Category: MESS

Fiat Heir (And Giant Mess) Lapo Elkann Was Arrested For Allegedly Faking His Own Kidnapping

November 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Lapo Elkann, the 39-year-old grandson of the ex-CEO of Fiat and my one-time favorite panty creamer, has once again found himself in a messy situation. If Dynasty was re-written by Bret Easton Ellis, Lapo would be a character.

The New York Post says that about 11 years ago, Lapo was found naked and near death after overdosing in the apartment of a transgender hooker in Turin, Italy. And over the weekend, Lapo allegedly partied with another transgender hooker, but this time things didn’t end with him almost kissing the Grim Reaper. It ended with Lapo owing the hooker thousands upon thousands of dollars. So Lapo did what anybody would do when they owe a hooker thousands upon thousands of dollars: he called his family and told them that he was kidnapped and his captor was demanding $10,000 in ransom money. Hmmmm… Unless you’re an evil genius, like that chick from Gone Girl, it’s probably not a good idea to fake your own kidnapping.

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Dennis Rodman Charged In Hit & Run

November 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Greetings, I’m Krista and I’ll be your new filler queen for this season of Michael K’s Dlisted. Since Michael and Allison occasionally want to take a break from staring red-eyed into a computer screen to attend to their “real” “lives,” I’ll be popping in and out to make sure the Dlisted mission statement (whatever that is) is kept up. So without further ado, let’s get to the hard-hitting Dennis Rodman news of the hour.

The Los Angeles Times reports that Dennis Rodman has been charged for the crimes detailed in his July arrest. In case you’re like me, and your brain does a helpful Force Quit flusheroo on most Rodman news, let me refresh your memory: some time this past July, Dennis Rodman was completely sober and of 100% sound mind and body and somehow found himself going the wrong way in a highway carpool lane.

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Behold, Comedy Legend Gigi Hadid’s Melania Trump Impersonation

November 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Variety says that a little over 8 million people watched last night’s American Music Awards (which was down a giant 31% from 2015) and so that means a little over 8 million people have sore faces this morning from cringing hard over Gigi Hadid trying to bring the comedy. Gigi co-hosted the AMAs with Jay Pharoah and for me, they were easily the most entertaining part of the night. Their opening was such a train wreck that I’m sure federal investigators are going to launch an investigation into how and why it happened.

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Charlie Sheen Wrote A Poem About Brooke Mueller

November 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Charlie Sheen has released a statement about the very messy and sad situation that his ex-wife Brooke Mueller and their 7-year-old twin sons found themselves in this week in Salt Lake City, Utah. And in true “Charlie Sheen always makes it messier” fashion, his statement comes in the form of a nonsense poem released exclusively to People magazine.

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St. Angie Jolie Is Sharpening Her Shank And Is Ready To Go To War With Brad Pitt

November 7, 2016 / Posted by:

But St. Angie Jolie really doesn’t need to sharpen her shank when she can easily cut a trick deep with her clavicle bone.

Brad Pitt made it perfectly clear that he’s not just going to hand over sole physical custody of the child army to Angelina Jolie when he filed his response to her divorce filing and asked for joint custody. Angie would rather eat an entire meal at Outback with Chelsea Handler while wearing a bright color than agree to joint custody. Because of his alleged plane freakout on Maddox Jolie-Pitt and other possible incidents, Angie doesn’t trust Brad around their 6 children. TMZ says that Angie only wants Brad to get monitored visitation and is preparing for battle. A source says it’s going to be “War of the Roses redux.” So that’s the cue for Brangelina’s minions to put mattresses under every chandelier in every one of their mansions.

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