Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

April 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Prepare to throw a RIP at the wig industry, because Nicki Minaj is done with wigs for now. Well, at least the wig industry still has RuPaul, Beyonce and John TravoltaCelebitchy

As Stacy Keibler sticks out her barely-there “Take that, Clooney” bump, George Clooney licks tequila off of his new piece’s chichis while totally forgetting that Stacy Keibler exists   – Lainey Gossip

The fist up Elmo’s ass is off the hook – The Superficial

Reason # 456,984,986,999,101 for why Betty White is the greatest human who lives – Towleroad

If you need some slutty gardening done, then Sara Malakul is the ho for you – Hollywood Tuna

One of the Teen Mom tricks wants to birth out another 15 minutes – Reality Tea

Sarah Hyland shows us one way to get cast in a Woody Allen movie - Drunken Stepfather

A giant load of DUH falling on your eyes: Tori and Dean’s cheating scandal is about as fake as her dented and melted Tupperware bowl titties – Jezebel

Do I want to know what that DJ in the shark teeth t-shirt is doing to Duchess Kate with his eyes? – Popsugar

Sofia Vergara’s torso looks like your grandma’s dinner table with two hams on it – Popoholic

“THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVER BECAUSE WE REALLY NEEDED ANOTHER FUCKING MARILYN MONROE BIOPIC,” said not one bitch ever – IDLYITW

If Jennifer Aniston really is going bald, she can give Nicki Minaj’s leftover weaves and wigs a good home – ICYDK

Hot pieces in cum goggles – The Berry

That Keegan Allen trick seems a little too old for James Franco’s tastes, but I guess a hand is a hand – SOW

And I’d rather watch a serious biopic about the life of the Cadbury Creme EggPajiba

Eric Hill from The Bachelorette died in a paragliding accident – HuffPo

If you’ve ever said that Meg Ryan has a face for voiceovers, you should know that she listened to you – Just Jared

And here’s ASkars’ younger brother on HERO Magazine – OMG Blog

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April 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Buzzfeed asked Madge (who was done up like a nosy memaw from the 1950s) her opinion on random shit and when they asked her what she thinks of the devil’s tool known as CROCS, she wrote “effective.” If she doesn’t mean “effective at assaulting eyes,” then Madge is “effectively” dead to me forever. – Buzzfeed

The Other Woman promo tour is never going to end and Cameron Diaz will forever be spewing out shit about crotch pubes, monogamy, getting old, Botox and children. I’m surprised we still haven’t heard her stance on anal bleaching – Lainey Gossip

Gisele BundchensingsHeart of Glass. Well, that’s something that happened and never needs to happen again - Drunken Stepfather

Scary Spice is either un-wedgie-ing herself, picking a dingle or searching for Posh’s singing talent – Hollywood Tuna

The person in the Easter Bunny suit is Michelle Williams, right? A check is a check… – Celebitchy

“It’s all going according to plan….” said Mickey Mouse while rubbing his hands together as he looks at these pictures of Bella Thorne toking on the good shit at Coachella – The Superficial

Everyone wants to see Mimi Faust from Love & Hip Hop get boned while holding onto a shower rod – Reality Tea

Either Nick Jonas’ body is getting bigger or his head is getting smaller – Towleroad

Kristen Bell is wet, naked and confused on a beach, which I’m guessing is also a metaphor for what it’s like being married to Ashton Kutcher’s sidekick from Punk’dIDLYITW

Miranda Kerr sings and sounds like a sexy toddler while doing so – Jezebel

Aaron Sorkin is really sorry about The Newsroom - The Daily Beast

Kate Upton gets photobombed by Leslie Mann’s face on a poster – Popoholic

Brian Williams is more gangsta than Justin Bieber (but really, who isn’t?) – Popoholic

Daniel Franzese comes out in an open letter to his Mean Girls character. I thought this already happened a million years ago, but you go Glen Coco – Defamer

Superman and Gina Carano are still fucking – ICYDK

The 90s were hard – The Berry

ICYMI or need something to cleanse your palate of THAT SCENE, here’s some Game of Thrones peen and ass – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Kelly Clarkson has a CASE OF THE BABIES!!! all the way and I’m going to go ahead and blame her hormones for why the hell she’s carrying that ugly ass sofa samples bag – Popsugar

