McDonald’s has been supplying the masses with their non-biodegradable food for at least one thousand years now, and although many would claim that their biggest contributions to society are obesity and the bubblegutsm, they also introduced a creamy frozen delight called a McFlurry. If you’ve never had one then you don’t know what you’re missing. Actually, yes you do because there really isn’t anything special about it. However, some people absolutely LOVE them, and since McDonald’s has always been masters of marketing they’ve decided that they will help one lucky person begin their journey to starring on My 600 Pound Life. McDonald’s is giving away (as in for free) a couch that comes fully equipped with a built in chiller to keep your McFlurry’s super cold.
McDonald’s touts how billions and billions are served, so it shouldn’t come as a shock when anyone says it is their favorite restaurant. Kanye West did just that on social media the other day, and you’d think the other members of the fast food world would be letting out a collective sigh of relief knowing he isn’t going to show up to their establishments anytime soon. Burger King, however, isn’t taking it easy and decided to weigh in with some sass and a side of fries.
The legion of die-hard McRib lovers should prepare their hearts. No really, you better warn your heart that it’s about to feel like it’s in a really tight choke-hold with a bicep made entirely of sodium and BBQ sauce. But that’s just a minor inconvenience, and I’m sure your heart (and butt) will gladly take one for the team.
USA Today reports the second best news that could come from McDonald’s (the first being that they’re doing God’s work by bringing back McPizza). Just like it has been for decades, the McRib is coming back for a limited time. McDonald’s announced yesterday that the McRib will make its return to more than 9,000 US restaurants, starting immediately.
The last time the McRib saw the light of day was November 2017. So if you haven’t caught on yet, the McRib is clearly an autumnal delight.
In case you’ve never bit into a McRib, it’s a sandwich that was introduced back in 1981. It’s made of a bun, pickles, onions, BBQ sauce, and a pork patty so questionable in shape and texture you’ll be convinced it’s Grimace meat. I’ve only ever had one, because Canada doesn’t really do the McRib. But it’s a great time to bring it back in the US. The midterm elections are less than two weeks away, and what better way to eat your stress than through two to three McRibs on voting day? At the very least, it will reassure and calm you to know that nobody is making a worse decision than you already are.
What’s your McDonald’s McNuggets dipping sauce of choice? Mine’s Hot Mustard. I know, it’s pretty much the Tiffany Trump of McNugget condiments. But the delicious combination of processed foodstuffs and the piquant charge of the spicy mustard in the little plastic cup is like a hug from my mom. (“Your abusive, neglectful mom?,” you ask.) We ask this because you would need about a jillion of those dipping sauce cups to handle the proposed 48 piece McNugget BUCKET that was supposedly being introduced by the famed fast food chain. Unfortunately, your weekend might be a little less bright now that Delish is reporting that the 48 piece bucket initiative is NOT happening. So cruel. How else are we supposed to induce a cardiac event in our bodies at lightspeed?
Mark it down in your calendars. Today is the single moment in history when it’s more likely that you’ll die eating a salad from McDonald’s than anything else. Take THAT vegans!
GrubStreet is reporting that Ronald McDonald done farmed the wrong lettuce. After a huge romaine lettuce E. coli outbreak finally was given the all clear back in May, the FDA has more bad news for lettuce-lovers. They released some statements saying they were investigating an outbreak of cyclosporiasis, which is an illness caused by an intestinal parasite. The FDA says the outbreak was “likely linked” to McDonald’s salads. In response, McDonald’s said on Friday that it was voluntarily removing all salads from the menu of 3,000 locations across 14 states. A spokesperson said: “Out of an abundance of caution, we decided to voluntarily stop selling salads at impacted restaurants until we can switch to another lettuce blend supplier.” “Abundance of caution” could also be worded to: “Avoid getting sued.”
What you are looking may appear to be a picture of some goofy-looking cartoons next to four crappy chicken strips, but it’s much more than that. It’s a symbol of WAR. A war between the bratty fans of the Adult Swim cartoon Rick and Morty and McDonald’s. A war that almost ended in bloodshed until McDonald’s waved a white flag covered in tangy Szechuan sauce.