Since October, there have been many conversations by famous people about the awful creeps of Hollywood. The vast majority being that time’s up on their awful creep behavior. But lurking behind the corner of some of those conversations have been questions like: “But what about that Roman Polanski petition you signed…“. Natalie Portman wants to be excluded from that narrative from here on out, because she’s sorry she ever signed it.
“Annihilation” Stars Natalie Portman And Jennifer Jason Leigh Responded To The Whitewashing Criticism
Oopsie daisy! Somebody let a book reading nerd into a press junket for the upcoming sci-fi movie Annihilation starring Natalie Portman and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Much to their surprise, said nerd from Yahoo Entertainment let Natalie and Jennifer know they they just received lifetime memberships into club Hollywood Whitewash! And it’s a terrible club where they serve grocery store sushi and Justin Timberlake and Macklemore are in constant rotation.
It’s Super Bowl Sunday! Many of you are already half in the bag while emblazoned in your team’s colors and ready to roar at the television. Many of you are merely half in the bag because it’s Superbowl Sunday. And some of you are half in the bag and only watching to see trailers for blockbuster movies coming out this summer, Justin Timberlake hopefully being revealed as a lip, and visible jockstraps through football pants. (Ok, it might be just me.)
To get you in the wicked pissah spirit, Tina Fey (who was repping her hometown team of the Philadelphia Eagles), Rachel Dratch (who was repping her hometown team of the New England Patriots), Natalie Portman, and the rest of the Saturday Night Live cast performed a sketch making fun of fans of both teams. That could be a Philadelphian accent, who knows, but why do they always make us Bostonians sound like alcoholic fools? Don’t answer that.
The women of Hollywood let it be known last night that the “Time’s Up” on industry-wide sexism. When Natalie Portman took the stage at the Golden Globes, she also revealed that time’s up on her giving a fuck.
The day before the Oscars, Natalie Portman let all the nominees know that they didn’t have to worry about her splattering their moment with birth fluids while pushing our her second kid in the aisle of the Dolby Theater in Hollywood. (Although, Moonlight’s moment ended up getting ruined anyway by goddamned Brian The Accountant!) Natalie skipped the Oscars and everyone figured it was because her second child with French ballerina dude, Benjamin Millepied, was just seconds away from pirouetting out of her vagine. But it turns out that Natalie skipped the Oscars because her second bay had already pirouetted out of her vagine and she was in no condition to get into a designer gown and put on a manufactured happy face as Emma Stone won the Best Actress Oscar.
Natalie’s rep released a statement today saying that she birthed out her and French ballerina dude’s second child, a girl, just four days before the Oscars.
“Natalie Portman and her husband Benjamin Millepied welcomed a baby girl, Amalia Millepied, on Feb. 22. Mother and baby are happy and healthy.”
Natalie and Benjamin’s first child, a 5-year-old son, is named Alpeh, so I guess they kept with that AM theme. That’s good she went with Amalia, because Natalie was channeling Jacqueline Kennedy through awards season so much (see: above) that I thought she was going to name the kid either Arabella, Caroline, John Jr. or Patrick. Or worse, she could’ve named her daughter Camalat.
Those of you who were looking forward to watching Natalie Portman balance her second Oscar on her second pregnant belly tonight are shit out of luck. People reports that Natalie won’t be attending the Oscars tonight due to her ever-so-delicate condition.