when you find a homemade recipe for brain bleach, pass it to me, because I’m going to need a whole lot of that shit too – WWTDD

Behold, the key party coke den of my dreams! – Jezebel

Wonky McValtrex’s ex boyfriend’s nudes have supposedly leaked, but I don’t think it’s him. I mean, there’s no warts on the dick in those pics – Boy Culture

Matthew Perry doesn’t remember 3 seasons of Friends and I have him beat, because I barely remember all 10 seasons of it – Pajiba

Nikki Cox or Alyssa Milano with rubber lips? – SOW

Zayn Malik really didn’t want to be in the group that made him a multi-millionaire – Just Jared

But who cares about him when there’s some REAL British music news to announce: All Saints is reuniting! – HuffPo

Pic: Getty

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January 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Brit Brit Spears posted 3 videos on Instagram of her bringing the sex in a two piece. Brit Brit looks like she’s in heat in those videos and I’m guessing that’s because they covered her in Slim Jim grease and piped her aphrodisiac scents of choice (KFC and Frapps) into the studio – Lainey Gossip 

Charlie Hunnam is playing a Mexican drug lord in a movie. To which Charlotte Rampling said, “Perfect casting!”Celebitchy

Hell hath no fury like Papa Smurf in a business negotiation gone wrong – Reality Tea 

Pimp Mama Kris is really slipping, because if one of her hos was going to do a sponsored Instagram post for a toilet company, it should’ve been Kim Kartrashian Drunken Stepfather

If you squint real hard, you can kind of see Hilary Duff’s nipples  – The Superficial 

A dude celebrated his 29th birthday by doing 29 death drops all over Manhattan, because why not? – Towleroad

Prepare to prolapse out of SHOCK, TLC wanted Jon Gosselin and Kate Gosselin to stay together for the sake of ratings – Jezebel

When I dance while stoned, I think that I look like this, but I look more like a constipated Elaine BenesHollywood Tuna 

Josh Gad did “I Touch Myself” as Donald Trump, because I guess that Lip Sync Battle show doesn’t want any of us to have an orgasm again – HuffPo

Someone on the Internet wants Emma Watson to prove that she’s a real feminist by spending a week in a migrant camp – IDLYITW

And now let’s move on from that to ZAC EFRON’S BARE SWAYING ASS! – OMG Blog 

Val Kilmer is looking good – SOW

Jane the Virgin is dating Jean-Ralphio from Parks and RecPopsugar

At first I thought that Vanessa Hudgens was completely pantless and I just shrugged since she totally would – Popoholic

Rest in peace, Heather the GoatJust Jared

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Night Crumbs

January 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Chris Pine strut his ass through LAX while wearing a pair of nerd glasses for all you kinky “cum on glasses” fetishists out there – Lainey Gossip 

The Peter Facinelli-looking Prime Minister of Canada wants Leonardo DiCatchAHo to tone down his words about the oil industry – Celebitchy

Monty Brinson, Kim Richards’ ex-husband, died after a long battle with cancer – Reality Tea

After the sadness above, here’s a video of John Barrowman and Stephen Amell ending their Phantom of the Opera duet with a tiny peck. I know, it needed a lot more tongue – Towleroad

James Deen is still winning porn awards – The Superficial

Jason Biggs’ thirsty wife showed Hilaria Baldwin how to get really get likes by doing pantless pilates – Drunken Stepfather

Those Golden Globes people are pieces of shit for spelling Jon Hamm’s name wrong on his award. Hey, morons, it’s spelled H-A-M-M-A-C-O-N-D-A! – Jezebel

Selena Gomez’s SNL performance was supposed to look like a sexy threesome but it looked more like some kind of weird double massage – Hollywood Tuna 

Kanye West writes like a serial killer with Rheumatoid Arthritis – IDLYITW

Ronda Rousey isn’t engaged – Just Jared

Courtney Love circa 1987 sort of looks like a morph of Who’s That Girl Madonna and Kelly Osbourne – OMG Blog

Kate Beckinsale is dressed like a Bond villainess from the late 90s and I’m into it – Popoholic

Chelsea Handler’s interview with Justin Bieber made her feel like she was going to end up on a list – Popsugar

Speaking of ending up on a list, Madge spanked and grinded on donut-terrorizing toddler Ariana Grande LatteBoy Culture

Something for everyone: Lara Stone’s nipples in a white wet shirt and a male model hot piece in a wet white Speedo – The Nip Slip

Hide yo stuffed animals because this Corgi is snatching all of them through doors – The Berry 

Ryan Reynolds says that Chris Evans has a very powerful ass….. Do with that what you will – Pajiba

Pic: Splash

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