The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.
You don’t have to look much farther than Marky Mark’s Wikipedia page to know that he did some vile shit before he hooked up with the Funky Bunch and stripped down to his underwear. Mahky Mahk attacked two Vietnamese men on the same day in Boston when he was 16. He ended up being charged with assault and served 45 days. Two years ago, Mark tried to get a pardon for those heinous acts he committed. He must have been too busy teaching Donnie Wahlberg how to flip the Wahlburgers properly, because he forgot about that pardon. And now it’s been dropped.
Pope Francis is currently in Philadelphia, and last night he attended an event called the World Meeting of Families, which was hosted by his second-biggest fan, Mark Wahlberg. Of course, this shouldn’t be confused with the Underworld Meeting of Families, a semi-annual event hosted in Hell by Kris Jenner.
Even though Mahky Mahk is from Boston, someone in Philadelphia decided that he was the best Catholic to be the master of ceremonies. What, was Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia not available? Anyway, they gave Mahky Mahk a podium and a weird-looking mic and let him do his thing. Of course, the first thing he did was make a joke about Ted.
Shade, thy name is The Pope’s tiny side-eye at the end there, where it looks like he’s thinking “My son, even Jesus can’t forgive you for The Happening.” Or maybe that’s just his “Lord, cut his mic and bring the singing kid back out” face. And way to rat out that kid, Mark. Do you know how much shit he’s going to take from the nuns after they find out he watched such blasphemous garbage?
EW says that Donnie’s brother also introduced performances by Aretha Franklin, Andrea Bocelli, Juanes, and The Fray. Since Pope Francis is the Cool Pope (or so I’ve heard), I wonder if Marky Mark ever thought to bring out the Funky Bunch and sing “Good Vibrations“? I’m sure Pope Francis would have appreciated that. Although that’s not exactly Cool Pope specific, since everybody loves “Good Vibrations.”
And here’s Mark Wahlberg looking like the dude at a party who keeps asking people to guess how old he is (“29 right? I usually get 29“) at a screening of Invincible in Philadelphia on Friday night.
Insert obligatory “No, but I know he’d hit me with a 2X4 and never apologize to me for it” joke here.
Future LAPD Officer Marky Mark took a little break from his I’m A Do Gooder Now national tour to get in a little family photo-op action in Barbados with his wife Rhea Durham and their kids. Marky Mark is giving you pasty buff midget prison daddy bottom. These pictures have left my fuck parts in a state of confusion. If I stare at his troll daddy body, I get a slight case of the tingles, but as soon as my eyes scroll up and see that Marky Mark’s head is attached to that body the tingles turn into the heaves. Why does that head have to be attached to that body? Butthishead!
These pictures of Marky Mark being a devoted family man and wonderful husband smells like douche fumes and PR, but I am a little surprised that he didn’t go all the way. I’m surprised he didn’t spend his Christmas in Vietnam where photographers magically caught him giving presents to children and hugging the locals. He’s probably saving that move for the week before his pardon hearing.
And in many of the photo agency pictures from Marky Mark’s vacation, his wife is doing this:
Seriously, there’s picture after picture of her showing off her ass. Oh, and she’s also popping her butt out in the pictures too.
PARDONED FROM THE PLANET!!1!!
No, Johnny Trinh tells The Daily Mail that even though Marky Mark has never said sorry to him, he doesn’t hold any grudges and thinks the furious Cha-Ka of New England should get that pardon. Johnny also says that Marky Mark’s fist didn’t blind him. He lost his eye while fighting for the US during the Vietnam War. The Daily Mail says that Johnny is speaking out about the attack for the first time, because he thinks people should know that he forgives Marky Mark.
Before Marky Mark was a multi-millionaire movie star, chronic mother greeter and delusional, sanctimonious douche rash of Hollywood, he was a drugged-out teenage menace to society who partially blinded a man during an attack in Boston in 1988. Marky Mark wants the Governor of Massachusetts to pardon the assaults, because he’s changed his criminal ways and is a do-gooder now. Pardon me as I roll both of my eyes at Marky Mark, which is not something his victim can do.
By the time Marky Mark was 16, he was already a cokehead and was sued for throwing rocks and racial slurs at a group of black kids. When he was 16, Marky approached a middle-aged Vietnamese man carrying booze and screamed some racist shit at him before hitting him in the head with a 2X5 stick. Marky hit him so hard that the man lost consciousness and the stick broke in two. Marky and two friends later attacked a second Vietnamese man by punching him in the face while calling him racial slurs. The man lost sight in one eye. Mark was convicted as an adult of assault and other charges and he was sentenced to only 3 months in jail. He only served 45 days before being released back into the wild.