Category: Night Crumbs

Halloween Night Crumbs

October 31, 2014 / Posted by:

Guy Ritchie and his 14-year-old son Rocco Ritchie went as Breaking Bad to a Halloween charity party in London last night and I wouldn’t be surprised if cool mom Madge gave her kid an actual bag of blue meth to make his costume extra authentic and extra extra edgy – Lainey Gossip 

Naya Rivera dripping in demure sophistication as always – Drunken Stepfather

Can Kim Kardashian even spell Emily Dickinson? Well, she can spell the dick part, but I don’t know about the rest – Celebitchy

When Kim Zolciak met Nicole Kidman and I don’t know which one of them needs wig advice more – Reality Tea

Served with a spoonful of no sarcasm: Padma Lakshmi looks hot – WWTDD

Ellen DeGeneres did herself up as Amal Clooney for Hallowpeen and her whole costume would’ve been perfect if her dummy George Clooney had a manufactured, forced cheese grin on his face like the real one did – Towleroad

Lena Dunham shows her tits for Planned Parenthood and Planned Parenthood is probably like, “You shouldn’t have. No, really, you shouldn’t have” – The Superficial

Is Wonky McValtrex supposed to be a slutty dust bunny or slutty white mold? – Hollywood Tuna

So that’s where the Christmas garland my mom used to decorate her tree with went! – Popoholic

Beyonce dressed up as Janet Jackson and Blue Ivy Carter dressed up as Michael Jackson for Halloween. Please tell me Jay-Z went as Detective La Toya – Popsugar

I am disgusted and appalled with Ariana Grande Latte. I mean, she drinks water instead of coffee drinks from Starbucks? – ICYDK

Channing Tatum got his own Gambit movie and I don’t know if this is nerd sad face fuel or nerd happy face fuel – A.V. Club

Every time it’s Shirtless Friday, I tell myself that I should probably get a part-time job as a body waxer for dudes – The Berry

RIP Bad JudgeJust Jared

Behold, the Pedobear-approved music video that Teresa Giudice paid $10,000 ($10,000 of which she doesn’t have) for – Jezebel

Amanda Bynes’ mom is still in charge of her money – PopCrush

Tiny Harris talks about her Australian Cattle Dog eyes and now I need to go and gently stroke my own eyeballs while telling them that I’ll never ever slit them open like that – Necole Bitchie

Thank you for this new air kiss to my heart, Florida – Buzzfeed

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Night Crumbs

October 30, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s An AHHHHHH Thing: Evil cyborg Martha Stewart’s got her eye on you, GoopyLainey Gossip

Lisa Kudrow is not about to take pictures of her smelly cat (sorry) – Celebitchy

Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romjin prove that Haunted House Hunters is a show that needs to exist in real life – Funny or Die

In other news, the National Guard has been called into McIntyre, GA after the gallons of shit falling out of June the Hutt’s mouth threaten to flood the region – Reality Tea

Another day, another set of pictures of Taylor Swift wearing a grandma’s drill team costume – Drunken Stepfather

Jake Gyllenhaal and Jimmy Fallon give each other facials – Towleroad

You’re the one that I DON’T want – The Superficial

Courteney Cox has the exact complexion of the candle burning next to me - Hollywood Tuna

Here’s Chloe Sevigny’s nipple, in case your eyes haven’t landed on that before – (NSWFish) WWTDD

Do you have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? I’m asking, because you and everyone else on Earth should’ve gotten one before Kaley Cuoco did – Popoholic

Bianca del Rio and Adore Delano FINALLY star in a Starbucks commercial – Popsugar

Lily Montgomery from All My Children is going to be in True Detective. I really hope this means that Erica Kane is going to be the third detective – Pajiba

The Robsten crazies will have to move their headquarters to London because Robert Pattinson is moving back there to be closer to FKA TwigsICYDK

Harpo, who dis woman, cause it can’t be Lindsay LohanThe Berry

Natalie Wood’s ghost is haunting her old boat. Makes sense – Defamer

Kate Moss > the rest – Just Jared

And I still would – Celebslam

Just like that, Monica Gellar has become my favorite FriendThe Frisky

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Night Crumbs

October 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Kim Kartrashian reached to new heights of “BITCH PLEASE” at the Re/Code Code Mobile conference when she said that reality TV deserves more respect, because she works hard and her krap show has more episodes than I Love Lucy. That’s a good komparison, because it’s well known that Lucy, a legendary comedian, got I Love Lucy after the F-list brother of a singer peed on her in a sex tape - Reality Tea 

