Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

August 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow stars in a commercial for Hugo Boss’ new perfume and in it, she raises her nose at the regulars while giving off a look that says, “Like I’d ever wear this wretched peon water. I’m just shilling this shit to pay for the caviar farm I’m having built on my land.” – Lainey Gossip

TLC keeps unleashing basic cable’s greatest monster on the world – Celebitchy

Kate Upton put as much effort into the Ice Bucket Challenge as she puts into acting – The Superficial

Oh please, we all know that the mold problem in Kourtney Kardashian’s house started when Kim came over and queefed – Reality Tea 

Tara Reid’s tits look like they’re fighting again – Drunken Stepfather

Cut to the pile of virgins that Christie Brinkley sucked the blood out of to stay looking like that – Hollywood Tuna

At first I read this headline as Benedict Cumberbatch to Voice Chaka Khan and I thought to myself that Hollywood really is casting his ass in everything  - Jezebel

Zoe Saldana’s pregnant nipples went to Sprinkles – WWTDD

David Letterman pays tribute to Robin WilliamsTowleroad

Birkenstocks: Vanessa Hudgens is still trying to make them happen again – Popoholic

If there was a Wonky McValtrex High, this would be an actual class and it would be mandatory – The Berry

Tommy Girl does the Ice Bucket Challenge even though he thinks that ALS can be cured with herbs and auditing – Popsugar

Oh, don’t mind Madge, she’s just covering all of her vampire skin so the sun won’t burn it off – ICYDK

Christopher Meloni did the Ice Bucket Challenge and he didn’t record it and he didn’t do it topless. Boo. Do over. - Boy Culture

The Texas T-Rex’s fanny pack is probably filled with a bong, weed and cans of Lone Star – HuffPo

FYI: The tip of Frankie Grande’s peen looks like this – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Phil Hartman will get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – Pajiba

Casper the Friendly Gold Digger might be back on JLo’s payroll again – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

August 18, 2014 / Posted by:

In the commercial for Chestica Simpson’s new perfume, her chichis are so pushed up and squeezed together that they look like the hairless, bubble butt ass of a twink. Chestica’s lucky that she didn’t look down at her butt tits and see Bryan Singer’s dick trying to poke between them – Lainey Gossip 

Jon Hamm to Ryan Reynolds regarding the Green Lantern: “I could’ve had that bitch if I wanted it!” – Celebitchy

Backdoor Farrah’s missing a decimal point between 5 and 4 – Reality Tea

Michi loves sausage…and baggage carousels – Drunken Stepfather

Lily Allen’s nipple looks like a gumdrop cookie – WWTDD

Demi Moore wished Tater Head a happy birthday with a gun cake – The Superficial

Add MiserAlba’s name to the long list of celebrities who can throw a ball better than 50 CentHollywood Tuna

Just as she does ever year, Ellen DeGeneres hired a skywriter for her and Portia de Rossi’s wedding anniversary and surprisingly the message in the sky didn’t read, “I want a divorce”Towleroad

Rachel Bilson’s still growing a baby – Popoholic

Christian Bale is a father again and please please tell me he named his kid Fucking Done Professionally BalePopsugar

On a scale from “I’m with you” to “I’m going to need you to have a seat while I scream for a mental health professional to come and get you,” how creepy is it to fap to pictures of Disney prince dicks? – Jezebel

Jena Malone might be in Batman vs. Superman because the cast isn’t big enough – ICYDK

Frankie Grande’s b-hole is going to shoot off of his body and through the roof of the Big Brother house if Zach doesn’t tickle it already – Boy Culture

Milla Jovovich is having another baby – Just Jared

When Iggy Azalea tried to be the next Willa FordOMG Blog

Chris Pratt needs to take his old Scooby-Doo van and drive through the ocean to Norway to save Shaggy – HuffPo

Ellen DeGeneres’ house looks like Camp Troop Beverly Hills if there was a Camp Troop Beverly Hills - The Berry

Vanilla Ice gets ice’d – SOW

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Night Crumbs

August 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Based on this Gone Girl cover of Entertainment Weekly, the new twist ending will be that Ben Affleck’s character was Elvis the entire time. The entire time! - Lainey Gossip 

