Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Wannabe model and former country star Taylor Swift is in British Vogue looking like Anybodys from West Side Story if Anybodys went to Sweet Valley HighLainey Gossip 

The new Real Housewives of Atlanta trailer is pure messiness from Mama Joyce talking about slapping Todd’s mom to Apollo coming at Phaedra Parks in the garage – Reality Tea

Emily Ratatattat says she’s a feminist, because her publicist told her to say she’s a feminist since “feminist” is the buzz word of choice amongst Hollywood types nowadays – Celebitchy

Lizzy Caplan and her Joan Crawford lite eyebrow situation in Elle CanadaDrunken Stepfather

Diddy says JLo’s ass is a work of art and her “talent” will go down in history. In possibly related news, scientists have just announced that massive amounts of Ciroc consumption causes brain damage – The Superficial

Hugh JackMeOff and Nigel Barker grab their dude parts in the name of charity – Towleroad

Lacey Chabert explains why she left Family Guy, a million years after the fact – WWTDD

Okay, but why is Rachel Bilson wearing my abuelita’s house cleaning dress from Tijuana? – Popoholic

Jessica Simpson should dock her husband/purse holder’s pay, because he’s not holding her purse in these pictures – Hollywood Tuna

A couple spent $30,000 on sex dolls they have threesomes with. That’s nice and everything, but why do those sex dolls look like if they could blink, they’d blink “HELP” in morse code – Jezebel

After looking at Kim Kardashian’s swiss cheese camel toe, I may never enjoy a Croque Monsieur again – ICYDK

Mary-Louise Parker is writing a tell-all about the dudes in her life and expect many wonderful chapters about how noted asshole Billy Crudup dumped her for Claire Danes while their baby grew in her body – Pajiba

One Matt Boner nipple and an order of Joe ManJello side tit coming up – Just Jared

Nick Jonas flaunts his hairy cum gutters in FlauntOMG Blog

Borat is going to be a father again – Popsugar

And yes, some gross fuck will definitely find a way to fap through American Horror Story: Freak Show’s opening credits – HuffPo

Please tell me they’re going to replace Alyssa Milano with Shannen Doherty on MistressesSOW

Taylor Swift sings an Adele song with help from a patient with leukemia – The Berry

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Night Crumbs

September 29, 2014 / Posted by:

In Maroon 5′s video for “Animals,” humanized used tampon Adam Levine stalks his real-life wife Behati Prinsloo and humps on a piece of meat in a slaughterhouse while thinking about doing her. Adam Levine should be fined for thinking he’s Patrick Bateman and for contaminating all that meat with his skankness. You know, an inspector from the health department should just go ahead and slap an F on that video and shut it down  - Lainey Gossip 

Have Lifetime’s Prison Wives been in prison too? Because they all look like they were in a prison yard shiv fight with Vee from Orange is the New Black and lost – Reality Tea

Laura Jeanne Poon is a complex human being who has many different shades and most of those shades are plastered as hell – Celebitchy

Emily Ratajkowski thinks she’s Kate MossDrunken Stepfather

Well, it could be worse, Lena Dunham could be paying her book tour opening acts with copies of her book – The Superficial

An 11-year-old got injured while partying at a club at 1 in the morning, and you probably didn’t even finish that sentence before you started shouting, “It has to be Florida!” – WWTDD

Aretha Franklin’s cover of “Rolling In The Deep” is an auto-tuned NO, but her Photoshopped eyebrows are a thing of exquisite beauty and have got me rolling in the deep – Towleroad

Second tier Elvira impersonator + a hooker who sort of looks like Cher = Jessie J’s look – Hollywood Tuna

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH – Jezebel

Who the hell would want to talk to Taylor Swift anyway? I’d just want to talk to Olivia BensonICYDK

Here’s Channing Tatum’s nipples, if that’s what you need today – Popsugar

Megan Fox’s face looks different and even her kid is having a “Harpo, who dis woman?” moment – Popoholic

This puppy needs walking lessons from Miss JayThe Berry

Couldn’t have happened to a shittier douche – OMG Blog

We’re living in a world where crime lab technicians who have gone to school to be crime lab technicians have to test SpaghettiO residue to see if it’s really meth – Gawker

