Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

September 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Tom Brady did not wear his wedding ring last night. I guess this means that Wedding Ring Watch has officially begun and I should care, but my brain is too busy having its way with the sight of The Gronk holding that mic like it’s his dick – Lainey Gossip 

Hmmm… I would think that whoopin’ a fellow Real Housewife ‘s ass in front of the cameras would get you a bonus from Bravo – Reality Tea 

Cindy Crawford looks hot in Elle CanadaDrunken Stepfather

It’s funny that Andrew Garfield felt like making Spider-Man was like being imprisoned, because watching him play Spider-Man was a form of torture – Celebitchy

At first I thought that Kermit the Frog’s piece Denise had gone blond and was hawking waist trainers on Instagram – The Superficial 

If you want to be a morning show host, you should be a morning show host in Australia, because they obviously let them smoke the good shit on the job over there – Towleroad

Here’s Jennifer Aniston is leggings – Popoholic

I just watched a video of two red beetles doing it and yes, it had more passion than Kim Kartrashian’s sex tape – Hollywood Tuna

Bette Midler wants to play Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence’s mom – Pajiba

Kylie Jenner’s transformation into Wite Chyna is pretty much complete – IDLYITW

Some people thought Taylor Swift’s video for “Wildest Dreams” was racist and the director’s response was made of dumb. But what offended me most about that video is that she didn’t dedicate it to Cecil the Lion! – HuffPo

It looks like Sarah Michelle Gellar’s wedding dress was made of ruffled bedskirts – The Berry 

President Obama and Bear Grylls took a selfie and thank god neither of them are drinking piss in it – Popsugar

It looks like DC Comics is getting into gay comic porn and I can’t complain – OMG Blog

Dean Jones from The Love Bug and Company on Broadway has died – Just Jared

And let’s end with this headline:

crumbs-headline2015

Believe it or not, Taylor Swift didn’t write that headline.

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Night Crumbs

September 1, 2015 / Posted by:

The first trailer for The Danish Girl is out and it shows Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe, one of the first transgender women to get sex reassignment surgery. After watching the trailer, Leonardo DiCaprio called up Victoria’s Secret and placed his order for a bunch of Angels on Oscar night. Because he’s going to need to drown his sorrows in some model coochie after he loses again – Lainey Gossip 

Susan Sarandon has the sads, because her younger ping-pong mogul ex-boyfriend has gone on to gold dig an older woman – Celebitchy

So it looks like The Real Housewives of Atlanta is filling the void left by NeNe Leakes with some good old-fashioned ass whoopin’ action – Reality Tea 

Zayn Malik’s nipples are on the cover of Interview MagazineTowleroad

Also in Interview Magazine are pictures of Miley Cyrus putting her nipples on display and licking the carpet (believe it or not, that’s not a euphemism) – Drunken Stepfather

I guess Chrissy Teigen visited her coochie waxer the day of the VMAs – The Superficial 

Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud (RIP) worked that camel toe while wearing Brit Brit’s old “Oops! I Did It Again” catsuit – The Nip Slip 

I knew there was a reason (besides not wanting to do any physical activity) for why I don’t do CrossFit – Hollywood Tuna 

Canada, you must have some potent acid up there – Egotastic! 

The answer to the headline question is: Yes. – ICYDK

Josh Duggar is reportedly missing. If someone really wants to find him, I’m sure he can be found atoning for his sins on top of a hooker at the Bunny Ranch – IDLYITW

The Prostitution Whore-ah from The Real Housewives of New Jersey is engaged for the 20th time – Jezebel

Emma Stone went to Starbucks yesterday, in case you were wondering – Popoholic

Tom Cruise’s mother is supposedly missing too. Has anyone checked to see if she’s just visiting Shelly Miscavige? – Pajiba

Suddenly, I feel like I’m coming down with a fever and I need my temperature taken, anally – The Berry 

Prince Hot Ginge is a bad, bad uncle – Popsugar

And here’s the Macbeth trailer where Michael Fassbender can be seen in a kilt for about 2 seconds. He either wore underwear or he tied his peen around his thigh, because I don’t see it poking out from under his kilt – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

