In news that surely has Ronan Farrow pissed he didn’t break first, we’re finding out Woody Allen may have spent most of his forties in an icky relationship with a girl young enough to be his daughter. In other news, the sky is blue. Anyone who saw Manhattan where Woody plays a 42-year-old who dates a 17-year-old (played by Mariel Hemmingway who said Woody tried to date her back then) has probably been wondering post-Soon-Yi Previn how close to reality that movie was. Today, we got confirmation from a woman named Babi Christina Engelhardt that the movie may as well been called “My Life With Woody.”
Things must be pretty precarious over on #teamwoody because they’ve finally decided to pull out the big gun, and have Woody Allen’s wife Soon-Yi Previn speak out in his defense. In an exhausting and disturbing interview for Vulture, Soon-Yi breaks her silence and dishes about life with The Evil Mia Farrow and how she and Woody The Saint became lovers. It would really be easier if, as a species, we evolved so that our front eyes, over generations, gradually shifted to the side of our faces, so at times like these, we could avoid the serious repercussions of neck and eye strain.
The 2018 TIME 100 Gala was held last night in New York City to celebrate Time magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people. And whether the people were influential or not, the red carpet fashion pulled from a variety of sources. Like Leslie Jones in Christian Siriano, who is giving you Grace Jones after stopping at Studio 54 while thinking,”I wonder what the rent is on this place? Do they pay monthly or yearly? You know what, hand me my coke spoon and purse, I’m leaving to pursue a career in commercial real estate.”
It’s not exactly a surprise if an unsettling allegation is made by one of Woody Allen’s children. Except in an uncharacteristic turn of events, the latest allegations to be made by a child of Woody has nothing to do with their dad. People says that Moses Farrow, the adopted son of Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, has accused his mother of emotional and physical abuse, and “brainwashing.”
All the way back in the olden days of 2013, Mia Farrow casually said in a Vanity Fair profile that it’s possible that her son Ronan Farrow was made with Frank Sinatra’s blue-eyed jizz fish. Ronan joked about it, but never denied it and who can blame him? If Woody Allen was your father, you would want everyone to think that anyone and anything (examples: a fly nibbling on a roadkill carcass, a cut-short turd out of a hyena’s ass, KFed) except for Woody Allen could be your dad. Frank Sinatra’s widow wasn’t buying it and publicly shat on that rumor. Now almost two years later, Frank Sinatra’s youngest child Tina Sinatra is saying that it’s impossible for Ronan Farrow to be her half-brother. Maury Povich just shuffled off to a corner and melted into a mound of woe, because he’s always wanted to say the words “Frank Sinatra IS the father.”
You can now go ahead and update your LinkedIn profile to read: Current – Professional Allen/Farrow Response Reader at My Couch, because keeping up with the responses in this mess has become a full-time job.
Last night, Woody Allen dropped his ten million word response to Dylan Farrow’s abuse claims and he spent most of his keystrokes on slamming Mia Farrow and accusing her of being the master manipulator behind his downfall. Woody denied molesting her and diagnosed Mia as being a bona fide crazy bitch. Woody ended his response by saying he would never speak of this again. Dylan obviously wants the last word and she immediately gave her response to Woody’s response. Dylan says that she’s never wavered and she went on to dissect the “facts” that Woody shat out in his statement. Here’s Dylan’s full response from The Hollywood Reporter:
Once again, Woody Allen is attacking me and my family in an effort to discredit and silence me – but nothing he says or writes can change the truth. For 20 years, I have never wavered in describing what he did to me. I will carry the memories of surviving these experiences for the rest of my life.
His op-ed is the latest rehash of the same legalese, distortions, and outright lies he has leveled at me for the past 20 years. He insists my mother brought criminal charges – in fact, it was a pediatrician who reported the incident to the police based on my firsthand account. He suggests that no one complained of his misconduct prior to his assault on me – court documents show that he was in treatment for what his own therapist described as “inappropriate” behavior with me from as early as 1991. He offers a carefully worded claim that he passed a lie detector test – in fact, he refused to take the test administered by the state police (he hired someone to administer his own test, which authorities refused to accept as evidence). These and other misrepresentations have been rebutted in more detail by independent, highly respected journalists, including this most recent article here:
With all the attempts to misrepresent the facts, it is important to be reminded of the truth contained in court documents from the only final ruling in this case, by the New York Supreme Court in 1992. In denying my father all access to me, that court:
Debunked the “experts” my father claims exonerated him, calling them “colored by their loyalty to Mr. Allen”, criticizing the author of their report (who never met me) for destroying all supporting documentation, and calling their conclusions “sanitized and therefore less credible”.
Included testimony from babysitters who witnessed inappropriate sexual behavior by my father toward me.
Found that “there is no credible evidence to support Mr. Allen’s contention that Ms. Farrow coached Dylan or that Ms. Farrow acted upon a desire for revenge against him for seducing Soon-Yi. Mr. Allen’s resort to the stereotypical ‘woman scorned’ defense is an injudicious attempt to divert attention from his failure to act as a responsible parent and adult.”
Concluded that the evidence “…proves that Mr. Allen’s behavior toward Dylan was grossly inappropriate and that measures must be taken to protect her.”
Finally, the Connecticut State prosecutor found “probable cause” to prosecute, but made the decision not to in an effort to protect “the child victim”, given my fragile state.
From the bottom of my heart, I will be forever grateful for the outpouring of support I have received from survivors and countless others. If speaking out about my experience can help others stand up to their tormentors, it will be worth the pain and suffering my father continues to inflict on me. Woody Allen has an arsenal of lawyers and publicists but the one thing he does not have on his side is the truth. I hope this is the end of his vicious attacks and of the media campaign by his lawyers and publicists, as he’s promised. I won’t let the truth be buried and I won’t be silenced.
Well, that’s that.
I can already hear you screaming, “MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!” I think we’ve all overdosed on this shit and I won’t post about it again until Lifetime announces that they’re making a Saturday night movie about this messy, sad saga starring Vanessa Bayer as Dylan, a dehydrated dead worm as Woody and a Frank Sinatra hologram as Ronan. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to search Tumblr for GIFs of Ronan Farrow batting those baby blue eyes in slow motion.