Category: Michelle Obama

All Of You And The Obamas Have Something In Common: You Weren’t Invited To Prince Hot Ginge’s Wedding 

April 10, 2018 / Posted by:

No, I am not including myself in that headline, because I got my authentic invitation in the mail, bitch!

But sadly for Barack and Michelle Obama, their mailbox didn’t get fucked by an invitation to the British royal wedding of May 2018 (I’m not going to say “British royal wedding of the year,” because Jodie Marsh could still marry someone this year). Although, neither did the mailbox of any other world leader, past or present.

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Ellen’s 60th Birthday Present: Finding Out What The Trumps Got The Obamas

January 31, 2018 / Posted by:

It was Ellen DeGeneres’ 60th birthday on January 26, and the celebration episodes of her show air this week. She tweeted a photo of her posing with Michelle Obama and Jennifer Aniston yesterday, and I assumed that meant they’d spend an episode celebrating by reenacting an episode of Friends since Michelle seems like SUCH a Monica. Instead, we got to find out what was in that Tiffany’s box Melania Trump handed her on the front steps of the White House the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration.

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Beyoncé’s Famous Friends Celebrated Her Birthday With Some Beyoncé Cosplay

September 5, 2017 / Posted by:

In case your friends posting all over Instagram and Facebook this weekend about how Beyoncé changed their lives didn’t give you a hint, Queen B turned 36 yesterday. She managed to snatch the Labor Day focus off BBQ and summertime sadness, and onto herself for the highest holiday in the Beyhive’s calendar.

But Bey’s day wasn’t celebrated how us normal folks might do. We have happy hour margaritas and inevitable tears about accomplishing jack shit. Beyoncé has Michelle Obama dressing up in a Beyonce costume for an artistic photo shoot. Continue reading

Donald And Melania Trump Tour The Dump They’ll Probably Try To Tear Down To Build A Gold Palace

November 10, 2016 / Posted by:

The day after thousands of people took to the streets to protest against America’s future evil orange overlord, the hardened glob of lithium grease and Melania Trump toured the little DC pied-à-terre they’ll move into next year. As Melania strolled through the dusty old shack she’s been forced to downgrade to, she made an internal checklist of all of the things she’ll need to switch out with something gold, crystal or marble. Eventually her internal checklist got so big that she decided to chuck it and declare that bitch a tear-down. Melania will get her husband to use his pull to rip the White House of its landmark status, so they can bulldoze that shanty down and build a gold skyscraper palace fit for the Queen of the United States! No, she’s not going to do that. She’s going to keep everything, even her idol Michelle Obama’s sleepin’ pillow, which she’ll hug and sniff every night.

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“Thanks. It’s A Ver-sayce.”

October 19, 2016 / Posted by:

The Obamas hosted their last state dinner in the White House last night and their guest of honor was Italy’s Prime Minister Matteo Renzi and his wife Agnese Landini, so they went full Italian and delivered the best of Italy! Guests were served authentic Italian dishes from the Olive Garden, entertainment was provided by world-renowned Hungarian-Italian superstar Ciccolina and both President Obama and Michelle Obama wore ensembles from celebrated Italian designer Z. Cavaricci. I made all that up. Like the White House party planners have taste!

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Susan Sarandon Had The Time Of Her Damn Life At The DNC Last Night! Couldn’t You Tell?

July 26, 2016 / Posted by:

“Oh, so that’s what I looked like when a boyfriend dragged me to an Uncle Kracker concert in 2003” is what I thought while watching Susan Sarandon’s face go on a journey from “fuck this” to “no, really fuck this” to “no, no, really fuck. this.” in a matter of seconds while sitting in the audience at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia last night.

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