Kendull Jenner threatens to sue the NYC waitress she tried to stiff and that NYC better keep a can of bear spray on her at all times, because Khlozilla is probably coming for her too - Reality Tea

I don’t think Madge’s kid is smoking weed. She’s obviously smoking dried hydrangeas. She’s a total rebel against her mom – WWTDD

Elisabeth Moss dry cleans her pajamas, because I’m guessing it kills the Thetans or something – Celebitchy

The subway wind really wanted everyone to see MiserAlba’s chonies – Drunken Stepfather

Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead might love dicks – Towleroad

Verne Troyer in a shark suit just might be able to erase the terrifying images of his sex tape that are burned into the inside of my skull – The Superficial

The world’s smallest woman will be on American Horror Story: Freak Show and OMGJESSICALANGESHANDS – Jezebel

Some rapper, who is either a world-class troll or is legitimately insane or both, wants to make Diddy his stud bitch – Gawker

2 cups, 1 girl – Hollywood Tuna

Eva Longoria is redefining period pants – Popoholic

Looking at all the pools of famous whores makes me say to myself, “There must be so much famous piss in there” – The Berry

Nothing makes you want to fap like dancing and singing Mormon missionaries – Pajiba

Miaranda Lambert doesn’t have a fetus in her – ICYDK

Daphne Guinness’ music video is glitter for the eyes, but spikes for the ears – OMG Blog

Why, hello there, David Beckham’s nipples, we haven’t seen you in a while – Popsugar

If the hot dog was attached to Jon Hamm, YES – SOW

Lea Michele’s escort tab is really adding up – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

August 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Edith Flagg, the Grand Dame of Million Dollar Listing LA and the woman who brought polyester to the US, went to off heaven at the age of 94. She is now holding court in heaven where she’s spitting the truth into the ears of the angels and showing them how to work a polyester dress coat like the rent was due yesterday and their landlord is knocking on the door – Reality Tea 

Idris Elba’s nipples grace Details magazine with their presence (Sadly, his mic cord peen does not make an appearance) – Lainey Gossip

In other words, Bradley Cooper’s mom is keeping an eye on his beard just in case a beard thief (Tommy Girl) tries to snatch her away – Celebitchy

Dear Florida, you had ONE job, just ONE job! All you had to do was send Justin Bieber to prison for life and you failed us all. I can’t look at you anymore – WWTDD

Tara Reid’s stomach doesn’t look like a plate of lasagna that’s been hacked to pieces with a dull machete, so are we really sure that’s Tara Reid? – Drunken Stepfather

Thalia jokes about the rumor that she had her ribs removed. Your move, Janet JacksonJezebel

Katy Perry will be calling her copyright attorneys in 3..2… – The Superficial

At this point, James Franco is gayer than me and I didn’t think that was humanly possible – Towleroad

The time I mistook some random model for Nicole Richie (“Ewww, you asshole, I’m not that fat!” – Nicole Richie) – Hollywood Tuna

A MiserAlba caught in the headlights – Popoholic

The Leftovers has been renewed, which is great news, because I need another full season of saying, “The hell is going on?“, while staring at the TV – Pajiba

Will Zac Efron turn on the goddamn lights? I can’t see Dave Franco’s ass – OMG Blog

Just a few spoonfuls of piping hot ginger meat - The Berry

Frances Bean Cobain gives Zelda Williams a shoulder – ICYDK

Bland takes flight – Popsugar

The GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD is pressing pause on everything to take care of her man – HuffPo

Oh please, Kathie Lee Gifford does the ice bucket challenge every morning. How do you think her maid gets her drunk ass out of bed? – SOW

Aladdin on Broadway pays tribute to Robin WilliamsJust Jared

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Night Crumbs

August 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Blake NotSoLively, the whole wheat Carr’s table water cracker that nobody touches on the cheese plate at a party, tells Marie Claire that her favorite curse word is “gosh.” Gosh. That sums up everything you need to know about Blake NotSoLively – Lainey Gossip 

Kelly Cuntrone comes for Kim Kartrashian, Kanye West and Riccardo Tisci and I haven’t loved her like I love her in this moment – Celebitchy

