Nick Carter and Aaron Carter. It was a much simpler time. A time before Aaron was accusing Nick of capitalizing on Aaron’s DUI arrest in Georgia last month for a little social media publicity, and Nick’s wife was all “Um, he’d call you if you gave him your phone number.” I’m sure this won’t come as a shock, but things still aren’t great between the Carter boys.
Aaron Carter got into some serious trouble on Saturday night in Georgia after he was arrested in Habersham County for DUI and possession of weed and drug accessories. We now have more news regarding Arron’s arrest. In true Carter fashion, it has become a giant ball of drama.
Do you still have your old issues of Tiger Beat? What? The pages are all stuck together? Why? What did you do to them? Why do you hope your mom doesn’t find them? Ok. Well, you’re acting weird. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Paris Hilton‘s ex-boyfriend, Nick Carter, confirmed that the Backstreet Boys are doing a Vegas residency. Stop! Stop screaming! Jesus! Why do you all of a sudden have pigtails and braces?! What is happening?! Get me out of here! Help! Help!
Yep, your inner tween can pop back into her boob tube and smear some definitely not at all toxic body glitter gel on her neck and worst parts of her face because BSB is back. I mean, Backstreet’s back, alright? I’m not going any louder than that. ET spoke to Nick at the L.A. premiere of his new SyFy flick, Dead7 and he told them the band has signed a deal for nine-shows to test the waters and see if a permanent show should get the greenlight. If Carrot Top and Donnie and Marie can have smash amounts of money (copyright Sean Young) shows in Vegas, why wouldn’t BSB? Nick said, “If it does really well, then I think that’ll open that door and then in future we’ll do it. So that’s definitely going to happen but we’re going to do a trial run first.” He also added that fans should expect “a very big and spectacular show“. A couple lasers, some ropes from the ceiling and some outdated choreographed dancing. Yep. Sounds big and spectacular to me.
Kevin Richardson, the tall one with black hair, also confirmed the shows and said it all came about after the boys talked to Britney Spears backstage after one of her lazy lip synch spectaculahs. “It seemed really convenient for the family! A Vegas residency, now that we’re all fathers, could be very convenient for us… We won’t have to travel so much,” said Kevin. He also got your tween heart beating even faster by confirming they’re working on a new album. They should premiere it on Tidal. That would surely save it. Between Britney, JLo, Celine and now BSB, you can live in Vegas and pretend the 90s never ended!
When Nick Carter was arrested two weeks ago for being all kinds of drunk at a place called the Hog’s Breath Saloon in Florida and choking out a bouncer because they wouldn’t let him pour any more booze down his throat, even Florida was like “Slow down, Nick Carter – that’s TOO Florida.” Apparently Nick Carter has finally realized that, yeah, he got a little too Florida that day, and now he wants you to know he’s sorry about it. Nick typed up a little apology on Twitter yesterday. Tip: Nick’s tweets are 1000x more entertaining if you pretend they were written by Mummy Nick from the video for “Everybody“.
I am human and at times it can be a struggle to balance a healthy lifestyle. I'm not perfect and for that I am sorry.
— Nick Carter (@nickcarter) January 23, 2016
When we fall we have to get up and keep on walking. I hope you stay by my side and continue to walk with me.
— Nick Carter (@nickcarter) January 23, 2016
Is it just me or does it sound like Nick yanked his apology tweets from a Christian bookstore’s Facebook wall? No, I’m sure he thought them all up himself with no help from either his lawyer or the Backstreet Boys’ PR person. One person who probably didn’t help him write it was his brother Aaron Carter, because he was too busy dealing with his own mess. TMZ says Aaron flipped out on a fan at a concert in Virgina earlier this week after they asked him to sing “I Want Candy“. Apparently Aaron wasn’t into that shit, told the fan “I’m 28, honey, and I’m grown” and walked off stage for a bit. TMZ has the video of Aaron’s “I’m grown” moment, which you can watch here.
Okay, but to be fair to that fan, if Aaron wasn’t going to sing “I Want Candy“, what else did he have planned? Three different versions of “Aaron’s Party” followed by an acoustic performance of “Crazy Little Party Girl“? Somewhere in Hell, a tortured soul is like “Hey, I have that album!”
