Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

July 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Blake Shelton made clumsy hillbilly drunks everywhere proud when he fell during a show and blamed it on lots of booze. Sure, some may say that Blake getting plastered before a show is unprofessional, and to those I say, wouldn’t you rather see his hillbilly ass go boom than listen to him fart out sweet nothings about his undying love for Gwen Stefani? – SOW

I have never gotten tingly in the loins for Chris Pine until I saw him driving a wood-paneled station wagon. Chris Pine is the 80s suburban dad of my wet dreams – Lainey Gossip

Strange things are afoot at the offices of whoever is making the decision on what to do with the next Bill & Ted movie – Pajiba

And after this picture was taken, Britney Spears tried to bite her nipple thinking it was a piece of a Slim Jim that fell in there during her dinner break – Drunken Stepfather

The Alien Lizard King with Prince William hair: Would you hit it? – Celebitchy

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Night Crumbs

July 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Can somebody please ask Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande what kind of shit they were on when they decided to put screeching gophers in the middle of the video for her new song God Is A Woman? Yes, I want some, but I have to be careful, because that potent shit obviously messed with the part of her brain that operates logic since she never realized that those screaming gophers would easily take the spotlight away from her – Towleroad

Michael B. Jordan definitely has a type and that type is Instagram models that look like a Kim Kardashian/Karreuche Tran hybrid- Lainey Gossip

Barely legal Miami THOTs, get ready, because a newly single David Beckham may be on the loose in your city soon – Celebitchy

When the health department sees this, that ice cream place is going to get an A++++++ for being touched by the ginger sparkliness of Phoebe PriceDrunken Stepfather

The tip of Jessica Biel’s booties looks like a dickhead, and no, she doesn’t have a pic of her husband on the tip of her booties – Popoholic

Kenya Moore’s baby growing area isn’t going to make an appearance on the next season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, but it did make an appearance on Instagram – Reality Tea 

Prepare to hear more of, “Cried my retinas off while watching Queer Eye,” from your co-workers after asking what they did last night, because Queer Eye is coming back for a third season – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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Night Crumbs

July 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Instagram model, “actress,” and favorite of the dude blogs Emily RideAJetSki showed off the double diamond engagement ring her new husband gave her. It’s pretty if pretty to you is “two CZ stud earrings from Charming Charlie sloppily super-glued together by a half-blind dog in a rush.”Just Jared

The trailer for period piece Oscar bait Mary Queen of Scots is out, and I have one question: Why the hell does Margot Robbie’s Queen Elizabeth I look like Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter? – Lainey Gossip 

Um, okay, but Duchess Meghan still gets to do some acting, like acting like she even thinks of the basic cable show she was on while getting to hop on Prince Hot George’s freckled skin scepter every night – Celebitchy

Porsha Williams found herself a new storyline for next season of Real HouseMesses of AtlantaReality Tea

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Night Crumbs

July 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Every trick in the music game shouldn’t even bother submitting for the Grammys, because warbling Real Doll Kim Zolciak has burped up her latest auto-tuned masterpiece called Wig. Wig supposedly stands for “Wish I Gave A Shit.” Err, shouldn’t her song be called WIGAS then? And I wish I didn’t give a shit about listening to Wig, because now that I have my eardrums are as swollen and puffy as Kim’s lips – Reality Tea

Fuck, Hollywood. They can’t give us one live-action She-Ra movie, but yet they can give us ten million Joker movies, including the Joaquin Phoenix one that was greenlit – Lainey Gossip

According to UsWeekly, Jamie Foxx is a cheating slut, but Katie Holmes’ cooze is still sprung in a bad way for him – Celebitchy

Here’s the trailer for But I’m A Cheerleader as seen through the eyes of a Brooklyn hipster – Towleroad

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July 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Praise the panty creaming gods for gracing your eyeballs and parts with these new pictures of Botoxed pile of sexiness Simon Cowell giving us “chipmunk Rip Taylor getting an ass waxing” in the face while serving us furry tit pie goodness. Eat it up, tramps! – Celebitchy

It was nice of Bram Stoker’s Dracula to let Queen Latifah borrow his embroidered red cape thing for the Essence Fest – Lainey Gossip

They say that reality shows kill marriages, but the new season of Real PlasticWrecks of Orange County killed a marriage before even airing – Reality Tea 

If your mom’s going to see Star Wars: Episode IX, she better bring a plastic tarp to cover her seat with, because coochie geyser summoner Billy Dee Williams is going to be in it – Pajiba

On today’s episode of “What Outposed Bella Hadid?“, a giraffe outposed Bella HadidDrunken Stepfather

Andrew Rannels was a young PixyStixhead thanks to Miami ViceTowleroad

One of the Pretty Little Liars got upstaged by a little boy and his plastic car – Popoholic

Over-The-Fucking-Top: Kristen Bell continues to be – HuffPo

Bitch Goes Down: The Shawn Mendes Edition – SOW

Spain will no longer take in the scent of hair gel and burnt skin, because Crispy Ronaldo is leaving Real Madrid for Italy’s Juventus – Just Jared 

Pic: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Tom Hardy is probably going to be a daddy again. That gives you thirsty bitches just a few months to come up with a scheme where you dress up like a baby, sneak into the hospital nursery that Tom’s newborn is at and switch yourself with the kid so that Tom can cradle you and you can call him daddy. But whatever you do, don’t grab and drink the post-labor glass of champagne on his wife’s hospital bedside table. That’s what got me found out when I tried to pull that trick the last time these two welcomed a baby  – Celebitchy

My thoughts and prayers are with Blue Ivy Carter because there’s a chance her piece of the inheritance pie is going to get even smaller – Lainey Gossip

This is such bullshit, like there’s an actual living woman on earth who would touch lips with Mister Jesus JugsReality Tea 

And the Emmy goes to… everyone acting in this overdramatic drag-themed segment of the over-the-top extravaganza What Would You Do?Towleroad

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