August 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt took one of the chosen ones, Knox, to the MotoGP British Grand Prix and he looks absolutely thrilled to be there. Knox is clearly making a face that is saying, “I only went with dad because Maddox told me he was going to another toy store. Tricked, again!”  – Lainey Gossip 

The good news for Kim Richards is, she won’t face any jail time for terrorizing the Beverly Hills Hotel. The bad news for Kim Richards is, the Beverly Hills Hotel never wants to see her face again – Reality Tea 

Chrissie Hynde is a member of the “Don’t Walk Around Half Naked If You Don’t Want To Get Raped” Club. If Chrissy watched the VMAs last night, she’s probably still on the floor after passing out from shock – Celebitchy

Who cares about the dumb VMAs? Parasite Hilton was off in Europe DJing a truly relevant event! – WWTDD

If Rita Ora doesn’t have skid mark stains running up and down the back of her two-piece tightey whitey outfit, then she totally didn’t commit to this look – Drunken Stepfather

At the VMAs, Demi Lovato looked like she was wearing a costume from the Goddess show in ShowgirlsThe Superficial 

Dear President Obama, whatever you do, do not try the cooked rat if Bear Grylls offers you some – Towleroad

RiRi wore her “staying at home clothes” out in public again – Egotastic!

The paparazzi still shows up when Stacy Keibler calls – Popoholic

Excuse me, but I have to go to the Warrior River where I can fish for kittens – Hollywood Tuna 

Ne-Yo is getting married and expecting a baby. I bet his ex, the one he supposedly convinced to have her tubes tied, is oh-so-happy for him – Popsugar

For why isn’t the Wiener Dog Race the most anticipated and watched sporting event in the world? – The Berry 

Even Zac Efron’s nipples couldn’t save his new movie from flopping – HuffPo

I didn’t know that Billy Eichner also reports the weather – SOW

TLC’s documentary on sexual abuse didn’t mention Josh Duggar’s name at all – Jezebel 

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are still married – Just Jared

Austin Whateverhislastnameis gave the Celebrity Big Brother live feed watchers a serving of his huevos and cakes – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

August 28, 2015 / Posted by:

This is Bryan Randall, the “super hot” photographer who is supposedly dating Sandra Bullock. Bryan Randall could be 2 feet tall, 300 pounds, have a Croc for a dick and have an actual butt for a face and he’d still be an upgrade from Jesse James Lainey Gossip 

Chelsea Handler looks like she’s trying to push out a stubborn fart – WWTDD

Kim Kartrashian may have successfully set the record for the most delusional shit said in one magazine interview – Reality Tea 

Ashley Madison’s CEO had many side pieces and he also recently stepped down. The good news is, now he has the time to pass his dick to the hos he meets on the site he used to be the CEO of – Celebitchy

Juliette Lewis’ nipples are in a magazine – (NSFW because of lady nipples) Drunken Stepfather

Subway allegedly knew that Subway Jared was a nasty pedo for a while but did nothing – The Superficial 

Miley Cyrus is just being Miley, which means she’s fucking whoever she wants and doesn’t have a full-time fuck partner right now – IDLYITW

This Tiny House is still bigger than many NYC apartments I’ve lived in and been in – Hollywood Tuna 

Emma Watson’s eyebrow game gets a B+ from me and it’d get a solid A if she used a Sharpie – Popoholic

Happy Friday, here’s Joe ManJello’s ass – OMG Blog

Happy Friday, again, here’s man nipples and cum gutters – The Berry 

I just found myself head bopping to a Justin Bieber song. I don’t deserve to be buried in a cemetery – Towleroad

Our Lady of Cheetos serving fashion forward future elegance, as usual – The Nip Slip

Adele may release a new album in November. Just in time to cry into your Pumpkin Spice Latte – HuffPo

THE GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD makes her grand return to Las Vegas – Popsugar

Joel Edgerton looks like he’s got a beaver resting on his belly, and I still would – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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Night Crumbs

August 27, 2015 / Posted by:

You know how Joanna Krupa of The Real Housewives of Miami (RIP) is suing Brandi Glanville, formerly of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, for saying that her pussy stinks like fermented herring sitting in an un-air conditioned subway car in the middle of August? Well, Brandi’s lawyers want Joanna to prove that her cooch doesn’t stink. Every lady justice statue must be crying out a single tear of pride today, because cases like this is why the legal system was created.  Reality Tea 

“How to break into the AFI Fest undetected” is what every Brangeloonie is Googling today since Brangelina’s By The Sea will open the festival – Lainey Gossip

Pimp Mama Kris fell asleep at a party and I’m really disappointed that nobody took the chance to destroy her by throwing a bucket of holy water on her – Drunken Stepfather

Ralph Lauren’s daughter (the one with the candy stores) used a surrogate to carry her babies, because she was too busy traveling the world and being the candy mogul she is – Celebitchy

Nick Cannon has a lot of shoes – WWTDD

I would say that Rita Ora and Miley Cyrus must share stylists, but I don’t know if Rita Ora can afford a stylist – The Superficial 

One of the Teen Wolf dudes went skateboarding in his chonies, because that’s what you gotta do for Instagram likes these days – Towleroad

And here’s some pictures to add to your “Hilary Duff Walking While Wearing Leggings” Tumblr – IDLYITW

FYI: Daniel Craig’s hangover cure is Pedialyte. Nice tip, Bond, but that doesn’t work for me. Although, maybe it’ll work for me if I drink it off of Daniel Craig’s body – Pajiba

Here’s Vanessa Hudgens dressed like a 6th grader on summer vacation in 1986 – Popoholic

John Oliver is back to show us Americans how great we are at geography – Hollywood Tuna 

If Donald Trump becomes President, this country may as well go full fuckery by having Charlie Sheen as our Vice President – SOW

The estate of the woman killed in the crash involving Caitlyn Jenner is being sued – Jezebel

I’m not sure if this dog really loves being in a hot tub or if he’s being cooked – The Berry 

Caitlyn Jenner is ready to date a man – Just Jared

Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence are over for real and he’s moved on to a new piece – ICYDK

Lucy Liu had a baby friend via surrogate and she named him Rockwell. So she’s either a fan of Sam Rockwell, Norman Rockwell or she really wants her son’s first words to be “somebody’s watching me” – Popsugar

Pic: Splash

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Night Crumbs

August 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Bruce Willis dropped out of Woody Allen’s latest movie after already filming scenes. The official excuse is that there were scheduling conflicts with Bruce’s Broadway debut in the stage version of Misery co-starring Laurie Metcalf, but some people think that doesn’t make sense and believe he was fired. Who knows? The only thing I want to know is why did Bruce Willis look like Daddy Warbucks while filming? Please don’t tell me that Woody Allen is doing a remake of Annie. I don’t even want to imagine that. No, really, it’s illegal to imagine that – Lainey Gossip 

Coming soon: Real THOTS of THOTland starring Blac Chyna and Amber RoseReality Tea 

Casper Smart really wants to take his gold digging game to the next level, but JLo isn’t on board – The Superficial 

Candice Swanepoel went topless in Lui MagazineDrunken Stepfather

In other words, People Magazine has no idea what’s going on with Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s marriage – Celebitchy

Not sure what’s more terrifying: Pimp Mama Kris’ face in the flesh or Pimp Mama Kris’ face in cardboard form – WWTDD

What I’m getting from this is that Taylor Swift has money invested in Periscope and is trying to destroy SnapChat – IDLYITW

Tila Tequila works as a phone fuck operator now. You really do learn something new every day, because today I learned that people still pay for phone sex – Hollywood Tuna 

Sashay Away, Donella TrumpTowleroad

Here’s Kiki Dunst in Birkenstocks – Popoholic

I can’t laugh at this dog’s busted swimming skills, because I probably look more stupid when I swim – The Berry 

Daniel really IS the villain of The Karate KidWWTDD

Brace yourself for a fart joke overload: Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer are writing a comedy together – ICYDK

Poke at me when In-N-Out and Subway join forces for a foot long Double Double – SOW

Paula Deen will be on Dancing with the Stars so prepare to hear about her dancing the Viennese Waltz to “Pick a Bale of Cotton” – A.V. Club

