Hollywood is going through a nasty crisis at the moment due to the ongoing ick fest that is Harvey Weinstein. So it’s great timing that the Hollywood Reporter got Martin Scorsese to use his leading voice as a prominent male director to pen a column about…Rotten Tomatoes and mother!?
In honor of the Grammy awards on Sunday night, Jimmy Kimmel Live! had their second all-musician edition of celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves. Included in this round was Iggy Azalea (who got read by some random trick for having a mole-covered face, which is probably one of the nicer things people have tweeted about Igloo Australia), Sweet Dee’s dream boyfriend Josh Groban, and come-to-life $9.99 Valentine’s Day talking teddy bear, Drake, who was dragged by someone named @MmmKandiYamz for looking like Voldemort with hair. Poor Wheelchair Jimmy; to quote Bart Simpson, you can actually pinpoint the second when his hear rips in half.
In case you’ve forgotten, Voldemort is the evil dude from Harry Potter who looks like an albino turtle sperm. I see it. But is that really mean? Voldemort with hair is pretty much just Ralph Fiennes, and Ralph Fiennes is a fox, so Wheelchair Jimmy should take that as a compliment. Besides, you can’t trust the judgement of someone who chose to name their Twitter after the grossest Thanksgiving side dish (I don’t care how many marshmallows you put on it, candied yams are disgusting).
But the best might be Ariana Grande Latte, who read the words “I’d rather listen to an auto-tuned queef played on a continuous loop than listen to Ariana Grande’s new album.” Um, wouldn’t we all? That sounds like a great song.
Even though Julia Roberts is a stone-cold bitch of the highest order who could shut a trick down just by squinting in their general direction, she confessed to Matt Lauer (serving up some “sleazy dad who hits on the babysitter when he drives them home” realness, as usual) this morning on the Today show (via Radar) that she’s glad she never had to deal with the biggest bitch of all – social media. Julia says she probably would have called up her agent and yelled “I QUIT” if she had to read the mean shit people said about her on Twitter or see grainy pictures of her looking like a drunk mess at the club with Kiefer Sutherland on Instagram:
“I don’t think I’d survive. It’s just too nasty…it’s the sport of ugliness. I’d pull out of it. I wouldn’t have the stomach for it. I’m so happy that, for me, the timing of when I started off in the business and how it all worked out for me.”
I totally agree with her; social media would not have been kind to Pretty Woman-era Julia Roberts. It would totally suck. If all the social media that existed now existed in the early 90s, someone asshole would have created a Tumblr called Julia Roberts is a Basic Bitch or Julia Roberts’s giant mouth. She’d Instagram a selfie on the set of The Pelican Brief and all the comments would be like “YR HAIR IS SO FUG AND YOU R BORING”. And imagine what Twitter would have looked like when the cast of Hook was announced? There would be a million angry people tweeting shit like “@StevenSpielberg: Are you serious? Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell???? #dumb #childhoodruined #somanytears”.
And if you want to see what Julia’s “I quit this bitch” face looks like in slow-mo, here’s Julia on The Tonight Show last night playing a game called Face Balls with Jimmy Fallon. Even Jimmy Fallon’s face is like “Really? We’re throwing inflatable balls at each other’s faces now? Could we not throw together a Brian Williams rap instead?”
Jennifer Lawrence has always struck me as a real DILLIGAF type (which, obviously, nothing makes my heart sing more than a human eye-roll) but apparently girls saying mean things about other girls is making J-Law want to throw out all our Burn Books and talk out our feelings in the school gymnasium.
J-Law appeared on Good Morning America this morning to promote The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (is “catching fire” a euphemism for getting an STI? Because it should be, am I right people?) where she was asked by Robin Roberts what she thinks of Hollywood’s favourite sport, making fun of people:
“It’s just become funny to kind of make fun of each other, and I also don’t like the women slaughtering women, and just all of us are being so mean. We’re so responsible for this younger generation, this media and it’s like what children, what kids are watching, teaching people how to talk to each other and how to relate to each other, I just don’t like it. Why can’t we just be nice? It’s like we grow up and then we get right back into high school.”
Dear J-Law: I get it. Catty bitches are the worst. But you need to understand that high school doesn’t end in high school, hunny; have you ever worked a 9-5 office job? Exactly. And honestly, I don’t necessarily want to make fun of you and your clothes; but you need to understand that you make it really hard for me not to when you leave the house in a bedazzled tablecloth.
And please, let’s not call making fun of Hollywood-types a ‘sport’. You’d never see Bob Costas giving a play-by-play of me burping out all my dumb thoughts at my computer, as judges deduct points for every time I refill my coffee mug with Baileys. Just typing that idea made me drowsy, but it still sounded more exciting than watching professional golf on TV (sorry Dad).
Here’s more of Jennifer Lawrence at Good Morning America wearing a nice coat (see, I’m not awful all the time).
(Pics via Splash)