Chelsea Hander’s ex-piece and Kylie Minogue showed up to a club together and let’s just say that they’re bumping genitals. And let’s also say that they’re bumping genitals so hard that Kylie’s brains got a little tossed around, which would explain why she’s wearing your memaw’s favorite Easter Sunday look – Lainey Gossip

Rita Ora’s on the cover of Cosmo giving me “The Joker in sloppy drag” face – Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Aniston probably won’t get an Oscar nomination for Cake, but if she does, hold onto something sturdy and brace yourselves for all the “ANGIE VS. ANISTON: SHOWDOWN AT THE OSCARS” tabloid covers – Celebitchy

Hopefully, Beyonce stole Hedwig’s wig, because bitch needs a new one – Towleroad

Marvel sticks the tip in again with some extra footage from Avengers: Age of Ultron - The Superficial

So what George Clinton is trying to say is that his asshole has severe LSD flashbacks every time he sits on the toilet – WWTDD

Rashida Jones, Kate Hudson and Olivia Wilde take a picture together at the 2014 Fugly Dress Convention – Hollywood Tuna

DanRad shows everyone that he should’ve been the most famous white rapper to come out of Britain instead of Lady SovereignJezebel

Katherine Heigl was at a Big Brothers Big Sisters event the other night and the only thing I have to say about that is: Haven’t the Little Brothers and Little Sisters been through enough? – Popoholic

Jake Gyllenhaal probably would’ve been a whole lot more scared if Taylor Swift popped out instead – Pajiba

Panty Creamer of the Day: This country singing dude – Popsugar

This is what Snooki’s latest baby looks like (SPOILER ALERT: She looks like me after smoking my third bowl) – ICYDK

You know, I was just saying to myself that I haven’t seen enough of Neil Patrick Harris’ face lately – HuffPo

In case you didn’t know this already, Cindy Crawford gave birth to her twin – The Berry

Um, isn’t that the way Frankie Grande Latte dresses every day? – OMG Blog

Olivia Benson’s like, “Girl, please, those aren’t the noises I make. Those are your sex moans and we both know it” – SOW

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October 28, 2014 / Posted by:

WWMS (What Would Mona Say?): Sam Micelli Instagrammed a chichifeeding selfie – Just Jared

Keira Knightley kissed a girl and she liked it, but the dumbass teachers at her high school didn’t - Lainey Gossip

Backdoor Farrah shows off her rubber chocha while dressed like a day-shift hooker version of FrozenWWTDD

Either Lucy Hale has taken too much E or I haven’t taken enough, because I have no idea what she’s trying to say with that costume – Drunken Stepfather

SANTO DIOS, does this mean that Tori Spelling is going to try to “maintain her lifestyle” by leaking a sex tape? No, that’ll never happen, because as far as I know bestiality porn is still illegal – Celebitchy

Courtney Love looks good and that might be the second time in my life I’ve typed “Courtney Love looks good.” If I type it a third time, I fully expect a swarm of locusts to fly out of my screen – Reality Tea

Fun fact: Amy Child’s dress was just plain unsparkly fabric until Louie Spence farted on it – Hollywood Tuna

And yet, the portrait of her naked body that Lindsay Lohan commissioned looks more real and life-like than the Photoshopped-to-hell-and-back picture it’s based on – The Superficial

After watching OK Go’s new video, I really want to lick a strip of dot candy – Towleroad

Dear Irina Shayk, do try to keep up with Crispy Ronaldo in the eyebrow situation department because he is showing you up – Popoholic

Yeah, yeah, Megan Draper’s come down with a case of the BABIES!!! but why aren’t we all talking about her hot dreadlocked piece? – Popsugar

Neil Patrick Harris is doing a variety show, because the world hasn’t seen enough of his face – Pajiba

Creepy is an animatronic Barry Mannilow singing a duet with “Whitney Houston”Jezebel

Amanda Bynes is staying in the hospital for another 30 days – ICYDK

“YES! DAVID SILVER’S NAGLAS” squealed a 16-year-old me – OMG Blog

I see Kate Gosselin dressed in “normal average person” drag for her yard sale – HuffPo

Tim Riggins confirms that Tim Riggins is going to be in True Detective - The Berry

