Here’s Madonna’s MTV VMAs Tribute To Madonna (Featuring An Aretha Franklin Album She Listened To Once, Or Something)
Anybody who took one look at Madonna’s “rich white lady who listened to Baduizm once” ensemble and said, “nope,” before changing the channel, made the right decision.
Queen Aretha Franklin died not that long ago and she wasn’t really known as a music video artiste, so I wasn’t expecting the MTV to do a tribute extravaganza to her at the VMAs tonight. But if they took an “Aretha Franklin look” wig from Wish, threw it on a stool, and played a warped copy of Respect on a Boombox, it would’ve been a more well thought out tribute than the one that was dry farted out onto the stage. It’s as if the producers of the VMAs said to Madge, “Will you honor the Queen?“, and she figured they were talking about her.
The Sharknado films (I just did my charity work for the rest of the year by referring to Sharknado as a film) are an extra-salty mess that will fill your eyes with questionable-looking creatures and your ears with pure nonsense. Someone at Syfy should give Tara Reid a little coffee mug that reads “Most On Brand,” because today she gave a truly confusing mess of an interview with the Australian morning show Today Extra. I’m guessing that the viewers of Today Extra didn’t think Tara was going to take the title literally and start today off with an extra-messy interview.
Despite the fact that most people can swallow her BS about as well as one might choke down a well-done Trump Steak, Omarosa Manigault-Newman is probably smiling wide today. Because Omarosa has leaked what she believes is proof that Donald Trump has been recorded saying the n-word.
Ding ding ding, the fight bell has been rung, and it’s time for round 3,894 in the custody battle between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. If I’m to continue with this boxing metaphor, this might be where both Angelina and Brad would touch gloves, before she defiantly spits her mouth guard in his face and has to be pulled away by her trainer. That’s right, this mess has gotten much messier.
Amber Heard and Johnny Depp were married for a little less than two years, and it feels like their diarrhea tornado of a divorce battle lasted five times longer than that. But after all those gross abuse accusations and greedy gold digger labels were thrown, they finally closed the casket on their marriage in 2017. They still fought over money, but the messiest part was done. How simple-brained some of us are, because we’re not done hearing about it, and thanks to one of Johnny’s many lawsuits, he’s playing the “but, but, she hit me too!” card.
In another dimension, Ryan Phillippe is living a respectable life as an ageless hottie who was once married to Reese Witherspoon. In this dimension, he’s that, but minus about 50% of the respectability, with a side of domestic abuse. Ryan is still fighting his ex-girlfriend Elsie Hewitt over domestic assault allegations she made last September. Ryan denied the allegations. Elsie has a theory about why Ryan believes he did nothing wrong; according to Elsie, drug use might have clouded Ryan’s memory.