Woe has been Mischa Barton for a while. She got shuffled off to the hospital (after she claims she got GHB’d), she had to deal with two exes trying to peddle fuck tapes starring her, she had to suffer through Dancing with the Has-Beens, her Volkswagen nearly got snatched by the repo man and she sued her mom for allegedly stealing money from her. But it looks like grey skies have cleared up for Mischa and her face is being graced by the warm, sparkly rays shooting off of her new man’s gold Rolex. E! News says that Mischa has found love, which is great if that’s your thing or whatever, but what’s even better is that her new boyfriend, James Abercrombie, may one day inherit $574 million. That sound you hear is the sound of Mischa’s creditors pounding on their keyboards while trying to find a phone number for James since Mischa has blocked them all.
I’m starting to think Orlando Bloom shares DNA with The Predator, but instead of hunting by heat vision, his dick points him to famous brunettes. Hot off his “respectful, loving space” from Katy Perry, 40-year-old Orlando Bloom is reportedly getting friendly with 28-year-old Nina Dobrev.
It’s been four months since Naya Rivera filed for divorce from her husband of two years, Ryan Somethingoranother, and that’s a long time for a permanent resident of ThirstVille like herself to get a new dude to hit the pap stroll with. But Naya got herself a new dude and they’re making everyone’s head fill with a billion question marks.
There are two things that will never not be a reliable comfort in this world. Doritos will always be delicious, and aging rock stars will always get with a model half their age. According to The Sun, 51-year-old father of four Gavin Rossdale is dating 27-year-old German model Sophia Thomalla.
Fun facts about Sophia: she’s one year younger than Gavin’s daughter Daisy Lowe, her mother is the same age as Gavin, and based on her Instagram, she loves Justin Bieber. Dealbreaker! Although to be fair, Sophia would have been 20 when Baby was released….nope, that’s still too old to be into Bieber.
A source tells The Sun that it’s still early on in their relationship, but that Gavin is “really taken” by Sophia.
“There’s plenty of chemistry. They’re having fun and the relationship has the potential to turn serious if that continues.”
The source goes on to say that Sophia’s type is musicians. She married a guy in a Norwegian electronic band last March, a few weeks after ending a five-year relationship with the lead growler of Rammstein.
Gavin reportedly met Sophia while touring. But did he really meet her? Several months ago we were told Gavin had been on a date with Elin Nordegren. Gavin later clarified that he had never met her, only texted her a couple of times. So far there’s no evidence they met on Sophia’s social media, which is odd for such a committed groupie. Gavin, is this another Elin situation? I won’t believe this is a real relationship until I see a picture of Gavin posing with Sophia and a copy of that day’s newspaper.
I guess you could say Anthony Bourdain’s parts are no longer unknown to Asia Argento. Prepare yourselves, the corny food jokes only get worse from here!
Anthony Bourdain, the hottest silver-haired grumpy TV food person not named Geoffrey Zakarian, has been single for a few months. He split up with his wife of nine years back in September. Nine years is a lot of years, and you’d think he’d want to make up for lost time by twirling his fork around as much random spaghetti as possible. But apparently he’s already off the market again. Page Six says that 60-year-old Anthony is head-over-veal (show me the door) for 41-year-old actress Asia Argento, who is Dario Argento’s daughter. Anthony and Asia have been papped in Italy walking hand-in-hand and making out while grocery shopping. Page Six says that one Italian news site has declared they’ve “fallen in love.”
Anthony filmed an episode of Parts Unknown in Rome late last year, and he claimed that it wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Asia. No word on if they got together during filming or after. I’m going to choose to believe it happened during, if only because it’s fun to think of a crusty prick like Anthony Bourdain on a romantic Eat Pray Love-style spiritual journey.
Both Anthony and Asia like Italian food and what more do you need in a relationship? Someone to sex on and then eat pasta with sounds nice. And in between that, they can laugh about how her daddy makes movies that terrorize people’s nightmares, and now she’s dating a dude who lives to terrorize Guy Fieri.
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez couldn’t make it work, but at least they can still bond over their love of dating people who can’t remember watching Friends on Thursday nights.
Two months after Marc Anthony called it quits with his third wife Shannon De Lima (and days since their divorce was finalized), we’re finding out that 48-year-old Marc has a new girlfriend. And just like the last one, she’s a way-younger model. TMZ says that Marc has been rubbing his sensual skeletal bits on a 21-year-old model from Miami named Mariana Downing.
Fun fact: Mariana is two years younger than Marc’s daughter Ariana and five years older than his son Cristian.
Marc and Mariana got together shortly after Shannon hit the road back in November. They reportedly met at a dinner party. Marc and Mariana exchanged numbers, and he called her the next day. Marc and Mariana got real serious, real fast. She has accompanied him to one of his shows, and E! News says they spend New Year’s Eve together in the Dominican Republic.
Sources say they’ve been together ever since they met at that dinner party. Duh! Marc is middle-aged, rich and famous and Mariana is a hot young model. If they didn’t get together, I’m pretty sure none of us would be here today. The Earth would have shifted on its axis from the disruption in the universe. As the tides swallowed us whole, God would be standing there scratching his head in confusion, like “What the hell? This has never happened before.”