Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

November 21, 2014 / Posted by:

A shirtless Charlie Hunnam is in Vogue with an adorable dog friend on his back, a bike under his body and a hippie chick on his front, because FASHION. The dog easily wins the picture and is outperforming the humans by giving a truly complex performance. Doggy’s body language says, “Yeah, this is my bitch, but I’ll let you play with him a little, girly,” and doggy’s face says, “The hell is this picture and why are you making me pose in it?” – Lainey Gossip 

How do you say “I CAN’T” in Polish? – Jezebel

Balderdash Kumquatsack almost had the boring, non-fun name of Benedict Carlton (which sounds like the name of a snooty boutique hotel in Beverly Hills adjacent) – Celebitchy

The top of Emily Ratatouille’s dress looks like gold spaghetti – Drunken Stepfather

In other words, Kim Kartrashian has already booked North West’s first Playboy shoot for June 15, 2031 - The Superficial 

That windstorm blowing into Pakistan is from the entire country of India collectively breathing out a huge sigh of relief after hearing that Kim Kartrashian is not coming to their country after all –  Reality Tea 

Conchita Wurst’s new video looks like the intro to a super serious FX show about robot cowboys and the bearded brides who love them – Towleroad

Chicken Cutlets serves up two raw cornish game hens – WWTDD

How many area rugs died to make Alessandra Ambrosio’s dress? – Hollywood Tuna 

The pimp circa 1976 whom Miranda Kerr stole those gold pajama pants from isn’t going to be happy with her – IDLYITW

File this under: Outfits that Bianca Jagger wore to Studio 54 in the 70s – Popoholic

The catchiest songs of all time really aren’t that catchy – The Berry

The Queef LaQueefah Show has been snuffed out – ICYDK

How do I prepare my liver for all the booze I’m going to swallow while watching the ship wreck disaster that is Peter Pan Live? – OMG Blog

Please, like Beyonce is really going to drink an actual Slurpee. That’s just a Slurpee cup filled with blended rubies and crushed diamonds – Popsugar

Here’s when a young Bradley Cooper sucked Sarah Jessica Parker’s face in Sex and the City. Think of it as the closest he’ll ever get to starring in EquusSOW

Cher should just get Chad Michaels to do the rest of her dates for her – Boy Culture

I know Orlando Bloom’s in Prague, but he’s wearing the perfect L.A. winter ensemble – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

November 20, 2014 / Posted by:

In pucker-inducing news, John Cameron Mitchell is pulling out his wig in a box and Sharpie to play Hedwig in NYC again. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed this before, but JCM as Hedwig kind of looks like Juliette Lewis as a chola Dolly Parton  - Towleroad

Lindsay Lohan poses with makeup artist friend Charlotte Tilbury at the launch of something in London. Whenever they’re together, I’m sure LiLo hears people say to her, “Lindsay, I didn’t know you had a granddaughter!” – Lainey Gossip

I’m looking at Rose McGowan’s landing strip and thinking to myself, “So that’s where Robert Pattinson got the inspiration for his new haircut.” – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Good news for grown dudes who really want to look like Justin Bieber or moronic man children who still shit their Underoos (same thing, I know)! Sock mogul Rob Kartrashian is making onesies now – Celebitchy

I do love a good AVENGING! - Reality Tea

BREAKING: Kanye West might’ve done something right for a change – Jezebel

Bella Thorne is in a bikini and if you read the name Bella as “Bell-Uh,” you’re wrong. It’s “Bee-ya,” thankyouverymuch – The Superficial

RiRi is giving you sexy Southern Mary Kay saleswoman – Hollywood Tuna

Somewhere up in the cloud world, a giant is saying to himself, “Hmmm, now what did I do with my white napkin?” – Popoholic

Just so you know, Amanda Seyfried is a member of The Famous White Girl Friends Of Taylor Swift Club, apparently – IDLYITW

Still not as gross as all the times Kendra put Hugh Hefner’s dick in her mouth – WWTDD

More like, “Ty Herndon Comes Out As A 52-Year-old.” He’s 52?! I need to get a moisturizer regime STAT – Popsugar

The Real Housewives of Cheshire is a show that is happening – OMG Blog

Okay, but home births still aren’t as “unsanitary” as this trick’s family – ICYDK