Ramona Singer, Kathie Lee Gifford’s long-lost twin who was separated from her at the mental hospital nursery, tried to get paid for her divorcement announcement, but nobody cared – Reality Tea

Okay, so when are we going to find out that Brit Brit Spears owns a time machine that takes her back to 1992 so she can go shopping at Charlotte Russe? – Drunken Stepfather

Speaking of flecks of elegance touching your eyes, Carmen Electra wore an elegant denim Moschino dress – Hollywood Tuna

The Prancercise Princess has returned with a prancing stallion of a partner that will make you pucker (Side complaint: Needs way more camel toe) – Towleroad

Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch looked like an episode of Hoarders sponsored by NAMBLA – The Superficial

Either the photographer caught the exact moment when the hard drive in Rosie Huntington-Whateverly’s head shut down and rebooted or the photographer caught the exact moment when she caught a glimpse of Sylvester Stallone’s face  - Popoholic

I don’t think Kristin Cavallari has a daughter so I don’t know how she accidentally put on that baby dress – WWTDD

Audrey Hepburn’s granddaughter is on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar annual nepotism issue – Jezebel

Call FPS (Fetus Protective Services)! Xtina’s trying to make her unborn child go deaf – OMG Blog

2 Chainz shuts babies up – The Berry

Tracy Morgan is still down and out – ICYDK

Shepherd Smith calls Robin Williamsa coward” for committing suicide, as he hides behind the closet door – Boy Culture

Lorde and Taylor took a cooking class together – HuffPo

Dustin Diamond deserves all the shit he gets for smearing shit on his piece’s upper lip during that heave-inducing sex tape – Pajiba

Just pretend like it’s 2008 and get excited for pictures of Ceiling Eyes in a two piece – Popsugar

A Hilton is going to marry a Rothschild because Lucifer is demanding an heir – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

August 11, 2014 / Posted by:

This GIF of Ian Somerhalder kissing the factory-defected Charo Bratz doll Ariana Grande Latte at the Teens Shouldn’t Have A Choice Awards is the visual definition of awkward. In that GIF, Ian plays the part of me and Ariana Grande Latte plays the part of every bad first date I’ve ever had – Lainey Gossip 

So which one of these new Real Housewives of Atlanta is going to snap and end up using Kenya Moore as a Swiffer at the next reunion? SPOILER ALERT: Both – Reality Tea

So I see Calvin Harris is taking his break-up with Rita Whora really well – Celebitchy

Michelle Rodriguez gets naked in mud and I’ve nearly bruised whatever is left of my brain while trying to come up with a Zac Efron scat joke – Drunken Stepfather

Who ever paid Wonky McValtrex $347,000 to DJ should know that a monkey would gladly press the play button for a lot less and it wouldn’t give everyone crabs – The Superficial

On one hand, Kendull Jenner is an entitled piece of trash. On the other hand, I’d be sucking down whole vineyards if Pimp Mama Kris was my mom – WWTDD

Apparently Kid got auto-tuned because the Internet would crumble into a billion pieces if he didn’t – Towleroad

If Chestica Simpson keeps sucking in so hard, her melted titty sacks are going to pop out – Popsugar

I think Adriana Lima’s right ass cheek is winking at me - Hollywood Tuna

Gwen Stefani wore overalls to the beach – Popoholic

YAAASSS! Patti LaBelle is going to be on American Horror Story: Freak Show. I hope she screams at some children – Jezebel

In case you want to know what DJ Tanner said about the death of Robin WilliamsBuzzfeed

The custody war between Megan from Melrose Place and her husband is still a wreck – ICYDK

And somewhere in the corner, a ghost stands with Justin Bieber and shows him his future – Boy Culture

Lady CaCa wishes she had the eyebrow game of Faye Dunaway as Joan CrawfordSOW

Nope – The Berry

Emma Stone might be Sally Bowles in Cabaret on Broadway – Just Jared

You can always count on American teens to care about the REAL issues that matter – HuffPo

