“DAMN, that’s some good coke” is probably what several people said after watching super producer Mark Burnett (he does Survivor, The Voice, Shark Tank, Celebrity Apprentice, and a few Jesus movies, etc…) choke out Tom Arnold as his wife Roma Downey screamed she was touched by a devil! Although, a middle-aged man throwdown between Tom Arnold and Mark Burnett isn’t that random since Tom has made it his mission to get the tapes of Trump being Trump (read: mouth-farting out racist fuckery) on the set of Celebrity Apprentice, and thinks Mark is trying to protect Trump by not releasing the tapes. It all came to a head last night and Tom and Mark busted out a messy scene that is definitely more exciting than the Emmys itself.
Lindsay Lohan is currently living the life in Mykonos, because she’s getting paid to party and dance and is also getting paid to party and dance in front of reality TV cameras. And her partying and dancing recently helped her go viral (“That isn’t the first time she’s gone viral.” – LiLo’s shady free clinic doctor) thanks to some cavity-inducing sweet moves she threw down on stage at Lohan Beach House in Mykonos. If somebody’s osteoporosis-having grandma got drunk on four white wine spritzers before her dance audition for the role of Velma Kelly in Shady Pines’ production of Chicago, she would serve up the same kind of old lady hotness that LiLo served up in Greece. And yes, she’d get the role thanks to that Boniva leg shuffle.
Here’s Madonna’s MTV VMAs Tribute To Madonna (Featuring An Aretha Franklin Album She Listened To Once, Or Something)
Anybody who took one look at Madonna’s “rich white lady who listened to Baduizm once” ensemble and said, “nope,” before changing the channel, made the right decision.
Queen Aretha Franklin died not that long ago and she wasn’t really known as a music video artiste, so I wasn’t expecting the MTV to do a tribute extravaganza to her at the VMAs tonight. But if they took an “Aretha Franklin look” wig from Wish, threw it on a stool, and played a warped copy of Respect on a Boombox, it would’ve been a more well thought out tribute than the one that was dry farted out onto the stage. It’s as if the producers of the VMAs said to Madge, “Will you honor the Queen?“, and she figured they were talking about her.
The Sharknado films (I just did my charity work for the rest of the year by referring to Sharknado as a film) are an extra-salty mess that will fill your eyes with questionable-looking creatures and your ears with pure nonsense. Someone at Syfy should give Tara Reid a little coffee mug that reads “Most On Brand,” because today she gave a truly confusing mess of an interview with the Australian morning show Today Extra. I’m guessing that the viewers of Today Extra didn’t think Tara was going to take the title literally and start today off with an extra-messy interview.
Despite the fact that most people can swallow her BS about as well as one might choke down a well-done Trump Steak, Omarosa Manigault-Newman is probably smiling wide today. Because Omarosa has leaked what she believes is proof that Donald Trump has been recorded saying the n-word.
Ding ding ding, the fight bell has been rung, and it’s time for round 3,894 in the custody battle between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. If I’m to continue with this boxing metaphor, this might be where both Angelina and Brad would touch gloves, before she defiantly spits her mouth guard in his face and has to be pulled away by her trainer. That’s right, this mess has gotten much messier.