Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

March 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s Katy Perry giving you executive assistant to the CEO of Hot Topic goth messiness while that adorable dog friend is giving you “ayúdame” eyes. Either that dog is Team Taylor Swift or things are awkward for it because it fucked John Mayer too (but who hasn’t?). – Lainey Gossip

Mimi does carpool karaoke with James Corden and either she’s drunk or I’m drunk or a little of both - OMG Blog

Apparently Kate Upton’s magnificent chichis aren’t magnificent enough for people to ignore her asshole ways – Celebitchy

If you’re hanging around youngins this weekend and need some gossip to talk about, Bella Thorne is dating Pamela Anderson’s son – WWTDD

Dear George Takei, allow me to Crisco up your face and hide razors in your hair before you go after that Indiana trash who signed that anti-gay bill – Towleroad

Kim Kartrashian has some competition in the rib-breaking department – Drunken Stepfather

Claudia Jordan wants Porsha Williams fired from Real Housewives of Atlanta - Reality Tea 

For the zero of you out there who haven’t seen it yet, here’s Lindsay Lohan’s ginger nipple – IDLYITW

MiserAlba’s in a bikini - The Superficial 

What in the hell kind of GD outfit is Justin Bieber wearing? – Just Jared

You’re So Vain You Think These Tweets Are About You: The Billy Zane Edition – SOW

Molly Sims had a baby and she looks like this – ICYDK

Drea De Matteo lost her home in the East Village explosion – Page Six

And here’s a clip from Karkoochie Tran’s train wreck interview with Iyanla. Guess she doesn’t want her life fixed. – Jezebel

It’s Friday so here’s some MAN NIPPLES – The Berry 

And for about 5 seconds I thought this was Hilary Swank in that Amelia Earhart movie – Popsugar

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

March 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Breaking Fame Whore News You Definitely Care About: Kim Kartrashian dyed the piss blond out of her hair. Or she just took that discount Elsa-with-a-bob wig off – Popsugar

Mr. and Mrs. Affleck go to Washington – Lainey Gossip

If you woke up today hoping to get a visual serving of Kristin Cavallari’s vaccine-free camel toe, your wish has come true! – Drunken Stepfather

More like Bruce Jenner probably high-fived Rob Kardashian and then slipped him a wad of cash while treating him to a lunch at Arby’s – Reality Tea

Jaime King isn’t full of tears anymore since she cried them all out over people making fun of Kim Kartrashian’s ugly MET Gala dress, but she is full of shit – Celebitchy

I’m surprised Rita Ora’s nipple knobs aren’t pierced. Her RiRi impersonation is slipping! – Egotastic!

Amber Rose as you’ve never seen her before and what I mean by that is Amber Rose as you usually see her – IDLYITW

Presenting RiRi’s new ratchet stripper anthem, and I can’t wait to see my cousins get down to this at family parties – Jezebel

Here’s the best thing to happen on the American Idol stage in years and yes, I’m even here for Pepa’s Party City Morticia Addams wig – Towleroad

And here’s the second best thing to happen on the American Idol stage in years – SOW

The world would be a better (read: peenier) place if these were real companies and logos – The Berry 

Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton is a master at parking – Hollywood Tuna

The “Girls as seen through the douche eyes of Michael Bay” parody is missing about 6500 more explosions and about 300 more gallons of silicone – OMG Blog

Like two glowing moons floating upon a sea of liquid emeralds – The Superficial 

Alyssa Milano turned the runner your grandma uses for funeral after-parties into a jumpsuit and it’s not doing good things to her – Popoholic

Scott Disick is hosting a party in Vegas on Friday night, because that’s a smart thing to do when you just got out of 21-day 7-day rehab – ICYDK

Cookie Lyon will host SNL, but sadly Hakeem and Tiana aren’t the musical guests – HuffPo

In the new Calvin Klein Jeans ads, Kendull Jenner looks like a sad, cold, emo suffering from cramps and the hard shits at the same time, so basically the ads are typical Calvin Klein - Just Jared

Pic: Splash


Night Crumbs

March 25, 2015 / Posted by:

When George Clooney gave Amal Clooney a cookbook at a restaurant in NYC the other night, she said, “Are you expecting me to cook? I don’t cook!?” Of course she doesn’t cook, she is way too busy being a high-powered human rights lawyer and shaving the hair off of a gorilla’s taint to make a half shirt – Lainey Gossip 

Two things: Melanie Griffith’s face is snatched and her chichis looks magnificent – Egotastic! 