If you want, you can watch the Pitch Perfect 2 trailer while I’m in the background screaming, “MAKE THAT CUPS SONG STOP!” – Pajiba

We all get old even PUPPIES!!! – The Berry

Winnie Cooper got married, and not to KevinJust Jared

So this happened on American Horror Story: Freak Show last night – HuffPo

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Night Crumbs

November 19, 2014 / Posted by:

In case you forgot that ScarJo has a twin, ScarJo posed with her twin at a Hurricane Sandy benefit in NYC. They’re obviously not identical twins, because he doesn’t have her chichis – Lainey Gossip

Belleoftheball Custardsack kind of gets off on being a sex symbol – Celebitchy

Apollo Whateverhislastnameis is from Real Housewives of Atlanta doesn’t want to divorce Phaedra Parks, because he doesn’t want to let go of their love and by love I mean a paycheck – Reality Tea

The balls on Keke Palmer’s barbell nipple piercings are staring at me like raccoon eyes in the night – Drunken Stepfather

Some Miss Bum Bum finalist recreates Kummy Kakes’ Paper cover and shows us her next level tan line game while doing so – The Superficial

I see that dude staring at Ariana Grande Latte’s chochaccino – Egotastic!

Panty Creamer of the Day: Jesse Metcalfe and his chest rug – Towleroad

Duchess Kate’s bump royale is really showing now and that’s great and everything but what in the hell is she wearing? – Popsugar

Amy Adams and Tim Burton made pretty pictures together – Pajiba

I’ve seen Miley Cyrus’ chipmunk camel toe more times than I’d like and I still find myself searching for her chipmunk camel toe in these pictures – Popoholic

Panty Creamer of the Day, Part II: Random And Not-So-Random Blondies Edition – The Berry

Tyga should try taking Kylie Jenner to Chuck E. Cheese. I’m sure they’ll have no problem getting in there – WWTDD

Don Lemon’s apology is about as shitty as the shitty question he’s apologizing for – Jezebel

Ryan Gosling is too artsy for People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive title – ICYDK

FYI: Nick Jonas fucked his purity ring off – Just Jared

TVLand pulled The Cosby Show, so there goes Keshia Knight Pulliam’s residuals – HuffPo

Tallulah Willis went full GI Jane – SOW

Note: The CAPTION THIS Contest is hungover and will be back tomorrow.

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November 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Jimmy Kimmel is announcing who People’s SEXIEST MAN ALIVE is tonight. Lainey thinks it’s going to be former fatty Chris Pratt. If it is Chris Pratt, then let me just say that I knew Lainey was right. If it’s not Chris Pratt, then let me just say that I knew Lainey was wrong and I’m not at all surprised that it’s Rip Taylor – Lainey Gossip

Kim Richards’ dog Kingsley has been sent to live with his trainer, and no word yet when Kim, Brandi, Kyle and those other messes are going to go live with a behavioral trainer too – Celebitchy

It’s kind of weird seeing the Swedish Shauna Sand without a fat, midget sugar daddy trailing behind her – Egotastic!

The gun that shot off Jose Canseco’s finger is as elegant and tasteful as you’d expect it to be – The Superficial

Open bi-sexual Amber Heard did GQ Russia, so expect Putin to ban the issue as soon as he faps to it - Hollywood Tuna

Tori Spelling is going to keep doing reality shit shows, because it’s therapy for her and by therapy she means gives her attention and puts cash in her piggy bank – Reality Tea

Pirelli’s calendar of high fashion model nipples is out – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

I sense that an Orange is the New Black spin-off called Fabulous is the new Orange will be ordered by Netflix in 3…2… – Towleroad

Chelsea Handler is still doing this – WWTDD

A hot piece buffet that needs less clothes – The Berry

Granny get your joint! – The Buzz

BREAKING: St. Angie Jolie wore orange! No, the earth would’ve deflated if that happened. She wore grey – Popoholic

There’s still a bunch of braindead shit heads on this planet who actually paid money to see Kim Kartrashian’s old porn – Jezebel

Prince Hot Ginge takes the Middle East – Popsugar

All those wet fap noises are probably distracting too – Pajiba

Bill Hader named his daughter Hayley Hader. His other daughters’ names are Harper and Hannah. Oh God, he’s got some Duggar in him – ICYDK

Eh, Andrew Garfield’s humping ass is no Charlie Hunnam’s humping ass, but I’ll take it – OMG Blog

