Over the weekend, Meek Mill decided to treat his Twitter followers to a Q&A using the hashtag #AskMeek, where he discussed a multitude of topics. One such topic that fans wanted the answer to was how he felt about his ex Nicki Minaj‘s new boyfriend Kenneth Petty and Meek was very open. Honestly, at some points during the conversation, Meek was a little too open. Like mouth-on-the-booty open.
Who would have thought any of us would have something in common with Nicki Minaj besides a big butt and general disdain for Mariah Carey (guilty)? Nicki is easily annoyed by her fellow humans. Just like us! She’s especially annoyed by some of her male peers in the rap game. On Barbie Dreams, a track off her new album Queen, she pisses on Drake. And DJ Khaled. And her ex Meek Mill. And Young Thug (hopefully for that name). Some of it makes sense. DJ Khaled thinks it’s unmanly to go down on a lady so he’s a tool. And we’re all sick of the “In My Feelings” dance and it’s all Drake’s fault. Hate away, Nicki! Nicki spoke to Apple Beats 1 (via Variety) an hour before her new album dropped and revealed why she packed so much shade into one song.
Sometimes I think these rappers and celebrities truly believe they’re living in some kind of world where ratchet behavior is acceptable. Because yesterday, a video surfaced of Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood cast member Safaree Samuels (aka Nicki Minaj’s ex and alleged ghost writer) apparently getting his ass kicked by a group of people who may or may not know Nicki’s other ex, rapper Meek Mill.
Two weeks ago we found out that Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill’s relationship of two years was pretty much done. Meek Mill had allegedly started seeing a boutique owner in Philadelphia, and Nicki was Instagramming vague shit about deserving better and dodging bullets. Neither said whether they were actually split up, but why would they? You don’t get as much attention that way, and those two love getting attention. Two weeks later, and Nicki Minaj is finally ready to confirm what we already sort of knew had happened.
To confirm, yes I am single. Focusing on my work & looking forward to sharing it with you guys really soon. Have a blessed New Year. Love u?
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) January 5, 2017
Meek Mill hasn’t said anything in response to Nicki’s tweet, but that could be because he’s too busy packing up a U-Haul while Nicki’s assistants make sure his movers don’t track dirt on the carpet of their rental. That, or he’s on a social media hiatus while he pledges The Society of Nicki’s Bitter Exes.
But the real question here is…who got custody of the gaudy jewelry?!? Meek Mill has given Nicki at least two giant diamond engagement-style rings. I think the social custom is that Nicki gets to keep them, but it might be nice if she gave them back to Meek Mill. He might need something to sell for quick cash in the event people were right and he really was only successful because he was doing Nicki Minaj. I could totally see his mortal enemy Drake pulling a shady move by offering to buy one of them. After all, it’s only a matter of time before Drake’s publicist gives him the go-ahead to start working the pretend engagement ring angle.
Nicki Minaj might be officially done with Meek Mill. According to Bossip, Meek might have been cheating on her with a boutique owner from Philadelphia for about a year. Nicki probably discovered what was up one day when Meek Mill came back from a trip smelling of cheese steaks and cooch.
Neither Nicki nor Meek has said that they’re over. But their Instagram activity could be a clue. For example, Meek has been posting pictures of asses that don’t belong to Nicki. Meek Mill recently posted (then later deleted) a picture of his alleged lady’s body stocking-wrapped butt on Instagram. Nicki, meanwhile, has been posting motivational shit about people taking you for granted, and cryptic descriptions of shower shoes that probably aren’t actually about the shoes.
If that shady shoe message really was meant for Meek, then I can’t wait to see what kind of visial puns she pulls out to slap back at Azealia Banks. I bet she’s picking out the perfect half-dead azalea plant at Home Depot as we speak.
Bossip claims that Meek Mill didn’t only slip cheater dick into his Philly side piece. He also allegedly gave her money for her boutique. Uh oh. You should never get money involved. I watch daytime TV, I know how this ends. It ends with Meek Mill and Philly boutique lady arguing over whether the money was a gift or a loan while Judge Judy rolls her eyes to Byrd.
Because Nicki Minaj wanted to switch the focus from her coattail rider Meek Mill getting ran over several times by Wheelchair Jimmy in a stupid diss track battle, she called him her “baby father” during a show in Pittsburgh on Saturday night. Some thought that meant that there’s a rhinestone-encrusted fetus growing in between her exercise balls titties and her exercise balls ass. But in a shocking PLOT TWIST, it turns out that Nicki doesn’t have a CASE OF THE BABIES. She’s just parched for some quick attention and also calls her closest hos her “baby father.”
Nicki responded to the rumor that she’s knocked up on Twitter by tweeting 8 crying emojis. Too bad she can’t lick up the tears on those crying emojis since she’s obviously thirsty. TMZ says that Nicki has called Meek her “baby father” before and it’s just a term of endearment she uses with tricks she likes. Nicki is not pregnant and I believe it. If she really was, Meek wouldn’t be performing in her show. He’d be too busy turning himself into an actual windmill by doing a hundred cartwheels down the street to celebrate the blank check brewing in Nicki’s womb.
TMZ’s source says that Nicki even calls Lil Wayne her “baby father.” It doesn’t mean anything. Okay, but Nicki shouldn’t joke like that. Unlike Meek, I bet Lil Wayne really is her baby father. When most people hug Lil Wayne, they suddenly feel a rumbling down below and they think the Chipolte they had for dinner is about to reappear in a big way out of their asshole. But after they sit on the toilet and push, they give birth to a baby that was conceived when they hugged Lil Wayne. Dude is THAT fertile and he’s probably everybody’s baby father.