Homewrecking legend Miranda Lambert struck again earlier this year when she threw her iconic sledgehammer cooze at the married dick belonging to Evan Felcher (it’s Felker, but Felcher fits better in this case) whose band Turnpike Troubadours was the opening act on a few of her tour dates. Before Evan went out on tour with Miranda, his wife Staci Felker said that their marriage was mostly mylar heart balloons and strawberry-scented rainbow burps, so she was totally blindsided when he eventually became Casper The Cunty Ghost by ghosting her and then filing for divorce. I’m sure Miranda will talk about all of this while once again accepting her Homewrecker of the Year award at the League of Extraordinary Homewreckers’ annual luncheon, but so far she hasn’t said much. But Staci is still talking, and yesterday she posted a tragic tale on Instagram about Evan pulling an asshole-ified “touch me in the morning and then just walk away” move by sweeping into her life before exiting again a week later.
I know that the “Assault? Did he look at his face? Cause it sure is killing me” jokes write themselves when it comes to Johnny Depp. But this assault is the kind that is causing one more problem for Johnny’s already overworked lawyers. In May it was reported that Johnny had allegedly attacked a location manager during the filming of his latest film City of Lies. That location manager has recently decided to sue him.
Sofia Vergara’s slimy ex Nick Loeb recently moved to Louisiana in what was a blatant attempt to convince the mostly pro-life state to hand over the frozen embryos he’s been chasing for over three years now. But he can’t possibly be spending all his free time trying to get his frozen embryos Emma and Isabelle. As it turns out, he’s been killing time putting the $ in $hameless by making an anti-abortion movie in Louisiana.
Finally, an end appears to be in sight to the slo-mo car crash that has been our view into Heather Locklear‘s past year. If what TMZ reports is true, hopefully Heather, one of our Patron Saints of 1980s glamour vixens attached to sexy-sleazy rock stars (I’m also looking at you, Valerie Bertinelli), will soon be moving from what the Daily Mail says was a psychiatric hold at UCLA Medical Center into a long term facility. Continue reading
Yes, I am going use an old picture of Heather Locklear looking fresh and working every strand of that stunning layered yellow 90s mane rather than use another busted down mug shot of her looking every shade of dreadful.
In the past 12 months alone, these have been the Dlisted headlines about one of the Patron Saints of Primetime Soaps:
June 25, 2018 – Heather Locklear Got Arrested Again
March 13, 2018 – Heather Locklear Has Been Charged With Four Counts Of Battery
September 15, 2017 – Heather Locklear Ended Up In The Hospital After Driving Her Porsche Into A Ditch
Heather Locklear fans have been camped out in a prayer circle around her for a while. Well, you all better start getting your mail forwarded to that prayer circle, because the Tragic Saga Of Heather Locklear’s Violent Downward Spiral (which is the title of the eventual Lifetime movie, and Heather better play herself in an Emmy-winning triumphant return to the screen) isn’t over.
Ann Coulter, the hemorrhoid that a Ninth Circle rat chewed off of Lucifer’s asshole and barfed into a puddle of acid where it mutated into a shit-spewing demon, accused the detention camp children of being crisis actors. Well, Melania Trump heard what Ann Coulter said and decided to show a bitch what crisis acting really is when she showed up to the New Hope Children’s Center in McAllen, TX today and pretended to care about the 60 immigrant kids and teens from Central America who are being detained there. But before Melania acted like she cared, she told us that she really doesn’t by wearing a jacket that read “I Really Don’t Care. Do U?” as she boarded the plane headed to Texas. In Melania’s defense, she was probably forced to wear that because it’s the new official uniform of the Trump family.