Actually, that’s not true. Time magazine seems a bit too stuffy and uptight to partner with such a sexy retailer. But that didn’t stop model Ashley Graham from slinking onto the red carpet of the annual Time 100 Gala in New York City last night in a silk nightie and robe combo. Oh, and a corset belt and jeweled choker, because Ashley clearly knows the difference between a proper formal lingerie look and looking like you just woke up from an afternoon catnap in your sugar daddy’s mansion.
Well, at least we’ll always have Tamron Hall’s riveting performance as Vivian Ward in Today’s revival of the “It’s Veeeery Expensive” scene from Pretty Woman.
Tamron Hall no longer has to worry about breathing through her mouth so she doesn’t inhale Matt Lauer’s smug douche fumes while hosting next to him on Today. Because she has decided not to renew her contract with NBC News and MSNBC.
Earlier today, Page Six said that the former sweetheart of Fox News, Megyn Kelly, is crashing into Today, and either the show’s third or fourth hour will be canceled to make room for her. The third hour is hosted by Tamron Hall and Al Roker, and the fourth hour is hosted by America’s morning-drinking aunties Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb. That rumor was just another turd on the pile of shit news that hit me today.
First, I learned that the emporium of stunning teen fashions Wet Seal has been put down and has closed all of its stores. Second, I learned that The CW has ordered a pilot of the shit reboot of Dynasty. And then I learned that my daily dose of vitamin M (for MESS) may be taken away from me. WHYYYYY!!??!
Not long after former Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the now-former Fox News chairman Roger Ailes earlier this month, people started to filter into two groups. There was the group of women who came forward with their own sexual harassment allegations against ol’ raw hamburger crotch. And there was the group that included current Fox News employees – like Greta Van Susteren and Elisabeth Hasselbeck – who were positively shocked that anyone would ever accuse Roger Ailes of doing such grossness.
Around that time, I couldn’t help but wonder what group Fox News’ Megyn Kelly might join. According to New York magazine, Megyn has a side, and it’s not Team Roger. New York says that two sources, who were briefed on 21st Century Fox’s probe of Roger Ailes (“Huh – usually I’m the one doing the probing” thought Roger), claim that Megyn Kelly has recently told investigators about her experience with him. Not shockingly, she accuses him of sexual harassment.
Noted feminist Donald Trump, sure to go down in history as “The Woman’s Candidate,” said some bizarre shit about his new arch-nemesis, Fox News’ Megyn Kelly after the Republican presidential debate. It got him disinvited to speak at a Republican activist conference in Atlanta today.
In an phone interview with noted CNN bimbo Don Lemon, Troll Patrol head Trump answered Lemon’s questions about his troubling interaction with Kelly during the GOP debate with this:
“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her…whatever.”
If, like me, you immediately assumed that Trump was insinuating that Ms. Kelly was menstruating during the debate, you’re not alone.
Trump’s sweet words got him disinvited to speak at the RedState gathering at the College Football Hall of Fame in Atlanta. The host, conservative commentator Erick Erickson, attributed it to Trump insinuating that Ms. Kelly needed a tampon and perhaps a heating pad.
Trump and his wig backpedaled on Twitter, and he claimed he meant her nose.
This is all just incredibly elaborate marketing for when he resurrects Celebrity Apprentice on TLC, right? It has to be. Cuz’ this one is a straight-up freak. If by some horrific parallel universe hell moment he actually became POTUS, every country with nuclear capability would probably immediately fire upon us. And we’d totally deserve it.
Listen to Trump’s honeyed words in the clip below.
If you pulled your hungover self out of a puddle of booze-infused slobber and tears this morning, then your name is probably Dina Lohan and it’s just another weekday. Or you watched the entertaining circus of beautiful fuckery that was the Republican Presidential Debate last night. It was the weirdest and most confusing circle jerk I’ve ever seen.
The night started off with a bang when ranting merkin Donald Trump declared that he maaaay run independent, and then he blew another wet, slobbery air kiss at his longtime soulmate Rosie O’Donnell. One of the debate’s moderators, Megyn Kelly, brought up Jabba the Trump’s history of calling women he hates “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs,” and “disgusting animals,” and he stopped her by saying, “Only Rosie O’Donnell.” And just like that, open mic night had officially started!
As the crowd ate that shit up, the corroded veins of my dead heart warmed, because it’s nice seeing that the love between Trump and Rosie O’Donnell is still alive after all these years.
But of course, Trump wouldn’t be Trump if he stopped there. The rejected Dick Tracy villain let Megyn Kelly know that he doesn’t like how she’s treated him before and he could open the library on her ass and read her from cover to cover, but he’s not going to do that. I expected him to look Megyn up and down and say, “Check your weave before you come and talk to me, bitch!”
The Juliet to Donald’s Romeo, Rosie O’Donnell, responded to what Trump said by tweeting: “try explaining that 2 ur kids.” I don’t know if she was talking about the shit Trump said about her or the shit on his head.
Trump continued to finger bang his own b-hole this morning by saying that his Rosie line won the night and he won the whole debate. Trump has left Rosie alone FOR NOW, but he continued to talk shit about Megyn Kelly on Twitter:
Wow, @megynkelly really bombed tonight. People are going wild on twitter! Funny to watch.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2015
And by “people,” I think he means the people he paid to talk shit about Megyn Kelly on Twitter.
But enough about Trump, here’s the First Lady of Gold Digging Trophy Wives, Melania Trump, giving you Peaches and Cream business woman glamour while arriving in Cleveland for the debate.
Pics: Getty, Splash