Taylor Swift’s dress looks like it used to be a drill team costume - Moe Jackson

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Night Crumbs

October 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Channing Tatum left his hotel in Savannah looking like a 30-something frat boy who reeks of cologne from Walgreens, always brags about winning Beats by Dre headphones at Dave & Buster’s and will sock you in the throat, bro, if you ask him if the rumor about him letting old dudes blow him for money in college is true. And yes, yes, I would, even if he wore that Budweiser t-shirt during it - Lainey  Gossip 

Slutoween hasn’t officially begun until Wonky McValtrex starts wearing all the costumes she bought from Frederick’s - Drunken Stepfather

BREAKING: Beyonce changed wigs – Celebitchy

If two annoying fame whores from The Bachelor can’t make it, is there really any hope for any of us? Really? – Reality Two

And yet another thought-provoking quote from Lindsay Lohan’s Book of Cokehead Philosophies – The Superficial

Ariana Grande Latte looks like Batman’s most annoying foe: Kittengirl – Hollywood Tuna

Dolly Parton, Our Patron Saint of Wigs and Wisdom, has something to say to the gay-hating Christians out there – Towleroad

Nice try, Ceiling Eyes, but nobody does drunken sidewalk ranting better than your mom – WWTDD

The hipster Little Mermaid wedding needs a lot more Ursula – The Berry

And here’s Maria Menounos as a Marilyn Monroe G. I. Jane – Popoholic

Save Isis (the Downton Abbey dog, not the terrorist organization) – Jezebel

Evan Rachel Wood’s transformation into her current piece is almost done – OMG Blog

Lake Bell gave birth to a girl and I’ll be really disappointed if she didn’t name her Puddle – ICYDK

Amy Poehler says she might’ve went on a date with John Stamos but she’s not sure. If he didn’t eat greek yogurt off of her chichis, then it definitely wasn’t a date – Pajiba

The analyzing of the maybe Timberfetus growing in Jessica Biel’s body continues – Popsugar

Just Jack is going to be just married soon – Just Jared

Who knew that when Kevin Smith shaves off his beard and some chunk he looks like a younger Jeremy London – SOW

Kelly Clarkson did Shake It Off – HuffPo

Rest in peace, Julie KotterBoy Culture

Pic: FameFlynet

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Night Crumbs

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Possible ovaries exploding material: Jake Gyllenhaal got all fatherly while shooting scenes with a toddler for some movie. On a different note, is it just me or has his brows gotten bushier ever since he went the Matthew McConaughey route by losing a ton of weight for that Nightcrawler movie? That carousel horse needs to nibble down his brows a bit. Just a bit. – Lainey Gossip

Finally, some nice news: Hilary Swank does good things – Celebitchy

Err, the guy at the gas station who plumped up Naya Rivera’s lips with air went a little too far because bitch can’t close her mouth! - Drunken Stepfather

Heidi Montag is starting to look human again – Reality Tea

Ariana Grande Latte isn’t Venti-izing her chichis area – The Superficial

In “still working for those gay dollars” news, Nick Jonas plays a game of “Guess the Bulge?” – Towleroad

Carmen Electra’s dress looks like a losing game of Tetris and I would know because I played Tetris a lot and lost a lot – Hollywood Tuna

Danny DeVito shows up in a One Direction video and still manages to have better hair than all of those twinks – Time

Benadryl Cumberbund’s Beyonce strut looks like a T-Rex on coke trying to find a bathroom while having to piss really bad – HuffPo

A funny thing happened when Amanda Seyfried took her dog for a walk. She didn’t stop and mouth kiss him like she usually does – Popoholic

Okay, but I still want to hang that True Blood cast photo over my toilet – Pajiba

If you watch Gotham and have thought to yourself, “I wonder what The Riddler’s nalgas look like,” here’s your answer – OMG Blog

Homer is the greatest poet who has ever lived and no, I’m not talking about that Greek one – The Berry

Because we can’t close the chapter on Renee Zellweger’s current face until we’ve heard Heidi Montag’s thoughts about it, here’s Heidi Montag’s thoughts about it – Celebslam

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence still trusts Apple – Moe Jackson

That moment when you think to yourself, “DAMN that dude is hot,” and then realize it’s Kristen Stewart - Just Jared

That moment you mistake Ryan Gosling for Brad Pitt for a minute – Popsugar

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October 23, 2014 / Posted by:

