Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

January 23, 2015 / Posted by:

The first still of the gay threesome scene from the movie I Am Michael starring James Franco, Zachary Quinto and Charlie Carver from Desperate Housewives is out. You can’t see all of James Franco’s mug in that picture, but I bet if you could you would see him making a face that clearly said, “This gay threesome would be so much hotter if both of these dudes were clones of me.”  - Just Jared

Okay, where can I buy a ticket to get a ride on the back of Chris Pratt’s bike, because that is the life. You get to stay seated and look at his ass the whole time – Lainey Gossip 

Presenting DJ Fuck That Bitch KateThe Superficial

If you’re wondering if you should binge watch Transparent on Saturday for free, I have five words that may convince you to do it: Judith Light is in it – Towleroad

I really want to see this dog in a remake of Into The BlueHollywood Tuna

Dear Rita Ora, please kindly stop it with that wig, because you are not Ann JillianDrunken Stepfather

And I’m sure the last thing Teresa Giudice said to her daughter after their prison visit was, “Now make sure you tell the media about this, honey.”Reality Tea

Sam Taylor-Johnson wants you to fuck off if you have a problem with her getting young, hot dick – Celebitchy

I know you probably look at pictures of man nipples all day (I know I do), but if you need more to look at, here you go – The Berry

Crisis averted: The Sun is still going to show tits – WWTDD

Um, can somebody please tell me where to pick up an application to be a team trainer for the Clippers? – Popsugar

Kristen Stewart and her girlfriend got coffee the other day and they probably took a shit afterward, but the paparazzi didn’t get picture confirmation of that…yet – Popoholic

Movie Acting Is Hard by Benedict CumberbatchICYDK

Poke at me when they make Celebrity Sex Box and Sofia Vergara and Joe ManJello are contestants and the box is made of glass – SOW


Night Crumbs

January 22, 2015 / Posted by:

This is Jude Law at the NYC screening of his movie “Black Sea” and either he’s trying to cover up his creeping hairline with his luxurious curls or a family of guinea pigs with no eyes moved onto the top of his head. Whatever, I still would. (Jude, not the family of no-eyed guinea pigs.) – Lainey Gossip 

I almost didn’t recognize Miley Cyrus with her nipples covered – Drunken Stepfather

Oh please, I’m sure George Clooney and Amal Clooney’s marriage contract is longer than 4 months – Celebitchy

I’m okay with Jeana Keoough going back to The Real Housewives of Orange County as long as she brings her hot, dumb son with her – Reality Tea

I read this as the “Unbreakable Kimmy Gibbler” and nearly fell out of myself – Towleroad

The new Carl’s Jr. spokestits looks like a hologram mash-up of Jessica Simpson, Kate Upton and maybe a dash of Clay AikenWWTDD

In a surprise twist, the CHIN of NBC isn’t totally backing up Bill CosbyThe Superficial

That girl who isn’t Lea Michele from Glee and Whiplash is the new Supergirl. If CBS doesn’t bring back Faye Dunaway as Selena, I swear… – Jezebel

Speaking of Lea Michele, the dude’s face behind her says everything I’m feeling – Popoholic

Only the fashion icon of our time Bai Ling could think to tear off the hem of a little girl’s funeral-going dress and wear it as a top – Hollywood Tuna


Michelle “Not The White One” Williams confronts Mike Huckabee and defends the deity who gave her LIFE – Popsugar

When Oliver Hudson says “kiss it where the sun don’t shine,” he really fucking means it. The sun has never shone there – OMG Blog

Madge’sartistic rapist” has been caught – Boy Culture

FINALLY, we have an answer to one of life’s greatest mysteries: “Why doesn’t Jennifer Garner wear red lipstick?”- ICYDK

So many “and we vomited while listening to you sing it” jokes, so little time – HuffPo

Charlize Theron did a shoot for Esquire – IDLYITW

That buff kid from Wizards of Waverly Place is playing Ronald Reagan in a biopic. Yes, I typed that right. I meant to type  Ronald Reagan and not Ronald McDonald – Pajiba

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

January 21, 2015 / Posted by:

The Fifty Shades of Meh movie isn’t going to have any shots of dick and they didn’t do the tampon scene, but Jamie Dornan claims that you will see his jizz face. Who knows if it will be his real jizz face or if it’s just him cringing at himself for actually signing up for that shit - Lainey Gossip

