I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to make it through this post since my heart is shattering into a million tiny pieces, but Imma be strong. Apparently, forever bae Michael B. Jordan may or may not be dating actress KiKi Layne. The two were seen last Friday during the Sundance Film Festival and they looked like two people who enjoy being naked in a room on top of each other from time to time.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
Open Post: Hosted By A Woman Who Photoshopped Herself Into A Picture With Michael B. Jordan And Ended Up With The Real Thing
Most of us hos are too lazy to do anything about our celebrity crushes other than to lazily think about masturbating while idly thinking about sweater daddy Tom Hardy in Lawless, only to get distracted and wind up worrying that your oncoming headache is definitely a brain tumor. Not so for Bolu Babalola. Bolu put her rich fantasy life to good use and Photoshopped a picture of herself standing next to Michael B Jordan and posted it on Twitter asking people to help her reunite with her summer fling. It was a joke, of course, a play on the “please help me find… Twitter do your thing” posts that been going around of late. But to her surprise, the post went viral and faster than you can say “Wakanda Forever”, she found herself standing next to Michael in the flesh. Whores, it’s time to step up our games.
My Hot Tip For Hot Dudes: Keep it shut! That’s it, it really is that simple. Fewer clothes, fewerer words. You would have thought that Michael B. Jordan would have learned this lesson by now after ruining a perfectly good fantasy about me, him, Lupita and Martin Freeman (don’t you dare judge me) tied up together in a Wakandan Knot by speaking out on separate rumors that he was gay and that he and Lupita Nyong’o were dating. Now he’s making things weird again by re-addressing the rumors that he only dates white women, when all I really care about is that he’s staying hydrated and not skipping glutes day.
You might say she’s a fan of Black Panther. Last night was the PR Paid For This People’s Choice Awards on E!, and the award winner for Female Artist of 2018 and Album of the Year may not have been well-received in Cardi B’s camp. Nicki Minaj won both, but rather than taunt her usual sparring partner (there’s plenty of time for that in Part 900 of Queen Radio!), she seemed to be telling the world she was horny as hell.
Yesterday, The Hollywood Reporter broke news that we might never see Henry Cavill’s thick thighs squeezed into his Superman suit ever again. Warner Bros. released a statement saying they loved working with Henry and that no decisions have been made, but they wouldn’t confirm whether he was officially done or not. Henry has jumped into the conversation, but he hasn’t said much either.