Woe has been Mischa Barton for a while. She got shuffled off to the hospital (after she claims she got GHB’d), she had to deal with two exes trying to peddle fuck tapes starring her, she had to suffer through Dancing with the Has-Beens, her Volkswagen nearly got snatched by the repo man and she sued her mom for allegedly stealing money from her. But it looks like grey skies have cleared up for Mischa and her face is being graced by the warm, sparkly rays shooting off of her new man’s gold Rolex. E! News says that Mischa has found love, which is great if that’s your thing or whatever, but what’s even better is that her new boyfriend, James Abercrombie, may one day inherit $574 million. That sound you hear is the sound of Mischa’s creditors pounding on their keyboards while trying to find a phone number for James since Mischa has blocked them all.
In March we learned that two of Mischa Barton’s ex-boyfriends, Jon Zacharias and Adam Shaw, were trying to sell a sex tape co-starring her for $500,000. Mischa ended up getting temporary restraining orders against both her exes, who are also good friends. The National Enquirer put a Sixth Sense-style twist on the situation by claiming Mischa herself was behind the sex tape sale, because she was broke. Now we know that’s probably not true. Well, the part about trying to sell the sex tapes, that is. The part about needing cash, however, is still up for debate.
Mischa Barton’s lawyer Lisa Bloom is the daughter of Gloria Allred, and as everybody knows by now, Gloria Allred is known for her legendary press conferences. Well, like mother, like daughter. Lisa too holds press conferences with her celebrity clients. And yesterday, she held one to talk about how she plans to track down the evil doers behind Mischa Barton’s sex tape. Lisa is going to bring them to their knees and make them scream for their mommy as they gouge their own eyes out because they can’t take her blazing glare of rage. Once again, Lisa Bloom is Liam Neeson in Taken and Liam Neeson in Taken is Lisa Bloom. Don’t fuck with her.
Within the past couples of months, Mischa Barton has been going through it again. First, Mischa was shuffled off to the hospital after losing it in the backyard of her West Hollywood apartment. (Mischa later claimed that she was drugged with GHB.) Then, Mischa crashed a U-Haul into a carport after moving out of her apartment. And now, Mischa is trying to kill a sex tape starring her.
Social justice warrior Mischa Barton received the most press she’s gotten in awhile (since her character on The O.C. Marissa Cooper got run off the road and croaked) when she was hospitalized for psychiatric evaluation on January 26th.
The police rolled up on birthday girl Mischa’s apartment in West Hollywood at 7:15 AM on Thursday morning to investigate reports of a “disturbance.” Their official report stated that they found a “fully clothed” Mischa Barton “speaking in coherent statements.” She went to the hospital voluntarily. There’s a very good chance that Mischa didn’t snap her tether. Police might have just questioned a “fully clothed” Mischa’s sanity due to whatever she was wearing at the time.
Since we’ve already brought you one traumatic tale of the trials and tribulations of a bright shining A-lister in the universe, I’ll bring you another one.
Mischa Barton was the second one knocked out of the 22nd season of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases and just like the viewers who watched her attempts at dancing, she screamed out a hallelujah after she was told to jazz walk off the plank. Mischa always looks miserable in the mug, but on DWTS, she really had DMV face (the face you make while waiting at the DMV) and a wet branch has better dancing skills than her. On DWTS, Mischa’s facial expressions were set to “Kristen Stewart taking a shower,” and on the inside she was “Kristen Stewart taking a looong shower.” It was agony for her and she hated every kick ball change.