If you can believe a string of reports, it’s been all laughs and giggles at Buckingham Palace ever since Duchess Meghan arrived. She, Queen Elizabeth, and the corgis all wear matching “Pink Ladies” jackets and terrorize the outsiders of their clique by doing shit like putting Whoopee Cushions under Duchess Kate’s chair cushion at dinner. The Queen may have banned Meghan from eating her favorite food, but she has taken to her in other ways and feels bad for her opportunistic family blabbing to the British tabloids. While shit like that used to get your ass sent to the Tower of London, these days it just causes The Queen to hold Meghan close to her bosom and whisper sweet nothings of support.
“The hell?!?,” Meghan’s former dog Bogart barked angrily after hearing this news.
People reports that the pants-wearing attempted British Monarchy destroyer Duchess Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have adopted a dog. The pooch (whose name isn’t known yet – Prince Woofington?) is believed to be a Labrador, and they took him from a rescue shelter to riches earlier this summer.
Duchess Meghan’s family is continuing their trend of being the absolute grossest by keeping their names in the tabloids for literally no reason other than making a dollar. Sorry, a pound: this is England, so that’s like $1.27, which is better… I guess. While the Meghan’s mom may be moving to England to be closer to her, Meghan is trying to get her father to catch a plane to Mars because he just will not STFU. Continue reading
The nerve of that old drama queen! So many people have been waiting for a call from Prince Harry for decades now (step-mom Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall, his real dad James Hewitt, Michael K) and this bitch actually received that call and HUNG UP? (Can you guess which one of those aforementioned people sent Harry full-body boudoir shots of themselves with their phone number drunkenly scrawled across the ass?) Duchess Meghan Markle’s difficult dad Thomas Markle told The Daily Mail that he once hung up on Prince Harry during a phone call about his bullshit staged photo shoot prior to the royal wedding.
Duchess Meghan’s family is really trying their hardest to be the messiest members of the extended Royal Family, and they are succeeding. Next in the Neverending Journey of Embarrassing the Royals, we have Samantha Markle, Meghan’s half-sister, coming for Chrissy Teigen because sure, why not.
Drama Queen Thomas Markle has finally been Heismaned out of his daughter Duchess Meghan‘s life. No, Meghan hasn’t had the peasants of her newly adopted country install a deep moat of fire water and hungry crocodiles with 10 foot poisoned tip spikes embedded on their backs around the Palace, but her dad says that she and the Royal Family have completely ex-communicated him and there’s no way for him to get in touch with her.