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

August 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge has a new piece who’s not (Warning: Reading the next word may make you fart your stomach out due to shock) blond and is named Camilla. It’s going to be really weird at holiday time when the entire family is staying in the same palace and the sound of father and son screaming the same name will be heard. Or will it? – Lainey Gossip

Poke at me when Prostitution Whore-ah is going back to Real Housetrash of New JerseyReality Tea

Marianne Faithfull’s boyfriend killed Jim MorrisonCelebitchy

Here’s 33 facts about your childhood toys including this one: Critics called Twister “sex in a box” when it first came out. Um, so Twister isn’t supposed to be a sex toy? – Towleroad

Does Rosetta Stone have a Braille edition, because I’m probably going to need it after seeing this shit. The blindness is coming… – The Superficial

It’s an ice cube in lingerie (not a Nicole Kidman post. The other ice cube) – Drunken Stepfather

Gisele Bundchen is still in a bikini in case you were wondering - Hollywood Tuna

Danity Kane are over and now I know what it felt like to be alive when the Beatles broke up – WWTDD

Christina Ricci is a mom and reading that line definitely made a grey hair grow out of your nose – Just Jared

Alessandra Ambrosio Salad pays a parking meter while wearing the L.A. ho uniform of coochie cutters and a flimsy cotton shirt that looks it would melt in the rain – Popoholic

Kim Kartrashian is putting out the perfect book for you to look at on the toilet when you’re really constipated and need something to inspire you to shit – Popsugar

Oh, don’t mind Lindsay Lohan, the coke’s trying to escape out of her nose again – ICYDK

I may or may not have fapped to #3 in a porn – The Berry

Question of the decade: What happened to the cast of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose? – Pajiba

Coming soon: A lot more of DanRad’s ass – HuffPo

Emmy Rossum really dressed down for lunch. Slob ass bitch! – Moe Jackson

Panty Creamer of the Day: Olympian ginger ass cheeks alert – OMG Blog

Geena Davis is going back to TV, but sadly it’s not in a reboot of The Geena Davis ShowTVLine

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

August 7, 2014 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Lady Miss Kier’s wardrobe from 1990 and the leftover fabric bin from a House of Fabrics circa 1993 simultaneously barfed all over Big Edie from Grey Gardens, Madge is showing you the answer. Madge is giving you “abuelita hit up the Contempo Casuals going out of business sale”Lainey Gossip 

Ramona Singer’s marriage is really over this time and now she’s free to be with her real love: Pinot Grigio – Reality Tea

In today’s “Sure Jan” news, Katherine Heigl left Grey’s Anatomy, because she wanted to spend more time with her kids – Celebitchy

Gay-baiting extraordinaire James Franco slaps at Gawker for doing what he’s been doing for years – Towleroad

The Cheesecake Factory, Frapps and Photoshop does Our Lady of Cheetos’ body good – Drunken Stepfather

If Floyd Mayweather also makes his assistant wipe his tiny ass, someone should tell her that Starbucks is always hiring and they’ve got a benefits package – The Superficial

Miley Cyrus gives her fans their money’s worth (Abreva not included) – WWTDD

Chrissy Teigen and her chichis do EsquirePopoholic

Megan Fox’s just checking to see if her brain fell out again – Hollywood Tuna

Attention: Single ladies of the world, your dreams have come true. Adam Duritz is on Tindr – OMG Blog

Lifetime’s Saved By The Bell movie looks like it has the budget of a high school theater production and the acting talent of an amateur porn. I can’t wait! – Jezebel

Robert Downey Jr.’s son is officially facing a felony - Just Jared

January Jones got banged – ICYDK

PUPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHS – The Berry

Something something Khloe Kardashian something something – Popsugar

Lady CaCa got too high in Denver. Lightweight. – Boy Culture

The lobster tail pretzel looks like a rock monster’s diseased peen and yes I probably still would – SOW

Kendra Wilkinson’s toilet still hasn’t coughed up her wedding ring – Celebslam

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

August 6, 2014 / Posted by:

15 years after their death, People put JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy on their cover, and nothing says “love story” like a picture of him trying to eat her chin – Lainey Gossip

Paging Tara Reid! Paging Nikki Cox! Paging Lil Kim! Botched got picked up for a second season (hint hint) – Reality Tea