Tobey Sheldon, the Justin Bieber look-alike who was on Botched, was found dead at the young age of 35 – Just Jared

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

August 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Kanye West will receive the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at the MTV VMAs this Sunday. Since Beyonce is Kanye’s God, he better snatch the award from himself and give it to her even though she already has one of those – Lainey Gossip 

The time smooth home wrecker Jack Nicholson asked Lara Flynn Boyle out right in front of David SpadeCelebitchy

Instead of doing The Voice, Missy Elliott should’ve brought back her UPN reality show from 2005 – Reality Tea 

How kind and charitable of Bai Ling to pose with a bunch of gutter trash lessers – Drunken Stepfather

Miranda Kerr is subtle – The Superficial 

John Landis’ son wonders why no one went to see a movie starring the dude from The Social Network and Kristen Stewart IDLYITW

Pussy outsmarts human: Take 4,567,988 – Hollywood Tuna 

RENTBOY.COM HAS BEEN RAIDED! Fuck, there goes my sex life – Towleroad

Thanks for playing, Nicole Scherzinger, but Phoebe Price you are not! – Popoholic

Johnny Depp’s daughter came out as not straight – OMG Blog

Kristen Stewart plays a mean Coco Chanel in a short film directed by Kunty Karl. That mess sounds like a video that governments will use to torture their prisoners with – Jezebel

Joanna Krupa did an iPhone photo shoot in the Dead Sea. I can almost hear Brandi Glanville saying, “They probably have to call it the Deader Sea now that Joanna Krupa’s stank puss has taken a dip in it.” – The Nip Slip 

I haven’t seen a bear roll like this since my friend Joe got high on Ecstasy – The Berry 

All of the Bill Cosby allegations disgust Lisa Bonet, so says Zoe KravitzHuffPo

Calvin Harris shit on The Daily Mail for allegedly faking a tweet and he also let us know that Azerbaijan is one of his favorite countries – Just Jared

Trainwreck alert: New York, Sister Pollard, White Oprah and Michael Lohan are all doing a reality show together. I fully expect every crew member of that reality shit show to check into rehab after filming, because they’ll probably develop a booze and bad shit addiction while trying to deal with those messes – Madame Noire

Bow down before Rayanne from My So-Called Life, because she is a British countess now. And that gorgeous picture of her and her husband looks like a promo ad for a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie from 1985 – The Daily Beast

Work that deep V, Jude LawPopsugar

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

August 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Ben Affleck’s ex-nanny/maybe piece got a $1 million offer to do porn as Batwoman. Going from fucking the famous married dad you work for to fucking in a Batman parody porn IS the American dream and bitch is living it! – Lainey Gossip

Megan Fox will probably have to give Brian Austin Green spousal support because he’s got vertigo and can’t work – Celebitchy

Bindi Irwin is going to be in Dancing with the Stars and I bet you care as much as that cheetah in the pic does – Reality Tea 

And here’s a SANS Photoshopped Emma Roberts in ads for a lingerie company – Drunken Stepfather

And here’s Chestica Simpson trying to balance on the stilts she calls shoes – The Superficial 

Nick Jonas promises that season 2 of Kingdom will have more man-on-man blowjobs in an alley – Towleroad

Bai Ling is the pinnacle of demure, even when she “forgets” to put on a shirt – Hollywood Tuna

Oh, it’s just Kristen Stewart dressed up like a little girl for Woody Allen’s new movie…. – Popoholic

A photographer claims that Mad Mel Gibson called her a “cunt” and spit in her face. Hmmm.. Mel didn’t also call her a racial slur and tell her to blow him before jacuzzi? Mel really is getting soft with age! – IDLYITW

This cat is definitely going to kill somebody in their sleep – Jezebel

Puppy photo shoots > newborn human photo shoots – The Berry 

Avril Lavigne won’t be getting an invite to join Taylor Swift’s collection of famous (and sort of not really that famous) girls anytime soon – HuffPo

Brit Brit Spears either forgot she was dating that Charlie Ebersol trick or… No, there is no or, she totally forgot – Popsugar