The time I mistook Christina Hendricks for Endora – Just Jared

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Night Crumbs

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer of the Day: Matt Boner in Out Magazine. I’ll leave you to chew his pit fur with your eyes – Towleroad

A beefy, hairy B. Coop and his girl beard are still together and if they’re going to keep doing this they should really coordinate their looks, because he’s giving me “bear dad trying to go incognito while trolling for dick in a park bathroom” and she’s giving me “shit I bought at Carol Channing’s yard sale” – Lainey Gossip

Thank GOD (no, literally thank GOD) that Jesus rose from the dead or we wouldn’t have these pictures of models in bunny ears – Drunken Stepfather

Emma Stone has probably been reading the comments here – Celebitchy

One bleached blond whose lips are usually covered in red car paint is replacing a bleached blond whose lips are usually covered in red car paint on The VoiceReality Tea

“Keep fucking that rabbit” is 2014′s “Keep fucking that chicken”Jezebel

Johnny Depp’s box office appeal (sans that Pirates of the Caribbean shit) is falling along with his hotness – Defamer

This Thai PSA also proves that surprise parties are generally the worst and always ruin everything – Buzzfeed

I see that Vanessa Hudgens is still in character as the mess she played in Spring Breakers - Hollywood Tuna

Even Lea Michele’s nipples are annoying - The Superficial

Leighton Meester is wearing a busted dress that a bride would make her bridesmaids wear if she really, really hated their asses – Popoholic

If you’re ever out of Ambien, just stare at these pictures of Ashley Greene leaving the gym while holding a water bottle – IDLYITW

Julia Roberts talks about the dead sister who hated her – ICYDK

And I bet Simon Cowell made his party guests lick that Viagra ice cream off of his juicy man tits – OMG Blog

Leonardo DiCaprio might play Steve Jobs – HuffPo

The Photoshop Lifetime Achievement Award: Famous hos posing with their younger (and pre-Botoxed) selves – The Berry

Robin Williams’ mansion looks like one of the nicer Hiltons – Popsugar

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence’s hair is growing – Just Jared

Pic: OUT

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April 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Riff Raff dyed his husky blue and now that dog looks like it fell out of a Lisa Frank folder and yes, PETA has already slapped the grillz out of his mouth for this – Buzzfeed

The royal family thinks Cressida Boners is too carefree to wave and smile for a living- Lainey Gossip

Benadryl Cumsinbatches’  secret girlfriend, you in danger girl, because the Cumberbitches are coming for you  - Celebitchy

If you said to yourself, “Aubrey hO’Day is taking selfies of her tits right now,” at any time of the day or night, you’d be telling the truth – Drunken Stepfather

I’m totally with Dustin Lance Black for being pissed that Pasadena City College rejected him as a commencement speaker over some dumb pics of him getting bareback fucked that leaked all over the Internet years ago…. But I am not with him when he says that he was doing what gay men do when they love and trust each other. Um, some of the best gay sex I’ve had was with hos I do not love and do not respect – Towleroad

And Pimp Mama Kris can find these “pranksters” spreading “lies” about her in the mirror - Reality Tea

Oh guess what, Hilary Duff is wearing overalls. I know, it’s really fascinating – The Superficial

Yeah, there was a Secret White House Pussy for years, her name’s Monica LewinskyJezebel

Posh Beckham spent her birthday at the Grand Canyon, the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and those are words I didn’t think I’d ever type – Popsugar

All that’s missing from Heather Graham’s dress is a “Caution Road Work Ahead” posted on the front – Hollywood Tuna

And did all of us time travel back to 1997 without knowing it, because here’s Heather Graham again – Popoholic

Grab the blessed lube, it’s Fap Friday (Good Friday Edition) – The Berry

Idris Elba is a daddy now – ICYDK

The Internet throws balls of hate at Sky Ferreira for using black people as “props” and well, she is opening for Miley Cyrus…. - OMG Blog

Adam Levine shows off the shitty Kmart clothes he put his name on and not even a junkie Florida day-shift hooker would wear that mess for a free 8-ball  - SOW

