“Oh, so that’s what I looked like when a boyfriend dragged me to an Uncle Kracker concert in 2003” is what I thought while watching Susan Sarandon’s face go on a journey from “fuck this” to “no, really fuck this” to “no, no, really fuck. this.” in a matter of seconds while sitting in the audience at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia last night.
I’m not even going to make you guess what it was for, because I’m 99.9% sure that everyone who read that headline just said “For fighting someone, right?“. Although to be honest, guessing that Katt Williams got arrested for fighting is right up there with answering “Yes” to the question “Is cheese delicious?” on the list of Questions With Truly Obvious Answers.
TMZ says that Katt Williams, seen above working The Nolte for the latest mugshot in his collection, was arrested for battery of a female employee at the Sportsman’s Lodge restaurant in Sherman Oaks, CA on Sunday morning. This marks the second time this year that Katt Williams was arrested for beating down an employee at a restaurant, was accused of whooping a woman, and the second time this month that he’s gotten into trouble. Does Katt Williams have a Times I’ve Fucked Up punch card he’s trying to fill?
The details of the fight are kind of murky. All TMZ really knows is that a female employee alleged that Katt Williams attacked her. According to police, the employee had visible minor injuries and was pretty adamant that they arrest Katt for battery. How the alleged fight started, no one can really say. But since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, do we really even need a reason why? I’m sure Katt Williams himself doesn’t require a reason to go full-Katt Williams on someone.
Katt was taken into custody around 2:40pm and was released around 6:30pm after posting $20,000 bail. And before Katt walked out the door of the police station, he turned to the booking officer and started belting out “We’ll Meet Again.” That didn’t actually happen, but I like to think that one of these days it will.
Pic: Los Angeles County Sheriff
Mischa Barton got a lot of attention when she responded to the killing of Alton Sterling by posting a picture on Instagram of herself looking all sad-like in the face while luxuriating on a yacht in a black mourning bikini with a glass of pink wine in her hand. Mischa got dragged and had to delete the whole thing before releasing an apology. Fellow fallen star turned European yacht girl Lindsay Lohan was obviously inspired by Mischa’s post (read: inspired by all the attention she got) and on Tuesday, she prayed for world peace while posing for a picture that looks straight out of Daddyslist.com.
LiLo posted that “sexy but yet pondering world issues while pointing my toes” picture on Instagram and asked her followers to turn up for Nice and Turkey. She also added a deep thought that reads like it was co-written by Jack Daniels and a joint:
If history were to be folded … Where would we put the crease? Pray for the ones we lose everyday and appreciate every breathe you 🙏🏻 we🙏🏻 all 🙏🏻 take #nice #turkey #turnup and do something (goodnight and sleep with an idea for the future)
I’m surprised she didn’t add the hashtag #AllBedSheetLivesMatter. And don’t even try to figure out what she wrote there. The weight of the WTFness in that caption will cause your brain to deflate.
Lindsay obviously moved many of her followers
to heave into the nearest trashcan and they let her know what an inspiration she is in the comments:
It doesn’t even make sense. Another brainless celebrity trying to weigh in on global problems in an attempt to stay relevant.
Tone deaf, but then again, what could be expected from you?
SO insincere and such an in appropriate photo! WHo are you trying to impress with this picture?
Someone here want to USE what happened in Nice to make some personal advertisement.. Otherwise another photo would be used! Trash
did she just hashtag Nice and turnup in the same post? I mean I’m inappropriate but….
But seriously, those people are so damn rude and mean. Lindsay Lohan is such a selfless soul. I mean, she’s thinking about others while she’s going through a serious medical condition that has caused her hand to be stuck to her mouth since 2008!
When everyone found out that my favorite Dynasty character who was never a Dynasty character, Melania Trump, played a one-person game of Telephone at the Republican National Convention by repeatings parts of Michelle Obama’s 2008 Democratic National Convention speech, Donald Trump’s staff threw out a few excuses hoping that one would stick. They called it a coincidence, they blamed Hillary Clinton and one RNC official dragged Twilight Sparkle (the My Little Pony, not Robert Pattinson) into it. I was really hoping that the Trump campaign would shut everyone up by saying that Michelle Obama is a time traveller who leaped to the future and recorded Melania’s entire speech before going back to 2008. But instead of playing that logical card, the Trump campaign found a sacrificial lamb to fall on her gold-plated marble sword, as Melania Trump stood by looking devastatingly gorgeous.
And yes, I’m as good at Photoshop as Melania Trump is at delivering an original speech.
Why do I have a feeling that yesterday afternoon, Taylor Swift sent an untraceable e-mail to her secret friend Melania Trump, telling her down low squad member that she wrote a passionate speech that is perfect for the Republican National Convention. Tay Tay sent the Slovenian jewel a plagiarized speech, because she knew that the media would pounce all over that and temporarily forget about the Kimye disaster. That mega demonic Nellie Olesen will destroy anyone to protect her image!
Sometimes us dark brown-haireds need to be reminded that when we go blond, we probably won’t end up looking like Alexander Skarsgard. We very well could end up looking like a former Central Florida tweaker who spent a lot of time in prison for running a dogfighting ring in his memaw’s storage unit and later found Jesus in his 40s and is now running for Governor. Noted douche rash Miles Teller reminded us of that at last night’s ESPYs.
When the “Why pay more when you can Payless?” version of Shia LaBeouf walked onto the stage with Danica Patrick to present the award for Best Comeback Athlete, everyone thought to themselves, “I don’t know why Todd Chrisley is presenting, but he’s so strong for showing up after just surviving a meth lab explosion.” That dick discharge yellow hair and eyebrows not only gave Miles a lion nose, but it also transformed him into Eminem as drawn by the artistes who drew the Doug characters.
People believes that Miles may have attacked his hair and brows with peroxide for a movie role. No, he’s not playing Eric Trump in a struggle budget biopic for Spike TV. Miles is playing real-life firefighter Brendan McDonough in Granite Mountain. Brendan McDonough isn’t piss stain blond, but he’s blond.
With that being said, I still would because of 3 words: Champagne coupe dick, which means that his peen is probably short and skinny with an oversized head, but whatever!