Everyone involved in Avengers 3 decided they weren’t making enough millions so they’re splitting the movie into two – Pajiba

Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig show you how to deal with a reporter who’s pretending like he saw your movie when he didn’t – HuffPo

Um, it’s obvious that Brad Pitt and St. Angie Jolie didn’t go to George Clooney’s wedding in Venice because they knew their piping hot star power and blazing holy gloriousness would’ve sucked up all the attention  - Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

September 26, 2014 / Posted by:

Um, I’ve read the Bear Grylls proposal story and I’m pretty sure Gerry’s supposed to pull the engagement ring out of his ass, not mine” is what Gerard Butler’s piece thought to herself as his fingers went for her ass – The Superficial

Rachel McAdams probably beat out Jessica Biel for the female lead in season two of True Detective. Well, if producers need to cast a human in the role of the “flat circle,” they should cast Jessica Biel. She has just the right personality for it – Lainey Gossip

Lena Dunham says that as soon as she got got chunky, the chubby chasers fell from the sky – Celebitchy

Demi Lovato gracefully poots out a doody bubble – Drunken Stepfather

“I wanna see the receipts!” – God to Backdoor FarrahReality Tea

One way to get me to watch How To Get Away With Murder is to promise lots of gay sex – Towleroad

Woe is the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice, again – WWTDD

The guy from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure who isn’t Keanu Reeves says that strange things will once again be afoot at the Costco. I said “Costco” instead of “Circle K,” because I don’t think many 40-somethings hang out in front of the Circle K – Jezebel

Lady CaCa stops a fight while looking like something found at the bottom of a Port-A-Potty at a candy rave circa 1999 – Popsugar

Kelly Brook’s t-shirt is no match for her magnificent chichis – Hollywood Tuna

This is what one of the now grown twinks from O-Town is doing for relevancy and I don’t hate it at all – OMG Blog

It took me a minute to realize that the stuff on Vanessa Hudgens’ leggings weren’t butterfly-shaped poop stains – Popoholic

Normal Guy Dave might get his job back – ICYDK

Vanessa Williams is getting married - Just Jared

Presenting the Glittery Gays of YouTube before there was YouTube – Boy Culture

Your Slutoween costume found: Slutty Olaf from FrozenPITNB

Poor Becky, even her twin Taylor Swift is making fun of her marijuana overdose – HuffPo

A picture-perfect basic wedding for a picture-perfect basic bitch – The Berry

Pic: Pacific Coast News

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Night Crumbs

September 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow is selling monogrammed panties on her GOOP now. The story here is that she still holds a special place for Chris Martin on her chonies, because the model is wearing panties monogrammed with the initials gkpm (Gwyneth Kate Paltrow Martin). But the real story should be that Goopy is once again selling crap she obviously doesn’t wear. Those panties don’t look like they’re made of silk produced by silkworms who only eat organic swiss chard and mulberry leaves washed with swan tears, and where is the easy access zipper for her daily enemas?! – Lainey Gossip 

Falkor Rimes lets a ho be a ho – Celebitchy

Teen Mom Jenelle is such a giving soul and a true saint for saving her mom from loneliness by letting her take care of her own kid – Reality Tea

S&M Valtrex Barbie, now available in the gift shop of every free clinic - Drunken Stepfather

Eric Holder isn’t Attorney General anymore and I nominate either Phaedra Parks or Lawyer Dog as his replacement – Towleroad

I think the bigger story here is that State Farm hired Rob Schneider as their spokesperson and the year is not 1999 – The Superficial

Iggy Azalea’s story about her being a 13-year-old hitchhiking drunk slut is probably about as real as her rap accent – WWTDD

This Selena Gomez Real Doll almost looks life-like – Popoholic

We’re still living in a time when the paparazzi show up after Ashley Greene calls them – Hollywood Tuna

So this is why Animal from the Muppets was at Supercuts getting his hair dyed black – ICYDK

Miles Teller takes back that whole “Divergent made me feel dead inside” comment because his agent held up a picture of Katherine Heigl and said, “Don’t let this be you” – Pajiba