Raven-Symone dyed her hair peach – HuffPo

Pic: GQ

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Night Crumbs

November 17, 2014 / Posted by:

The former Queen of MySpace and one time Nazi sympathizer Tila Tequila gave birth to the daughter she says she made with an alleged serial killer. Tila should’ve named her daughter Poor You since that’s what most people are going to say to her. But she named her Isabella Monroe Nguyen instead. I know, Tila Tequila actually gave her daughter a normal name. What world is this? – Too Fab

Alexander Skarsgard sticks a hose into his Porsche’s gas tank and yes, my b-hole is officially jealous of his Porsche’s gas tank – Lainey Gossip

Bai Ling’s top thing is a mystery. Is it the slutty baby of a tube top and a tie or the slutty baby of a tube top and a scarf? I don’t know, but I do know it’s a work of exquisite sophistication – Egotastic!

HASN’T INDIA BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH? – Reality Tea

No, June the Hutt, you probably don’t have cancer. It’s just your black soul feeding on your insides. Or the sketti sauce is starting to eat through your bones. Either one. – Celebitchy

Another one of Bill Cosby’s many accusers comes forward with a story that he will never “dignify with a comment”The Superficial

When did Hilary Duff’s face morph into that of Kate Hudson? – Drunken Stepfather

Revisit the inspiration that is Baddie Winkle - The Berry

Kim Kartrashian’s ass is about as big as an island so why doesn’t she just build a theme park on it instead? – IDLYITW

The dude host of Today in Australia wore the same suit every day for a year and nobody said shit about it, but they criticized what his female co-host wore. The host learned that sexism still exists and he also probably learned that a suit develops a new kind of stank when worn every day for a year – WWTDD

How many Ewoks were murdered to make Megan Fox’s boots? – Hollywood Tuna

Michael Sam and his pristine hairline are on the cover of GQ’s Men of the Year issue – Towleroad

Your first day of high school outfit in 1994: Miley Cyrus is wearing it – Popoholic

Guess what? Whoopi Goldberg is still a 100% moron when it comes to rape – Jezebel

The Texas T-Rex got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and except for his little one, his entire family dressed like it was Easter Sunday – Popsugar

Billy Joel accepts Taylor Swift as the face of New York City, which tells me that he’s crashed into one too many trees – Pajiba

Vintage peen alert: Rocky from Rocky Horror Picture Show – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Nicki Minaj needs FreeCreditReport.com – ICYDK

Dear Channing Tatum, Joe ManJello dick or GTFO – Just Jared

Amanda Bynes’ lawyer (or whoever wrote that statement since she didn’t) is really sorry for saying that she wants to murder her parents – Gawker

Hot In Cleveland got canceled. The good news is that now Betty White can star in another Golden Girls spin-off where Rose goes back to St. Olaf to run that town – SOW

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Night Crumbs

November 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Daniel Day-Lewis got knighted by a bored faced Prince William today. If only Prince Expired Chia Pet Head knew that DDL, being the extreme thespian that he is, had a production designer build an exact replica of that velvet stool and spent 8 weeks straight kneeling in a suit in preparation for this day – Celebitchy

Meanwhile, I’m just over here wishing that Prince Hot Ginge would “knight me“while wearing that uniform if you know what I mean – Lainey Gossip

June the Hutt did an interview with Dr. Phil in case you have the urge to barf all of your internal organs out - The Superficial

Kate Upton’s chichis are selling video games now - Drunken Stepfather

Kelly Brook pet a puppy and no, that’s not a euphemism – IDLYITW

I’m not sure what has more plastic in it: Kim Kartrashian, KYJelly Jenner’s face or her ratty extensions? – WWTDD

Speaking of a plastic fiesta – Reality Tea

In other words, Adam Levine has totally fapped to the image of Blake Shelton power drilling him – Towleroad

Toni Garrn’s lips mourn their breakup with Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s cheesy peen by wearing black – Hollywood Tuna

I’m pretty sure Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio Salad are wearing the losing dresses from last night’s Project RunwayPopoholic

Do you really want to swallow something called a ramnut? – SOW

I’ve been naked less often around boyfriends than James Franco is naked around Seth Rogen. Will they fuck already? – Pajiba

The Latina Madame puppet who goes by the name Naya Rivera got all the attention she wanted – HuffPo

