“Honey, can you take off your wedding ring and also let everyone you know that we got divorced, and it’s finalized, thank you, dear,” was uttered by millions of wives everywhere after we all learned that Miranda Lambert is single and ready to mingle with some taken pieces. Oh, naive wives, this is Miranda Lambert we’re talking about. She’s a pro. Ring or not, she knows a dude is married because she can sniff out his “haven’t had sex since my wedding night” scent.
Miranda announced she was done with Evan Felker not long after it was reported that his divorce from Staci Felker had been finalized. So Evan lost a wife, who is apparently not looking to take his skeezer ass back, and a multi-millionaire country star girlfriend who is so not going to put him on one of her tours again, and a source tells People it’s because he broke one of her rules. No, the rule wasn’t: Have a wife.
Home Wrecker Hall of Fame Lifetime Inductees Sienna Miller and Angelina Jolie are bowing to their Queen Miranda Lambert today, who is slipping the First Place sash over her shoulder after declaring that less than a week after her boyfriend Evan Felker‘s divorce was finalized, she is “happily single“.
Quick update on the Miranda Lambert-dating-a-married-man situation. I have to call it a situation and not a scandal, because let’s be real: this happens all the time.
Miranda Lambert‘s new piece’s ex piece is sort-of calling her out on Instagram, according to UsWeekly. Miranda’s new boyfriend, Evan Felker has himself caught between a rock and a hard place with his new country-star girlfriend and current wife/future divorcée, Staci Felker.
You’ll remember that Miranda left her last boyfriendAnderson East and started getting with her Evan back in April. Evan was still very much married to Staci when they reportedly started hooking up and still is, but Miranda’s snatch is just so good it made him forget all about his wife to the point that he basically ghosted her. I mean, homegirl Staci even pretended to catch Malaria to get Evan’s attention but he was like: “Cya girl”. Well, apparently they’re back on speaking terms.
Homewrecking legend Miranda Lambert struck again earlier this year when she threw her iconic sledgehammer cooze at the married dick belonging to Evan Felcher (it’s Felker, but Felcher fits better in this case) whose band Turnpike Troubadours was the opening act on a few of her tour dates. Before Evan went out on tour with Miranda, his wife Staci Felker said that their marriage was mostly mylar heart balloons and strawberry-scented rainbow burps, so she was totally blindsided when he eventually became Casper The Cunty Ghost by ghosting her and then filing for divorce. I’m sure Miranda will talk about all of this while once again accepting her Homewrecker of the Year award at the League of Extraordinary Homewreckers’ annual luncheon, but so far she hasn’t said much. But Staci is still talking, and yesterday she posted a tragic tale on Instagram about Evan pulling an asshole-ified “touch me in the morning and then just walk away” move by sweeping into her life before exiting again a week later.
It’s been three years since Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton broke up, and about three years minus a bit since he got with Gwen Stefani. If I could ask Miranda Lambert a question, I might ask: “Do your boyfriends know what a wedding ring is?” But others might want to ask Miranda what she thought about her ex-husband getting with the queen of 40-volume hair peroxide. Before today, Miranda had no comment on the topic, but she’s now ready to say the name “Gwen.”