A Carter was arrested last night and it wasn’t Aaron Carter for breaking into Hilary Duff’s bedroom to steal her worn panties, hump her pillow and make out with her toothbrush. Nick Carter was arrested after he allegedly busted out a violent, drunken scene at Hog’s Breath Saloon in Key West, FL. Nick Carter acting a mess at Hog’s Breath Saloon isn’t even the most Florida news I read yesterday. That title goes to the story about the dude who ate crack in front of a cop during a traffic stop.
According to Gossip Cop, the police report says that Nick and another dude named Michael Rae Papayans showed up to Hog’s Breath Saloon at around 7pm last night and they were both several kinds of wasted. The bartender refused to help them get drunker by serving them more booze and he told them both to take their asses out of the bar. That set Michael off and he allegedly head-butted the bar manager while Nick choked out the bouncer. The bar’s staff joined forces and held Nick and Michael down until the police showed up.
TMZ says that Nick and Michael were both arrested for battery and are still in custody. Nick said a couple of months ago that he’s dry now and completely off booze and the bad shit. Nick’s wife Lauren Kitt is currently knocked up with their child.
TMZ also posted body cam footage shot by a Key West police officer after the bar fight. The video looks like it was shot with a water-damaged Le Clic from the 80s, but you can clearly hear Michael admit that they were drunk as hell and he blames the fight on Nick. Michael also name drops Nick Carter’s name to the cop and the cop didn’t flinch. I’m surprised the cop didn’t stop everything and squeal out, “THEE Nick Carter? That changes everything! You’re both free to go as soon as you give me an autograph and a selfie!” That cop is obviously a 98 Degrees fan.
And the only thing I want to know is if the bouncer screamed, “Quit playing games with my froat,” when Nick Carter choked him. Yeah, yeah, I’ll start walking toward the exit as you cue up The Price is Right losing horn.
Dancing with the WHOs? announced the cast for its 21st season this morning and yes, this wreck is still on and yes, it’ll be on forever, because there will always be has-beens, fame whores and never-wases who will gladly take a check in exchange for busting out the Viennese Waltz while wearing tons of fucking sequins. The good and surprising news is that the producers didn’t cast a Duggar or Ben Affleck’s nanny or catfisher extraordinaire Rachel Dolezal (although that mess is going to be busy making the most out of being knocked up). The bad news is that Paula Deen is in the cast. Actually, I shouldn’t say that’s “bad news,” because I’m sure she’ll win back the hearts of America when she dances the Jive to Al Jolson’s “Mammy” while her partner is done up like a giant butter stick.
The entire cast is below and I think my brain squirted out a “scratching head emoji” only five times!
Andy Grammer (Wikipedia tells me he’s a singer) is paired with Allison Holker
Alexa Vega (the little girl from Spy Kids) is paired with Mark Ballas
Bindi Irwin (Australia’s sweetheart when Queen Gina isn’t available to do her sweetheart duties) is paired with Derek Hough
Chaka Khan is paired with Keo Motsepe
Paula Deen is paired with Louis Van Amstel
Hayes Grier (a Vine and YouTube “star“) is paired with Emma Slater
Nick Carter is with Sharna Burgess
Carlos Pena (the little girl from Spy Kids’ husband) is paired with Witney Carson
Gary Busey is paired with Anna Trebunskaya
Alek Skarlatos (the French train hero) is paired with Lindsay Arnold
Victor Espinoza (the jockey best known for riding American Pharoah who should’ve been cast instead) is paired with Karina Smirnoff
Tamar Braxton (living Muppet and Toni Braxton’s sister) is paired with Val Chermovskiy
Kim Zolciak (The WIG from Bravo) is paired with Tony Dovolani
I may have to start watching this shit again. But I’ll only watch it until Gary Busey, who announced that he’s in the cast while riding a horse and dressed like a cowboy, is kicked out, which will probably be the first week since America has never understood and appreciated real organic dance talent like this:
And Gary’s partner Anna Trebunskaya better pre-book her trip to rehab now, because she’s going to need to dry out from all the booze, Valium, Xanax, morphine and Tension Tamer tea she’ll have to take to deal with his ass.
Pics: Wenn.com, ABC