This is what the cast of the Gilmore Girls looks like now – The Berry

“Here, here, it belongs to you now” said Pimp Mama Kris while handing her Mother of the Century trophy to June the HuttICYDK

Jamie Dornan and his beard should never break up – Popsugar

Billy Cosby dropped out of The Late Show with David Letterman too – HuffPo

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November 13, 2014 / Posted by:

When Duchess Kate met Harry Styles tonight, she totally asked, “Hey, so you and that one over there are totally fucking, right?” I knew she was a Larry shipper. I knew it! – Lainey Gossip

Amal Clooney and Dame St. Angie Jolie supposedly hate each other. I’m going to need to know which one is the Alexis Carrington in the feud before I choose a side – Celebitchy

In this case, DJ stands for “delusional jank-ho,” right? – WWTDD

PLOT TWIST! Nick Jonas is done taking his shirt off and is taking his pants off now – Towleroad

Yes, they should cancel Real Housewives of New Jersey and bring back Real Housewives of Miami, because I need La Bruja on my TV screen again - Reality Tea

Heidi Klum went topless for Sharper Image for some reason – Drunken Stepfather

Amanda Bynes is doing…well…she’s doing – The Superficial

Anjelica Huston on what it was like living with mega slut Jack NicholsonJezebel

Natural beauty has a name and it’s Nicola McLeanHollywood Tuna

Olivia Wilde’s hair is shiny. That’s all I’ve got. – Popoholic

What’s really surprising is that the charbroiled tampon that is Sean Penn didn’t grab the female hiker’s camera and then throw her off a cliff – ICYDK

This is what Gavin Rossdale’s ex piece Marilyn looks like today – Boy Culture

The dumb fuck who fed himself to an anaconda is doing it to save the Amazon. Yeah, and Kummy Kakes flashed her greasy ass on the cover of a magazine to save the Amazon too – SOW

Jennifer Lawrence stalked Peeta Bread - Popsugar

And now I really want to suck on a piece of salmon jerky slathered in Sriracha – Celebslam

Jennifer Lawrence either thought she was too fancy for Dumber and Dumber To or she was never in it – HuffPo

Absolutely NO COMMENT on that flapping tongue thing, but why is that pug wearing a hand towel as a wig? – The Berry

LOCO MAMA, Witchiepoo’s more gorgeous sister, brings some true talent and beauty to that shitty “All About That Bass” song – OMG Blog

Pic: Getty

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November 12, 2014 / Posted by:

And now Kim Kartrashian will show you her oily kooch for the millionth time and her “puppy dog begging for a Snausage” face tells me she’s really excited about it – (NSFW) Paper

 90s Superman popped Brooke Shields’ cherry – Celebitchy

Sandra Bullock scalped Jennifer Aniston and is wearing her hair – Lainey Gossip

Julianne Hough still exists, is on the cover of Shape MagazineWWTDD

The Osbournes are coming back and I just say YES to that because I’ve missed seeing their 10,000 dogs barf and shit all over their fancy rugs – Reality Tea

RiRi visited the White House and it was probably really awkward when she ran into Jill Biden wearing the exact same outfit as her – Drunken Stepfather

The Silver Fox defends his love for his favorite candle scent. I really need him to interview Angela from Wisconsin and have a kiki over their love of candles – Towleroad

As Elizabeth Smarts cackles into the night… – Jezebel

Daniel Tosh is mad at ESPN for ripping him off, but he should really direct his anger at whoever told him to wear that cardigan – The Superficial

Karlie Kloss‘ dress looks like a men’s mariachi costume that had a sex change - Hollywood Tuna

Olivia Wilde and Justin Theroux went shopping and I’m guessing they bought more scarves – Popoholic

Mrs. Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory is in heaven now – SOW

Elle Fanning as a ginger trasngendered teen kind of looks like Chucky if Chucky was a twink – IDLYITW

Cameron Diaz is smooth – Celebslam

Somebody get this Texas T-Rex-impersonating birds its own Lincoln commercial – The Berry

Bitch Probably Got Fired: The “Nestle Crunch Intern Who Tweeted That Trash Tweet” Edition – Pajiba

Joaquin Phoenix’s childhood was The MasterICYDK

Jennifer Lawrence is giving me “high-priced call girl wearing her john’s blazer” glamour – Popsugar