Gigi Hadid and her Dollar Tree Ken Doll of a man got naked for a towel ad or something - Drunken Stepfather

Going to Dr. Backdoor Farrah for your plastic surgery needs is like buying a latte from a place called The Bill Cosby Coffee Shop - Reality Tea 

Cry into your unpaid student loan bills, because Miles Teller wants you to know that he has them too and he can pay them off, but he’s not going to by choice – Celebitchy

Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor is Jesse Eisenberg with a shaved head, too much powder and black lipstick – The Superficial 

It took me a second to realize that Kelly Brook wasn’t putting dirty clothes in the washer at the laundromat - Hollywood  Tuna 

If you’re in the Santa Barbara area, beware of David Crosby and his jogger-smashing Tesla – WWTDD

HBO has shit canned Looking, but the good news for those of you who are hoping for another serving of Damian from Mean Girls’ dick, they’re wrapping the show up with a “special” – Towleroad

FYI: Hilary Duff still has Peekablue from She-Ra hair – Popoholic

Empire’s Boo Boo Kitty and Andre Lyon are probably doing it in real life – Jezebel

If you’re the kind of trick who really wants to see the ass on Jax from Vanderpump Rules, I’m sure you’ve already seen and fapped to these pictures, but just in case… – OMG Blog

Of course Twitter had a lot to say about Deadline’s moronic WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE WHITE ACTORS  piece – Pajiba

The TimberBaby is still growing in Jessica Biel’s body – Popsugar

Downward Do-me – The Berry 

Kelly Osbourne says she will have to take out her ovaries like St. Angie Jolie one day – ICYDK

The emotionally stable Directioners have declared Zayn Malik’s fiancee the new Yoko Ono. Give yourself a pat on the taint if you called it. - Just Jared

Pic: Splash


Night Crumbs

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

The rabid chipmunk in sloppy Tank Girl drag known as Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger have decided to not break their contract up after he got papped hugging on some girls during Spring Break. The meaning of true love can finally pull itself off of its death bed and happily live like the mites in Billy Ray’s mane! - Lainey Gossip 

While looking at these pictures of Kylie Jenner, you can practically hear Pimp Mama Kris screaming, “Work it, own it, show ‘em what mama bought you, honey,” from the side lines – Drunken Stepfather

Gisele Bundchen is either screaming at one of her kids for acting wrong or she’s screaming at Tom Brady for acting wrong. I know, that was redundant since Tom Brady IS one of her kids - Egotastic! 

In FKA Twigs’ new video, she perfectly reenacts Prince’s birth ceremony  - Celebitchy

Ana from The Real Housewives of Miami got arrested for being a mess and she blamed it on her fear of cockroaches. Um, bitch starred in a reality show with a bunch of cockroaches (not including La Bruja, of course) and now she’s saying she’s scared of them?   – Reality Tea 

Robert Durst’s wife Debra Lee Charatan will be on one of The Real Housewives in 3..2… – Jezebel

Sitting in a bathtub while contemplating offing yourself seems like a reasonable response to riding Hugh Hefner’s grave worm dick all the time – The Superficial

An Irish mom and her son bond over his Grindr messages. If I did this with my mom, she’d be reading a whole lot of blank screen since nobody messages me! – Towleroad

Something must have happened to Emmanuelle Chriqui’s dress, so she just wrapped a bedsheet around her body and went with it – Hollywood Tuna

That’s okay, I didn’t need to see again or keep down solids – SOW

Amal Clooney brings the elegance with her Harlem hooker circa 1978 coat – Popsugar

Robert Pattinson, James Franco, Idris Elba, Al Pacino and Benicio Del Toro are all doing a movie together – Just Jared

Dear Amanda Seyfried, Tootsie wore it better – Popoholic

Kate Gosselin is training an army of little spies – ICYDK

Apparently, Captain Marvel has been cast and if it’s not Shauna Sand, I no care! – Pajiba