DUH. – HuffPo

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Night Crumbs

April 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Conscious Uncoupling, Number Two: Goopy Paltrow and Seb Bishop, the CEO of GOOP, have broken up, because she’s moving GOOP headquarters to L.A. and he was supposed to move with his wife and kids, but changed his mind at the last minute. Eh, just a classic case of a dude realizing that sipping kumquat and mangosteen tonics with annoying Goopy at a Brentwood juicerié  every day is a slow, painful journey that leads to jumping off of a bridge  - Lainey Gossip

The Orange is the New Black season 2 trailer needs more Pennsyltucky – Towleroad

The Olsen that doesn’t live in a tree stump and doesn’t feed off of the fear of children is in Flaunt MagazineDrunken Stepfather

Duchess Kate’s dress looks like these curtains my friend bought from CB2. FYI: It’s already sold out (the dress, not the CB2 curtains) – Celebitchy

That quick jerk you felt was the world continuing to spin again after Kate Upton declared that she loves her big tits – The Superficial

Kenya Moore is out-cunting Omarosa on Celebrity ApprenticeReality Tea

This is what the nuns wear at Mel Gibson’s private Catholic church – Hollywood Tuna

Get out the cigars (in flavor: Lewinsky snatch), Bill Clinton’s gonna be a pepaw! – Buzzfeed

The supercut of The Real Housewives crying through the Botox is like watching balls of wax melt under a heat lamp…. – Jezebel

“I want to look like the last place loser of a Charlie’s Angels costume contest” said Hilary Duff before choosing this ensemble – Popoholic

Miley Cyrus canceled more shows, might not perform anytime soon and is still laid up in the hospital. In possibly related news, the number of new reported cases of herpes of the ears is at an all-time low – ICYDK

I was gonna say here’s some pictures you can print out and use as dart practice, but then again I don’t find it necessary to waste all that ink on this trash – The Berry

Eric Christian Olsen’s nalgas: here they are – OMG Blog

Seth Rogen perfectly and simply handles raging, weed-hating banshee Nancy GracePajiba

Aw, nothing warms the no-heart like Xtina’s sugar baby putting his hand on his meal ticket – HuffPo

The X-Men: Days Of Future Past has another trailer – IDLYITW

Rosie O’Donnell lost 50 pounds of chunk and gained a wonk eye – Just Jared

Rest in peace, Gabriel García Márquez - Popsugar

Pics: Getty

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April 16, 2014 / Posted by:

The first trailer for the Rosemary’s Baby mini-series is here. SPOILER ALERT: The real spawn of Satan turns out to be that wig on Zoe Saldana’s head – Just Jared

Channing Tatum really wants some of that X-Men franchise money – Lainey Gossip

The unpaid professional Instagram model who is only famous because she was once a tickle in Wayne Gretzky’s nutsack stars in a behind-the-scenes video for Golf Digest that is about as fascinating as golf itself – Drunken Stepfather

Charlie Sheen’s wasting $100,000 on a dumb engagement party, which is “I’ll give you one of my internal organs for that” kind of money to you and me, but is nothing to him. $100,000 goes up his nose on a weekly basis – Celebitchy

When Tracy Morgan is worried about you, you’re passed the point of severely fucked up – The Superficial

Doogie Howser’s Hedwig body weighs less than his Hedwig wigs, basically – Towleroad

Venus de Milo, is that you, girl? – Hollywood Tuna

The talking wig’s out there on the ho stroll hawking pancake-flavored vodka and other booze flavors that will compel your stomach to purge – Reality Tea

US Airways didn’t fire the employee who twatted out that planegina tweet, but no word if they promoted them to Director of EVERYTHING which is what they should do – Jezebel

Chelsea Handler tweeted this picture of her holding some CBS documents. While Chelsea Handler throws an “I’m coming for your job” look at Craig Ferguson, I’m wishing that her dog farted her on crotch – Pajiba

Emily Blunt should call up Weight Watchers to help her lose ALL THAT TONS OF BABY WEIGHT – Popoholic

Alicia Silverstone joins Jenny McCarthy and Kristin Cavawhatever’s anti-vaxx team, which is just the team you want to be on when it comes to medical science – ICYDK

It’s been a long day, so rest your eyeballs on Orlando Bloom’s hairless ass cheeks - OMG Blog

