Category: MESS

Susan Sarandon Had The Time Of Her Damn Life At The DNC Last Night! Couldn’t You Tell?

July 26, 2016 / Posted by:

“Oh, so that’s what I looked like when a boyfriend dragged me to an Uncle Kracker concert in 2003” is what I thought while watching Susan Sarandon’s face go on a journey from “fuck this” to “no, really fuck this” to “no, no, really fuck. this.” in a matter of seconds while sitting in the audience at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia last night.

Katt Williams Got Arrested. Again.

July 25, 2016 / Posted by:

I’m not even going to make you guess what it was for, because I’m 99.9% sure that everyone who read that headline just said “For fighting someone, right?“. Although to be honest, guessing that Katt Williams got arrested for fighting is right up there with answering “Yes” to the question “Is cheese delicious?” on the list of Questions With Truly Obvious Answers.

TMZ says that Katt Williams, seen above working The Nolte for the latest mugshot in his collection, was arrested for battery of a female employee at the Sportsman’s Lodge restaurant in Sherman Oaks, CA on Sunday morning. This marks the second time this year that Katt Williams was arrested for beating down an employee at a restaurant, was accused of whooping a woman, and the second time this month that he’s gotten into trouble. Does Katt Williams have a Times I’ve Fucked Up punch card he’s trying to fill?

The details of the fight are kind of murky. All TMZ really knows is that a female employee alleged that Katt Williams attacked her. According to police, the employee had visible minor injuries and was pretty adamant that they arrest Katt for battery. How the alleged fight started, no one can really say. But since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, do we really even need a reason why? I’m sure Katt Williams himself doesn’t require a reason to go full-Katt Williams on someone.

Katt was taken into custody around 2:40pm and was released around 6:30pm after posting $20,000 bail. And before Katt walked out the door of the police station, he turned to the booking officer and started belting out “We’ll Meet Again.” That didn’t actually happen, but I like to think that one of these days it will.

Pic: Los Angeles County Sheriff

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Lindsay Lohan’s Sexy Poses Will Bring On World Peace

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Mischa Barton got a lot of attention when she responded to the killing of Alton Sterling by posting a picture on Instagram of herself looking all sad-like in the face while luxuriating on a yacht in a black mourning bikini with a glass of pink wine in her hand. Mischa got dragged and had to delete the whole thing before releasing an apology. Fellow fallen star turned European yacht girl Lindsay Lohan was obviously inspired by Mischa’s post (read: inspired by all the attention she got) and on Tuesday, she prayed for world peace while posing for a picture that looks straight out of Daddyslist.com.

LiLo posted that “sexy but yet pondering world issues while pointing my toes” picture on Instagram and asked her followers to turn up for Nice and Turkey. She also added a deep thought that reads like it was co-written by Jack Daniels and a joint:

If history were to be folded … Where would we put the crease? Pray for the ones we lose everyday and appreciate every breathe you 🙏🏻 we🙏🏻 all 🙏🏻 take #nice #turkey #turnup and do something (goodnight and sleep with an idea for the future)

I’m surprised she didn’t add the hashtag #AllBedSheetLivesMatter. And don’t even try to figure out what she wrote there. The weight of the WTFness in that caption will cause your brain to deflate.

Lindsay obviously moved many of her followers to heave into the nearest trashcan and they let her know what an inspiration she is in the comments:

It doesn’t even make sense. Another brainless celebrity trying to weigh in on global problems in an attempt to stay relevant.

Tone deaf, but then again, what could be expected from you?

SO insincere and such an in appropriate photo! WHo are you trying to impress with this picture?

Someone here want to USE what happened in Nice to make some personal advertisement.. Otherwise another photo would be used! Trash

did she just hashtag Nice and turnup in the same post? I mean I’m inappropriate but….

But seriously, those people are so damn rude and mean. Lindsay Lohan is such a selfless soul. I mean, she’s thinking about others while she’s going through a serious medical condition that has caused her hand to be stuck to her mouth since 2008!

Pic: Instagram

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One Of Donald Trump’s Speechwriters Threw Herself Under The Gold Bus For Melania

July 20, 2016 / Posted by:

When everyone found out that my favorite Dynasty character who was never a Dynasty character, Melania Trump, played a one-person game of Telephone at the Republican National Convention by repeatings parts of Michelle Obama’s 2008 Democratic National Convention speech, Donald Trump’s staff threw out a few excuses hoping that one would stick. They called it a coincidence, they blamed Hillary Clinton and one RNC official dragged Twilight Sparkle (the My Little Pony, not Robert Pattinson) into it. I was really hoping that the Trump campaign would shut everyone up by saying that Michelle Obama is a time traveller who leaped to the future and recorded Melania’s entire speech before going back to 2008. But instead of playing that logical card, the Trump campaign found a sacrificial lamb to fall on her gold-plated marble sword, as Melania Trump stood by looking devastatingly gorgeous.

Escandalo Alert: Melania Trump Caught Copy + Pasting From Michelle Obama’s Speech

July 19, 2016 / Posted by:

And yes, I’m as good at Photoshop as Melania Trump is at delivering an original speech.

