Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

April 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Riff Raff dyed his husky blue and now that dog looks like it fell out of a Lisa Frank folder and yes, PETA has already slapped the grillz out of his mouth for this – Buzzfeed

The royal family thinks Cressida Boners is too carefree to wave and smile for a living- Lainey Gossip

Benadryl Cumsinbatches’  secret girlfriend, you in danger girl, because the Cumberbitches are coming for you  - Celebitchy

If you said to yourself, “Aubrey hO’Day is taking selfies of her tits right now,” at any time of the day or night, you’d be telling the truth – Drunken Stepfather

I’m totally with Dustin Lance Black for being pissed that Pasadena City College rejected him as a commencement speaker over some dumb pics of him getting bareback fucked that leaked all over the Internet years ago…. But I am not with him when he says that he was doing what gay men do when they love and trust each other. Um, some of the best gay sex I’ve had was with hos I do not love and do not respect – Towleroad

And Pimp Mama Kris can find these “pranksters” spreading “lies” about her in the mirror - Reality Tea

Oh guess what, Hilary Duff is wearing overalls. I know, it’s really fascinating – The Superficial

Yeah, there was a Secret White House Pussy for years, her name’s Monica LewinskyJezebel

Posh Beckham spent her birthday at the Grand Canyon, the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and those are words I didn’t think I’d ever type – Popsugar

All that’s missing from Heather Graham’s dress is a “Caution Road Work Ahead” posted on the front – Hollywood Tuna

And did all of us time travel back to 1997 without knowing it, because here’s Heather Graham again – Popoholic

Grab the blessed lube, it’s Fap Friday (Good Friday Edition) – The Berry

Idris Elba is a daddy now – ICYDK

The Internet throws balls of hate at Sky Ferreira for using black people as “props” and well, she is opening for Miley Cyrus…. - OMG Blog

Adam Levine shows off the shitty Kmart clothes he put his name on and not even a junkie Florida day-shift hooker would wear that mess for a free 8-ball  - SOW

DUH. – HuffPo


Night Crumbs

April 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Conscious Uncoupling, Number Two: Goopy Paltrow and Seb Bishop, the CEO of GOOP, have broken up, because she’s moving GOOP headquarters to L.A. and he was supposed to move with his wife and kids, but changed his mind at the last minute. Eh, just a classic case of a dude realizing that sipping kumquat and mangosteen tonics with annoying Goopy at a Brentwood juicerié  every day is a slow, painful journey that leads to jumping off of a bridge  - Lainey Gossip

The Orange is the New Black season 2 trailer needs more Pennsyltucky – Towleroad

The Olsen that doesn’t live in a tree stump and doesn’t feed off of the fear of children is in Flaunt MagazineDrunken Stepfather

Duchess Kate’s dress looks like these curtains my friend bought from CB2. FYI: It’s already sold out (the dress, not the CB2 curtains) – Celebitchy

That quick jerk you felt was the world continuing to spin again after Kate Upton declared that she loves her big tits – The Superficial

Kenya Moore is out-cunting Omarosa on Celebrity ApprenticeReality Tea

This is what the nuns wear at Mel Gibson’s private Catholic church – Hollywood Tuna

Get out the cigars (in flavor: Lewinsky snatch), Bill Clinton’s gonna be a pepaw! – Buzzfeed

The supercut of The Real Housewives crying through the Botox is like watching balls of wax melt under a heat lamp…. – Jezebel

“I want to look like the last place loser of a Charlie’s Angels costume contest” said Hilary Duff before choosing this ensemble – Popoholic

Miley Cyrus canceled more shows, might not perform anytime soon and is still laid up in the hospital. In possibly related news, the number of new reported cases of herpes of the ears is at an all-time low – ICYDK

I was gonna say here’s some pictures you can print out and use as dart practice, but then again I don’t find it necessary to waste all that ink on this trash – The Berry

Eric Christian Olsen’s nalgas: here they are – OMG Blog

Seth Rogen perfectly and simply handles raging, weed-hating banshee Nancy GracePajiba

Aw, nothing warms the no-heart like Xtina’s sugar baby putting his hand on his meal ticket – HuffPo

The X-Men: Days Of Future Past has another trailer – IDLYITW

Rosie O’Donnell lost 50 pounds of chunk and gained a wonk eye – Just Jared

Rest in peace, Gabriel García Márquez - Popsugar

Pics: Getty


Night Crumbs

April 16, 2014 / Posted by:

