Tim Burton And Monica Bellucci Have Been Secretly Dating

The Daily Mail reports that Monica Bellucci, a gorgeous and talented Italian siren, is dating Tim Burton, a guy who gets hard for all things gothic. Apparently, these two have known each other for 16 years but have only been “secretly dating for four months.” My first thought was, “Damn, and right after he split with Helena Bonham Carter.” Then I Googled, and was absolutely horrified to find out Tim and Helena have been over since 2014. 2014. Time flies when you’re making the same movie over and over with Johnny Depp! Aaand another Google informs me Tim and Johnny haven’t worked together since 2012’s Dark Shadows. What is happening?!?

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Prince Hot Ginge Was The Sexiest Third Wheel At The “Spectre” Premiere

By the way, I’m typing this on a Braille keyboard, because I’ve had THAT PICTURE of Prince Hot Ginge taped onto my face since Friday. “Did you do something to your hair? You look so much better!” is what I heard all weekend from my family and friends.

The London premiere of the 24th James Bond movie, Spectre, happened tonight and Prince Hot Ginge was there, because DUH, there was an open bar and I’m sure the place was filled with stringy dishwater blondes he could make out with behind the concession counter. PHG brought along those other two, Prince William and Duchess Kate, because they never ever get out of the house and needed a date night.

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The Ginger In Red……..

The BAFTAs happened in London tonight and they’re just like the Oscars except after the ceremony ends the losers are escorted to THE QUEEN’s dungeon where they’re turned into Corgi food.

All award season long (yes, I hate myself for typing that too), the ginger goddess of perfection that is Julianne Moore has mostly dressed like a kindergarten art teacher who fell onto the craft table after the kids made Valentines for their parents and tonight she finally brought the glamour. For once, people weren’t asking her, “Who are you wearing,” because they wanted to make sure to never buy shit from that designer. Julianne, who won Best Actress at the BAFTAs tonight, is giving me “torch song singer at a club where mobsters hold their meetings” glamour. I’m surprised that carpet didn’t turn a bright shade of green when it saw Julianne because it was jealous over her wearing the color red better than it.

I know, I’m not right for choosing a picture of Julianne looking like she’s trying not to wet heave, but it was the only picture where you could see a peek of her shoe (you’re welcome, Quentin Tarantino). She’s probably just gagging on her own glamour. The only way these pictures of Julianne would be hotter is if a naked Prince Hot Ginge was doing jumping jacks behind her.

I’m going to post more from the BAFTAs, but in the meantime here’s some pictures of others including Dianna Agron (I guess Britain is importing seat fillers from America now), the Bond Girls and Rosamund Pike.

Pics: Wenn.com

Behold, The New Bond Girls

I know, that should be a picture of Phoebe Price and Angelyne. Maybe the Bond producers will get it right one day.

Nearly everything about the 24th Bond movie was announced at a press conference at Pinewood Studios in London this morning. I say “nearly,” because they didn’t say who’s doing the theme song. The rumor is that it’s going to be Sam Smith, but I’d bet my weed money that it’s going to be Majela ZeZe Diamond. 2015 will finally be her year.

Bond producer Barbara Broccoli (who is my favorite producer because she has a name like a VeggieTales character) and director Sam Mendes announced that the newest Bond movie will be called Spectre and it will be released on November 6, 2015. Shooting will start on Monday and they’ll shoot in London, Mexico City, the Austrian Alps and Morocco. Bond’s car of choice will be the Aston Martin DB10. Daniel Craig will of course be back as Bond and joining his ass again will be Naomie Harris as Eve, Ben Wishaw as Q and Ralph Fineass as the new M. The Bond newbies are Christoph Waltz, Lea Seydoux, Monica Bellucci, Andrew Scott from Sherlock and Dave Bautista.

Some tricks said that Andrew Scott will play the villain, but that might not be true. It was announced that Andrew Scott will be an M15 agent. Christoph Waltz is probably playing Bond’s arch rival Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Of course Christoph Waltz is the villain. He’s a Bond villain in real life. He’s also like Joan Collins. Joan Collins can never play poor just like Christoph Waltz can never play good. Dave Bautista is playing some henchman and the Bond girls will be Monica Bellucci and Lea Seydoux. The Daily Mail points out that at 50 years old, Monica Bellucci is the most seasoned Bond girl of all time. STAINS’ hunky British human cousin Daniel Craig is 46.

The role is especially poignant for the actress – she almost played Paris Carver in Tomorrow Never Dies in 1997, only to lose out on the role to Teri Hatcher.

The raven-haired beauty – who will play Lucia Sciarra – said: ‘James Bond is our fantasy – the ideal man. The man is a protector, he is dangerous, mysterious and sexy, and a perfect English gentleman.

Monica Bellucci is 50. SHE’S FIF-TEE! I’m guessing that Spectre is about Bond’s search for the kind of virgin blood that Lucia Sciarra smears on her face. But more importantly, what happened in 1996? Was there some kind of gas leak in the offices of the Bond producers that caused them to go crazy in the brains and cast Teri Hatcher over Monica Bellucci? At least Monica’s time has finally come. I’ll say what you say to yourself when your drunk piece finally busts one after 45 minutes of you giving him a hand job: Better late than never!

Pics: Wenn.com