While wearing a dress that made her chichis royale look like the Transformers logo, Duchess Kate worked her third event in one week tonight. THE QUEEN better give her overtime, because this is ridiculous and I’m sure it’s breaking some labor laws – Lainey Gossip

Sad Keanu Reeves is sad that the mean studios aren’t calling him – Celebitchy

Teresa Giudice is going to the Orange is the New Black prison after all and please, please, please put her in the same room as VeeReality Tea

Christian Bale just burned all the clothes in his closet and replaced them with black turtlenecks and dad jeans, because he’s getting ready to play Steve JobsTime

Um, I thought Lindsay Lohan was really into Brazilian politics now. This selfie would’ve been better if “Neves 4 Prez” was written on her tits in coke – Drunken Stepfather

I guess The Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer is to nerds what the hooker episode of Golden Girls playing on the Hallmark Channel is to me – The Superficial

Olivia Munn giving you Dollar Tree Black Swan – Hollywood Tuna

Nick Jonas’ nipples are out again – Towleroad

Jessica Lange did Lana Del Rey on American Horror Story: ACCENTS! and sadly she didn’t do “Fuck My Way To The Top”Jezebel

JLo’s ass comes out for We Day – Egotastic!

“Nananannanashutupshutupshutpnanannaa I’m not listening anannanaaaaaaa” – my mom after reading the Dr. Oz headline at the link – WWTDD

Lady CaCa wore period worm eyebrows on her face, because you know, it was Wednesday – ICYDK

Queen Aretha is too old and too seasoned for some stupid morning show shit – OMG Blog

More proof that Justin Timberlake probably rocked a baby into Jessica Biel’s body – Popsugar

And now, I’m blind – Popoholic

I’m still blind so I don’t know what this next link is about, but the sound of angry screams and pitchforks clinking against each other tells me it’s Kevin Hart in whiteface – SOW

The Bewitched TV reboot may just out-awful the Bewitched movie starring Nicole KidmanPajiba

FYI: Orlando Bloom isn’t licking Justin Bieber’s peen sweat off of Selena Gomez’s cooch – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

October 22, 2014 / Posted by:

This is Johnny Depp as The Wolf in Into The Woods. I’m guessing that in this version, Little Red Riding Hood never makes it to grandma’s house, because she laughs herself into a coma from seeing The Wolf looking like a cross between  Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear and Riff-Raff from Heathcliff - i09

Here’s a hooded Bendadick Cumsinbatches and sadly that link doesn’t lead to pictures of his uncut peen – Lainey Gossip

Kate Gosselin is having a yard sale, so if you’re in the market for a kid or Jon Gosselin’s nutsack, you know where to go – Reality Tea

Selena Gomez has jumped off the douche peen and is back on the elf peen (maybe) – Celebitchy

A bald James Franco, Megan Fox, fake blood and a white boa are in the same picture together and I don’t know what’s going on but I’m sure HIGH ART is being made – Drunken Stepfather

Beyonce and Jay-Z renewed their vows, which means they’ll be divorced in 6 months – Time

Shia LaDouche says something about Christianity and I need to find God myself, because I’m actually starting to get the tingles over his shirtless pictures – The Superficial

Try not to fall over with shock, but a Catholic school is not letting a lesbian drama starring Julianne Mooore and Ellen Page shoot on their campus – Towleroad

Somebody kindly tell Kelly Brook that Brit Brit owns the fug boots game in L.A. – Hollywood Tuna

The Porn Iguana gets naked and gives you a picture straight out of a MILF’s casual encounters Craigslist ad – WWTDD

And I’m pretty sure the Florida Mom action figure has more meth-related accessories than the Walter White action figure – Pajiba

Joan Rivers was rich. QVC money is no joke – Gawker

Vanessa Hudgens knows Coachella is still months away, right? – Popoholic

Pimp Mama Kris wants all the rich dudes out there to know that Kylie Jenner is still up for sale – ICYDK

Chris Evans and Minka Kelly are probably doing it again – Popsugar

John Mayer and Bob Saget are probably doing it too – Just Jared

I think I spot a poopy floating in those bubbles – SOW

Ke$ha wants to go to there – The Berry

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October 21, 2014 / Posted by:

A knocked up Duchess Kate made an appearance at the Wildlife Photographer of The Year 2014 Awards in London tonight. It’s her second public appearance of the day and she just got done having the extreme barfs. DK better slow down with these double shifts before she overdoes it and sprains her hand waving and smiling muscles  Lainey Gossip

If Moe Howard dragged it up to play the title role in a stage production of Mildred Pierce on the planet Vulcan – Celebitchy

Rita Ora’s dress looks like a dingle that fell out of the b-hole of The Beatles’ cover for the Yellow SubmarineDrunken Stepfather

I’d shit myself to death out of shock if Pimp Mama Kris didn’t have her minions Photoshop her Instagram pics – Reality Tea

Hannibal Buress unswept all those Bill Cosby rape allegations from out under the rug – The Superficial

The Empress of Lucite makes her triumphant return to television in Botched and she was kind of enough to help out the producers by pretending to be flawed – Jezebel

Sofia Vergara always looks like the same (TITS and HAIR) so I appreciate her trying something new by giving herself Thundercat eyes - Hollywood Tuna

Will an NFL team please pick Michael Sam up for good so I can get more footage of him and his hot boyfriend celebrating by eating cake off of each other’s faces? – Towleroad

Sorry Linus, the Great Pumpkin isn’t showing up today, but it looks like the Great Fame Whore made an appearance instead – WWTDD

Wait, so Ariana Grande Latte isn’t a Satanist? – IDLYITW

Monica Lewinsky is BACK (again) and sadly she’s not back to host a second season of Mr. PersonalityICYDK

I hope Madame Tussauds has hired a full-time crew to chisel off the dried Cumberbitch cum from that Benedict Cumberbatch statue – Popsugar

Still pregnant: Rachel Bilson is – Popoholic

Daniele Watts, the actress from Django Unchained whose “racist cops” story kind of fell apart after it turned out she was boning her man in a car, has been charged with lewd conduct – HuffPo

It’s nice to know that Tindr is as messy as all the other dating apps out there – The Berry

Derek Hough, is that you girl? – SOW

The Texas T-Rex burped up his thoughts about the Redskins name change and I know you’ve been waiting for his thoughts about that – Gawker

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Night Crumbs

October 20, 2014 / Posted by:

Shonda Rhimes Bye Felicia’d a trick who complained about all the hot dude on dude action in How To Get Away With Murder. That’s actually offensive to Felicia, because I bet that pesky crackhead would fully appreciate all the hot dude on dude action in that show – Towleroad

Jude Law should skip on down to the Scientology Centre and give John Travolta his wig master’s card – Lainey Gossip

Panty Creamer of the Day: Rob Lowe bares his 50-year-old nips on Instagram – Celebitchy

What in Raquel Welch discount special HELL is on Sarah Hyland’s head? - Drunken Stepfather

Sonja Morgan will be asking Countess LuMann for a loan in 3…2.. - Reality Tea

The Stephen Collins case ended as you expected it to end – The Superficial

Whenever I’m about to bitch and moan about something, I’m going to stop and tell myself that somewhere a cotton ball-sized pom pom has it worse than me, because he’s forced to be seen with Wonky McValtrex looking like Moschino wet queefed all over her – Hollywood Tuna

Fergie Ferg is back and is shooting a new video while looking like a post-apocalyptic lot lizard, so really, nothing’s changed – Egotastic!

Even though Nick Minaj is always shoving her Fix-A-Flat ass in your face, don’t ask her about her ass – Jezebel

Selena Gomez, stop playing and give Beetlejuice his robe back – Popoholic

If Nicole Richie is going for the “65-year-old Boca Raton socialite who bathes in bronzer and considers Botox a protein” look, then she nailed it – WWTDD

Jena Malone might be female Robin in Batman vs. Superman, because the cast of 20,000 isn’t big enough – Pajiba

Pill poppers can breathe a sigh of relief because LeAnn Rimes says she isn’t one of you – ICYDK

Poke at me when Tori Spelling is permanently quarantined from humanity – IDLYITW

The first full trailer for the second season of The Comeback has Mickey in it and that’s all I could ever want from life – OMG Blog

John Travolta and Khloe Kardashian greeting each other with a hug at The Ivy…and other pictures of huggy animals – The Berry

Dear Ryan Kwanten, I have a seat that needs moving too and I don’t really know what that means exactly but just go with it – Popsugar

If you’re always complaining about how you can’t grow a muscle, blame Joe ManJello, because his body took them all – Just Jared

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