It’s been four months since Naya Rivera filed for divorce from her husband of two years, Ryan Somethingoranother, and that’s a long time for a permanent resident of ThirstVille like herself to get a new dude to hit the pap stroll with. But Naya got herself a new dude and they’re making everyone’s head fill with a billion question marks.
After being married for a little over two years, Naya Rivera doesn’t want to be married to Pitch cast-member (job upgrade!) Ryan Dorsey anymore. Naya’s first fiancé Big Sean totally just made a look that says, “Oh yeah, didn’t see that one coming.”
TMZ says that Naya filed for divorce last week and she’s asking for primary physical custody of their 1-year-old son Josey Dorsey, with visitation rights for Ryan. Reps for Naya and Ryan released a standard celebrity split statement about the whole thing.
“After much consideration, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Our priority is and always will be our beautiful son that we share together. We will continue to be great co-parenting partners for him. We ask for respect and privacy for our family during this difficult time.”
If we’re going on Naya’s version of “privacy“, then expect it to be a matter of time before she takes this “private” matter to Twitter, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and an episode of Ellen, and anywhere else she can get a little attention. That statement says nothing about what made Naya decide to file for divorce. My guess is she was sick and tired of Ryan panicking every time she leaned in too close to a candle and started screaming about how plastic is flammable. That kind of bummer energy can really kill the mood.
There once was as time when the IKEA As-Is section version of Kim and Kanye wasn’t Kylie Jenner and Tyga. It was back in 2014, and that couple was Naya Rivera and Big Sean. Naya and Big were engaged, but they called it off. Some people speculated that Naya ended things because Big Sean had been offering up his dick to strangers like a one-man sausage sample station at Costco. But Big Sean refuted that claim by releasing a post-breakup statement denying that he’s a cheater. A few months later, he started dating Ariana Grande. Naya wrote about those rumors in her recent tell-all book Sorry Not Sorry, and she’s more than happy to give you a not-so-subtle hint about who Sean may have cheated with.
The only tell-all from a Rivera I want is one from Chita Rivera, but Naya Rivera wrote her memoir. To sell it, her publisher pushed out a couple of excerpts about how she got an abortion on her day off from Glee and how she struggled with anorexia during her teenage years. But it’s not all seriousness in Naya’s book. She also writes a love letter to the Tupperware party in her chest.
Naya Rivera wasn’t always the outlet mall version of Kim Kardashian. She was also once an actress on a very successful show about constantly-singing teenagers called Glee. Naya has written a soon-to-be released memoir called Sorry Not Sorry, because even though she’s only 29, she tells People that she’s “done a lot of living” and is a “79-year-old trapped in a 29-year-old’s body.” One of the things she’s done in her 29 years that she’s sorry not sorry for is having an abortion. She’d also said that it happened during the filming of Glee on one of her days off.
Prepare all your “Sure, Jans” – you will surely need them. Naya Rivera had a bit of titty problem at the Vanity Fair Young Hollywood party last night. Normally staring directly into Naya’s Grand Canyon deep cleavage would leave you dizzy or light-headed. But last night, the only feeling it gave people was a sense of wonder. Specifically, they wondered why it looked as though her left titty was trying get a better look at that fancy necklace she’s wearing. Well, good news – she has an explanation for that.
“Absolutely loved this @TadashiShoji look tonight for the @VanityFair young Hollywood party! Shout out to my son for the lopsided boobs. LOL #breastfeeding #momlife He is SO worth it.”
Baby Josey is apparently a tiny sorcerer who was blessed with the ability to relocate silicone. I don’t know how useful that skill is, but who knows? Okay, so we know why the boobs look the way they do. Now all we need to know is who is responsible for Kardashian-ing her face. And don’t blame the baby, Naya. The last time I checked, babies don’t have the magical ability to turn you into the Kim K version of yourself.