Well, are you happy now!? You’ve ruined the fun for everybody. You complained about Megyn Kelly being a rancid troll when she defended blackface and followed it up with a sea of crocodile tears and a Dollar Store apology, and now, according to multiple sources, she’s in contract negotiations to secure her bag before her “imminent” departure from NBC. Now we’re not going to get a chance to see whatever she had planned for her Today Halloween costume! Why do you think she said blackface is A-OK in the first place!? She was preparing us. She was probably planning on coming out, live on TV, dressed up as Kanye West and now we’ll never know!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the What Allegations? 2018 Redemption Tour! Upcoming dates TBA, but we do know that the tour has begun and more performers have been added to the lineup. Louis C.K. kicked things off on Sunday night with a surprise visit to the Comedy Cellar in NYC, where he received a standing ovation. Rumored to be next up are Matt Lauer and Aziz Ansari.
Poor Matt Lauer has had a rough few months. First he got fired from Today in November for being an alleged sexual harassing creep, and then he had to deal with his wife Annette Roque filing for divorce since you can’t flash your co-workers and gift them butt plugs without your wife getting a lil’ angry. The divorce got heated fast since everybody loves a payout, except for the one doing the paying. But according to Page Six, it looks like the fight is nearly over and Annette is packing a bag and taking it to the bank.
One of 2017’s most inevitable divorces is finally drawing to a close, and Annette Roque will no longer be the long-suffering Mrs. Matt Lauer. You would think this is great news for Matt himself, since it means he can finally drunkenly hit on women without the pesky task of struggling to twist off his wedding band first. But according UsWeekly’s source, it sounds like he would take more joy in a fake a hug with Ann Curry than give settlement money at Annette.
After Matt Lauer was revealed to be an alleged secret-button-under-the-desk-level of creep, his wife Annette Roque ended their marriage and kicked him out of their home in the Hamptons. Annette attempted to file for divorce once before, back in 2006, but Matt worked his sleazy charm and reportedly gave her $5 million to stick around. UsWeekly says that Annette and Matt are currently in divorce negotiations, and she’s trying to get another lump some to be done with him for good.
It was reported last month that Annette and Matt were preparing to divorce. According to UsWeekly, those preparations are well underway. A source says that Annette wants to leave their marriage with two of the family homes, a 40-acre farm in Water Mill, NY, and their house in the Hamptons. Annette and Matt own a ranch in New Zealand which they reportedly plan on selling and splitting the profits.
Annette also wants financial support for herself. But she doesn’t want monthly spousal support. Annette reportedly wants a one-time payout of $20 million. UsWeekly’s source says that if Matt gives her the $20 million, she won’t ask for child support for their three kids, 16-year-old Jack, 14-year-old Romy, and 11-year-old Thijs.
The $20 million payout doesn’t mean Matt won’t have to pay for his kids. The source says that Matt will still be responsible for education and health costs until each kid is 21. Or any other “major” expenses. I’ve never been a rich teen. But I assume the rich teen equivalent to new soccer shoes and braces is bi-monthly Yeezy Boosts and hiring Rihanna to come sing for your after-school study group. Better get saving, Matt.
After five short months in hiding, Matt Lauer is back to talk about allegations of sexual harassment that got him canned from the Today. His first comments didn’t come via a tone-deaf interview with Charlie Rose, but in a piece by The Washington Post. Lest you think it’s a puff piece to fluff up Matt Lauer’s already-too-bloated ego, there are some comments by several anonymous sources and Ann Curry that imply things were rotten at NBC for a while.