Because a check is a check and Mischa Barton really needs a check, she’s doing what anyone in her position would do: “reality” TV. Heidi and Spencer Pratt and the rest of the people on The Hills whose names you can never remember showed up to the MTV VMAs this year and promised a reboot was in the works. Brody Jenner and Whitney Port somehow signed up for this, but news dropped today that one Marissa Cooper…aka Mischa…will be jumping from fiction to, uh, fiction-that-is-called-real-life and be (presumably) the Lauren Conrad/Kristin Cavallari role.
Back in March we told you about how one-time American Sweetheart (like literally one time for three years between 2003 and 2006) Mischa Barton was in trouble with the law. Not for anything criminal, she was getting chased by the civil courts.
Mischa crashed a rented U-Haul into the side of a West Hollywood apartment complex and the homeowners association sued her for $27,000 in damages. Well, it seems like they aren’t the only ones trying to get a pay out from Mischa; U-Haul wants some money too.
It seems like there’s a video lurking behind every corner waiting to jump out and “gotcha!” perpetual mess Mischa Barton. TMZ reports that back in January 2017, just a month after the embarrassing video of her having a backyard BBQ with her inner demons was made public, Mischa crashed a U-Haul into a West Hollywood apartment complex. The gotcha video of that crash came out at that time. She’s being sued by the homeowners association for $27,000 worth of damage which we all know she probably ain’t got. In response to the suit, Mischa went with a timeless classic; deny, deny, deny. But I guess Mischa forgot about the video:
TMZ says that a blanket denial is a common legal move in most civil cases so it’s not surprising legally but it is laughable from a plausibility standpoint. Apparently Micsha’s ex-boyfriend Adam Spaw (that’s right, one of the sex tape fellas!) was the one who rented the van that Mischa was driving. The apartment complex initially tried to come after his insurance but the claim was denied and so they instead went after Mischa “no depth perception” Barton.
The worst thing about the video evidence is that it’s clearly one of her own friends taping. Mischa needs better friends! Hopefully she’s still dating deep pocketed hottie James Abercrombie and that he’s generous and always forgets to charge his cell phone so there will be no more “gotchas” for poor Mischa.
Woe has been Mischa Barton for a while. She got shuffled off to the hospital (after she claims she got GHB’d), she had to deal with two exes trying to peddle fuck tapes starring her, she had to suffer through Dancing with the Has-Beens, her Volkswagen nearly got snatched by the repo man and she sued her mom for allegedly stealing money from her. But it looks like grey skies have cleared up for Mischa and her face is being graced by the warm, sparkly rays shooting off of her new man’s gold Rolex. E! News says that Mischa has found love, which is great if that’s your thing or whatever, but what’s even better is that her new boyfriend, James Abercrombie, may one day inherit $574 million. That sound you hear is the sound of Mischa’s creditors pounding on their keyboards while trying to find a phone number for James since Mischa has blocked them all.
In March we learned that two of Mischa Barton’s ex-boyfriends, Jon Zacharias and Adam Shaw, were trying to sell a sex tape co-starring her for $500,000. Mischa ended up getting temporary restraining orders against both her exes, who are also good friends. The National Enquirer put a Sixth Sense-style twist on the situation by claiming Mischa herself was behind the sex tape sale, because she was broke. Now we know that’s probably not true. Well, the part about trying to sell the sex tapes, that is. The part about needing cash, however, is still up for debate.
Mischa Barton’s lawyer Lisa Bloom is the daughter of Gloria Allred, and as everybody knows by now, Gloria Allred is known for her legendary press conferences. Well, like mother, like daughter. Lisa too holds press conferences with her celebrity clients. And yesterday, she held one to talk about how she plans to track down the evil doers behind Mischa Barton’s sex tape. Lisa is going to bring them to their knees and make them scream for their mommy as they gouge their own eyes out because they can’t take her blazing glare of rage. Once again, Lisa Bloom is Liam Neeson in Taken and Liam Neeson in Taken is Lisa Bloom. Don’t fuck with her.