Legend has it that if you’re an American Next Top model winner and you take a picture of your ass cheeks in the bathroom mirror three times, Tyra Banks will appear and scream at you for not booty tooching enough – Drunken Stepfather

Okay, I get that this is a story about Josh Duhamel watching Fergie get her pussy waxed, but why did they use a picture of a young Kirstie Alley wax figure? – Celebitchy

Hilary Swank served up her ass crack for Interview Germany -WWTDD

Did Ramona Singer just get done competing in the drunk division at a figure skating competition? – Reality Tea

Justin Bieber’s manager totally misunderstood him. He meant that he wanted to get spit roasted, not made fun of in a Comedy Central roast – The Superficial

Jonathan Knight and his man are going to be on The Amazing RaceTowleroad

This is what it’s come to. I watched a dude film himself farting on his chihuahua and I laughed – Hollywood Tuna

Well, that blue wall looks interesting and appealing… – Popoholic

This Fresh Prince of Bel Air mini-mini-reunion is missing the original Aunt Viv throwing a stank eye at Will SmithPopsugar

The closest thing a Cumberbitch will get to having Benedict Cumberbatch’s face on her twat – Jezebel

Tatiana Maslany and Rooney Mara are in talks for a role in one of the ten thousand Star Wars movies – Pajiba

Well, I guess now we know where the fudge for Jessica Biel’s new fudge shop is going to come from – Gawker

This post of inspirational Laura Jeanne Poon quotes is nothing without “I’m an American citizen!” and “Do you know who I am?” – The Berry

Patrick Schwarzenegger looks like he’s working that coke bloat you get from hanging around Miley Cyrus too much – HuffPo

Anne Hathaway sucks on her “twin’s” ass a bit – ICYDK

Dakota Johnson tried it but she still looks like a tied up piece of dehydrated celery – Just Jared

Presenting, Quentin Tarantino’s Shangri-La – SOW


Night Crumbs

January 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Kim Kartrashian twatted a totally not Photoshopped picture of her modeling a bikini made out of Khloe’s butt fur while in the snow somewhere. And I can pretty much hear all of you praying out loud for an avalanche – Jezebel

Kevin Hart says he doesn’t want to play a gay character and that sucks, because if they ever make a totally live-action Smurf movie, he’s the perfect size to play Vanity – Lainey Gossip 

If only Marvel and DC had a character that was dead inside and killed the nerves of her enemies with her constant lip biting and blinking – Celebitchy

Goopy Paltrow is in a bikini and it looks like the pap caught her in the middle of letting out a post-colonic fart – Drunken Stepfather

Bill Cosby is truly the definition of humble, and it’s kind of fitting that the trophy he’s holding in that picture looks like a giant pill – The Superficial

The kover for Kim Kartrashian’s coffee table toilet book really captures the essence of her and what I mean by that is she looks dead in the face and her tits look like a giant ass – Reality Tea 

Kelly Bensimon’s Tupperware titty sacks are trying to escape again – WWTDD

Jamie Chung looks cute. I can’t believe I just typed something nice and I can’t believe sarcasm wasn’t dripping from my fingertips as I typed it – Hollywood Tuna

Chrissy Teigen and Katie Cassidy got into a Twitter fight about Erin Andrews. That whole thing is a junior high school cafeteria mess. I can’t with Chrissy Teigen for saying that Katie Cassidy doesn’t have a job when Katie Cassidy is on one of those CW shows. And I can’t with Katie Cassidy for acting like being a gold digger isn’t a job. That is one of the hardest jobs of all!  - Popsugar

Colin Farrell is fighting for his brother’s right to marry in Ireland – Towleroad

Where do I file a police report against a trick for committing a violent offense against my eyes by wearing what looks like fringed UGGs? – Popoholic

The dude JLo is not doing has a butt crack and this is what it looks like – OMG Blog

Chad Michael Murray got married and is going to be somebody’s father. Okay, but what happened to that teenager he was doing? – HuffPo

Bendydick Cumsinsnatch tries out new names – The Berry

The good news is that Elizabeth Olsen’s fiancé doesn’t have to uncomfortably watch the Trollsens nibble on children’s nails and virgin hair at the Thanksgiving table anymore – ICYDK

J.K. Simmons is hosting SNLPajiba

Dev Patel looks different – Just Jared

“Eh, that’s me after taking a cold shower,” said Jon HammSOW


Night Crumbs

January 19, 2015 / Posted by:


BREAKING: The permanently miserable goth kids trapped in the bodies of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard smiled at the Mordecai premiere in London tonight. The picture perfect portrait of happiness personified is Amber Heard fake smiling for the cameras and Johnny Deep looking all kinds of deranged as he silently cries for help – Lainey Gossip 

I wish I could find the picture of a 2-year-old me working a baby blue coat at some church thing so that I could prove that Duchess Kate stole my look decades later! – Celebitchy

I’d rather see a grown Paul Pfeiffer in a banana hammock, but I’ll take Winnie Cooper in a two piece, I guess – Drunken Stepfather

Claudia Jordan probably has a sex tape and I’m sure NeNe Leakes would like to know if it was made before or after her clit left her body – Reality Tea

DJ Wonky who? Carmen Electra is here to take away the title of Most Elegant DJ in the World – WWTDD

Universal treasure and the world’s memaw Betty White got a surprise flash mob for her birthday and that’s sweet and everything, but she has a 93 year old heart! Don’t ever bust a surprise on her! – Towleroad

Underneath that block of ice, January Jones is a true feminist who clearly understands the meaning of feminism and the definition of “species” – The Superficial

In “Get It Bitch” news, a chick got her coochie munched at a punk concert. I fully expect Lena Dunham to write this into an upcoming episode of Girls  - Jezebel

Excuse me while I call 911 and ask them to send an eye doctor STAT, because for a second there I thought these pictures of Sophia Bush were Kyra Sedgwick – Popoholic

So I see that the pictures from Bai Ling’s cover shoot for Sports Illustrated Mars: Swimsuit Edition have leaked – Hollywood Tuna 

Almost Oscar nominee Jennifer Aniston took her “Cry For Me” snub tour to EllenPopsugar

Jennifer Aniston should have never stopped dressing like this – The Berry 

Martin Freeman might be completely over the batshit crazy Sherlock fans – Pajiba

Yolanda Foster’s Lyme disease has fucked with her ability to write – HuffPo

Emily Blunt is in talks to play the Snow Queen in the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman. The good news is that this isn’t a Disney movie so bitch won’t be singing that “Let It Go” song all throughout it – ICYDK

Jessie J shows off the fact that she can sing with her mouth closed and I don’t even want to know what that bloated horny ho Harvey Weinstein is thinking - Just Jared

Kanye West should work this look more often. He’s pretty pleasant with his mouth covered – SOW

Greg Plitt, the pure piece of hard muscle from Bravo’s Workout, died after getting hit by a train while filming a commercial – Boy Culture


Night Crumbs

January 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Award season sweetheart Michael Keaton won EVERYTHING at the Critics Choice Awards last night including the award for Best Arch in a Brow – Lainey Gossip 

Cameron Diaz married a Madden brother while sober. When is our government going to launch an investigation into what kind of aliens took over Cameron Diaz’s body? – Celebitchy

Leave it to England’s Finest Rose to turn selfie-taking into an elegant art form – Drunken Stepfather

Just because it’s Kate Moss’ birthday doesn’t mean it’s okay for her to skin Fraggles alive and wear them – Popsugar

Adrienne Maloof and her boy toy didn’t renew their contract, I guess – Reality Tea

Bill Cosby’s publicists should probably tell him to stop saying that he’s “far from finished”The Superficial

Michael Sam proposed to his man at the Vatican and I hope this means that Pope Franny is going to officiate their wedding ceremony – Towleroad

Watching Kristen Bell get a C-section was as terrifying to Dax Shephard as watching Employee of the Month was to me – Pajiba


$2 million?! just has to wait a few years when Justin Bieber wastes all his money away and will power bottom in a gay porn for a can of Natty Ice and a Swisher Sweet – IDLYITW

These sorority emails are no “cunt punt” but they’re still hilariously insane and I co-sign the “eyebrow” one – Jezebel

Well, Miley Cyrus’ dog looks cute… – Popoholic

NBC might do The Wiz and my vote for Evilene is Christopher Walken since he already has the brows and wig – SOW

Gabriel Aubry got a job – Just Jared

Famous hos SANS FARDS-ish – The Berry

This reminds me, I wonder what Divine Brown is up to? – Hollywood Tuna

Awww, Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker should really get back together, because it seems like they’re more in love than ever – WWTDD

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

January 15, 2015 / Posted by:

