When I first read the headline “Iowa Man Convicted of Plotting to Steal Domain Name At Gunpoint” all I could think of was the scene in Zoolander where someone says the files are in the computer and Zoolander breaks open the computer looking for actual files. This is how I imagine stealing a domain at gunpoint would work. Just some robber looking for a physical representation of an internet domain name and getting more and more frustrated.
LeAnn Rimes posted a picture on Instagram with her husband, Eddie Cibrian, Eddie’s ex wife and sworn enemy Brandi Glanville and Eddie and Brandi’s two kids. LeAnn called the picture their awkward family Easter, which of course it’s awkward. For years Brandi and LeAnn have fought harder than two people at a buffet with one crab leg left.
I mean, if we’re going to get into a mess involving Trump, Cher, and immigration, we may as well first dust our eyes with some bodyguard hotness and perfectly plucked man brows. Now that our eyes have been cleaned, let’s shit them up!
Cher has long been a liberal warrior who uses Twitter to trash Trump while pushing our brains to their breaking point as we try to figure out what the hell she’s trying to say (but by now many of us are fluent in Twitter Cher). But the other day, Cher cher’d her thoughts on immigration and received slow claps from Trump supporters like James Woods, and even got a cheer from Jabba the Trump himself. It truly is the time to be a parka salesperson in Hell, because so much weird shit is happening (like Trump blowing an air kiss at Cher) and it proves that Hell hasn’t reached above 30 degrees Fahrenheit in ages.
Brandi Glanville is sorry for being a drunk mess. So sorry she’s literally crying about it. Wow, relatable. We’ve been there. I mean, but usually when I’m crying about being a drunk mess my blood-alcohol level would confirm the behavior, but hey, what’s the point in messy paparazzi pics if you don’t milk them for all the dollars you can?
Jenelle Evans got her tubes tied making it the first time in Teen Mom history a womb has retired. Thank you for your service ,sweet womb, and for going out on a high note (no, that wasn’t a pun about Jenelle’s meth ways, or was it?) and not allowing Jenelle’s gun toting, homophobic husband to create anymore children with you!
Warner Bros. Is Reportedly “Freaking Out” Over What The Johnny Depp Abuse Allegations Will Do To “Fantastic Beasts 3”
Page Six is saying that Warner Bros. is freaking the fuck out over recent allegations Amber Heard has made against her ex, Johnny Depp. They are worried! What will people think of them for working with an alleged domestic abuser? What will paying Harry Potter viewers think? What will their female employees think of them? What about the box office dollars?! It’s all hand-on-deck over at Warner Bros. and they are scrambling to come up with a solution.