Kate Mara and Ellen Page are Tiny DetectivesOMG Blog

When Wes Craven movies and real life become one – Gawker

This is for you dirty, nasty, sucio armpit fetishists out there (Yes, Robert Pattinson, I’m talking to you) – The Berry

Sam Worthington, Cal Worthington’s son (I WISH), is going to be a dad – Popsugar

I guess Jordin Sparks isn’t talking dirty to Jason Derulo anymore – Just Jared

Jimmy Kimmel gives you an image that I’m sure already exists in a Paula Deen parody porn – SOW

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Night Crumbs

September 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Scotland would like Jessica Simpson to know that it unanimously voted to ban her from wearing tartan ever again - Lainey Gossip

Kaley Cuoco responds to The Fappening #2 by doing a #2 for Instagram, because why not, I guess – Drunken Stepfather

The meaning of everlasting love may rise from its grave, because Mama June and Sugar Bear could be faking their split for the sake of ratings – Reality Tea

Heartbreakers would’ve been a totally different movie and way more rapey if Norman Reedus played Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boyfriend – Celebitchy

Spend time with the set of ass cheeks that Jamie Dornan will spank with a paddle in Fifty Shades of Shit next year – WWTDD

Jessica Simpson’s dumbass husband throws his ATM, I mean baby, up in the air – The Superficial

Chris Kluwe gets topless and smears brownie batter on his stomach for equality! – Towleroad

Six seconds after giving birth, Stacy Keibler and her midget David Bromstad-looking husband hit the stroll – Hollywood Tuna

Rob Lowe gives us “the son of the Mentat Master from Dune” hotness in an ad for DirecTV – Pajiba

The pattern on Jessica Chastain’s dress looks like the wallpaper on my iPhone and yes, I am a 12-year-old girl on the inside – Popoholic

Everybody’s Secret Married: The Sean Hayes Edition – SOW

Naomi Watts’ son shows the paparazzi what he thinks of them – ICYDK

You mean to tell me the Ermahgerd girl didn’t grow up to be Missi Pyle? – The Berry

CBS has given itself two more chances to make up for Big Brother’s worst season ever – Just Jared

I’m sure Tina Fey will get right on that – HuffPo

Nate Berkus and Jeremiah from The Rachel Zoe Project are going to be daddies – Popsugar

If anybody should sue Disney for stealing their life story and turning it into Frozen, it should be Nicole KidmanJezebel

Go ahead, Olivia Benson, listen to the voices in your head and scratch that trick for using you as a fashion accessory - Moe Jackson

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Night Crumbs

September 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Douche extraordinaire John Mayer wore this gardening grandma mess at a show in Chicago. To quote Amber from Clueless, “She could be a farmer in those clothes.” – Lainey Gossip

Miss America once hazed sorority pledges by making them craft all night. Taylor Swift just announced that she’s going to stop trying to be a pop star and pledge to that sorority, because that sounds like the type of hazing she can get into – Celebitchy

Cara Delawhatever is wet, naked, sandy and covered in jewels. She’s like that all the time since she’s always on vacation, but this time she did it for work - Drunken Stepfather

A radio host in Phoenix didn’t appreciate Falkor Rimes yodeling  into his ear during a David Gray show – Reality Tea

Ariana Grande Latte: The Menopause Years – The Superficial

Tom Brady Facebook’d his resume for some reason – WWTDD

Ariana Grande’s face says “latte with extra milk” and her stomach says “caramel mocha” – Hollywood Tuna

FYI: Those naked pictures of a dude that obviously isn’t Liam Payne aren’t of Liam Payne – Towleroad

They tell me this is supposed to be Zoe Kravitz, but I keep looking around for little Olivia trailing behind her ass, because that is obviously Denise Huxtable and nobody can tell me otherwise – ICYDK

But did the fake three-tittied Florida flower get her three-tittied breastplate at Boobs4Queens.com? – Jezebel

MiserAlba being miserable while wearing the glasses I bought at the swap meet in the 5th grade – Popoholic

Behold, a list of my new favorite bands. I so want to be president of the Anal Cunt fan club – OMG Blog

Joseph Gordon-Levitt should have a talk with that All About That Bass trick – Pajiba