But is Chloe Sevigny going to bring along her lobster thong when she checks into American Horror Story: Hotel?  - HuffPo

Pic: FameFlynet


Night Crumbs

March 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Serena Williams is on the cover of Vogue and a strange thing happened. They didn’t Photoshop her to infinity and beyond. Is Anna Wintour okay?! Did someone lock her in a closet? Did someone destroy her by dumping non-imported water on her? – Lainey Gossip

Miley Cyrus made a video where she’s sucking off a banana while wearing a hardened bukkake mask. You know, the usual - Drunken Stepfather

Taraji P. Henson was sick of her son getting racially profiled so she sent him to Howard University. But on a different note, Taraji P. Henson’s got a college-aged son?! – Celebitchy

Bethenny Frankel promised to never get legally married again, and now her divorce lawyers are sad, because they renovated their country houses with all the money they made from her first divorce battle – Reality Tea

You’ve probably already fapped to these pictures of Christopher Meloni, but why not go green and recycle by fapping to them again – The Berry

Fifty Shades of Xenu: Tommy Girl gets stripped down and tied up in the Mission Impossible: Rogue trailer – Towleroad

Now that’s the look of a young pup who knows she’ll probably suffer from douche inhalation real soon. Happy National Puppeh Day :(Jezebel

Jared Leto’sJoker voice” sounds like Jack Nicholson with crack smoke-induced hoarseness - The Superficial

What in mangled bridesmaids dress from HELL is Christina Hendricks wearing? - Hollywood Tuna

Please tell me that Uma Thurman is wearing Blue Blockers – Popoholic

Jennifer Lawrence is done with the X-Men movies – Just Jared

The TV return of The X-Files is maybe sort of happening – Pajiba

For a minute there I thought Chris Evans was talking to a little boy in dress and heels – Popsugar

Jason Aldean upgraded his side ho’s status to main ho, which means there’s a side ho position available now – HuffPo

Bobbi Kristina Brown was moved to a new facility, is still in a coma – ICYDK

If Dakota Johnson seems a little more dead inside than usual to you, that’s probably because she heard her mom and Pimp Mama Kris moaning as they doubled teamed a young Mexican hustler during their vacation in Cabo – Defamer

RiRi brought the sophistication by wearing a house coat and coochie cutters - Egotastic!


Night Crumbs

March 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s some new pictures of Idris Elba shooting Luther and now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go off and sing Klymaxx’s “I Miss You” over the lack of visible “mic wire” in his crotch area – Lainey Gossip

Miley Cyrus may or may not have dribbled out some Iggy Azalea-approved gibberish about her twink boyfriend cheating on her – Drunken Stepfather

Mark this day, Kanye West actually let North West wear a color – Celebitchy

Well, well, look at what the low tide brought in… – Egotastic!

Tamar Braxton isn’t broke, but her nerves are apparently, which is why she had to go to the hospital - Reality Tea

Here’s Gavin Rossdale’s daughter looking like she’s modeling the latest from Strawberry - Hollywood Tuna

In other words, Pimp Mama Kris threatened to do a painful black magic spell (read: send them her nudes) on UsWeekly’s offices unless they paid her seven figures for that Kendull Jenner quote or burped up a retraction – IDLYITW

Madonna’sVogue” turned 25 today. P.S. – You old! – Towleroad

Panty Creamer of the Day: Bill Murray in a dress – Jezebel

Presenting, some fan theories about famous types. The one about the Spice Girls is 100% true – The Berry

Selena Gomez’s lips look like two red larvae spooning – Popoholic

Ke$ha won in the first round again Dr. LukeJust Jared

What in 2007 Chrissy Crocker possessed by a rabid squirrel HELL is that? – Pajiba

CNN made their own Too Many Cooks, because they forgot about the plane and it’s not like they have anything more important to do – OMG Blog

Katie Price looks like Tan Mom, George Hamilton and John Boehner just jizzed on her face – SOW

Chris Pratt as Indiana Jones is probably happening for real – Popsugar

Falkor sees all…. – ICYDK

Screech probably stabbed a dude over a Smirnoff Ice. Sounds about right – The Superficial