Why do I have a feeling that yesterday afternoon, Taylor Swift sent an untraceable e-mail to her secret friend Melania Trump, telling her down low squad member that she wrote a passionate speech that is perfect for the Republican National Convention. Tay Tay sent the Slovenian jewel a plagiarized speech, because she knew that the media would pounce all over that and temporarily forget about the Kimye disaster. That mega demonic Nellie Olesen will destroy anyone to protect her image!

Miles Teller Got Jumped By A Gang Of Sun-In Bottles And It Looks Like He Lost That Fight

July 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Sometimes us dark brown-haireds need to be reminded that when we go blond, we probably won’t end up looking like Alexander Skarsgard. We very well could end up looking like a former Central Florida tweaker who spent a lot of time in prison for running a dogfighting ring in his memaw’s storage unit and later found Jesus in his 40s and is now running for Governor. Noted douche rash Miles Teller reminded us of that at last night’s ESPYs.

When the “Why pay more when you can Payless?” version of Shia LaBeouf walked onto the stage with Danica Patrick to present the award for Best Comeback Athlete, everyone thought to themselves, “I don’t know why Todd Chrisley is presenting, but he’s so strong for showing up after just surviving a meth lab explosion.” That dick discharge yellow hair and eyebrows not only gave Miles a lion nose, but it also transformed him into Eminem as drawn by the artistes who drew the Doug characters.

People believes that Miles may have attacked his hair and brows with peroxide for a movie role. No, he’s not playing Eric Trump in a struggle budget biopic for Spike TV. Miles is playing real-life firefighter Brendan McDonough in Granite Mountain. Brendan McDonough isn’t piss stain blond, but he’s blond.

With that being said, I still would because of 3 words: Champagne coupe dick, which means that his peen is probably short and skinny with an oversized head, but whatever!

Pics: Getty

Lindsay Lohan May Have Polluted The Aegean Sea

July 12, 2016 / Posted by:

And no, I don’t mean that she polluted it by getting in it.

Not since that one king threw himself into the ocean after thinking that his son died while trying to kill a roided-up man bull (aka the Minotaur) has the Aegean Sea seen so much drama. Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 30th birthday in Mykonos, Greece last week, and no LiLo party is complete until she’s dragged out of that bitch kicking and spitting after getting into a fight with her piece. LiLo’s one-time employer The Sun says that my pick for Britain’s new PM and her Russian trust fund fiancee Egor Tarabasov got into a messy tussle in front of 70 guests (including her leech dad Michael Lohan, The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and Egor’s mom) at a beach club in Mykonos.

Vince Neil Might Go To Jail Over That Messy Fight In Las Vegas

July 6, 2016 / Posted by:

The key word here of course is “might“; Vince Neil is still a famous person, after all. But according to TMZ, it is something that might possibly be in Vince Neil’s future. Back in April, Vince Neil reminded us that Vince Neil is still a mess by getting into a sloppy daytime fight with his friend Nicolas Cage outside of the Aria Hotel in Las Vegas. At the time, sources were telling TMZ that the fight started when Vince allegedly tried to take down a female fan that asked for Nicolas Cage’s autograph. Really rude, Vince. The rest of the Gummi Bears do not approve of such behavior.

Vince claimed that the woman was being aggressive with him and that all he did was push past her. Well, it sounds like Vince Neil did a little more than “push past” the woman. Law enforcement took a look at some security footage from inside the hotel on the day the fight happened, and Vince Neil has been charged with misdemeanor battery. TMZ says he could face up to six months in jail.

This wouldn’t be the first time Vince Neil’s dumb shit antics have potentially set him up for a trip to jail. He’s been there a lot. So at least he’ll know the drill if he does end up there.

The only woman Vince Neil should be getting physical with is a horny Motley Crue groupie, and even then, the only reason he should be putting his hands on her is to remove her high-waisted leather short-shorts. So yeah, he should be in trouble. I just hope that whatever sentence the judge gives him is automatically doubled because of how close this all happened to a Versace store. Yes, I know Nomi Malone’s Versace was technically the one in Caesar’s Palace. But it it feels really wrong to show such a blatant disregard for the place responsible for a Las Vegas icon like Nomi’s ver-sayce dress.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Demi Lovato Went On A Rant About Celebrity Culture Last Night

June 24, 2016 / Posted by:

When part-time singer/full-time social media mess Demi Lovato returned to Twitter on Tuesday after a 24-hour hiatus from “sayin shit” and “the haters“, she promised that she was coming back “more honest than ever.” In Demi Speak, that usually means she’s going to start ranting so loud, even the Ghost of Coked-Up Demi Past would be like “Girl, stop, you’re giving me a headache.” And last night she delivered on that promise.

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It Looks Like There Is Something That Ben Affleck Loves More Than Ben Affleck

June 23, 2016 / Posted by:

And it’s obvious that something is TOM BRADY!

In movies and most interviews, Ben Affleck makes a rock look like it’s full of complex emotions and feelings. But when you bring up Tom Brady and Tom Brady’s deflating balls, Ben Affleck comes alive and will let the raw emotions ooze out of every one of his pores. HBO’s new sports talk show Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons premiered last night, and the Botoxed Easter Island statue broke out of his stony exterior and stroked Tom Brady’s dick so hard that Tom is going to need a dick skin graft, because Ben stroked it all off.

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