I question the world and humanity when Duchess Kate is shoved down our throats as being a British fashion icon and yet I know nothing about the glamorous “Lemony Snicket character meets Tim Burton’s wet dream” goddess she met at some event today. In that picture, I see a fashion queen we should all be bowing down to, but it ain’t Duchess Kate’s ass! (Update: This glamorous vision is cross-dressing British artiste Grayson Perry. I hope she gave DK some much-needed fashion tips.)   – Lainey Gossip 

It looks like Miley Cyrus just discovered fapping… – Drunken Stepfather

Oh, Tracy Anderson, such a gigantic head for such a tiny brain – Celebitchy

FYI: When Brandi Glanville cheers at a basketball game, her face looks like Jocelyn Wildenstein as The Scream – Reality Tea

I don’t know who Maripily Rivera is, but I do know that she’s a stunning goddess who knows how to wear a Chickenpox dress – Egotastic!

Liam Neeson thinks there’s too many guns in America – The Superficial

Oh, there’s nothing to be scared of, it’s just Kim Kartrashian’s ass going for an afternoon swim – Towleroad

Christina Hendricks SANS FARD-ish – Popoholic

Well, the good news is that once Patricia Arquette wins the Oscar, she can pawn that thing off for some cash – Jezebel

Nina Dobrev looks like she’s got a Rorschach test on her tits – Hollywood Tuna

These dating tips from 1938 could also be titled “Dating Tips From Kaley Cuoco” – The Berry

I would enjoy these pictures so much more if Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green switched bathing suits – Popsugar

Bitch Goes Down: The Price Is Right Announcer Edition – SOW

Well, there goes my plans to fap in the back row during Suicide SquadPajiba

Naomi Campbell owes her life to gay men - OMG Blog

This RiRi and Leonardo DiCatchAHo thing might really be happening – Just Jared

Of course Tara Reid got cast in Sharknado 3. She is the drunk, messy, overly-tanned heart of that masterpiece franchise – ICYDK

The Difficult Brown’s probation got revoked again – HuffPo



Night Crumbs

January 14, 2015 / Posted by:

Constipations (on purpose typo and it stays) starring Ruth Wilson and Jake Gyllenhaal opened last night and this is what she wore to the after-party. Jake i obviously no friend, because if he was he would’ve told her that the nun’s habit with a mullet dress isn’t working for her – Lainey Gossip

Never mind JLo’s nipples, what in Whoville space station restaurant hostess is she wearing? - Drunken Stepfather

Former HSOTD Beshine gets more shine under the Internet spotlight – WWTDD

Joanna Krupa is threatening to sue Brandi Glanville for repeatedly saying that her chocha smells like an outdoor fish market in August. If this goes to trial, I hope they televise it, because I really need to see Joanna Krupa’s chocha testify under oath and tell the court that it doesn’t smell like a bucket of chum – Reality Tea

Lupita Nyong’O is either not on Team Twirl or she has no idea who Team Twirl is – Celebitchy

Charli XCX is wearing some crap that was barfed up by the shredded acid wash jeans you wore in the late 80s – Egotastic!

Some Nascar driver beat his girlfriend because he thinks she’s an assassin working for the US government. Everyone just nod calmly like you believe him while the men in white jackets quietly sneak up behind him to put him in a straitjacket – The Superficial

Taylor Swift and Lorde giving you momcore hiking realness – Hollywood Tuna

Bitch Got Banned: The Westboro Baptist Church Edition – Towleroad

Okay, this conversation between Michelle Rodriguez and Milla Jovovich is seven layers of weed-induced craziness, but what my soul really needs is a conversation between Michelle Rodriguez and Matthew McConaughey. Their conversation would be the new bible – Jezebel

Lee Pace’s ponytail is giving me something I can feel – Pajiba

I guess Adriana from 90210 2.0 is an Instagram bikini model now – Popoholic

Take a moustache ride, or 23 - The Berry

Wait, which one is supposed to be Liza Minnelli? – OMG Blog

Benedict Cumberbatch needs to stop acting like he isn’t going to name his baby Cumberbaby – Popsugar

The one thing I took away from 2 Chainz’s marijuana legalization debate with the hysterical hyena known as Nancy Grace is that Nancy Grace really needs a joint – HuffPo

Please tell me “custard” is code for something – ICYDK

FKA Twigs’ new video probably has more hardcore bondage in it than all of Fifty Shades of GreyJust Jared

Pic: Getty



Night Crumbs

January 13, 2015 / Posted by:

JLo and that guy she stars in The Boy Next Door with might be a thing. I’m sure they’ll get married, have kids and in 30 years when The Boy Next Door is inducted into the National Film Registry, they’ll take their grandkids to the ceremony and tell them that’s the movie that brought their abuelita and pepaw together. Or their PR relationship will come to an end next week when their movie comes out  - Lainey Gossip 

I’m with Kathy Griffin about Amal Clooney’s baggy ass toilet-washing gloves, but the hell kind of porn is she watching? – Celebitchy

Kate Moss SANS FOTOSHOPPÉ (That’s Photoshop in French, right?) – Drunken Stepfather

Ann Curry is finally free from NBC – Jezebel

And after hearing this news, the raccoon family that is living in the unfinished Chateau Sheree really made themselves at home, because it doesn’t look like they’re going to be kicked out by workmen anytime soon – Reality Tea

Will Arnett brought his piece to a Golden Globes after-party and it also looks like he brought two 8 balls which he smuggled in his mouth – The Superficial

Another Fifty Shades of Grey trailer came out, because we really needed another one – WWTDD

I don’t really care if Jax from Vanderpump Rules is gay, bi, straight or whatever. The only thing I want to know is when Vanderpump Rules finishes its run and the money runs out, is he going to do gay porn? That’s all I care about – Towleroad

The Gone Girl gang (sans Rosamund Pike) are getting back together to remake Strangers on a Train. Ben Affleck is going to play the Farley Granger role, but instead of being a tennis player he’s going to be a Hollywood actor who wants his wife murdered during his Oscar campaign. I wish I could see the skin-burning side-eye that Jennifer Garner threw when she read that shit – Pajiba

I just spent way too much time wondering if I could see Hilary Duff’s ass crack in that dress – Popoholic

Based on that outfit, I’m guessing that Sarah Hyland’s character is going to Coachella in this  episode – Hollywood Tuna


Duchess Kate went shopping for a bunch of dresses that will sell out as soon as she’s photographed in them – Popsugar

Thor got a haircut – ICYDK

If I tell Taylor Swift I’m her biggest fan, will she pay off my credit card debt? – The Frisky

Anna Kendrick doesn’t feel embarrassed about that Ryan Gosling tweet and ho shouldn’t – Elle

Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale and Brad Pitt are doing a movie together. Anna Kendrick will most likely fap in the back row of the theater while watching it  - HuffPo

Madonna will thrust her crotch at the Grammys - Just Jared

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

January 12, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s 5 things about Michael Keaton’s son, the dude everyone creamed over last night, and sadly 2 of 5 things aren’t the answers to the questions “What’s his Tinder handle?” and “How hung?” I know, how rude!  - Popsugar

Lainey at Lainey Gossip asked the same question I asked last night when watching the Golden Globes red carpet: “Who is that Annette Funicello-like vision in a pink poodle coat?”  – Lainey Gossip 

Clive Owen looked like he just had an 8 hour root canal, but I still would – Celebitchy

Sean Penn should’ve cut that hairy mole patch off of his salmon jerky face with Pamela Anderson’s razor sharp brows – WWTDD

It’s nice to know that Vogue Australia has the same high standards as American Vogue - Reality Tea

Jennifer Aniston has a look on her face like she’s wondering why that wax-covered toddler is hugging her so tight – Drunken Stepfather

The season 3 trailer of House of Cards is here – Towleroad

Reason #4,678,865,456 for why you shouldn’t go to a Fist Brown show – The Superficial

Shay Mitchell does her best sexy faces in Maxim – Popoholic

Salma Hayek’s magnificent chichis look much better in this dress than the The Santee Alley quinceanera dress she wore to the Golden Globes – Hollywood Tuna

Hugh JackMeOff rides a ball good – SOW

Like Michelle Williams knows shit about BeyonceJezebel

Russell Tovey’s nalgas look like this in the moonlight – OMG Blog

In “Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should” news, RiRi covered VogueBoy Culture

Attention all hos who have dreamed of being Gary Oldman’s 5th wife, your wish might come true now – ICYDK

Subtitles sometimes make everything better – The Berry

As long as Johnny Depp doesn’t play one of the witches (he probably will), I’m okay with this – Pajiba

Jeff Goldbum’s 31-year-old wife is knocked up and you know, having a baby will be a good thing for the both of them. She’ll really be skilled at the art of diaper changing when she has to change his pappy nappies in 10 years – Just Jared

Pic: AP


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