Eh, Brian Austin Green doesn’t mind that Megan Fox hasn’t sexed him in a while. He just humps the Megan Fox Real Doll she bought for him. He doesn’t even know the difference! – The Superficial

Jennifer Garner doesn’t have a CASE OF THE BABIES, she has a CASE OF THE BLOATS, so claims her rep – Celebitchy

Return of The Vadge - Drunken Stepfather

Julian Serrano throws that boy pussy to JLoTowleroad

What in Willy Wonka referee HELL is Selena Gomez wearing? – Popoholic

Gisele Bundchen and a dog do a pose-off and the dog wins, but I didn’t need to tell you that - Hollywood Tuna

Note to self: If I ever meet Taylor Swift in public, lie to her and tell her I’m a fan, it’s my birthday and I’m going to celebrate by paying off my credit card debt – Jezebel

Chrissy Teigen throws better than 50 Cent, but who doesn’t? – Popsugar

If Kim Kardashian was going for “broken condom baby of a hooker alien and a Predator” in her passport photo, then she nailed it and now “it” has khlamydia – ICYDK

Eva Green doesn’t know why the MPAA won’t let her nipples be great – Pajiba

Mischa Barton regrets doing the job that made her millions and millions of dollars – HuffPo

Hayden from Big Brother flashes a piece of his peen while searching his underwear for the remnants of his brain – OMG Blog

V. Stiviano isn’t done trolling, I see – WWTDD

The Apparently Kid is taking over the world and it’s only a matter of time before Ellen DeGeneres gives the Apparently Kid her job, apparently – The Berry

Um, Miley Cyrus should really go back to the free clinic and have those tiny, green mutant growths on her crotch looked at – Just Jared

All hail the world’s furriest pussy (not a vintage picture of Madge’s sascrotch, I promise) – SOW

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Night Crumbs

August 5, 2014 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan wants JK Rowling to ghost write her memoirs and I hope this happens, because I really want to read Crackie Firecrotch and The Crack House of Delusions, Crackie Firecrotch and the Drug Dealer’s Bone and Crackie Firecrotch and the Crotch of FireCelebitchy

Add Elisabeth Moss’ name to the long-list of actors who might be in True Detective 2 and they can all try, but we all know that those roles are going to Angela Lansbury, Tyne Daly and Sharon Gless (I can always wish) - Lainey Gossip

Aviva Drescher’s 230-year-old horny turtle of a father married his 25-year-old girlfriend in Malibu and I give it 6 months or until their inevitable Bravo spin-off show gets canceled – Reality Tea

The dude version of Jennifer Lawrence does EminemThe Superficial

Lucy Hale’s on the cover of Cosmo looking like one of Taylor Dane’s back-up singers circa 1987 – Drunken Stepfather

Ariana Grande Latte’s Poochie-looking ass brother gets himself another serving of straight man meat in the Big Brother house – Towleroad

This might be the most riveting conversation in the history of The Bachelor universe – Jezebel

And here’s some Lindsay Lohan bikini pictures that might make you want to hum “Gollum’s Song” from Lord of the Rings - Hollywood Tuna

BREAKING: Future DILF Ryan Gosling pumps ass (for real typo and it stays) – Popsugar

MiserAlba giving you prison resort wear – Popoholic

Dear all CNN journalists, clear out your offices, because the love child of Rojo Caliente and Dennis the Menace is coming for your job – The Berry

Harry Potter wants to be in SharknadoICYDK

CBS is replacing the white guy with an accent (Craig Ferguson) for a white guy with an accent (James Corden) – Pajiba

The drunk, messy CNN reporter who bit first responders was just hungry, that’s all – WWTDD

Reason #4,589,988 on why Japan is the best: One of the Shiba Inu 6 moved there to manage a bodega – OMG Blog

When Helen Mirrentwerks” she looks like she’s shooting out fart after fart, but she’s still better than MileySOW

Emma Roberts got a blonde weave installed into her head – HuffPo

Today in “You’re Old!,” a 17-year-old Lourdes Leon is smoking in the South of France – Moe Jackson

Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder adopted a horse together – Just Jared

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