Dax Shepard comes out as a Bradaloonie – Popsugar

In case you need reminding that Walmart is a ~special~ place – The Berry

FYI: The fetus growing in Mila Kunis’ body has a vagina – IDLYITW

Simon Cowell is really sorry for being a home wrecking whore – Celebslam

Kendra Wilkinson is still knocked up – Moe Jackson

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April 15, 2014 / Posted by:

Lady CaCa’s video for G.U.Y. wasted 365 gallons of water while in the middle of a drought. Every ho in California who is slowly dying of dehydration is going to curse that thirsty, water-hogging asshole bitch Lady CaCa before we shrivel up and turn to dust – The Superficial

Charlize Theron isn’t engaged to Sean Penn. She’s not that dickmatized by his barbecued Slim Jim dick….yet - Lainey Gossip

Prince William likes to work just as much as we all do (read: not at all) – Celebitchy

Mischa Barton looks like one big giant SIGH, a big giant SIGH with a nipple and dehydrated hair - Drunken Stepfather

Karlie Kloss’ hair and style twin Taylor Swift has a look in her little eyes that says, “I may or may not go inside and skin Karlie alive and wear her like a coat…”Hollywood Tuna

Nene Leakes being a bitch to someone isn’t anything to clutch your pearls over, but I’m wondering why she didn’t dance to the Bear Necessities dressed as Baloo? – Reality Tea

Evangelical pastors are the biggest theatrical drama queens – Towleroad

Lady CaCa SANS Photoshop looks like a strung out Florida lot lizard who will fuck for a half-smoked Red – Jezebel

The dog has a better ass – Popoholic

You can almost see Oprah’s strength bar power up as she feeds on Pharrell’s tears of happiness – Pajiba

If you need something to wipe your Tax Day tears on, here’s some military man nipples – The Berry

Max Beesley’s peen + blood + two baby dolls = something a sick fuck is going to fap to  - (NSFW) OMG Blog

File under: a bitch battle you might care about if the year was 2007 – ICYDK

Pamela Anderson has reached the stage that most people who get barbed wire tattoos reach: regret – HuffPo

Professional air kiss blowers Candice Swanepoel and Adriana Lima blow air kisses at some Victoria’s Secret event – IDLYITW

And hopefully those Magic Mike bitches do it right this time by giving us raw hard peen and hopefully raw hard peen that belongs to Joe ManJelloJust Jared

We should all be so lucky to get a flight attendant like this – Popsugar

I haven’t mailed shit in decades, but these panty-creaming students would give me a reason to – Slate

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April 14, 2014 / Posted by:

ASkars graced Coachella this weekend and it’s weird that his body isn’t covered with naked hos who threw themselves onto his body. Eh, they were probably too busy being mesmerized by Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s sweet, hot dude bro moves – Lainey Gossip

A knocked up Snow White married Prince CharmingCelebitchy

Mimi Faust and Nikko Smith fuck and suck their way to higher ratings for Love and Hip Hop - Drunken Stepfather

I was going to say that Backdoor Farrah has once again reached new levels of delusion by calling herself a “sex symbol,” but then I realized that horses need sex symbols too – Reality Tea

Why did I think this was Lea Michele after a growth spurt? – Hollywood Tuna

RIP She-Mail - Towleroad

Hilary Duff and the Easter Island statue escapee were together at Coachella and they looked like they got caught by the cops giving each other handies out in public – The Superficial

Somebody should’ve told the girl who got “selfie” tattooed on her lip that getting “cock here” tattooed on her lip would’ve been much more elegant and understated – Jezebel

That Kraft Mac & Cheese tattoo is on the leg of a Spears, right? – The Berry

“Phew!” said Moonie Cyrus while taking the nose and ear plugs out – ICYDK

I know Maria Menonous thinks she’s giving you “Breakfast At Tiffany’s,” but she’s really giving you “Breakfast At Zales” – Popoholic

Ashley Benson proudly shows off who paid the bill on her leased BMW this month – IDLYITW

Some hot Spanish piece gives you a serving of his flat flour tortilla ass – OMG Blog

Don’t tell Jessica Simpson that she looks like a Peep or she’ll try to eat herself – HuffPo

I wish that instead of RPattz hitting Julianne Moore from the back in a limo, he would’ve licked her cooch in a MINI Cooper – Just Jared