The first trailer for the Rosemary’s Baby mini-series is here. SPOILER ALERT: The real spawn of Satan turns out to be that wig on Zoe Saldana’s head – Just Jared

Channing Tatum really wants some of that X-Men franchise money – Lainey Gossip

The unpaid professional Instagram model who is only famous because she was once a tickle in Wayne Gretzky’s nutsack stars in a behind-the-scenes video for Golf Digest that is about as fascinating as golf itself – Drunken Stepfather

Charlie Sheen’s wasting $100,000 on a dumb engagement party, which is “I’ll give you one of my internal organs for that” kind of money to you and me, but is nothing to him. $100,000 goes up his nose on a weekly basis – Celebitchy

When Tracy Morgan is worried about you, you’re passed the point of severely fucked up – The Superficial

Doogie Howser’s Hedwig body weighs less than his Hedwig wigs, basically – Towleroad

Venus de Milo, is that you, girl? – Hollywood Tuna

The talking wig’s out there on the ho stroll hawking pancake-flavored vodka and other booze flavors that will compel your stomach to purge – Reality Tea

US Airways didn’t fire the employee who twatted out that planegina tweet, but no word if they promoted them to Director of EVERYTHING which is what they should do – Jezebel

Chelsea Handler tweeted this picture of her holding some CBS documents. While Chelsea Handler throws an “I’m coming for your job” look at Craig Ferguson, I’m wishing that her dog farted her on crotch – Pajiba

Emily Blunt should call up Weight Watchers to help her lose ALL THAT TONS OF BABY WEIGHT – Popoholic

Alicia Silverstone joins Jenny McCarthy and Kristin Cavawhatever’s anti-vaxx team, which is just the team you want to be on when it comes to medical science – ICYDK

It’s been a long day, so rest your eyeballs on Orlando Bloom’s hairless ass cheeks - OMG Blog

Dax Shepard comes out as a Bradaloonie – Popsugar

In case you need reminding that Walmart is a ~special~ place – The Berry

FYI: The fetus growing in Mila Kunis’ body has a vagina – IDLYITW

Simon Cowell is really sorry for being a home wrecking whore – Celebslam

Kendra Wilkinson is still knocked up – Moe Jackson


Night Crumbs

April 15, 2014 / Posted by:

Lady CaCa’s video for G.U.Y. wasted 365 gallons of water while in the middle of a drought. Every ho in California who is slowly dying of dehydration is going to curse that thirsty, water-hogging asshole bitch Lady CaCa before we shrivel up and turn to dust – The Superficial

Charlize Theron isn’t engaged to Sean Penn. She’s not that dickmatized by his barbecued Slim Jim dick….yet - Lainey Gossip

Prince William likes to work just as much as we all do (read: not at all) – Celebitchy

Mischa Barton looks like one big giant SIGH, a big giant SIGH with a nipple and dehydrated hair - Drunken Stepfather

Karlie Kloss’ hair and style twin Taylor Swift has a look in her little eyes that says, “I may or may not go inside and skin Karlie alive and wear her like a coat…”Hollywood Tuna

Nene Leakes being a bitch to someone isn’t anything to clutch your pearls over, but I’m wondering why she didn’t dance to the Bear Necessities dressed as Baloo? – Reality Tea

Evangelical pastors are the biggest theatrical drama queens – Towleroad

Lady CaCa SANS Photoshop looks like a strung out Florida lot lizard who will fuck for a half-smoked Red – Jezebel

The dog has a better ass – Popoholic

You can almost see Oprah’s strength bar power up as she feeds on Pharrell’s tears of happiness – Pajiba

If you need something to wipe your Tax Day tears on, here’s some military man nipples – The Berry

Max Beesley’s peen + blood + two baby dolls = something a sick fuck is going to fap to  - (NSFW) OMG Blog

File under: a bitch battle you might care about if the year was 2007 – ICYDK

Pamela Anderson has reached the stage that most people who get barbed wire tattoos reach: regret – HuffPo

Professional air kiss blowers Candice Swanepoel and Adriana Lima blow air kisses at some Victoria’s Secret event – IDLYITW

And hopefully those Magic Mike bitches do it right this time by giving us raw hard peen and hopefully raw hard peen that belongs to Joe ManJelloJust Jared