Night Crumbs

March 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Henry Cavill has a black eye and he got during a rugby game, but I’m just going to tell myself that he got it when Ben Affleck accidentally slapped him too hard with his dick while getting into some face fucking fun in his trailer on the set of Batman vs. Superman. Yeah, I’m going to go with that – Lainey Gossip 

Charlotte McKinney’s chichis look like a giant ass pressing itself against glass – Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Aniston talks about her hair. Yup, no need to smoke meth tonight, because this riveting interview is going to wire your ass up – Celebitchy

My favorite Dancing with the Has-Beens dancer, Cross-Eyed Kim, is getting her some Canadian millionaire shark dick – Reality Tea 

Humanized pearl CoCo serving you enough Vitamin E (for Elegance) to last for eons – Egotastic!

Germany’s official country flower Micaela Schäfer serving you enough Vitamin D (for Demure) to last for eons – Hollywood Tuna

A gay couple got engaged on Let’s Make A Deal. Personally, I’d rather get engaged to a boyfriend on Wheel Of Fortune so that I could watch Pat Sajak’s wig explode – Towleroad

Miley Cyrus may be getting charity-running tips from Pimp Mama KrisThe Superficial

FYI: Kaley Cuoco still has her wedding date tattooed on her back, which means she’s still married, which means I’m officially shocked – Popoholic

A headline that is the reason why the word NO exists – Jezebel

So this is explains why dozens of tweens were screaming “WHYYYYY?” while trying to tear their heads off in the street as I went to get the mail this afternoon – HuffPo

I am all for True Detective’s giant orgy scene as long as Vince Vaughn is nowhere near it. Oh, who am I fooling? I’m still all for it even if Vince Vaughn’s hairy ass got the most screen time – Pajiba

Baby Prince George’s standby will make their appearance next month – ICYDK

YES = Chris Hemsworth doing this – Popsugar

Christina Hendricks went strawberry blonde – Just Jared

Cindy Brady, Jenny Piccalo and Tabitha Stephens had lunch where I’m sure they talked shit about Marcia, Joanie and Aunt Hagatha- SOW



Night Crumbs

March 18, 2015 / Posted by:

The hardest-working woman in Britain, Duchess Kate, visited a children’s center today where she met a little girl who was not amused by the fact that they both wore polka dots. DK should’ve really taken her ass back to the palace to change. Rude. – Lainey Gossip

If all goes well, Alicia Vikander will bone Michael Fassbender on the red carpet at the Oscars next year. That’s how I’m reading that – Celebitchy

At this point, Barbie should really sue Parasite Hilton for scooting all over her image time and time again - Drunken Stepfather

Today in good decisions, Pauly D bought a $500,000 car, which he might have to sell for cheap in a few years to pay his GTL bills – Reality Tea

Kylie Jenner did some kind of photo shoot where I’m guessing the theme was “Morticia Addams at a Soul Cycle class” – Egotastic!

The white Kanye West talked about the black Madonna on EllenTowleroad

Now Elton John didn’t say anything about boycotting Dolce & Gabbana bags. I’m sure he’s got toilet paper, poop and eggs in that bag and he’s planning to mess up a D&G store - The Superficial

Amanda Seyfried looks like she just opened up a birthday card with confetti in it – Popoholic

Would you have phone sex with this parrot who can do a pretty good Sean Connery impersonation? – Hollywood Tuna

Full-time liar calls sometime liar a liar – Jezebel

Just in case you haven’t fapped to these pictures of Scott Eastwood, here’s some fappable pictures of Scott Eastwood – The Berry

Here’s Jessica Simpson showing you what you look like when you’re plastered as fuck and trying not to look plastered as fuck – IDLYITW

See, Walmart is good for something – OMG Blog


Jessica Simpson celebrates Halloween in March by dressing up like a half-assed Rhoda – Celebslam

The former Mr. Kelly Taylor and that chick who wore that hot dress are getting married – Just Jared

Oh for fuck’s sake, Jamie Dornan, you’re supposed to bend over with your ass facing the camera, not turned away from it. Don’t you know anything?! – Popsugar