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November 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Some Like It Ice Cold: This is supposed to be Goopy Paltrow as Marilyn Monroe and leave it to Goopy Paltrow to make Lindsay Lohan’s shitty Marilyn Monroe impersonation look spot on. Goopy looks more like lazy Betty Draper cosplay - Lainey Gossip

I’m waiting for the day when we find out that Joan Rivers’ doctors trained with Conrad MurrayCelebitchy

I call bullshit (as I do with most things Kartrashian) on that purse. There’s no way Kummy Cakes and Kuntye would ever let North West paint with non-neutral colors – WWTDD

Nene Leakes is just ten gallons of humble - Reality Tea

Dark hilariousness happens when Bill Cosby asks to get meme’d – The Superficial

Keri Russell is trying to work the all-leather outfit your mom wore to the club in 1983 and yes, I’m sure your mom wore it better – Hollywood Tuna

Taylor Swift’s two-piece looks like the wallpaper inside the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland – Egotastic!

Jennifer Aniston and a giant clear doody bubble posed together in Harper’s Bazaar - Drunken Stepfather

I give the overall eyebrow game on OUT’s 20th anniversary covers a B+. It would’ve gotten a solid A if there was more arch and Sharpie action – Towleroad

Miley Cyrus, the physical epitome of pure class and grace, doesn’t think Jennifer Lawrence is classy – IDLYITW

We all need to quit our jobs immediately and find a way for Sony to hire us, because it’s obvious that they spend their days smoking the good, bad and in-between shit – Pajiba

But why is Gwen Stefani wearing an accordion file as a jacket? – Popoholic

In case you needed to be reminded that dogs and babies are really weird – The Berry

Not The Mama June’s child molester boyfriend might be Pumpkin’s dad, so says Chickadee. In related news, my body needs to produce barf faster if I’m going to keep reading about that two ton shit show – Jezebel

Ginger Spice is getting married and announced it the Bellybutton Cornpatch way – ICYDK

Panty Creamer of the Day: Charlie Hunnam wiping hay out of his bare cum gutters – OMG Blog

And I’m disappointed that Pat Sajak didn’t take his wig off and swat all of them with it – Popsugar

When Taylor Swift gets Cara Delawhatever brows, she kind of looks like Jeff Spicoli’s twink younger brother – Just Jared

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November 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Why wait until next year? Just give Jennifer Aniston the OSCAH now! I mean, she showed up to the Governors Ball this weekend with her hair pulled back like a serious actress! What more do they want from her?! – Lainey Gossip

Surprise, surprise, stupid shit happens when Nicki Minaj and The Difficult Brown get together – Celebitchy

Khlozilla gets dangerously close to flashing her Sascrotch and French Montana looks like Shrek in costume as Tattoo from Fantasy IslandReality Tea

I’m sure if MiserAlba asked, the organizers of the Baby2Baby Gala would’ve given her extra tickets. She didn’t need to smuggle her entire family in under her ballgown – Egotastic!

My mom’s friend had this creepy and nightmare-inducing troll doll bride sitting on top of their TV in the living room and I don’t know why I’m bringing that up, but here’s pictures of Snooki in Miami – WWTDD

The only instrument I can play is the skin flute, but I still want to put a band together so I can name it Hayden Panettiere Pregnant In A Bikini Lesbian Porn - Drunken Stepfather

Note to “ex gays” if you’re trying to convince the world that you don’t love the taste of hard dick anymore, then you probably shouldn’t dress like Antoine MeriweatherTowleroad

Margot Robbie is going to be Harley QuinnThe Superficial

Ariana Grande Latte wore her hair down this weekend. What does it mean?????? – Hollywood Tuna

The twink doth protest too much – Just Jared

Believe it or not, Christopher Nolan isn’t the craziest bitch in his family – Pajiba

I don’t understand Ashley Benson’s dress – Popoholic

I don’t understand Selena Gomez’s sexy military suit thing – IDLYITW

Thanks to Amy Schumer, Comedy Central will let pussy into our ears – Jezebel

The court has ordered egg thrower Justin Bieber to do hard labor. In other news, Usher just legally changed his name to Hard Labor – ICYDK

I want to go to Anal Kingdom (“Um, you know there’s a Scientology Centre near you, right?” – you) – The Berry

I didn’t know that Pimp Mama Kris sells a line of children’s toys at the dollar store – OMG Blog

Pic: Getty

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