Hot pieces in cum goggles! – The Berry

And here’s some more pictures that will fuel the tears of the #ROBSTENISUNBROKEN fangirls – Popsugar

Sarah Hyland got a restraining order against the crazy ex-boyfriend who allegedly choked her and threatened to kill her – HuffPo

Baby: Mila Kunis still has one in her body - Just Jared

Jessica Simpson’s piece split his pants on his wedding day – SOW

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September 22, 2014 / Posted by:

St. Angie Jolie has already chosen the next piece of Oscar bait she’ll direct. Once she finishes up directing that By The Sea shit, she’ll direct a movie called Africa about paleoanthrologist Richard Leakey (the Alan Cumming-ish-looking dude above) and his crusade against ivory poachers. That title doesn’t really work. Angie should title it GIVE ME THAT DIRECTING OSCAR ALREADY. There, that works much better. – Lainey Gossip 

Can’t the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills writers write an arch for Allison the SLYCIC instead of writing these dumb ass fights? – Reality Tea

Take that, hackers. Alicia Keys posted a picture of her knocked up naked body with a peace sign on her belly, because charity, or something – Drunken Stepfather

Why is an evil Russian villain from a Tolstoy novel picking up Leonardo DiCaprio’s award for him?” is what most of the audience at the Clinton Global Citizens awards thought to themselves when Leo got onstage – Celebitchy

In other words, Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn get really stoned together - The Superficial

Finally, some good news in the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo world. Uncle Poodle is getting married! – Towleroad

Blake Griffin’s oiled up cum gutters almost distract my eyes from those hideous jeans – Jezebel

Now that MiserAlba’s chemical-free diaper company is worth one billion dollars, does this mean that she’ll stop torturing us with her shitty acting? – WWTDD

The reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe lives! – Hollywood Tuna

James Blunt got married and my thoughts and prayers are with his guests if he sang “You’re Beautiful” during his and his wife’s first dance – ICYDK

This is how Sarah Hyland’s Modern Family character is celebrating Slutoween this year – Egotastic

Pimp Mama Kris is good: A man in a wheelchair (who totally isn’t a stunt man hired by PMK) crowd surfed at Kanye West’s show – Gawker

Willie Nelson’sBitch, don’t try to be slick” face is Willie Nelson’s best face – The Berry

What in trash bag Party City wrapping paper HELL is Hilary Duff wearing? – Popoholic

The American Horror Story: Freak Show character posters are here – OMG Blog

Adam Brody’s nips, here they are – Popsugar

Kenan Thompson is leaving Saturday Night Live at the end of the season, or maybe not – HuffPo

Bow Wow proposed to his fiancé with a stunning tanzanite ring from QVC - Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

September 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Ryan Gosling is “madly in love” with his one week old baby (not pictured, that’s a stand-in baby) and that’s a good thing, because it’d be really awkward if he couldn’t stand her ass – Lainey Gossip

Wonky McValtrex’s living and breathing $13,000 accessory has already mastered the “SAVE ME” face – Egotastic!

Oh, just a couple of potatoes soaking in some water together – Drunken Stepfather

NeNe Leakes is going back to Glee one last time – Reality Tea

Will LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville just rage fuck already and get it over with? – Celebitchy

School officials added that they’d be totally okay if future stepmom Jennifer Lawrence brought Apple and Moses to school on a Vespa since she’s not totally a self-entitled asshole – The Superficial

Cameron Diaz without pants on in case you forgot what that looked like – WWTDD

The homophobic fake lesbian piece of trash from t.A.t.U. went on to say that she might be okay with her son kissing another dude if he was in a shitty pop group with the dude and they were only doing it for cash – New Now Next

President Obama sent Melissa Rivers a nice letter about her mother even though Joan Rivers once called Michelle Obama a tranny – Towleroad

Anne Hathaway will later say in an interview that she trained for this scene by spening 16 months in China learning Tai Chi from the masters – Popoholic

Sofia Vergara looks more like a Latina Duchess Fergie circa the 80s – Hollywood Tuna

Happy Fap Friday once again - The Berry

Oh, Buffalo, you TRIED it, but in Florida, every family calls this “a regular Saturday night” – Gawker