Tracy Morgan got married – ICYDK

For some weird reason, Katherine (insert the sound of you hocking up a phlegm ball) got cast as a lead in another TV show – Just Jared

The buff pocket hottie from this season of America’s Next Top Model (yes, that show is still on and no, I can’t believe it either) has bared his nalgas a few times – (NSFW) OMG Blog

This pussy really knows how to work the pole – SOW

Pic: Splash

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Night Crumbs

August 21, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s that Emily Ratatouille chick from Gone Girl and the Blurred Lines video at the premiere of her new movie. She tried, but her St. Angie fame whoring leg game gets a low D. Bitch needs to stick it out with feeling! – Lainey Gossip  

Two more Bill Cosby accusers have come forward and at this rate, it’ll probably hit 100 by Christmas. Or by next week. Probably by next week. – The Superficial 

Didn’t Jennifer Garner dump Michael Vartan to get with Ben Affleck? If they’re really boning again, her pussy game must be next level – Celebitchy

Kim Richards is doing another “program” – Reality Tea 

It’s nice to know that at least one pap still shows up when Heidi Montag calls – Drunken Stepfather

Meanwhile at the Iowa State Fair, Ellen Page asked Ted Cruz about people getting fired for being trans or gay and he skipped over the question and went on about Christian persecution instead. Which reminds me, has anybody looked up Ted Cruz in the Ashley Madison hack? – Towleroad

Kendall Jenner’s lace front is a wreck – Hollywood Tuna

It took 8 years of Subway Jared saying disgusting, heave-worthy shit to an FBI informant before he was finally taken down  – IDLYITW

And now for a palate cleanser: man nipples! – The Berry 

Shut it, Goldilocks, this is what you get for eating our porridge” – those bears – Jezebel

The time I didn’t read the headline and thought that Khloe Kartrashian had her ass implants removed – Popoholic

Okay, but what in ice skating HELL is Zac Efron’s piece wearing? – Just Jared

You know that crazy, homophobic Christian vlogger who probably faked a pregnancy announcement with his wife for YouTube hits? Well, he had a paid Ashley Madison account. Screw Christian Mingle! Ashley Madison is where all the evangelical Christian dick is at – Popsugar

BREAKING: Ben Affleck actually smiled – Moe Jackson

Pic: Wenn.com

 

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Night Crumbs

August 20, 2015 / Posted by:

The Nanny is still working the ho stroll and that’s great and everything, but can she ask whoever is giving her money to give her a wardrobe allowance so she doesn’t have to buy her shit at the Wilson’s Leather outlet, Sheplers and 10DollarMall anymore? – Lainey Gossip 

Alec and Hilaria Baldwin have 5 nannies. Yeah, that may seem crazy, but I’m sure 3 of the nannies are solely there to stick a pacifier in Alec Baldwin’s mouth and soothe him with a lullaby when he throws a hissy fit tantrum – Celebitchy

Lara Stone’s nipples are in W Korea – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Why is Kylie Jenner even bothering with that life vest? If she falls in the water, the flotation devices in her but will keep her up – The Superficial 

Yes, Dancing with the Has-Beens is still on. No, Len Goodman isn’t going to be on it next season – Reality Tea 

Pimp Mama Kris is trying to pimp Kendall Jenner out to Zayn MalikIDLYITW

Oh, don’t bother John Travolta while he has a little “him” time in Canada – Hollywood Tuna 

Morrissey is on a roll and made sure to offend as many people as possible while talking to the iguana in suspenders that is Larry KingTowleroad

This baby reacts to a cat the same way I react when someone waves a Strawberry Shortcake bar at me – The Berry 

I hope Emma Stone slathered SPF: Infinity on her body because even the brightness of that yellow purse could tan her legs a bit – Popoholic

Why should Beyonce lick her own ass in a stupid interview when others can do it for her? – Jezebel

Kelly Clarkson has a CASE OF THE BABIES again – HuffPo

So does that Glee blondie who thinks dolphins are gay sharks – Just Jared 

Sir Patrick Stewart gives good AMA – Pajiba

Presenting, The Little MerCheeto – SOW

Pic: Splash

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