George and Amal Clooney are still LARPing as our generation’s JFK and Jackie. And that means the clock has started on the non-stop baby news. As we know, Amal is pregnant with twins (which is SO in right now). George’s friend Matt Damon is starting to do press for The Great Wall just as the news of the Clooney twins broke. Matt told Entertainment Tonight Canada that he knew about the twins waaaaay before everyone else did, and he almost cried. Probably because he knew the end of the world is upon us now we’ve seen the final sign of the apocalypse (aka the news that George Clooney is going be a father).
And it’s not because Sylvester Stallone was seated across from him and had to look at his janky beard and matching stringy hair situation all night. It’s actually the opposite of that. Sylvester Stallone wanted to sit at same table as Casey Affleck at the Golden Globe awards. In fact, he and his wife Jennifer Flavin were supposed to be seated at a table that included Casey and Matt Damon. But People says that when they went to sit down during the opening number, they noticed there was only one open chair and the story took a dramatic turn.
No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.
Tales Of Celebrity Sadness: Matt Damon’s Kids Were Denied Admission To A Fancy Private School In Brooklyn
Based on my very limited knowledge of dealing with famous people, I have always thought that the first rule of dealing with a famous person was that you never say no. Never! You just don’t do it. If a famous person asks “Can I have a water?“, you give them one. If they ask “Can I have a kidney?“, you give them one. But Matt Damon recently proved that there are some things that even Matt Damon can’t get just because he’s Matt “Oscar-Winner” Damon.
Last week while encouraging the Oberlin college students to fight the good fight for authentic dining hall sushi, Lena Dunham reposted (then later deleted) an Instagram post by Girls producer Tami Sagher encouraging New Yorkers to peel away the guns from the Jason Bourne subway posters. Maria Menounos recently asked Jason Bourne himself what he thought about Lena Dunham calling on subway passengers to remove the gun from his cold, two-dimensional hands.
If there’s one thing we all learned from Showgirls, it’s that there’s always someone younger, hungrier and meaner right behind you. Granted, that’s really the whole point of the story, but we learned so many things. Most importantly, that nipples can be orange sometimes. Why? Because. That lesson isn’t lost on even the youngest and newest Hollywood stars. The younger, hungrier thing – not the orange nipples. Like thespian du jour, Alicia Vikander.
Alicia is on the cover of this month’s Vogue UK and inside she takes a minute to talk about what drives her. Even though she’s fresh off of winning an Oscar, she knows she’s still got to hustle and bust a move if she wants to stay on top. When asked what keeps her going, she said:
“You have the fear. Maybe that’s why I keep on working. Because it will stop one day.”
Alicia is 27, so she’s right to be afraid. Pretty soon she’ll be reaching Maggie Gyllenhaal territory. She’s fine for the moment though because she’ll hopefully have someone franchise money coming in with that Lara Croft reboot. Alicia also spoke about the advice her Jason Bourne co-star, Matt Damon, gave her about winning an Oscar. She says it was the best advice she got in regards to the possible win.
“He told me what a rush it was. I think his was the best advice. He said, ‘Enjoy it.'”
I like how that also subtly says, “I knew I’d win, so I was looking for advice on life after.” Confidence is key in a town like Hollywood. Just look at Sally Kirkland. She’s still top of the tops! Not one to let us forget that she’s boning Michael Fassbender, Alicia snuck in a reminder. The two are hella private with their love, but she wanted her man by her side when she did win that Oscar.
“That wasn’t even a question. It felt like the right thing. We wanted to sit next to each other, simple as that. We wouldn’t have gone there and not sat together.”
Young, successful, Oscar winner, dating one of the top dudes in the biz. We get it Alicia, your life is a damn dream. Just please, no more dresses from the Disney World costume shack.
Here’s Alicia and Matt Damon promoting that Jason Bourne movie in Australia earlier today.
Pics: Vogue, Splash