We are one step closer to seeing Scarlett Johansson kicking ass in a movie while giving me the bare minimum of emotional output and dressed in a black leather bodysuit. But don’t worry, she won’t be playing an Asian person. Not this time, anyway.
Jared Leto has filmed one DC superhero universe movie (Suicide Squad) and has a stand-alone Joker film for DC on the way. But it would appear Jared’s loyalty is to his checking account, because he’s getting in bed with Marvel. The Hollywood Reporter reports that Jared has been cast in Morbius. I wish I could say it’s about Moby’s superhero alter-ego who fights crime with techno music, but far from it.
Morbius the Living Vampire made his first appearance in Marvel comics’ The Amazing Spider-Man in 1971. Jared will play Dr. Michael Morbius/Morbius the Living Vampire, which is entirely appropriate considering Jared Leto was born in 1971 and doesn’t appear to have aged much since. And much like the lore of a vampire, Jared has also been rumored to creep on young women in the dark.
Morbius will be directed by Daniel Espinosa. THR doesn’t have any more information on Morbius, but considering the character exists in Spider-Man’s universe, there’s a chance Spider-Man could be involved. Also, Morbius has an ongoing feud with vampire hunter Blade. So who knows? Maybe Wesley Snipes will get the call of a lifetime and finally be able to pay back some of the millions in taxes he owes.
The difference between DC and Marvel to me has always been that DC is dark, brooding, and mysterious, whereas Marvel is more colorful, jokey, and fun. But I have a feeling Jared will tailor his on-set method thespian antics accordingly. Instead of visiting with psychopaths and sending live rats to his co-stars, he’ll rent the Twilight series and giggle while saying he farted on a plate of craft service Twinkies.
Disney owns Marvel. Marvel = money. So it must have come as a bitter disappointment to them this weekend when the latest film in their OTHER franchise universe (Solo: A Star Wars Story) performed below expectations at the box office. The Hollywood Reporter says that Solo was predicted to take in between $130 and $150 million at the domestic box office this holiday weekend. So far, it’s only earned around $83.3 million for the three-day weekend (and $101 million for the four-day weekend) Blame the film’s pinch hitter director Ron Howard. He hasn’t made a good flick since Splash.
Last year, Ryan Reynolds tried his level best to get himself nominated for an Oscar for Deadpool. I don’t know how much pull Ryan has over at the Deadpool offices (a lot I’m guessing), but it was enough to get them to hire Oscar-Maker-In-Chief Céline Dion to do a song and video for Deadpool 2. And to great comic effect, they totally played it straight (for the most part). Throughout the entire song I was waiting for Céline to pull off her rubber mask (that cannot be her actual face) and reveal that she was Deadpool all along. But no! Deadpool is in it too. And he’s a maniac on the floor.
Here’s the video for Ashes!
It’s actually a great Céline jam! The goobers at my karaoke spot will be singing this song by weeks’ end. We don’t deserve Celine. She’s a treasure and the world will forever be in Canada’s debt for sharing her. She’s worth suffering a thousand Biebers. Ok, one additional Bieber and three Drakes. But we expect greatness from Celine. There is nothing she can’t sing while glowing incandescently. But if Ryan really wants that Oscar, I’m going to need to know that he was actually doing his own dancing in this video. I want to believe that it was, but know deep down that it wasn’t. And if that’s the case, if anybody’s getting an Oscar out of this stunt, if will be Céline and Céline alone.
As our weekend readers probably know by now, your Saturday/Sunday blogger is a big ole’ comic book nerd. This means that Avengers: Infinity War is the culmination of all my comic book nerd wet dreams. It has THIRTY PLUS Marvel superheroes battling evil death god Thanos. And without spoiling it, it’s completely devastating! I needed a moment afterward! The majority of you are probably giving me the “really, grown-ass man?” look right now. It’s understandable. And yes – REALLY. Anyway, it’s made a fuck ton of money since it opened late Thursday night and it’s set to make waaayyy more. Possibly all of it! So, if you can’t get a mortgage or student loans in the near future, blame Marvel.
Disclosure: Tom Hardy can do you wrong in my book so if this post seems biased, it is.
The full trailer for Marvel’s Venom is out and it stars Tom Hardy who is perfect. Tom is so lovely that one might not even question the fact that he’s making some real interesting “choices” in his characterization of Venom. One choice is to have Venom, who I admittedly know nothing about, have some sort of “regional” “accent”. I clearly saw the Golden Gate Bridge so we know he’s supposed to be in San Francisco, but then why does he talk like he’s got mobster marbles in his mouth? It’s as if it was Marlon Brando’s dying wish to play a Marvel superhero and Tom’s magnanimously making that happen for him posthumously. And why does he run into Jenny Slate in what looks like a bodega? There are no bodegas in San Francisco. We have organic corner markets where you have to bring your own jars if you want nut butters or kombucha.
Phony San Francisco aside, the best moment of this trailer comes at 1:35 and honestly, Tom’s choice to go full Three Stooges here is a stroke of pure genius. I’d like to see Daniel Day-Lewis go from slapstick to badass to deranged homeless man in the span of 5 seconds.
I feel like I have actually seen Venom downtown on Market Street before so I take back what I said about San Francisco looking phony. Tom’s selling it and I’m buying.
Here’s the trailer for Venom!
That tongue, tho…
Tom Hardy is the greatest actor of this or any generation (don’t @ me)!