We should all be so lucky to get a flight attendant like this – Popsugar

I haven’t mailed shit in decades, but these panty-creaming students would give me a reason to – Slate


Night Crumbs

April 14, 2014 / Posted by:

ASkars graced Coachella this weekend and it’s weird that his body isn’t covered with naked hos who threw themselves onto his body. Eh, they were probably too busy being mesmerized by Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s sweet, hot dude bro moves – Lainey Gossip

A knocked up Snow White married Prince CharmingCelebitchy

Mimi Faust and Nikko Smith fuck and suck their way to higher ratings for Love and Hip Hop - Drunken Stepfather

I was going to say that Backdoor Farrah has once again reached new levels of delusion by calling herself a “sex symbol,” but then I realized that horses need sex symbols too – Reality Tea

Why did I think this was Lea Michele after a growth spurt? – Hollywood Tuna

RIP She-Mail - Towleroad

Hilary Duff and the Easter Island statue escapee were together at Coachella and they looked like they got caught by the cops giving each other handies out in public – The Superficial

Somebody should’ve told the girl who got “selfie” tattooed on her lip that getting “cock here” tattooed on her lip would’ve been much more elegant and understated – Jezebel

That Kraft Mac & Cheese tattoo is on the leg of a Spears, right? – The Berry

“Phew!” said Moonie Cyrus while taking the nose and ear plugs out – ICYDK

I know Maria Menonous thinks she’s giving you “Breakfast At Tiffany’s,” but she’s really giving you “Breakfast At Zales” – Popoholic

Ashley Benson proudly shows off who paid the bill on her leased BMW this month – IDLYITW

Some hot Spanish piece gives you a serving of his flat flour tortilla ass – OMG Blog

Don’t tell Jessica Simpson that she looks like a Peep or she’ll try to eat herself – HuffPo

I wish that instead of RPattz hitting Julianne Moore from the back in a limo, he would’ve licked her cooch in a MINI Cooper – Just Jared

“Meh,” said The Hammaconda when looking at Doogie Howser’s two trouser snakes – Pajiba


Becks and Harper Seven melted ovaries at some hockey game – Popsugar


Night Crumbs

April 11, 2014 / Posted by:

When Lohanthony screams, “Calling all the basic bitches,” this is what shows up. But really, let’s play a quick game of M/F/K. I’d marry Katie Holmes, because she has experience in bearding and I want to know all of Tommy Girl’s secrets. I’d fuck Jessica Biel, because you know she’s a power top and can work a strap-on. And I wouldn’t kill Kate Bosworth’s malnourished Enchanted Evening Barbie-looking ass, but I would feed her a few meals from Claim Jumper – Lainey Gossip  

Nothing is sexier than Miley Cyrus looking like a wet, topless and drunk Hermey the Dentist – Drunken Stepfather

Aaron Carter just melted into a puddle of meth and sadness – Celebitchy

Whatshername from The Real Housewives of Orange County is knocked up – Reality Tea

I see that Alec Baldwin is staying retired from public life….. – Towleroad

So I guess we have a new Ireland Baldwin in RPattz’s one-time piece. Yay us. – The Superficial

Sarah Hyland modeling the outfit found in every Coachella starter kit – Hollywood Tuna

RIP Coldwater Creek! – Jezebel

Emma Stone looks good and everything, but I’ve never noticed Spiderman’s cum drop eyes before – Popoholic

We’ll be drowning in more Duggars real soon – IDLYITW

Minnie Driver quit Twitter over whores hating on her bikini body – ICYDK

And I’ll take #1 through #29 – The Berry

Drake tries to trick people into talking trash about Drake by disgusting himself in a Kevin Spacey wig and a face merkin (and he still looks like Drake) – HuffPo

Prince William and Duchess Kate are still working really hard during their tour of New Zealand – Popsugar

Personally, I prefer to freebase crotch crabs, but my drug tastes are more refined – OMG Blog

Oh, Lea Michele and that Grade F Barbra Streisand impersonation….. – Moe Jackson

RDJ joined Twitter. Everything has changed. – SOW

Brad Pitt looks hot again – Just Jared

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

April 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer of the Day: 23-year-old cougar fucker Aaron Taylor-Johnson on Men’s Health. But seriously, I thought Men’s Health was supposed to be soft-core hotness for gay and straight lady eyes. Why is he wearing so much fabric on his body? – Lainey Gossip 