“Meh,” said The Hammaconda when looking at Doogie Howser’s two trouser snakes – Pajiba

IT’S DEBBY BOONE! – SOW

Becks and Harper Seven melted ovaries at some hockey game – Popsugar

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April 11, 2014 / Posted by:

When Lohanthony screams, “Calling all the basic bitches,” this is what shows up. But really, let’s play a quick game of M/F/K. I’d marry Katie Holmes, because she has experience in bearding and I want to know all of Tommy Girl’s secrets. I’d fuck Jessica Biel, because you know she’s a power top and can work a strap-on. And I wouldn’t kill Kate Bosworth’s malnourished Enchanted Evening Barbie-looking ass, but I would feed her a few meals from Claim Jumper – Lainey Gossip  

Nothing is sexier than Miley Cyrus looking like a wet, topless and drunk Hermey the Dentist – Drunken Stepfather

Aaron Carter just melted into a puddle of meth and sadness – Celebitchy

Whatshername from The Real Housewives of Orange County is knocked up – Reality Tea

I see that Alec Baldwin is staying retired from public life….. – Towleroad

So I guess we have a new Ireland Baldwin in RPattz’s one-time piece. Yay us. – The Superficial

Sarah Hyland modeling the outfit found in every Coachella starter kit – Hollywood Tuna

RIP Coldwater Creek! – Jezebel

Emma Stone looks good and everything, but I’ve never noticed Spiderman’s cum drop eyes before – Popoholic

We’ll be drowning in more Duggars real soon – IDLYITW

Minnie Driver quit Twitter over whores hating on her bikini body – ICYDK

And I’ll take #1 through #29 – The Berry

Drake tries to trick people into talking trash about Drake by disgusting himself in a Kevin Spacey wig and a face merkin (and he still looks like Drake) – HuffPo

Prince William and Duchess Kate are still working really hard during their tour of New Zealand – Popsugar

Personally, I prefer to freebase crotch crabs, but my drug tastes are more refined – OMG Blog

Oh, Lea Michele and that Grade F Barbra Streisand impersonation….. – Moe Jackson

RDJ joined Twitter. Everything has changed. – SOW

Brad Pitt looks hot again – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

April 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer of the Day: 23-year-old cougar fucker Aaron Taylor-Johnson on Men’s Health. But seriously, I thought Men’s Health was supposed to be soft-core hotness for gay and straight lady eyes. Why is he wearing so much fabric on his body? – Lainey Gossip 

Scary Spice’s twerking ass looks like two twenty pound bags of sugar bouncing around in the back of a pick-up – Drunken Stepfather

Wait, so I’m supposed to believe that at one time Goopy Paltrow’s marriage to Chris Martin wasn’t a WASPY, cold, un-loving relationship used to boost her public image? – Celebitchy

Woody Harrelson’s side piece in True Detective gets naked in a pool for Vanity Fair and why do I have a feeling she’s peeing in there? – The Superficial 

Well, if Backdoor Farrah really wrote her erotic novel by herself, then her 5-year-old daughter can read it now since it’s probably all two-syllable words and stick drawings and is about as erotic as chicken pox – Reality Tea 

Michael Assbender’s Ian McKellen impersonation sounds more like Yogi Bear with laryngitis – Towleroad

Teri Snatcher still exists – Hollywood Tuna 

In other words: Nerds are having a lot of babies – Jezebel

Demi Lovato leaked Demi Lovato’s nipple pic – IDLYITW

Simple lot lizard elegance is Kate Hudson’s peach pumps and jean shorts – Popoholic

Selena Gomez fired her parents as her managers and while she’s at it bitch should fire herself for constantly jumping back on Justin Bieber’s toddler ass – ICYDK

Cum gutters galore – The Berry 

And in the corner of a dark, musty basement somewhere, someone is fapping themselves raw to this night terror-inducing GIF of Emma WatsonPajiba

Kristen Stewart looks like a Skid Row roadie on his day off – Popsugar

A bearded Australian comedian just put Miranda Kerr out of a job – OMG Blog

The Girl Meets World trailer is um…errr…needs some Feeny – Just Jared

Kate Gosselin is still banging the help as Seal would say – CDAN

I think I’ll wait until 23 Jump Street when Channing Tatum will inevitably give Jonah Hill a salad tossing – SOW

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