Normally when Martha Stewart bolts from an event, I imagine it is because the walls of the venue are an unacceptable shade of gray, someone is trying to serve her a frozen pizza, or because someone in the audience smells of something that most certainly would NOT end up in the pages of Martha Stewart Living. Martha is on a book tour, and an anti-fur protestor interrupted a stop in New York City to protest Martha Stewart, who wasn’t wearing fur at the time, and Canada Goose, which had nothing to do with the event. Normal!
Martha Stewart’s manufactured friendship with Snoop Dogg has really been paying dividends. We already know this jailbird isn’t afraid to act on a hot tip from a friend if it’ll cover her cashmere budget for the year. So it should come as no surprise that Martha’s about to fuck with the Canadian cannabis company that distributes Snoop’s “Leafs by Snoop” line of weed for her own brand of CBD products.
You know, despite their low-simmering rivalry, Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow really aren’t all that different. They both sport WASPy flaxen locks, know the proper way to care for cashmere, and they both sleep like babies at night knowing that there is one correct way to do things, and that’s their way. And they both also have a thing for steam. While Gwyneth thinks you should steam your eggs (if you have them) indirectly through your vagina and up your fallopian tubes, Martha’s method gets right to the point. Martha recommends steaming your eggs using a cappuccino machine.
We all know that Martha Stewart has exceedingly high standards. This past weekend those standards were put to the test when she decided to try Uber for the first time. While some of us are terrified of getting a chatty and/or rapey driver, Martha is in the unenviable position of having standards of cleanliness and efficiency that need to be met. Unfortunately, even though she ordered “the most expensive version,” Martha’s Uber experience was not up to snuff and poor Martha was positively scandalized. And so close to the holidays!
Open Post: Hosted By Martha Stewart Not Letting Someone Chastise Her For Being Too Old To Ride A Bike
Martha Stewart may be a hardened felon, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still enjoy the simple things in life, like baking weed cookies with Snoop Dogg or noodling around The Cape on her e-bike. She’s posted evidence of both on her personal Instagram page, yet because not even Martha Stewart herself can have nice things, some hater had to let her know she’s too damn old to be riding a bike.
Donald Trump is on a pardoning spree! Sure, he’s not pardoning the people that we thought might get a pardon. His list is more like who he’d like to invite to a Friday night slumber party.
In late April he pardoned former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio. Last week he pardoned boxing champion Jack Johnson. Yesterday he issued a full pardon to Dinesh D’Souza, who pled guilty to the felony crime of illegal campaign contributions in 2014. Trump is considering issuing a pardon to former Governor and Celebrity Apprentice contestant Rod Blagojevich. And now he’s apparently thinking of pardoning Martha Stewart.