When I hear an actor is dating a “24-year-old lingerie model” my sight automatically switches to Side Eye Mode. But I’m willing to give 28-year-old Nicholas Hoult the benefit of the doubt in this case. People reports that Nicholas and aforementioned girlfriend of about a year, Bryana Holly, just had a baby. It’s irrefutable proof that the adorable little boy from About A Boy is all grown up, in case you somehow missed Nick’s very successful puberty and subsequent manly hotness. Hugh Grant must be so proud!
It would have been a nearly all-black fashion show at the BAFTAs in London last night, in honor of the Time’s Up movement. But the class average was brought down by Duchess Kate (who was prevented from wearing black by royal no-politics protocol), and Frances McDormand (who just didn’t feel like it and showed up in pink-on-black instead).
For mostly everyone else, it was a multitude of black. Or black with a random kick of not-black, like Allison Janney. And by random, I mean a satin choker bolero on top of a Bibhu Mohapatra dress. It looks like a shirt made from the bottom half of Roger the Alien from American Dad that was put on backwards and upside down.
I mean the hair not the makeup. Then again, who knows what Usher makes Justin Bieber put on during “mentoring hours.” Here’s Kristen Stewart at the premiere of her new flick Equals in LA. It’s about a dystopian future wherein people don’t experience emotion. Did she even have to audition? This is the kind of gig that was written specifically for a multi-faceted gem of a performer like her, right? That Bieber-esque hairdo emotes more than she does.
Check out more pics of Kristen, and co-stars Nicholas Hoult and Jacki Weaver below.
I’m not being facetious either (that may be the only time I use a smart person word here, so enjoy it). Semi-professional Daria impersonator Kristen Stewart and her one-time rumored-to-be-banging buddy Nicholas Hoult walked the red carpet for Equals at the Venice Film Festival last night, and since the name of their movie is Equals, they both served up equal amounts of good-looking eleganza.
Obviously, Nicholas Hoult is a hot plate of bangers and mash who could still dampen pants if he showed up in a pair of dirty Zubaz and an Ed Hardy shirt. But he chose to wear a tuxedo, because Nicholas Hoult cares about the material in your spank bank. Meanwhile, living frown KStew is giving you old money Transylvania debutante for your nerves. She looks like an animatronic from The Haunted Mansion ride if it was renovated by Liberace’s interior designer. Which is to say, she looks great.
They also kind of look like artsy rich kids who don’t give a single fuck going to their fancy-ass rich kid prom. KStew has this look on her face that’s like “Yeah, I borrowed this dress from my great aunt, who is like the Queen of Denmark or something. My mom told me it’s worth like, $30,000, but I’m like, who cares, mom. And Nicholas is wearing a tux to be ironic. We’re totally skipping the after-party on Brent’s yacht and having our driver take us to Taco Bell instead.”
Here’s more of KStew and Nicholas looking all fancy on the red carpet at the VFF premiere of Equals yesterday. I’ve also included some pics of KStew with her bare feet out after she yanked off her bougie Louboutins, because of course she did that.
Thanks To Jason Momoa And Lisa Bonet, You And Your Piece Now Know What You’re Going To Wear For Halloween
Leave to tall drink of Muscle Milk Jason Momoa and Dorian Gray’s sister Lisa Bonet to show us homely bitches that they are so hot that they’re natural hotness cannot be dimmed by some fucked-up outfits on their bodies.
Panty Creamer Hall of Famer Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet came out for the Mad Max: Fury Road premiere in L.A. last night to support Zoe Kravitz who’s in that movie. Jason Momoa showed up looking like the owner of an artisanal craft beer brewery in Bushwick who believes that in a past life he was a Wild West train robber and he doesn’t want to ignore that part of his spirit, so that’s why he dresses like that. Lisa Bonet is dressed like an Olsen at a Great Gatsby-themed funeral. While most people wear black to a funeral, the Olsens wear white, because death pleases them.
You too can get these looks. You won’t look 1/1000th as hot, but you’ll still look a mess. To get Jason Momoa’s “leather daddy Zorro” look, just get a summer job in the Knott’s Berry Farm stunt show and keep the costume. To get the other pieces, just ask one of the more stylish hobos in your neighborhood if you can go through his cart and buy some stuff. To get Lisa Bonet’s look, borrow one of your memaw’s church dresses and pair it with your sheepskin rug from Ikea. I know you have one of those things, because EVERYONE has one of those things. You don’t know how many calories I’ve burned from yanking off one of those Ikea sheepskin rugs from a friend’s dining chair to sit down. Everyone thinks their house needs to look like some shit out of Dwell.
Speaking of yanking, here’s a fap-worthy picture of the new Mad Max Tom Hardy wrapping his luscious larva lips around a straw:
The luckiest straw in the world: That straw is.
And here’s more pictures from last night including some of the Gentle Rose of Graceland, Priscilla Presley, looking more naturally beautiful than ever.
I’ve been trying to read Dark Places by Gillian Flynn for at least a year. Like Jon Hamm trying to fuck an extra tight hole, I can’t get into it all the way. I speed read through her other books, Gone Girl and Sharp Objects, in a quick minute, but Dark Places is just not holding me. I make it to about 10 pages before I say to myself, “I would rather be watching porn or Love It Or List It,” so I drop my Kindle and go and do that. I have stopped and re-started that book at least 5 times. I finally said “fuckit” after finding out the movie’s coming out this year, because we all know that the movie is ALWAYS better than the book. But then I watched the French trailer today and um…well….
The French trailer came out first, because it opens in France on April 8th. It doesn’t have a US release date yet.
Charlize Theron feels beyond miscast in this shit. When I read it, I pictured a busted and raggedy Amy Adams. The character is supposed to be kind of plain and broke off. Charlie went all out for Monster, but they didn’t even try to homely her up for this mess. They put a ball cap on her head and called it a day. And the movie just looks like one long low-budget truTV reenactment. Shit, I guess I have to try to finish the book after all.