Scary Spice’s twerking ass looks like two twenty pound bags of sugar bouncing around in the back of a pick-up – Drunken Stepfather

Wait, so I’m supposed to believe that at one time Goopy Paltrow’s marriage to Chris Martin wasn’t a WASPY, cold, un-loving relationship used to boost her public image? – Celebitchy

Woody Harrelson’s side piece in True Detective gets naked in a pool for Vanity Fair and why do I have a feeling she’s peeing in there? – The Superficial 

Well, if Backdoor Farrah really wrote her erotic novel by herself, then her 5-year-old daughter can read it now since it’s probably all two-syllable words and stick drawings and is about as erotic as chicken pox – Reality Tea 

Michael Assbender’s Ian McKellen impersonation sounds more like Yogi Bear with laryngitis – Towleroad

Teri Snatcher still exists – Hollywood Tuna 

In other words: Nerds are having a lot of babies – Jezebel

Demi Lovato leaked Demi Lovato’s nipple pic – IDLYITW

Simple lot lizard elegance is Kate Hudson’s peach pumps and jean shorts – Popoholic

Selena Gomez fired her parents as her managers and while she’s at it bitch should fire herself for constantly jumping back on Justin Bieber’s toddler ass – ICYDK

Cum gutters galore – The Berry 

And in the corner of a dark, musty basement somewhere, someone is fapping themselves raw to this night terror-inducing GIF of Emma WatsonPajiba

Kristen Stewart looks like a Skid Row roadie on his day off – Popsugar

A bearded Australian comedian just put Miranda Kerr out of a job – OMG Blog

The Girl Meets World trailer is um…errr…needs some Feeny – Just Jared

Kate Gosselin is still banging the help as Seal would say – CDAN

I think I’ll wait until 23 Jump Street when Channing Tatum will inevitably give Jonah Hill a salad tossing – SOW


Night Crumbs

April 9, 2014 / Posted by:

The floor of a Barnes & Noble in NYC was covered with flopping vulva, because when Rob “Pretty Hurts” Lowe sashayed on through for a book signing, the coochies of dozens of woman blew right off. And the only way you’re reading this is if you have eyeballs on your tongue, because I’m sure you’re licking Rob’s pretty pretty face – Lainey Gossip 

The Ultimate Warrior died – The Superficial

And I’m just going to assume that this “pants off, ass up” photo shoot starring RiRi is for the cover of American Vogue - Drunken Stepfather

But when isn’t Brandi Glanville filling her plastic mouth hole with whiskey and Xanax tea? – Celebitchy

In other words, Pimp Mama Kris bought 399,999 copies of VogueReality Tea

Minnie Driver’s in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna

Derrick Gordon has become the first NCAA Division 1 basketball player to publicly announce that he loves peen! – Towleroad

I can’t wait for Chris Martin to fight back against Goopy Paltrow’s smear campaign by leaking pictures of her eating a piece of bread not made from organic flax seed flour cultivated by a 125-year-old farmer in Belgium – Jezebel

The GOOP Film Festival sounds like Hell’s answer to Cannes – Pajiba

Justin Bieber has his favorite diaper-changer back in his life again – Popoholic

Some hot pieces I’d like to do the Downward Dog with – The Berry

And Jill Duggar’s fiance went on to say, “It was great to grab her hand for the first time, but I had to pull away real quick to cover up the wet spot on my crotch.” – ICYDK

The minion who runs Kim Kardashian’s Instagram page is as dumb as she is (it’s probably Rob) – IDLYITW

Madge’s homeless brother sings “Like A Prayer” and sings it better live than she does – HuffPo

Beyonce wants you to know she went on another vacation none of us will ever be able to afford – Popsugar

Katie Holmes and Jason Segel are not sucking on each other’s fuck parts – Just Jared

Please let those red cans slip, please let those red cans slip – SOW

Justin Long’s got Derp Face and Bruce Jenner hair, and I still would – Moe Jackson


Night Crumbs

April 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Maggie Gyllenhaal went blonde and now looks like a derpy British boy in his nana’s party dress- Celebitchy

Speaking of young British boys in drag, Miley Cyrus is serving up some “Rocco Ritchie in one of Madge’s old Blonde Ambition costumes” realness – Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Aniston is still trying to fug her way to that Oscar (and fugging her way to that Oscar means she took out her weave and isn’t wearing ten pounds of makeup)  - Lainey Gossip

