There’s been a fascinating rumor or, conspiracy theory if you will, floating around Twitter that Melania Trump ain’t always who she seems to be. It all began when a keen-eyed skeptic noted that the woman standing next to Trump during a speech didn’t look quite right. According to the New York Daily News, Zapruder film levels of evidence was posted to Twitter by a guy named Joe Vargas, AKA BuyLegalMeds.com.
The least surprising thing about the Trump presidency is that his current wife Melania Trump (aka the First Lady) and his ex-wife Ivana Trump have both come down with cat-scratch fever and are battling it out in the press and on TV. In the Trump era, nothing is considered inappropriate, undignified, or “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRST LADY, WHY WOULD YOU TAKE EVEN A MOMENT TO ADDRESS THIS CHICK’S TAUNTS. PUERTO RICO IS STILL A DISASTER AREA. DID YOU STOP BULLYING, YET? IT’S ALL ABOUT PRIORITIES, CAPTAIN HURRICANE STILETTOS!”
Ivana is selling a book about raising her and Donald’s awful children, and her marketing ploy of dragging the First Lady worked. Because the First Lady responded. So Ivana went on Wendy Williams to respond to Melania’s response. Continue reading
Donald Trump is the cattiest queen of the Trump family, but it looks like Ivana Trump learned a thing or two from him, because she used one manicured paw to drag Trump wife #2 Marla Maples by the hair and used her other manicured paw to drag current Trump wife Melania Trump by the hair. And yes, Andy Cohen is loving this Real Trumpwives of Shitsville reunion moment.
We’re only four months into America’s highest rated reality TV show, “What The Entire Fuck?!,” where president Donald Trump straps on his finest wig every day to speak fluent gibberish and insult everyone, while his wife Melania desperately tries to find ways to get herself deported so she doesn’t have to be the First Lady anymore. Back in 2005 when the two of them got married, I’m sure she thought to herself, “Yaaaass!! A bitch about to get PAID!!!”
Slow down there melty-face. Because now, twelve years later, you’re in the middle of one of the biggest shit storms of modern history. And we all know you’re not here for any of it.
Last year, The Daily Mail republished a rumor from Slovenian tabloid Suzy that insinuated that Melania Trump may have rented her vagine out to men while trying to make it as a model. The modeling agency that Melania was signed to in the 1990s was allegedly also a leased cooch emporium. Suzy’s article claimed that some of the models also worked as call girls. Well, when they go low, Melania goes to her lawyers and gets money.
Melania’s lawyers originally filed a $150 million lawsuit against The Daily Mail in Maryland, but that lawsuit was thrown out because the judge couldn’t find a connection between the state and The Daily Mail. So Melania’s lawyers refiled the lawsuit in New York a couple of months ago. Melania won’t have to furiously search for the perfect Michelle Obama speech to repeat on the stand while testifying in front of a jury, because the lawsuit was settled. The Daily Mail admitted they were in the wrong and spit up an apology to Melania and that apology didn’t end with: “We’re sorry for calling you a hooker, because everyone knows you’re more of a gold digger!” I thought I knew you, Daily Mail.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about” said every eyebrow game worshipper who read that headline and then immediately fixed their eyeballs on the exquistely-crafted eye valances belonging to the lady on the left.