The Daily Mail is reporting that a Spice Girls reunion world tour was an actual possibility but now all of us 90s gays who never got to see the Spice Girls live will have to just live with it. It seems that after Mel B revealed a secret cooch bumpin’ session with bandmate Geri Horner, shit has hit the fan and our dreams of a world tour are dead and buried along with all of the wind-breaking track pants they forced Mel C to wear all those years.
Just a week ago fan fiction sites lit up with all the new Spice Girl Ginger x Scary love stories being fueled by Mel B. While appearing on Conversation With An Asshole aka Piers Morgan’s Life Stories, Mel let it slip that she had got it on with Geri Horner, when they were in the early days of the Spice Girls. Well Geri has thought a lot about what Mel has said, and while she appreciates Mel saying she has great boobs (I’m assuming) she needs to state for the record that there was no secret lesbian relationship going on.
Look, we all knew Lady Gaga was going to be extra as hell last night. And praise Jeebus, she did not disappoint. From her emotionally overwrought yet ultimately trite acceptance speech for Best Original Song, to her bold choice to bring a Glidden paint swatch in Tangerine Dream to her stylist and say “match this”, Lady Gaga was doing the most, to say the least. So of course, when her BIG MOMENT came, and she and Bradley Cooper took to the stage to perform Shallow, she took the performance to the next level. I should say “they”, but I think we all know who was really “directing”. There were lingering stares, there were orgasmic undulations, and by the end, there was intimate canoodling which some people thought was TOO HOT FOR NETWORK TV AND DISRESPECTFUL TO BRADLEY’S GIRLFRIEND. Well, that’s what Mel B thought at least. Yes, that Mel B.
The world may be a mean, nasty place going to shit (and that’s just Twitter), but the heavens opened a glimmer last night…and it surprisingly had something to do with Simon Cowell. When former Hot Slut of the Week Susan Boyle first appeared on Britain’s Got Talent in 2009, her voice of an angel melted even the most cynical, breathing lumps of coal hearts most of us around here are known to have. Thanks to her genuinely innocent ways to Pebbles the cat, she became a star. Susan has had a tough road to fame with pain-in-the-ass celebrities and singers not necessarily being the nicest about her upstaging them on their own music, but she may not be as delicate a flower as we once thought. She’s returning to compete and was on the stage for America’s Got Talent: The Champions last night.
Does Victoria Beckham have an alibi?? Mel B hasn’t had the easiest few years with her divorce proceedings and the whole back and forth on whether the Spice Girls were going to get back together and make that money. The gals (sans Posh) are reuniting for a tour, but even that isn’t without its hiccups. The same day she was scheduled to fly to California from London, Mel had a scary incident that somehow involved broken ribs, an injured hand, and emergency surgery.
Mel B’s book Brutally Honest is coming out soon, and she and the publishers are selling it like a Mary Kay saleswoman circa 1987 who is just 50 Magic Masques away from getting that pink Cadillac. They’re releasing excerpts from her book that are a mixture of disturbing and ESCANDALOSO like how she snorted six lines of coke a day during The X Factor and was left traumatized after having to watch the dozens of illegal sex tapes her smegma bubble of an ex-husband made without her consent. But the story that made me stop, drop, and roll was the one about how Mel B supposedly met up with two famous dudes after meeting them on a secret hookup website where single famous men allegedly post dick pics.
So Scary Spice is telling me that somewhere on the internet exists a place where there’s picture after picture of a hard dick of a celebrity and the celebrity posts it himself? Does the site’s intro page look like this?