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

March 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Brangelina graced their daughters’ soccer game with their presence the other day and Dame St. Angie Jolie wore some “Carmen Sandiego at a casual summer time funeral” shit. I wish Brit Brit Spears sashayed on by in her usual strip mall couture to show St. Angie how to really bring timeless sophistication to a children’s soccer game – Lainey Gossip 

Stephen Sondheim, who can do and say no wrong, hated Lady CaCa’sSound of Music” medley at the Oscars. I’d like to see the Little Monsters try to fuck with him – Celebitchy

Chloe Sevigny is posing for something again and the good news is that she’s not boning on a lobster this time - Drunken Stepfather

Kate Moss is giving you sad, naked goth clown who was just attacked with a ten pound bag of flour – Egotastic! 

Today in DUH: Scott Disick is getting paid to go to rehab – Reality Tea 

Is this what it’s like to drop acid that was made with butter? – The Superficial 

For a minute I got excited thinking that there’s going to be a Boogie Nights sequel, because Heather Graham looks like she’s wearing a Roller Girl costume – Hollywood Tuna 

Michelle Rodriguez’s head is going to blow off of her neck in 3..2.. – Pajiba

And now Rep. Aaron Schock is free to post shirtless pictures on Instagram and troll the Downton Abbey-themed glory holes – Towleroad

That “Katie Holmes is bumping wet parts with Jamie Foxx rumor is back, but what in the name of a melting Steven Tyler is going on with her face? – IDLYITW

Straight James Franco interviewed Gay James Franco and yes, it’s as annoying as it sounds – Jezebel

Jaime King’s pregnant ass went half naked on Instagram – Popsugar

Here’s Kevin Hart blowing himself – SOW

This is the most low-budget, gutter-certified Sue Storm Cosplay I’ve ever seen – Popoholic

Please, you know Jimmy Kimmel got dick implants and also got Ben Affleck’s name etched onto his shaft skin – Just Jared

Miley Cyrus wants us to think that she thinks that Patrick Schwarzenegger passed his twink dick to another – ICYDK

When I said that I wanted to see James Bond’s turtleneck, this is not what I had in mind – HuffPo

Pic: FameFlynet


Night Crumbs

March 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Patrick Schwarzenegger screamed on Twatter about how he’s not cheating on the hillbilly chipmunk after he was papped hugging some chick during Spring Break in Miami. Sorry, you little twink, but Billy Ray Cyrus is not going to buy that shit and is totally going to git you for this. But don’t worry, just wave a Taco Party Pack at him and he’ll forgive, forget and love you forever  - Lainey Gossip 

Dianna Agron’s nipple plate made an appearance the other night – Drunken Stepfather

A living and breathing human being with brains has made the decision to marry into the Palin family – Celebitchy

One of the tricks from Vanderpump Rules has a solo sex tape and sadly it isn’t the buff one who may be gay for pay – Reality Tea

Dolce & Gabbana have found a friend in NOM. I can’t wait to see Maggie Gallagher work a black lace dress with gold flowers on it – Towleroad

Hannibal Burress, a new American hero, was the star and voice of reason at the Justin Bieber roast - The Superficial

The time I mistook Hilary Duff for Kate MossPopoholic

Azealia Banks and her traumatized pussy did PlayboyJezebel

Did the same person who Photoshops Kim Kartrashian’s Instagram pictures also do Kylie Jenner’s chichis contouring? – Hollywood Tuna

Emma Thompson and Kevin Kline are going to be in the Beauty and the Beast movie – Pajiba

Kanye West left a fame whore skid mark all over Twatter – Just Jared

But the Log Lady needs a comeback! – OMG Blog

After Justin Bieber mouth shat out a bullshit speech at his roast, I’m sure he went backstage and pissed all over the catering table in the green room as an act of revenge against the meanies who said mean things about him  - IDLYITW

It’s a Suzanne Somers creampie! – WWTDD

I’ll have whatever that baby was smoking – The Berry 

Behold, the baby who will be serenaded every day with Vin Diesel’s karaoke covers of RiRi songs – Popsugar

Remember that orange suede fringed Wilsons jacket you donated to the Salvation Army in the 90s? Looks like Jessica Simpson picked it up – ICYDK


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