Category: MESS

And Now Mel B’s Ex-Nanny Is Suing Her 

April 21, 2017 / Posted by:

If you would’ve asked me in the early-aughts which Spice Girl would be involved in a stage 10 wreck of a divorce fight, I’d probably guess Posh Spice because of two simple words: Rebecca Loos! But as we all know from the dozens of stories about it, Scary Spice is in the middle of a landfill fire of a divorce fight with Stephen Belafonte. Just in case you choose to fill the memory file in your brain with only happy things (like a cockatoo going on a magical broom ride), let me recap this shit real quick. In court papers, Mel B accused her husband of 10 years of emotionally and physically abusing her for most of their marriage. Mel accused Stephen of knocking up the nanny and then forcing the nanny to get an abortion. Mel also accused Stephen and the nanny of working together to blackmail her. And now the nanny is suing Mel B for all of those accusations. This is like Hand That Rocks The Cradle meets Sleeping With The Enemy meets a telenovela that’d make my abuelita throw holy water at her TV whenever the “puta nanny” and “pendejo husband” came on the screen.

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Woe Is This Useless $400 Juicer….

April 20, 2017 / Posted by:

I have a juicer and it’s currently wearing a luscious layer of dust in my kitchen cabinet. I hardly use it, because I tried to juice Runts candy with it, and that didn’t work (weird, I know), and all of the preparing and cleaning takes forever and is really, really, really hard work. After I’ve cut all the fruits and stupid vegetables, juiced them and torn my arm tendons from cleaning that machine, I don’t want to drink a thimble-sized amount of orange/ginger/carrot/spinach/whatever juice. I want to relax from doing all that hard labor by sipping some vodka and sucking on a joint. So when I heard about a space-looking juicer that doesn’t require any clean-up, I was intrigued… But while you don’t have to clean up the Juicero, the Juicero will clean up your checking account, because it costs $400! That’s a no from me. And it looks like it may be a no from the ones who can afford a $400 juicer. Because Juicero is pretty much useless.

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Jeremy Jackson Is Going To Jail

April 17, 2017 / Posted by:

This has happened before, but this time the “Former TV show cast member turned massive huge life mess” we’re talking about is Jeremy Jackson, aka Hobie Buchannon from Baywatch.

In October 2015, we were reminded that Jeremy still had a problem with stabbing people after he stabbed a woman near his home in Los Angeles. Jeremy was trying to steal the woman’s boyfriend’s car, and when she stepped in, he stabbed her in her back, arm, and leg, before running away. TMZ says Jeremy recently took care of that arrest and it ended in a plea deal. Jeremy has been sentenced to 270 days in L.A. County jail and five years probation. He will also be required to complete 52 anger management classes and 52 AA meetings.

If Jeremy hadn’t plead guilty, he could have faced up to seven years in jail.

The judge gave Jeremy 109 days jail credit, which means he’ll be spending 161 days locked up. TMZ says good behavior could have him released in May. If he completes everything, his felony charge could be dropped to a misdemeanor.

I know jail time is jail time, but a month? For stabbing someone multiple times after you get caught trying to make off with their car? That seems a little light to me. Maybe this is yet another case of “Famous TV/movie person gets a slap on the wrist for breaking the law in Los Angeles.” If so, then as a society we need to agree to set some standards for that. Being Hobie from Baywatch should only grant you so many free passes.

Pic: Wenn.com

Survivor’s Jeff Varner Is Still Really, Really Sorry For Outing Zeke Smith As Transgender

April 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Before last night’s new episode of Survivor: Game Changers aired, one of its contestants, former HSOTD Zeke Smith, publicly came out as transgender, because he wanted to get ahead of the moment when a fellow contestant outed him. So going into last night’s episode, I knew he was going to be outed, but I had no idea it was going to happen in such an uncomfortably gross way. Last week I found out that the Nuku tribe actually killed and ate that baby goat instead of letting it go like editing led us to believe, and NOW THIS!

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Shia LaBeouf Is Serious About His French Fries, Really Serious

April 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Here I was thinking that Shia LaBeouf’s days of acting a mess in public were behind him and he was channeling his anger into his ART, but he’s still out there, ruining everyone’s night with his antics. TMZ has video of Shia blowing up at the staff of a Jerry’s Deli in L.A. after a witness says he was “pounding back beers” for 3 hours. That ugly scene would’ve been a beautiful scene of peace, love and unity if only Shia pounded back Pepsis for 3 hours.

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Pepsi Pulled Their World Peace-Making Commercial Starring Kendall Jenner

April 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Bringing about world peace with a can of carbonated sugar water must really overheat a trick.

Yesterday, Pepsi caused a firestorm that was bigger than the one on Michael Jackson’s head while shooting that commercial in the 80s. Pepsi butt burped up an extra thick shit balloon of a commercial that showed Kendull Jenner ditching a modeling shoot to join a protest where she bravely brings everyone together with a can of Pepsi. Ridiculous! Everyone knows that the only syguary drink that has the power to change the world was Orbitz, bitches!

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