A source tells InTouch that 34-year-old Miranda Lambert and 29-year-old Anderson East “grew apart” while on separate tours and broke up after two years together. And despite the fact that Anderson East has the name recognition that sits between “Who?” to “I think I’ve driven through that township before” he’s the one who broke up with her and she “didn’t see it coming.” But Miranda isn’t curled up in a hammock with an extra-hard hard lemonade, cursing Anderson’s name and hating on 1/4th of the directions on a compass. The source adds that she has thrown herself into work by writing songs, and that she “refuses to sit around feeling sorry for herself.”
However, another source insists that Anderson didn’t do the dumping, but didn’t deny that hooking up with Miranda was good for his career.
“Dating Miranda took him to the top of the musical A-list,” says the source.
I guess the music industry works on some kind of backwards alphabet system now that I wasn’t previously aware of.
Whoever blabbed to InTouch about Anderson not being the dumper deserves points for trying, but the gesture was futile. Miranda is going on tour with Little Big Town in July. Taylor Swift wrote one of Little Big Town’s biggest hits, “Better Man.” So basically, Miranda is just one degree removed Taylor Swift, which is not a good position to be in if you just broke up with someone. All it’s going to take is Miranda dialing up Taylor to say, “I heard you know your way around a breakup song,” and Taylor responding, “What are you thinking – I hate you, or like, I really hate you. I’ve got both, take your pick.”
Any Beyhive member will tell you that last night’s Country Music Awards was really The Beyonce Country Time Jamboree Extravaganza (featuring some other tricks and awards, I guess, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention)! But to us Dollies, last night’s Country Music Awards was really The Dolly Tribute Spectacular (featuring some other tricks and awards, I guess, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention)!
Despite the fact that Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert have been over for almost a whole year and they’re both currently in relationships (some real, some possibly less real) with other people, they recently got together to exchange some keys and money. That sounds like the set up for a porno about a prostitute who works out of a valet stand, but that’s not what this is. People says that Miranda recently put the Oklahoma location of her boutique, The Pink Pistol, up for sale and it was bought by none other than her ex-husband.
Miranda opened The Pink Pistol, which isn’t a sex toy store (I checked), back in 2012 in Tishomingo, Oklahoma, where she and Blake lived. A year later, she decided to open another Pink Pistol store in Texas. Recently she decided to focus entirely on the Texas store, and she put the Oklahoma store up for sale. Blake, who still lives in Tishomingo, tells Entertainment Tonight:
“As a resident of Tishomingo I’m very sorry that the Pink Pistol has decided to move its operations out of the area. We all, as a community, appreciate everything it has done for our town. As for the actual properties left behind…I was offered the opportunity to buy them, and I have a plan brewing.”
When asked about why she was closing the Pink Pistol location in Oklahoma, Miranda explained that she wanted to “close a chapter” in her life and go back home to Texas. Basically, she don’t want to run into Blake on the main street no more.
As for what Blake “has brewing“, he hinted at his plans on Twitter. Sadly, it sounds like he isn’t planning on opening a footwear store with Gwen Stefani called Boots n’ Creepers Couple’s Shoe-tique.
No sir. PP left town. I bought the building it used to be in though!!! And yes something is brewing… https://t.co/zK8Iw7spgX
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) May 26, 2016
Hmmmm, I wonder what Blake has planned? Gosh, I wish he’d stop beering so vague. All jokes aside, I hope that Blake pays homage to his love of beer and names his brewery The Wet Mailbox.
Unlike her ex-husband Blake Shelton, who will take any opportunity to shamelessly holler about how much he loves his new girlfriend, Miranda Lambert has remained a little more quiet about who she’s been pounding her biscuits n’ gravy against. Three months ago, we found out that she was rebounding with a R&B singer named Anderson East, and that was pretty much the last we heard about them. Well, last night they decided to remind everyone they were still dating by walking the red carpet of the Dolly Parton Appreciation Spectacular, aka the Academy of Country Music Awards.
