The wildfires currently raging through California have been devastating, despite their cute-sounding names (Camp Fire in the north, which has me picturing teenagers singing Kumbaya in a circle, and Woolsey Fire in the south, which makes me picture the same thing but with more blankets and sweaters). The fires have proven that fire doesn’t care who you are, it’s going to rip through your house and leave a pile of ashes. It was previously reported that the fires claimed Caitlyn Jenner’s house, but that was wrong info. Caitlyn’s house still stands, but many others weren’t so lucky.
It’s been almost four long years since we first heard that Daryl Hannah and Neil Young replaced Meg Ryan and John “I Refuse To Drop The Cougar From His Name” Mellencamp as the IT couple of the blonde actress from the 80s (or 90s) and pepaw rocker set. Between then and now, my brain must’ve corroded even more, because I forgot these two were together. But not only are they still together, all signs point to them getting married over the weekend. I really need to get a subscription to Closer Weekly so I can stay up to date on the oldies.
Ford, sure. Trump, no. Even dead rock stars want Trump to cut the shit and stop using their music. George Harrison’s estate didn’t feel the enthusiasm when Ivanka Trump strolled out to introduce her rotting naranja father accompanied by the The Beatles’ “Here Comes The Sun” at the RNC this past week.
I’m just going to pretend that shirt says “FART,” because I’d like to believe that Neil Young matches his facial expressions to his tees.
Before angry anal wart Donald Trump officially announced that he’s going for the Republican nomination in the 2016 presidential race, he made a grand entrance on an escalator to Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” as his maybe bought-and-paid-for supporters cheered him on. If you haven’t already seen it and care about this mess, you can watch Trump’s hilarious escalator entrance in the beginning of the video below. While watching it, I almost said, “Please malfunction, please malfunction,” out loud, but I stopped myself, because I don’t want to wish any harm upon delicate gold digging rose Melania Trump.
Since Donald Trump is a 13-year-old girl trapped in a spoiled ham, he’s always going off on the h8rs on Twitter, so I expected his entrance song to be Hilary Duff’s “Haters.” But he went with a Neil Young song and Neil Young was pissed about it. Neil’s manager let Jabba the Hutt’s used cum rag know to keep “Rockin’ In The Free World” out of his campaign. Neil’s manager said in a statement that Donald Trump’s people never asked for permission to use the song and even if they did, Neil would’ve wet farted on their request, because he’s backing Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders.
“Donald Trump was not authorized to use ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ in his presidential candidacy announcement. Neil Young, a Canadian citizen, is a supporter of Bernie Sanders for president of the United States of America.”
Trump’s rep tells Variety that they paid for the legal right to use the song:
“Through a license agreement with ASCAP, Mr. Trump’s campaign paid for and obtained the legal right to use Neil Young’s recording of ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ at today’s event. Nevertheless, we won’t be using it again — there are plenty of songs to choose from. Despite Neil’s differing political views, Mr. Trump likes Neil very much.”
As Variety and everyone else points out, this isn’t the first time that a political candidate has been forced to change their campaign song after the maker of that song said, “Bitch, no.” It’s happened a hundred times before. As a serious business man you’d think that future president Fuckface Von Clownstick would do his research and go with another song. I mean, he should’ve rode down that grand escalator while the theme song to Bloopers & Practical Jokes played. It’s the perfect song, because Donald Trump claims he was friends with Dick Clark and it pretty much sums up his STUNT QUEEN-approved practical joke of a campaign.