When the name Miles Teller gets tossed into a conversation, that must be one tired as fuck conversation. But it’s usually met with a “Who?” or “Ugh…THAT asshole” in response. Miles would like to address the latter. Continue reading
Messy Miles Teller, an actor whose continued career is baffling (I went to the movies recently and had to sit through not one, but two trailers starring him and his whole face situation), is getting married. Page Six is reporting that Messy Miles and his girlfriend of four years Keleigh Sperry got engaged over the weekend while on safari in Africa.
Yesterday we learned that Miles Teller had been arrested in San Diego early Sunday morning for being a drunk mess on the street. Or was he??? Arrested, that is. I have no doubt he was probably very drunk.
TMZ says that Miles Teller was arrested in San Diego early Sunday morning for public intoxication, the least dangerous of drunk arrests, but still one of the more obnoxious ones. Miles, who was partying with some friends, was approached by police after he was seen having trouble standing upright on a sidewalk. Police sources tell TMZ that when they started questioning Miles, he got angry and refused to cooperate. Miles allegedly lost his balance and fell into a traffic lane, and that’s when the police decided he was too drunk to be outside and cuffed him. Miles did not go quietly into the night.
Just like the insanely successful franchise The Hunger Games, the Divergent films were based on a series of young adult novels about a girl rising up and fighting an evil government in a world where people have names like “Tris” and “Four.” But unlike The Hunger Games, people sort of lost interest in paying $15 (plus popcorn) to watch Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort running around in depressing future times couture. And now there’s a chance the only way to find out what happens to Shailene and Ansel will be to watch it on TV.
Sometimes us dark brown-haireds need to be reminded that when we go blond, we probably won’t end up looking like Alexander Skarsgard. We very well could end up looking like a former Central Florida tweaker who spent a lot of time in prison for running a dogfighting ring in his memaw’s storage unit and later found Jesus in his 40s and is now running for Governor. Noted douche rash Miles Teller reminded us of that at last night’s ESPYs.
When the “Why pay more when you can Payless?” version of Shia LaBeouf walked onto the stage with Danica Patrick to present the award for Best Comeback Athlete, everyone thought to themselves, “I don’t know why Todd Chrisley is presenting, but he’s so strong for showing up after just surviving a meth lab explosion.” That dick discharge yellow hair and eyebrows not only gave Miles a lion nose, but it also transformed him into Eminem as drawn by the artistes who drew the Doug characters.
People believes that Miles may have attacked his hair and brows with peroxide for a movie role. No, he’s not playing Eric Trump in a struggle budget biopic for Spike TV. Miles is playing real-life firefighter Brendan McDonough in Granite Mountain. Brendan McDonough isn’t piss stain blond, but he’s blond.
With that being said, I still would because of 3 words: Champagne coupe dick, which means that his peen is probably short and skinny with an oversized head, but whatever!