If Christina Hendricks went on Game of Thrones and went full frontal, the sky would be filled with flying peens that blew off of nerdboys everywhere – Jezebel

Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and KATE UPTON’S TITS at the German premiere of The Other WomanHollywood Tuna

Panty Creamer of the Day: Zac Efron flexes and yes, I’d let him throw a bottle at my Skid Row – Towleroad

…and one second later, the pap who Lindsay Lohan blew an air kiss at was instantly drunk and had to be treated for alcohol poisoning – The Superficial

RIP The Real Housewives Of Miami! And hopefully this means that La Bruja is getting the solo show she truly deserves – Reality Tea

Here’s Zac Efron shoving a wobbly dildo into Seth Rogen’s mouth and if I smoke the right strain, I can fap to that – IDLYITW

Mila Kunis’ fetus is growing – Popoholic

The bouncer who denied Jennie Garth is obviously a permanent member of Team Brenda and he chose the right team – ICYDK

Kim Kardashian’s Tupperware ass looks like two plastic outdoor rock speakers – HuffPo

Okay, but when can I see this Ryan Beard in a Sean Cody presentation? – The Berry

The Dutch shows the rest of the world how The Bachelor is really done – (NSFW because of a lot of swinging soft peen) OMG Blog

Yes, I will hump Paul Rudd for $1, but the question is will that hot Scottish dude at the 2:20 mark hump me for $1? – Pajiba

The longest gay kiss tastes like sand, saltwater, fish piss and seaweed – Boy Culture

Try again, Jimmy Kimmel and Johnny Depp! A kiss is not a kiss without tongue – SOW

Claire Danes SANS FARDS – Celebslam


Night Crumbs

April 7, 2014 / Posted by:

“Hey, I’ve gotta do some quick business, so check your email on this tangerine,” said Leonardo DiCatchAHo to his girlfriend Toni Garrn before checking his phone to see if Victoria’s Secret got any new Angels in – Lainey Gossip

Some 20-something slut who still lives with his mom claims that his peen has touched 200 chicks he met on Twitter this past year. My question is, would you hit it and I don’t mean punch him in his constipated selfie face. – Jezebel

I think it’s safe to say that Chris Martin cheated on Goopy Paltrow with any trick who didn’t make him use lube made from a beluga whale’s saliva and let him eat a Kraft slice out of her snatch – The Superficial

Jennifer Lawrence poses with a bunch of fellow bridesmaids who either have to piss really badly or are trying to hold their Diva Cups in - Entertainment Weekly

YES! SFW porn makes its triumphant return – Drunken Stepfather

Okay, okay, we get it, Cameron Diaz, you’re the authority on crotch fur – Celebitchy

Amy Childs looks like she’s about to film a scene as the Amy Adams character in a porn version of American HustleHollywood Tuna

Dear Popeye’s, please do the right thing and make a knock-off of KFC’s Chik-Fil-A knock-off called Mega Chiks – Gawker

So Mama Joyce didn’t take her shoe off and hit Todd Tucker in the face with it after he married Kandi Burruss. Kandi must’ve promised to raise Mama Joyce’s monthly allowance if she didn’t act the fool at her wedding – Reality Tea

Stefon from SNL is real – Towleroad

Just because Selena Gomez is a celebrity who has access to the 90s section of the Contempo Casuals archive closet doesn’t mean she should wear everything in it – Popoholic

Some bored dude found 12 ways to make himself look as stupid as possible and I still would – The Berry

Chris Pine giving us “douchey poetry professor at a community college who everyone thinks is gay but later gets caught jacking off while peeking through a hole in the girls bathroom” - ICYDK

A merman yodels out “A Part Of Your World” from The Little Mermaid and I’m mad at the seagulls for not yanking that Halloween Town RiRi wig off of his head – OMG Blog

John Pinette is now in the afterworld’s waiting room having the most awkward conversation with Mickey Rooney and Peaches Geldof - HuffPo

Babawawa is officially out of The View on May 16th and where do I sign the petition to get her to take Jenny McCarthy with her? – Jenny McCarthy

FYI: St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt probably boned this weekend – Popsugar

Amanda Bynes’ bikini ass is back on Twitter – IDLYITW

Pic: Splash


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