Category: Michael Buble
Celebrities Are Still Singing At Us
Last month, the world lost Bill Withers. And, despite this, organizers at ArtistsCAN, an artists initiative raising funds for COVID-19 relief in Canada, thought it would be a good idea (Canadians always have the best of intentions) to stage a virtual performance, pulling together some Canadian singers––many of whom couldn’t hold a fucking candle to Bill––and get them to croak out his signature song, “Lean On Me”. In a spectacle that literally nobody asked for, people like Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne and Michael Buble, shat all over Bill’s legacy with their warbling, auto-tuned renditions, albeit all for a good cause. And, like any respectable group of narcissists, insisted on filming the whole thing. Your move, Gal Gadot.
Michael Bublé’s Wife Luisana Lopilato Shut Down Fans Who Suspected Him Of Abuse
A good chunk of the planet is currently locked down in their homes, and that’s bad news for famous people. All the non-famous people are too busy baking banana bread and painting triangles on their walls. If you’ve got a dog and a pap’s phone number, you’re set. But others have to get creative if they want to remain relevant. And it seems like broadcasting live from their living rooms is currently the most popular plan of action. But Michael Bublé and his wife Luisana Lopilato recently found out that it doesn’t take long for the internet to dissect every frame of your live feed for evidence of what they believe is a domestic hostage situation.
Michael Bublé Says He’s Retiring From Music
A decorative gravy boat falls in slow motion to the ground, shattering into pieces as a gut-wrenching wail breaks out from the nation’s aunts in festive turtlenecks and seasonal holiday earrings. For who will sing the soundtrack to their holiday meals now?! Josh Groban? John Legend? All inadequate substitutions. Michael Bublé has announced over the weekend that he’s retiring from music.
Open Post: Hosted By Michael Bublé Eating Corn The Right Way
Because this week is just full of highly important BREAKING NEWS stories, a picture of Michael Bublé working the tip of a corn on the cob at Disneyland has gone viral and has got people wondering if his Canadian ass knows how corn on the cob works. The answer is: Yes. Yes, he does. The tricks who are looking at that picture with question marks in their eyes are the ones who don’t know how corn on the cob works. Here’s the picture:
Sad Michael Bublé is not sure how to eat corn on the cob https://t.co/kYN2Tf0ZDT pic.twitter.com/sI71H2SBj0
— Mashable (@mashable) April 14, 2016
“I don’t see the problem.” – Marcus Bachmann and me.
That is definitely how a grown adult eats corn on the cob. Everyone knows that you’re supposed to slather that corn in butter and then deep throat that butter right off. Then you start on the tip and work your way down. Sure, when your mouth gets tired, you can give it to that corn harmonica-style for a little bit, but then you gotta go right back in. When nature gives you something that’s sort of shaped like a dick, you owe it to nature to eat it like a dick!
I mean, if the way you eat corn on the cob doesn’t make people want to take your picture and have some Photoshop fun with it, then you’re eating corn on the cob the wrong way. If the way you eat corn on the cob doesn’t make people think of the Camron lyric, “Lick, suck, deep throat, stop, cough, hop on, hop off, lollipop off, I know it’s white yellow, but here come the hot sauce,” then you’re eating corn on the cob the wrong way. And Michael Bublé is definitely eating it the right way!
The Internet is Swatting At Michael Buble For Instagramming A Picture Of A Stranger’s Ass
Justin Bieber’s less-assholey adult contemporary equivalent Michael Bublé (I don’t know if that makes any sense, but they’re both Canadian and give off a strong douche vibe, so it works for me) recently found himself in trouble with the angry fist-shakers of the internet after he posted a picture of some random chick’s ass disguised as a smug-faced selfie to Instagram. Personally, I’m more offended by the fact that he thinks it’s ok to serve up some lazy Uncle Rico realness with that fist-assisted bicep bro pose, but that’s just me.
According to the caption on the picture, it was taken by Bublé’s wife Luisana Lopilato on Monday at someplace in Miami that looks like either the check-in desk of a hotel or a very fancy Taco Bell affiliate I just made up called Taco Chime.
“There was something about this photo lu took, that seemed worthy of instagram. #myhumps #babygotback #hungryshorts #onlyinmiami #picoftheday #beautifulbum“
The only problem is, some of his 1 million Instagram followers didn’t think it was cute that he was splashing a sneaky picture of that lady’s lower buttcheeks creeping out of her short-shorts all around the internet, and they started hissing at him for it and calling him a creep. Once Bublé realized he couldn’t croon his way out of that mess, he released a sorry-not-sorry statement to UsWeekly:
“I do not court controversy, but I realize that a photo that was meant to be complimentary and lighthearted has turned into a questionable issue. It hurts me deeply that anyone would think that I would disrespect women or be insulting to any human being. I regret that there are people out there who found the photo offensive. That was not and is not my intention. Women are to be celebrated, loved, respected, honored and revered. I’ve spent my life believing that and will continue to do so.”
Michael Bublé is full of Bullshité if he thinks he can play this off as anything other than a “haw haw, look at this butt” pic. If he truly was in awe of Turquoise Shirt’s magnificent ass, then he would have asked permission before he took a picture. Owners of top-shelf asses don’t just give that shit away for free.
Pic: Instagram