The Batman is dead. Long live The Batman. Ben Affleck can stop patching up his batsuit with Fix a Flat and exhale, because he won’t be returning as The Batman in the upcoming Matt Reeves helmed standalone movie of the same name. This should surprise nobody since Ben’s sloppy brother Casey Affleck already kinda-sorta spilled the beans all down the front of his lumberjack flannel. Also, we could all tell that Ben’s heart wasn’t in it anymore. We’ll never forget when Ben tried to snag an Oscar for his stirring portrayal of STAINS The Dog (Dlisted’s Hot Slut of The Year, 2009) during that press conference with Superman. If Ben still loved The Batman, he would have gotten the Bat Signal tattooed on his back instead of a fire turkey.
Batman used to be the coolest bitch on the block, with the cape and the batarangs and only the most interesting psychotics with the most eclectic dress sense trying to kill him. That was then. This is now. He’s allegedly down to only 40 followers on Instagram (most of which are instaspam), Commissioner James Gordon is totally screening his calls, and NO ONE wants to direct his next movie.
Now Dawn of the Planet of the Apes director Matt Reeves has also decided to pull out of directing The Batman movie, faster than the Batman pulls out of Catwoman.
Our long national nightmare has come to an end. No, our president and his administration haven’t been replaced with a roomful of howler monkeys who would probably be considered less insane and slightly more trustworthy. Instead, the darkness has receded because they found a director for The Batman! It’s truly morning in America!
Variety reports that Cloverfield and Rise of the Planet of the Apes director Matt Reeves will almost definitely helm the 3,576th movie made about DC Comics’ brooding vigilante.