Category: MESS

Tom Hiddleston Shrugged Off The Hate His Cringey Ass Golden Globes Speech Got

January 9, 2017 / Posted by:

But while many sprained the muscles in their face from cringing over Tom Hiddleston’s self-absorbed acceptance speech, I nearly squirted out a tear over how he and Taylor Swift didn’t make it past the contract renegotiation stage. I learned last night that they are really perfect for each other. They both seem to love a shameless photo-op and they both have a gift for making absolutely everything about them. They really were a match made in ME ME ME HELL.

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Lindsay Lohan’s Poetry Will Destroy ISIS For Once And For All

January 4, 2017 / Posted by:

The Mother Theresa of Turkey has taken a break from staring her iPhone while waiting for Tina Fey to call her about her Mean Girls 2 treatment and dribbled out a poem dedicated to ISIS where I think she said that she wants to destroy terrorism with her kisses. Well, I guess if there’s an STD that causes you to destroy terrorism with your mouth, that’s the STD to have. Lindsay Lohan sliced her finger open while yachting once, so she totally understands the horrifying plight of Syrian refugees and wants to save them and the world. While many people do nothing about Syria, LiLo posted this Ode to World Peace (and to herself, it’s mostly an ode to herself).

🙏 LL book – truth is being honest. #GiveBack

A photo posted by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on

She’s really a regular E.E. CummingInMeCostsExtra.

But really, if LiLo recorded that poem and sent it to ISIS, there’s a chance that all of the terrorists would hear her “Russian grandma after a dozen shots of novocaine” accent and put their weapons down to rip their own ears off. So maybe she really could destroy ISIS with her poetry? What if she did? Oh fuck, I think read her poem so many times that I got contact high.

Pic: Instagram

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Soulja Boy Is Sorry For Starting Shit With Chris Brown

January 4, 2017 / Posted by:

The stupid fight between Chris Brown and Soulja Boy might be over, and it looks like it probably isn’t going to end with them throwing sad punches at each other like two teens who tried whiskey for the first time. Someone familiar with Chris Brown must have reminded Soulja Boy that stirring up shit with Chris is like trying to sweep up a puddle of gasoline with a broom made of matches, because he has publicly backed down.

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