A wise old (possibly-drunk) French Canadian woman once told a friend of mine that you have three options when it comes to your look: classy, sassy, or assy. Miranda knew her ex was going to be there, and as everyone knows, it’s always important to look your drop-dead sluttiest if there’s a chance you might run into your ex. Not to win them back, just to remind them about the hot ho they left behind. Sadly, Miranda went classy instead of assy and showed up in a butter yellow bridesmaid gown. Anderson East did the same by wearing a suit and not a sleeveless t-shirt that says “Hittin’ That” with an arrow pointing to Miranda. She did walk the line between sassy and assy with her shoes though.
Yes, that’s a gold-plated six shooter with a diamanté handle tucked into a tiny hot pink holster. Yes, her toes are dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. And yes, the dancers at the most popular gun-themed strip club in Texas, Half-Cocked, have already ordered several pairs online.
Here’s more of Miranda and her dude on the red carpet last night, as well as some of Miranda backstage wearing what appears to be the business casual version of Britney Spears’ iconic black tie rhinestone necklace.
Not content to let her ex-husband cause a massive nationwide drought with his latest thirst-quenching stunt, Miranda Lambert – seen above snuggling some sort of Brooklyn Bill Gates impersonator – decided to get in on the action too. And frankly, I’m SHOCKED it took this long. Shortly after Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton took their marriage out behind Pa’s barn and gave it the Old Yeller treatment back in July, rumors started going around that she practically had an air traffic controller directing dick to her coochie. So naturally I assumed she’d be the first to rebound.
Sadly, I underestimated the power of a desperate publicity team and it turned out Blake would beat her to it with Gwen Stefani (who are currently gunning for an ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Achievement Award). Miranda, however decided to take a much more subtle and traditional approach: she threw up a picture of herself and her new man in matching floppy hats to Instagram with the caption “The snuggle is real.” No public FaceTime chats? No shameless pop/country crossover duet? How positively quaint.
According to People, the hipster elf snuggling under Miranda’s blanket is a 27-year-old R&B singer named Anderson East. My initial response to that was to side-eye Miranda for breaking the half-your-age-plus-7 rule, but apparently she’s only 32. In which case, get it girl! Get that fresh five-years-younger rebound dick!
Speaking of quaint, here’s one-half of Stefon (I know, how DARE sully Stefon’s good name like that) doing her weekly pap walk at the nail salon with her phone screen in full view. And for once in what seems like forever, there isn’t a crystal-clear FaceTime call with Blake Shelton on it. But…but she always has a public FaceTime call with Blake Shelton open on her phone! Something is very wrong here – there’s clearly a disturbance in the attention whore force. Hold me, I’m scared.
Yesterday, Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton’s spokeswhores let the world know that his country dick is regularly doing the two-step on her ska-pop pussy. Blake and Gwen’s reps gave the announcement to everyone a quick minute before the CMA Awards started. Gwen didn’t go to the CMAs with Blake, which is weird, because I figured they’d 69 in front of Miranda Lambert on the red carpet.
When the rumors about Gwen and Blake started, I guessed it was all just some PR for this season of The Voice. But in the back of my brain was a terrifying, nightmare-inducing thought. I wondered if Gwen and Blake decided to make the most of their union by recording a skuntry (ska + country) duet that’d liquefy our eardrums. My nightmare (partly) came to life when an “industry source” told People that Blake and Gwen wrote a country ballad together. This is really turning into The Voice fan fiction written by a middle-aged mom who watches that show religiously. “Blake’s heart, and other parts, grew bigger with every twang that come out of Gwen’s mouth.”
“It’s amazing how good she sounds on a pretty country song,” says an industry insider. “And it sure is good to hear Blake singing real country again.”
Shortly after the new season of The Voice kicked off, the duo got together to write the mid-tempo ballad. According to the insider, the song has yet to be cut and is about telling a lover to leave the relationship if that is what they truly want.
Gwen and Blake’s reps could really teach a master class in subtlety at The Learning Annex. They released a statement about those two dating right before the CMAs and now this. I’m sure that as soon as I hit the publish button on this post, People will tell us that Gwen and Blake will debut the song on The Voice LIVE next week. This is not the song I wanted out of this situation. I wanted an anger-filled song from Miranda Lambert called “Blake Shelton is a Drunk Skank.” I know, that title is also too subtle, but it’s the only thing I could think of right now.
And here’s Miranda launching a thousand “What does it mean?” blog posts by wearing Gwen Stefani circa 1999 hair at the CMAs last night.
Pics: Splash, NBC