You can’t be a real Bostonian without being a bit of an a-hole. Hell, I’ve given three people in this coffee shop the finger just over the span of typing out two sentences. So it’s only natural Jake Gyllenhaal gets into character and acts like one on the press tour for Stronger, the film where he portrays real-life Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman. Jake and Jeff interviewed each other and it’s not so much an interview as it’s 2 minutes them sassing one another. Continue reading
I honestly had forgotten that Mark Wahlberg appeared in anything over the past 12 months. I racked my brain (it didn’t take long) and all I could come up with was a commercial for Wahlburgers. In actuality, I forgot about Mark’s appearances in Transformers: The Last Knight and the movie where he’s on the oil rig that explodes. According to Forbes’ annual list of the highest-paid actors in the world, Mark Wahlberg made a lot of money for the work he did.
The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.
You don’t have to look much farther than Marky Mark’s Wikipedia page to know that he did some vile shit before he hooked up with the Funky Bunch and stripped down to his underwear. Mahky Mahk attacked two Vietnamese men on the same day in Boston when he was 16. He ended up being charged with assault and served 45 days. Two years ago, Mark tried to get a pardon for those heinous acts he committed. He must have been too busy teaching Donnie Wahlberg how to flip the Wahlburgers properly, because he forgot about that pardon. And now it’s been dropped.
Pope Francis is currently in Philadelphia, and last night he attended an event called the World Meeting of Families, which was hosted by his second-biggest fan, Mark Wahlberg. Of course, this shouldn’t be confused with the Underworld Meeting of Families, a semi-annual event hosted in Hell by Kris Jenner.
Even though Mahky Mahk is from Boston, someone in Philadelphia decided that he was the best Catholic to be the master of ceremonies. What, was Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia not available? Anyway, they gave Mahky Mahk a podium and a weird-looking mic and let him do his thing. Of course, the first thing he did was make a joke about Ted.
Shade, thy name is The Pope’s tiny side-eye at the end there, where it looks like he’s thinking “My son, even Jesus can’t forgive you for The Happening.” Or maybe that’s just his “Lord, cut his mic and bring the singing kid back out” face. And way to rat out that kid, Mark. Do you know how much shit he’s going to take from the nuns after they find out he watched such blasphemous garbage?
EW says that Donnie’s brother also introduced performances by Aretha Franklin, Andrea Bocelli, Juanes, and The Fray. Since Pope Francis is the Cool Pope (or so I’ve heard), I wonder if Marky Mark ever thought to bring out the Funky Bunch and sing “Good Vibrations“? I’m sure Pope Francis would have appreciated that. Although that’s not exactly Cool Pope specific, since everybody loves “Good Vibrations.”
And here’s Mark Wahlberg looking like the dude at a party who keeps asking people to guess how old he is (“29 right? I usually get 29“) at a screening of Invincible in Philadelphia on Friday night.
Insert obligatory “No, but I know he’d hit me with a 2X4 and never apologize to me for it” joke here.
Future LAPD Officer Marky Mark took a little break from his I’m A Do Gooder Now national tour to get in a little family photo-op action in Barbados with his wife Rhea Durham and their kids. Marky Mark is giving you pasty buff midget prison daddy bottom. These pictures have left my fuck parts in a state of confusion. If I stare at his troll daddy body, I get a slight case of the tingles, but as soon as my eyes scroll up and see that Marky Mark’s head is attached to that body the tingles turn into the heaves. Why does that head have to be attached to that body? Butthishead!
These pictures of Marky Mark being a devoted family man and wonderful husband smells like douche fumes and PR, but I am a little surprised that he didn’t go all the way. I’m surprised he didn’t spend his Christmas in Vietnam where photographers magically caught him giving presents to children and hugging the locals. He’s probably saving that move for the week before his pardon hearing.
And in many of the photo agency pictures from Marky Mark’s vacation, his wife is doing this:
Seriously, there’s picture after picture of her showing off her ass. Oh, and she’s also popping her butt out in the pictures too.