Michelle Rodriquez must not have heard the age old adage, “A man who desires revenge should dig two graves”. Last week, she tried to write her own revenge flick after her friend and Widows co-star Liam Neeson confessed that he used to be a hate crime aficionado, but was cured of his race-based murderous impulses by power-walking the hate away. Michelle was ready to bury those who dared call Liam a racist thus besmirching his good name. But her defense was so incredibly stupid, people were ready to lay flowers on her grave (Ok, drink tall boys on her grave) for saying that there’s no way Liam could possibly be racist because kissed a black woman for work. You see, Michelle has a very particular set of skills: she’s 2 fast, 2 furious, and 2 prone 2 say some real dumb shit. And now, she’s had to issue an apology.
If I had to guess what Michelle Rodriguez’s professional reputation was, I might say: “Well, she seems prone to choosing films with the words fast and/or furious in the title.” As it turns out, some people in Hollywood think Michelle is difficult to work with. Director Steve McQueen wanted to cast Michelle in his latest film Widows, and he didn’t care how many times he was told not to hire allegedly-difficult Michelle.
Michelle Rodriguez Threatens To Quit The Next “Fast And The Furious” Unless They Do Better For Women
The eighth Fast and the Furious movie was released on Amazon Video and iTunes yesterday, and Michelle Rodriguez celebrated the release by threatening to quit the franchise over social media. The drama never stops with this franchise. First we endure months of (maybe fake) back and forth scratching from The Rock and Vin Diesel. Now we’re getting a possible fight between Letty and the producers. What’s next? The cars of FatF starting beef with the cars from Pixar’s Cars?
The Reality of Truth is an unreleased documentary that gets into how humans find spirituality through prayer, meditation, natural hallucinogenic, etc… I watched the trailer (which is after the cut), and for some reason, they don’t include how many of us (read: just me) find the holy light of God by getting drunk on sweet tea vodka while watching back-to-back Golden Girls episodes for 3 hours. That must be in the documentary’s sequel. The ultra dramatic trailer is mostly about how the documentary’s co-director Mike “Zappy” Zapolin (aka the Internet Warrior) and Michelle Rodriguez traveled the world to find and try a “hidden technology in nature” that the government doesn’t want you to know about. They basically go to Peru to do Ayahuasca, a spiritual drink made from the ayahuasca vine, which apparently makes you do the Macarena with all the gods on a rainbow that’s trickling out of a giant unicorn’s piss slit. It also makes some people vomit through their eyes and cry tears through their mouths.
Last week, it seemed like there was trouble in the squad (Side note: Hello, my name is Michael. I’m a grown up and I just wrote “trouble in the squad.“) when Lorde was seen with Taylor Swift enemy Diplo. Diplo once said that someone should start a Kickstarter to buy Taylor Swift an ass. I figured that Girl Squad Captain Taylor would immediately tell Lorde to shred her Hello Kitty membership card and then ask for the copy of the key to the treasure box where they keep the friendship bracelet supplies. But I don’t think that happened, because here’s Taylor Swift (giving you Dollar Tree Elvira Hancock) and Lorde (giving you constipated and stoned Emily the Strange in an Ice Capades show directed by Tim Burton) at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party last night.
But maybe something is up. Lorde does look like she was sedated and is only posing with Taylor because Taylor threatened to expose secrets that could ruin her career. You know, secrets like she really hates the color black, she loves the color pink, Nicholas Sparks is her favorite author, she really feels whole when she smiles and nothing brightens up her day like sunshine. But then again, Lorde always looks like a goth ghost who took too much Ambien, so everything’s probably fine. However, nothing is fine with the blood explosion messiness that Gwen Stefani wore.
While Blake Shelton looked like the most dressed up dude at a hillbilly wedding, Gwen Stefani looked like she was about to star in Carrie On Ice!
It looks like her belly button is barfing blood. She looks like a slutty blood clot. We get it, Gwen. You’re hot. You still got it, bitch. I’m all for a trick trying to get attention by showing her granny panties in a sheer dress, but Gwen could’ve done it without wearing an ensemble that makes me want to throw tampons, Band-Aids and cotton balls at her.
And here’s more pictures from last night’s VF party including some of Justin Timberlake being annoying and Anne Hathaway wearing Mrs. Roper’s favorite disco freakum muumuu.
Running Wild with Bear Grylls is supposed to be a show where he and a celebrity type go out into the wild and he shows them how to survive using what’s around (and in) them. But it’s really a nasty fetish show for sick fucks. Even the makers of Japanese game shows watch that crap and heave.
On Monday night’s episode, Michelle Rodriguez was on and Bear Grylls showed her how to make a gourmet meal out of a dead mouse and her own piss. Michelle supposedly dated Colin Farrell at one point, so she’s put dirty things in her mouth before, but this is a new level of sick. Bear and Michelle were conveniently out of water, so they had to cook the mouse in her boiled pee. After they ate the mouse, Bear didn’t want to let the rodent and bladder juice broth go to waste so he drank it up. I once ate a beef burrito I bought from a rest stop vending machine, so I’m not one to judge about disgusting food, but these nasty messes are rich and don’t have to do this (unless they really want to).
Add a cup of pit sweat and that mouse and piss stew would be like the subway in a bowl.
And Bear Grylls needs to stop acting like he’s grossed out by pee, because sick bastard uses it to “survive” whenever he gets a chance. We get it and we know it, Bear Grylls. You’re a urinal breath-having piss queen. There’s no need to play.