Happy Father’s Day, fathers, who are also Dlisted readers! We know you work hard to make sure your children don’t grow up to be assholes all year round, so this day is for you! (And if you’re not doing that, please start. Because if one more person talks in a movie behind me…)
The Late Show’s Stephen Colbert and Milo Ventimiglia got together to film this tribute to hot TV dads like Milo. Stephen did to Milo Ventilator what should always be done to Milo Ventilator – tore his clothes off. Ok, just his sleeves. Perhaps he’s waiting for a future holiday to get at his pants. My mom’s birthday is coming up, will that do?
Watch Stephen bare Milo Ventilator’s guns below.
Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.
This Is Us is NBC’s hit family drama that takes place in two different time periods and occasionally features Milo Ventimiglia’s ass cheeks. I know for a fact that it’s a hit because my mom told me how much she loves it and she normally only gets into tv shows three years after the final season when she stumbles upon them on Netflix. On the show, Chrissy Metz plays the overweight twin sister of the hot Justin Hartley.
Because Mondays are grosser than that mocos tissue your frugal abuelita used until no clean spots were available (What? Just mine?), here’s some wet man nipples to make it a little less grosser.
Ellen DeGeneres called in sick to her show and so the producers pulled out a list of possible substitutes. Every single person, animal, plant and inanimate object on that list must’ve been busy, because they settled for Miley Cyrus. I mean, Billy Ray Cyrus’ half-eaten Taco Party Pack would’ve made a better host. But Miley’s episode wasn’t that awful and that’s solely because of the wet nipples belonging to Milo Ventimigilia. (Fun fact: Ventimiglia is Italian for “large Starbucks cup of man hotness.“)
Milo has already said that he doesn’t mind that millions of eyeballs have scooped up a piece of bare nalgas, so of course he didn’t mind taking his top off for the sake of charity on
Ellen Miley. Starting at the 3:43 mark, Milo and Miley (which sounds like the name of the most annoying kid’s show on the Disney Channel) play that game where he gets half-naked and sits in a splash tank while she tries to get him wet with pink balls. Ellen gets a celebrity dude half-naked every year to raise money for breast cancer research.
And I think the cherry on top of this panty creaming sundae (Why did I write that?) is the stache that Milo’s been working for a minute, because it makes him look like the star of an early-80s porn parody of Magnum P.I. called Magnum P.I. (Penis Investigator).
Pic: Warner Bros.
You probably didn’t watch Heroes. I did, cuz’ I’m a certified level 10 nerd. Milo Ventimiglia played the main dude and, between seasons 1 and 2, he went from “hey, it’s cute Jess from Gilmore Girls” to “holy shit, Milo Ventilator is a BEEFY PIECE OF ASS.” Usually, the nerd shows play up the boobies, so it felt very progressive. Milo has a new show called This Is Us premiering Sept. 20 on NBC, and the trailer featuring his naked buttcheeks was viewed 7.3 million times. In an interview with E!, Peter Petrelli says that he is just fine with the thirst of so many centering on his ass, thank you.
31-year-old Milo Ventimiglia reportedly went engagement ring shopping for his 18-year-old honeytroll, Hayden Pantyairs. Ick. A source told OK! UK that Milo has his eye on a $200,000 diamond ring from Cartier. Since when does Cartier sell diamond baby rings?
Friends say that Milo is completely in love with the Pantyairs and can’t wait to settle down. I know she’s of age and everything, but this can’t be legal. She’s like forever 12-years-old. And I’m not a lawyer or anything, but isn’t it illegal to marry evil trolls?!
There’s no way he’s going to marry her. The Hollywood rule is that you marry after you get knocked up. Everyone knows that. Wait…..don’t tell me she’s got a baby troll in the oven? She’s going to pop out one of those troll doll pencil toppers.