Lenny Kravitz struts struts struts that ass – ICYDK

THE IMPACT OF ST. ANGIE JOLIE!!!11!!!! – Jezebel

I didn’t know Katherine Heigl was a TV critic at The New York TimesPopsugar

There will be a Fashion Police without founding Captain Joan RiversHuffPo

Panty Creamer of the Day: David Gandy in his panties - Just Jared

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September 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Jennifer Lawrence was at a Coldplay show in L.A. last night and sometime during the concert, Chris Martin pointed at her in the audience and said, “Aha! I see you!” Well, so much for Martin Lawrence. She’s totally going to dump him now. It’s one thing to be dating Chris Martin, but it’s another for him to point you out and let everyone know that you’re at a Coldplay concert – Lainey Gossip 

Lady CaCa delivered an understated entrance at Athens International Airport. Norma Desmond approves! – Egotastic!

That blonde one throwing a stankified side-eye at Kendull Jenner does look like she wants to pull a Nomi Malone on a trick – The Superficial

Which one is Karlie Kloss and which one is Taylor Swift again? – Drunken Stepfather

Howie Mandel’s just thinking about how Heidi Klum’s chichis would look a million times better if they had Purell smeared all over them – WWTDD

I wonder if Alec Baldwin called the dean at the University of Phoenix a toxic little queen or if he went with a classic by calling the dean a rude, thoughtless little pig? – Celebitchy

Kandi Burruss’ A Mother’s Love will be changing its to title to A Mother’s Broke and will be performing  for coins on a MARTA platform – Reality Tea

I read this headline as “Neil Patrick Harris Got Choked Out At His Italian Wedding” and I thought, damn, I didn’t know Doogie was into that Fifty Shades shit – Towleroad

It seems like Mila Kunis is entering her 5th trimester – Popoholic

Janet from 90210 had another baby – Popsugar

Now I know who Posh Beckham donated her old silicone titty sacks to – Hollywood Tuna

Chris Evans looks like a Gandalf astronaut and I still would – Pajiba

What in Dollywood parking lot hooker HELL is Karkoochie Tran wearing? – ICYDK

Lassie would never screw up like this – The Berry

Was Jean Kasem involved in a threesome with a homeless man recently? – OMG Blog

Connie Britton’s 1980s hair looks like a pigeon taking a nap and it’s glorious – HuffPo

I see what you did there, Just Jared – Just Jared

What kind of fart bubble of dumb did Don Lemon spit out today? – Boy Culture

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

September 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Ellen Page is in W Magazine and her facial expression tells me that either she’s confused as we are about the Eyes Wide Shut shit they made her wear or she’s gotta piss – Lainey Gossip 

Backdoor Farrah abandoned the idea of homeschooling her daughter after finding out that she has to teach her kid the ABCs and the answer to 2 + 2 and other stuff she doesn’t know - Reality Tea

In other words, Princess Charlene feels the same way she felt before she got knocked up with an heir – Celebitchy

Claudia Schiffer’s still got it - Drunken Stepfather

If anybody should get the switch, it’s Reggie Bush for dating a Kardashian for so long – The Superficial

Germany’s finest alpine rose Micaela Schaefer is topless in public again. It must be a weekday. – Egotastic

I would totally start watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey again if they went to Chernobyl for their big group trip – WWTDD

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka redefine the definition of TWEE once again – Towleroad

YOUR TAG IS STICKING OUT, EVA! - Hollywood Tuna

Slow clap for Suri Cruise’s styling skills on Katie Holmes last night – Popholic

NBC is rebooting Problem Child as a TV show and I nominate Justin Bieber or Ariana Grande Latte for the title role – Pajiba

Here’s the cover that Ashlee Simpson, who couldn’t sell her wedding pictures to anyone, is attacking with her chin in a violent rage – ICYDK

Kimye is trying to have publicity stunt #2 – Popsugar

I love a good blow job view picture – The Berry

Adam from Girls has never watched GirlsHuffPo

Nesam Pedrad lied to Kim Kartrashian’s face – OMG Blog

I see that Emily Thorne from Revenge let Wiggy Azalea borrow her wig – Just Jared

I hate my eyeballs today and could punch them for mistaking Lady CaCa for CoCoSOW

Pic: W Magazine

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