One-time Fox News sweetheart Megyn Kelly made her debut on NBC News a little over a week ago with a Vladimir Putin interview, and it was supposed to be a real fucking get, or something, but it left some people screaming at her to take a long course at Howard Stern’s Night School Of How To Really Interview A Bitch, because she didn’t get anything out of him. Megyn is getting shit again and this time it’s for an interview that hasn’t even aired yet. On Sunday night, NBC will barf up an interview that Megyn did with conspiracy theorist and “performance artist” Alex Jones, who thinks the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre was a staged government hoax involving actors. Because Megyn gave a platform to a tinfoil hat-wearing ass nugget, she’s been dropped as host of a Sandy Hook benefit and her Sunday night show has lost a sponsor.
Actually, that’s not true. Time magazine seems a bit too stuffy and uptight to partner with such a sexy retailer. But that didn’t stop model Ashley Graham from slinking onto the red carpet of the annual Time 100 Gala in New York City last night in a silk nightie and robe combo. Oh, and a corset belt and jeweled choker, because Ashley clearly knows the difference between a proper formal lingerie look and looking like you just woke up from an afternoon catnap in your sugar daddy’s mansion.
Well, at least we’ll always have Tamron Hall’s riveting performance as Vivian Ward in Today’s revival of the “It’s Veeeery Expensive” scene from Pretty Woman.
Tamron Hall no longer has to worry about breathing through her mouth so she doesn’t inhale Matt Lauer’s smug douche fumes while hosting next to him on Today. Because she has decided not to renew her contract with NBC News and MSNBC.
Earlier today, Page Six said that the former sweetheart of Fox News, Megyn Kelly, is crashing into Today, and either the show’s third or fourth hour will be canceled to make room for her. The third hour is hosted by Tamron Hall and Al Roker, and the fourth hour is hosted by America’s morning-drinking aunties Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb. That rumor was just another turd on the pile of shit news that hit me today.
First, I learned that the emporium of stunning teen fashions Wet Seal has been put down and has closed all of its stores. Second, I learned that The CW has ordered a pilot of the shit reboot of Dynasty. And then I learned that my daily dose of vitamin M (for MESS) may be taken away from me. WHYYYYY!!??!
Not long after former Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the now-former Fox News chairman Roger Ailes earlier this month, people started to filter into two groups. There was the group of women who came forward with their own sexual harassment allegations against ol’ raw hamburger crotch. And there was the group that included current Fox News employees – like Greta Van Susteren and Elisabeth Hasselbeck – who were positively shocked that anyone would ever accuse Roger Ailes of doing such grossness.
Around that time, I couldn’t help but wonder what group Fox News’ Megyn Kelly might join. According to New York magazine, Megyn has a side, and it’s not Team Roger. New York says that two sources, who were briefed on 21st Century Fox’s probe of Roger Ailes (“Huh – usually I’m the one doing the probing” thought Roger), claim that Megyn Kelly has recently told investigators about her experience with him. Not shockingly, she accuses him of sexual harassment.
Noted feminist Donald Trump, sure to go down in history as “The Woman’s Candidate,” said some bizarre shit about his new arch-nemesis, Fox News’ Megyn Kelly after the Republican presidential debate. It got him disinvited to speak at a Republican activist conference in Atlanta today.
In an phone interview with noted CNN bimbo Don Lemon, Troll Patrol head Trump answered Lemon’s questions about his troubling interaction with Kelly during the GOP debate with this:
“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her…whatever.”
If, like me, you immediately assumed that Trump was insinuating that Ms. Kelly was menstruating during the debate, you’re not alone.
Trump’s sweet words got him disinvited to speak at the RedState gathering at the College Football Hall of Fame in Atlanta. The host, conservative commentator Erick Erickson, attributed it to Trump insinuating that Ms. Kelly needed a tampon and perhaps a heating pad.
Trump and his wig backpedaled on Twitter, and he claimed he meant her nose.
This is all just incredibly elaborate marketing for when he resurrects Celebrity Apprentice on TLC, right? It has to be. Cuz’ this one is a straight-up freak. If by some horrific parallel universe hell moment he actually became POTUS, every country with nuclear capability would probably immediately fire upon us. And we’d totally deserve it.
Listen to Trump’s honeyed words in the clip below.