Finger-lickin’ good rapstress and new mom Cardi B has reportedly taken issue with a strip club bartender for allegedly sleeping with her husband, Migos rapper Offset. TMZ alleges that Cardi’s been incensed over the alleged victim Jade, a bartender at Queens, NY’s Angels Strip Club, possibly having climbed aboard the father of her one-month-old daughter Kulture Kiari. Cardi has reportedly been so wrought about it that she allegedly ordered a couple of beatdowns on Jade and Jade’s sister, fellow Angels Strip Club bartender Baddie Gi. Doesn’t all this drama distract from what everyone’s there for – exotic dancers on poles? This must affect business for the featured talent. With all of this alleged violence going on at the club, some of the patrons had to have ducked and ran and the performers probably didn’t receive the amount of ones and fives to which they’re accustomed. THINK OF THE STRIPPERS, CARDI!
Obviously nothing can ever top the legendary sequinned charisma of Lil’ Kim’s purple nipple cover at the 1999 MTV VMA’s, but that’s not nearly a good enough excuse for people not to try. An iconic look is like rolling dice; you might wear something that ends up in one of those Best Looks of ALL TIME galleries for the rest of the internet’s existence, or you might be just wearing clothing. Cardi B could have shocked eyes by showing up in big hair, a dramatic cape, and no pants, but – yawn – been there, done that. Instead, Cardi B made her first red carpet appearance since giving birth last month in a purple gown by Nicolas Jebran and a pussycat wig. Cardi is giving me eccentric Beverly Hills housewife at a charity gala trying to steal the spotlight from her rival Bitsy Saint Claire. Wait a second – rich, attention-getting, short dark hair, daughter’s name spelled with an unnecessary K? Kris Jenner must be so flattered right now.
Try to say something nice. Well, er, it’s a look? The peacock tattoo is impressive? Cardi B and Offset appear to be getting along as a couple? The towering hair offsets (see what I did there?) Dracula’s fitted sheet nicely? Offset keeps his shoes shined like a gentleman? There might be a “I just want to sit the fuck down and put my swollen feet up” look on the mother-to-be’s face, but hey, she’s on the cover of Rolling Stone which used to mean something but there’s still a song about it so yay?
Keeping it positive here seemed imperative considering some of the comments on Rolling Stone’s post of this cover.
Folks are tough on Cardi B, so she should have just trolled her h8ers by smoking a cigarette in this pic while balancing an ashtray on her belly.
It’s been rumored for a while that celebrity tax analyst Cardi B is pregnant, and she confirmed it last night with an eye-roll triggering photoshoot backed by flowers on top of a car. No, she did it during her appearance on Saturday Night Live. Cardi’s album, Invasion of Privacy, dropped this week and the marketing plan was in full effect. The album dropping, that title, her pregnancy and her two performances on SNL accompanying the belly reveal came together with military-like precision. It would be cynical to suggest that someone got themselves knocked up just to increase their album sales. That would be more than military precision. That would be future therapy bills for Lil’ Cardi or Lil’ Offset. (Offset from the rap truo Migos is her fiance and the father of her impending tax credit.)
The nominations for the 60th Grammy awards were announced this morning, and Jay-Z led with eight nominations. I suppose you could say that Jay-Z is the Beyoncé of this year’s Grammys? Although she actually got one this year too, for Best Rap/Sung Performance. I’m sure it’s a big day in the Knowles Carter house. Congratulations on your Grammy nomination, Beyonce! And also, you know, good job on all the ones you got today too, Jay-Z.
To me, the song Bodak Yellow is Satan’s mating call to let us know he’ll be returning soon, and Cardi B is the glamorous mistress of evil doing her master’s bidding. Because that song makes absolutely no sense, but even mistresses of evil deserve love. And now with the announcement of Cardi B’s engagement to Offset from Migos I’m sure VH1 is already in talks with her on how they can make money off a marriage that will probably last about ten seconds longer than Offset’s career.